


Cat in the Cradle

by Blinky25



Category: SPN, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Bottom!Cas, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Mild Language, Multichapter, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Use, Pet Shop AU, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Build, Top!Cas, Violence, attempted suicide, bottom!Dean, cas owns a pet shop, idiots in love and dont realize it, top!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-04-05 05:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 88,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4168236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blinky25/pseuds/Blinky25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is the proud owner of Little Wings Pet Shop and his life is nothing but ordinary. That is, until one day a young man named Dean Winchester comes into the shop to buy a pet for his little brother. Will this chance encounter blossom into something more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Routine

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've written fanfic before but its been a while (like a good year or two) so I'm rusty. Also, this is my first destiel based fanfic so that's exciting lol. I may or may not continue the story, depending on your guy's feedback and comments. Let me know what you think (it will help a lot). Enjoy!

       " **O** w!" Castiel whined as he drew his hand back.The new stray cat that he had recently brought in, backed away into the corner of her cage and hissed with warning. Castiel glanced at his hand and saw tiny red lines begin to form where she had scratched him. Castiel viewed the scared cat with sympathy. "I won't hurt you..." he whispered reassuringly as he slowly put his hand out for her to reach. No attempt was made from the cat to move so Castiel sat down and scooted towards the cage. "Come on girl...its okay. You're safe here..." he repeated in a slow, comforting manner. Castiel's blue eyes stared into the cats soft green ones, an understanding forming between them. The cat slowly moved forward, bumping her head on his fist, closing her eyes. Castiel smiled as he gently pet her head, threading his fingers in the soft grey fur. "That's a good girl." He said happily as he placed the food bowl in the cage and stood up, dusting off any hair that may have stuck to his clothes. 

        The smile stayed on his face as he drew up the blinds, letting in the soft light from the morning sky. With a a nod of his head and a sigh, he began his daily routine. Turn on the lights, clean the cages, feed the animals, restock and sweep the store. After putting the broom away and flipping the sign  _CLOSED_ to  _OPEN,_  Castiel took his usual position behind the counter and folded his arms over each other. Business was always a bit slow this early in the morning, so Castiel was used to the empty store. Wings, his personal cat, jumped onto the counter with grace and sat next to him, ready for a day of hard work. Wings was a stray that Castiel had found a few years ago on his way home from a bar. He was going through a dark period in his life, what with everything that had happened with his ex-partner, and Castiel had used alcohol as a means to end his loneliness. He was stumbling near an alley when he heard a soft, needy meow. He remembers looking down in the snow and seeing a small black kitten, probably no older than ten weeks old, laying on the white surface staring up at him with vibrant blue eyes. Castiel's heart melted at the sight of the small creature and he found himself back at his apartment wrapping the kitten in a blanket and trying to coax it into drinking some milk. With the kitten in his arms staring back up at him, he no longer felt the pang of emptiness. He was no longer alone. He had decided to name the cat Wings because the cat seemed almost to be an angel sent from heaven. The name seemed fitting so Castiel had bought him a collar with a tag the next day and Wings was officially his. 

         Castiel rubbed behind Wings' ear and sighed. The store was still empty, except for him and the animals. The dogs were still asleep so the quiet wasn't filled with the usual bark and patter of feet that Castiel thrived on. He had sold his last bird two days ago, and the cats never made much noise in the first place. The store was quiet, and Castiel hated it. Quiet only reminded him of how alone he was in the world. His mother had left him and his 4 brothers when Castiel was only 2, so he doesn't remember her that much. Their father had died a few years ago due to cardiac arrest and only Cas and Gabriel had shown up to his funeral. Gabriel had only really gone because Castiel had continuously begged him for a week. Castiel didn't particularly want to be there either, but it was their father and he felt as though he was required to attend. Their father was never a very well liked man, and the amount of people at his funeral portrayed just how disliked he was. His other brothers, Lucifer and Zachariah had lost contact with the family as soon as they moved out of the house. The last thing Castiel had heard Lucifer owned a bar somewhere in Pennsylvania and Zachariah had his own company in Europe. Castiel only knew this because Lucifer had shown up on the news for vandalizing a church and Zachariah was apparently very famous in Europe and had been in an interview on tv.

           He had his brother Gabriel, sure, but he was currently away on vacation with his girlfriend Kali and hadn't called Castiel in days. And the one man he had ever been attracted to had...Castiel felt his eyes fill with tears and he looked towards the window. Other than Gabriel and Wings, Castiel had no one. No one to wake up to in the morning, and no one to welcome him home in the evening. Castiel had gotten used to being alone in the last few years. Although he could ignore it most of the time, it was times like this where it inevitably crept up.

         The sound of the bell chiming had Castiel shaking his head, ridding himself of the negative feelings and plastering a smile on his face. "Welcome to Little Wings. How can I help you?"

                                             ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

         "So Sam's birthday is coming up. Have you figured out what you're getting him?" Bobby asked as he sipped his beer and watched as Dean changed the tire to the Sedan that some lady had brought in that morning.

         "Honestly?" Dean asked as he looked up from where he was squatting beside the car. "I haven't given it much thought. I mean, every time I try to ask him what he wants he gives me his puppy eyes and tells me not to worry about it." Dean said rolling his eyes and focusing back on the car. Bobby let out a grunt of understanding and chuckled.

         "Hes only saying that cause' he cares boy." Bobby said as he took a swallow of beer and set it down on the work bench behind him. Dean sighed and stood up, rubbing his greased hands on a towel he had stuffed in his back pocket. 

         "I know, I know. It's just...I'm the older brother. I'm supposed to be taking care of  _his_ ass. Not the other way around. And plus, I've been clean for 6 months. He doesn't have anything to worry about anymore." Dean said as he looked down at his brown, leather boots. Bobby didn't say anything after that, so Dean stuffed the towel back in his pocket and walked into the office. He rummaged through the papers that had been scattered on the desk, trying to find the paperwork for the Sedan. He could hear Bobby's footsteps approaching as he found the paper he was looking for.

         "Maybe we could throw him a surprise party?" Bobby asked from the doorway. Dean looked at him with a  _are you fucking kidding me?_ expression and Bobby put his hands in the air in defense. "Hey it was just a suggestion. I mean, the boys turning 25 in 4 days. He deserves something special, right?" Dean sighed and began filling the paperwork.

         "He hates surprises, remember? We tried that when he turned 8 and he cried and almost peed himself." Dean said, smiling slightly at the memory of Sam standing in the doorway with tears in his eyes as every one ran to him to try and cheer him up. Dean had felt bad for months after, mostly due to the fact that the party was his idea and he had no idea it would traumatize the poor kid. Bobby let out a chuckle and shook his head.

        "Alright so surprise party is off the list. Does he need a new computer? Or maybe some new books?" Bobby asked as he took the paperwork from Dean and signed it. Dean swiveled in the chair, thinking. 

        "I haven't a fucking clue, Bobby." Dean said with a sigh as rubbed his face. 

        "Well I'm sure you'll think of something. Damn, its 10 already? You gotta go pick up your dad from the clinic in 30 minutes." Bobby said pointing towards the clock. Dean whipped his head around and saw that he was running late.

        "Shit. Later bobby, I'll be back around noon." Dean said grabbing his leather jacket and heading for the door. Dean could hear Bobby mumble _idgit_ to himself, which made Dean smile as he left the garage. He knew Bobby used the term as a sign of affection rather than an insult. It was sort of the way a mom would say "See you later" or "Love you" to her kid as he was leaving the home. Dean's mom had died when he was 10 in a fire, and his dad had suffered severe burns, sever asthma, and a sever drinking problem. Bobby was, for all intents and purposes, his dad. Bobby had made sure Dean and Sam had gotten to school on time, packed their lunches, and gave them a place to stay when their dad was being an asshole. Dean didn't blame his dad. He didn't blame his dad when John had punched him in the face for forgetting the milk on a shopping trip. Dean had seen the regret in John's eyes as soon as it had happened, and he thought it would be a one time thing and had chosen to forgive him. Dean didn't blame his dad when his hands were wrapped around his throat on Dean's 15th birthday after finding Dean fooling around with a guy from his history class in the back of the Impala. Dean knew what he had done was wrong, knew that sleeping with guys was disgusting. John had made sure to beat that into him until Bobby had came home with Sam and knocked John out. Dean knew he was a fuck-up, and a horrible son. He knew that he deserved every hit, every kick that his dad had given him in his youth.

          And now here he was, driving to the clinic to pick him up, like he does every Tuesday. His dad had been diagnosed with cancer, Stage 3 in the lungs, 6 months ago and had his regular chemo-appointments on Tuesdays from 7-10:30am. It was Deans job to drop him off, pick him up, and take him home. Finding out about his dads cancer was the reason Dean had quit using. He realized that he had to get his shit together and take care of Sammy. Even though Sam is old enough to take care of himself, Dean couldn't help but feel as though he was letting him down. He still remembers standing on Sam's doorstep, beaten and bruised, as he pleaded for help. 

         Dean pulled up in front of the hospital and parked, seeing his dad and the nurse waiting for him by the sliding doors. Dean got out and jogged to the other side, opened the passenger side door and gave his dad an arm to help him into the car. "You're late." John grumbled as he sat down and grabbed the seat belt. He shoved away Dean's helping hands and clicked the buckle into the slot. Dean shut the door and turned to the nurse extending his hand.

          "Hey, I'm Dean Winchester. His son. You're new here right?" He asked the woman. She blushed and nodded her head, taking his hand and shaking it.

          "I started two days ago. I'm Nurse Jess. You're father seems like a very nice man...Can I be honest with you Dean?" She asked looking up from her hands, her eyes filled with sympathy. Dean put his hands in his pocket and nodded. He knew what he was about to hear, but he didn't want to hear it. "Your father isn't taking the treatment as well as we had previously thought. It had been working until our last appointment when we did an x-ray. The tumor is getting bigger...I'm so sorry." She said looking back at her hands with shame. "Oh." was all Dean could say. He was filled with a mixture of emotions and was overwhelmed. The nurse wished him well and walked back into the hospital. Dean opened the door and slid into the car, slamming the door a bit harsher than necessary. 

           "So is there a reason you're late? Or did you forget about your old man?" John said as he stared out the window. Dean gripped the steering wheel and sighed.

           "Sorry. I was fixing this woman's Sedan. Her tire had blown and she needed it done before 11. It won't happen again." Dean said as he made a right turn. John shook his head.

           "What are you getting Sam for his birthday?" John asked with little interest. Dean shrugged and stopped at a red light.

           "Hadn't given it much thought honestly. Bobby and I were just talking about that though." Dean said looking at his dad. His dads eyes were still focused on the window. 

           "Figures..." John grumbled to himself. And that was the end of their conversation. The rest of the ride was quiet, the only noise being the occasionally coughing fit from his dad. After helping John into his house and giving the Nurse that had been hired to watch him a tip out of sympathy for having to take care of an asshole, he got back into the car and began his 50 minute drive back to the garage. He was about 10 minutes away from the garage when he passed a store that caught his attention.  _Little Wings_ _Pet Shop_. Deans head lighted up with an idea and he pulled into the parking lot of the strip mall beside the store. He got out of the car and walked up to the window, gazing down at the small litter of puppies jumping and wagging their tails at the sight of him. He smiled to himself and opened the door.


	2. The One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Cas and picks out a dog for Sam. Dean accidentally invites Cas to his house...feelings ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the positive feedback! You guys have no idea how much it helps when I'm writing to know that people are enjoying the story. Like I said before, please let me know if you see any mistakes or if you have any recommendations to make the story better. It's much appreciated! Thanks for reading! Stay awesome <3

       **D** ean entered the small store, the smell of animals and disinfectant hitting his nose. The store was relatively quiet except for the occasional bark and the murmur of an employee helping a customer by the counter. Dean couldn't quite get a good look at the employee, but he could see that the guy was relatively tall with dark brown hair. Dean looked around and found the open cage of puppies that he had seen at the window. As he approached the wired cage he was bombarded with yelps and small barks from the puppies who had discovered Deans presence. _Damn, these guys are fucking cute..._ Dean thought to himself as he reached down and pet one of the pups behind the ear. _Now, which one?_ Dean was so focused on finding the right one for Sammy that he didn't notice the presence behind him until he heard a deep voice.

      "Do you need help with anything?" Dean turned around and was faced with the bluest eyes he'd ever seen. The employee was lean, _probably a runner..._  Dean thought. He had his hands behind his back and was wearing a small blue vest with a name tag.  _Castiel?_ _What kind of name is that?_ Dean cleared his throat and shook his head lightly.

      "I was just looking for a dog, for my brother." He said turning back to the puppies. For some reason, he started feeling almost... _shy._  Dean was a little confused by this feeling because Dean Winchester was not shy. But this man made him feel like a freakin' school girl. 

      "Has your brother ever had a dog before?" The man asked walking up to the side of Dean to look over the cage. Dean shook his head and then stopped.

      "Actually...I mean we had one back when we were kids. But that was...jesus like 20 years ago?" Dean said startled by how much time had passed. Their first, and so far only dog was a German Sheppard that Bobby had bought Sam and Dean for Christmas one year. Dean had wanted to name him Rex but Sam had insisted his name be Herbert. So, Herbert, or Herb for short, was their dog for a solid year. That is, until John used his extra money for alcohol rather than dog food. Then, one day after school, Dean and Sam had come home to find Herb gone. It turns out John had sold him to a coworker. Dean would never forget how Sam stayed up the whole night crying and Dean was holding him and telling him it was okay, even though Dean wanted to break as well. Dean glanced over at Castiel and saw him staring at Dean with empathy. Dean felt his face heat up. 

      "I sad that out loud, huh?" Dean heard Castiel let out  small laugh.

      "Yes. And I'm terribly sorry for what your father did. No one should have their animals taken away. Animals are the best companions you could ever have." Castiel said looking over at Wings who was now sleeping on the window sill.

        Castiel found himself entranced by this man. He had taken note of him as soon as he had entered the store, bowlegs and all. Castiel wasn't sure why but his eyes were drawn to the mans face, noticing the freckles on his cheeks and his slightly crooked nose. And when he had locked eyes with him...Castiel was literally speechless. His eyes looked like emeralds and made Castiel unable to look away. The man was good looking, actually, he was beyond that. Castiel hadn't felt any sort of attraction for another person since his ex, and he was a little stunned at how easily this man had captured his attention. The man looked over to the window sill and smiled, showing straight, white teeth.

       "He yours?" the man asked nodding towards Wings. Castiel nodded his head and smiled.

        "Yes. Hes great company, and a great friend." Castiel said looking back towards the man. "Do you have a cat?" Castiel asked, mostly out of curiosity. Dean shook his head.

        "Nah. I'm allergic sadly. But its not too bad. I just start sneezing a lot, you know?" The man said.

        "That's very unfortunate. My cat, Wings, is hypoallergenic, fortunately. That's why I let him walk around the store and not the other cats. Does your brother have a preference of color or breed?" Castiel asked deciding that he needed to try and focus on work and not how beautiful this guy was. The man shook his head.

        "Sam's not very picky. He pretty much loves every animal regardless of what they look like." The man said smiling fondly to himself. Castiel couldn't help but smile back, something about the mans smile seeming almost contagious.

        "Well, we have the puppies you see here and then we also have some more mature dogs in the back. I recommend an older dog for your brother. Puppies are great, but not great for first time dog owners. Would you like to take a look?" Castiel asked pointing towards the back door. The man looked back at the puppies, then nodded. Castiel led the man through the shop, opening up the door for him.

       "Names Dean, by the way." The man, Dean, said casually as he walked through the door. Castiel smiled slightly. _Dean._ Even his name was perfect.

       "Nice to meet you Dean. I'm--"

       "Castiel." Dean said looking over at him. Castiel stood by the door, a puzzled look on his face. Dean laughed lightly and pointed to his name tag. Castiel looked down and mentally punched himself. _Really?_ Deans smile stayed on his face as Castiel led him down a small corridor. 

       "Here we are." Castiel said opening the last door and letting Dean walk out first. The outdoor cage was huge, and dog beds of various sizes were scattered throughout. Dean was greeted by a herd of dogs that ran up to his feet and barked, all which different intensities and pitches. One jumped up and tried licking his pants and another one was wagging its tail so vigorously that it actually whipped a poodle beside it, and made the other dog whimper. "Down." Castiel said calmly yet firmly. There was a trace of dominance in Castiel's deep voice that actually made Dean have to stop and adjust his pants. _Get it together Winchester..._ Dean thought as he shook his head, trying to clear the impure thoughts that were running through his mind _._ All of a sudden the dogs stopped and walked over to Castiel. Dean was impressed.

        "Damn. That had to take a lot of training, huh?" Dean asked watching as the dogs all formed around Castiel. Castiel shrugged and pet one of them under the chin.

        "Not at all. Animals have always been very obedient around me, every since I was a child actually. My brother says its because of my dominant nature. Who really knows why though." Castiel said. Dean nodded his head in agreement and took in the dogs. There were probably 12 or 13 of them, all different in various ways. He looked over at a brown Chihuahua and immediately looked to another dog. Sam was a giant and would most likely step on the poor guy. "See any you like?" Castiel asked looking up at Dean. Deans heart raced a little when he locked eyes with Castiel's. 

        "Uh...well Sam's kind of big. Hes a freakin' giant actually, so... I don't think small dogs would be good for him." Dean said trying to look away from Castiel, and failing. Castiel was the one who broke the connection as he looked down at the dogs and nodded.

        "That would probably be for the best. So a relatively big dog..." Castiel said, trailing off as he looked over the crowd. "What about her?" He asked pointing to a black lab that was currently licking her leg. Dean squatted so he was at eye level with her. She stopped licking her leg and looked up at Dean with her tongue still stuck out. She had big brown eyes and a cute face and Dean couldn't help but rub her head to which she responded by closing her eyes and letting out an appreciative groan. Dean smiled to himself. To be perfectly honest, he would take all of them if he could. How could he choose just one?

        "How old is she?" Dean asked, still petting her head. Castiel moved over towards Dean and crossed his arms.

        "She'll be 4 in about 7 days. I rescued her from a shelter about 2 years ago. She was supposed to be euthanized, but i couldn't let that happen." Castiel said smiling as she nuzzled his knee. Deans heart melted.  _So this guys hot AND a saint? Jesus...hes almost too perfect._ Dean thought as he looked back towards the dog. He had to admit, she was freaking adorable. 

         Castiel looked down at Dean and felt his heart flutter when he saw how Dean looked at the dog.  _Attractive and an animal lover? He was almost too good to be true._  Castiel thought to himself as he smiled. Dean got up and brushed off his pants, still looking down at the dog. She laid on her stomach and rolled so she was stomach-up, and then looked happily up towards Dean. Her eyes were practically shining as she stuck her tongue out and wiggled a little bit.

_"_  I'll take her." Dean said smiling. Castiel smiled largely, happy to have finally found a home for her. Dean looked over at Castiel and saw the toothy grin that was on his face and his smile grew.

"Excellent choice. Now, I'm assuming you need supplies, yes?" Castiel asked grabbing a leash from the wall and hooking it to her collar. Dean nodded and opened the door leading to the hallway, letting Cas and the dog through first. 

            "Yeah. I pretty much need everything." Dean said laughing slightly. Castiel nodded his head and opened the other door, letting him and the dog into the store with Dean following behind. The dog was wagging her tail so much that she knocked over a few bags of food and a bowl. Dean and Castiel laughed slightly, looking up at each other and smiling fondly.  _I'm so fucked._ Dean thought to himself. Castiel tied her to the counter to avoid any more accidents and walked Dean over to the food section. After picking out a  bag of food, a food and water bowl, and a bed Castiel led Dean to the toy section. 

             "There isn't really a bad toy to buy, so my recommendations are limited. I do recommend getting her a Kong though. Its a good way to keep her occupied." Castiel said handing Dean a small red Kong toy. Dean nodded and put it into the basket. He glanced over the wall of toys and laughed when he came across a moose. 

              "Oh this'll be perfect." Dean said throwing it into the basket with a big smile. Castiel didn't understand the joke, but he smiled anyways. 

              "I believe you are all set Dean. Is there anything else you feel Sam will need?" Castiel asked walking towards the counter. Dean thought for a moment and shook his head.

              "Nah, this should be good I think." Dean said putting the basket on top of the counter. As Castiel was wringing up the items, the total continued to go up, every item making Dean whimper slightly. The total ended up being $212 and Dean almost shit himself. _Well...I guess I don't need groceries THAT bad..._ Dean pulled out his credit card and hesitated before sliding it into the machine. 

              "Okay, just sign here." Castiel said pointing to the receipt. Dean signed, making sure his signature was particularly good (not because he was trying to impress Castiel or anything). "Perfect. Have a nice day, Dean." Castiel said, making sure to smile and look him in the eyes. Dean looked back, and they stared at each other until a woman called for help from behind them. Dean looked down, going out of the trance and smiled once more. 

              "You too Castiel." Dean said winking.  _Goddammit! Stop flirting with him man! Hes a dude and hes probably already taken. Just grab the dog and go home._ Dean thought to himself as he untied the leash from the counter and held onto the loop. He was almost out of the store when he realized something. He had no idea how to take care of a dog. He wouldn't be giving her to Sammy for another 4 days...what the hell was he supposed to do?? What if she ate something that could kill her? Dogs cant eat chocolate and onions..but what else? What if she gets a cold or something and ends up dying of dehydration? Dean looked around the store until his eyes came back to Castiel who was currently helping a lady grab some dog food from the top shelf. A tiny bit of Castiel's stomach was showing and Dean almost fell over. His skin was tan and smooth...Dean found himself biting his lip and daydreaming of his mouth on Castiel's skin. His lips dragging over his chest, slowly going down until he got to his hip bones and lightly biting...

              "Dean? Are you okay?" Castiel asked, interrupting Dean from his fantasy and making his cheeks go red.

              "I...uh..." and before Dean knew what was coming out of his mouth he spoke. "I have no idea how to take care of a dog and I won't be giving it to Sam for another 4 days and I'm scared that shes going to die or something so if its not much trouble maybe you could uh come to my house and help me?" Dean had to catch his breath at the end of the sentence. Once he realized what he had said and how Castiel's cheeks were tinted pink and he look stunned Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Or uh..you know...maybe you could give me some tips...?" He asked looking at the ground, embarrassed by what he just asked. 

               Castiel didn't really know how to respond to Dean's question. A part of him was screaming  _Yes!!  Go to his house and make a friend! Or hell, maybe you could even get a boyfriend! Come on Castiel lets go and see what happens!_ and another part of him was filled with contemplation. _Hes probably not into you. He just needs help. Maybe you shouldn't...you're not good with friendships and we don't want a repeat of your ex._ Castiel shook his head to rid himself of the noisy protests and smiled at Dean. _  
_

                "I would love to come over and help you." Cas said. Dean looked up and actually looked surprised. 

                "O-oh. Really? Well, uh..cool. I mean, if you could just come over like maybe once or twice a day to make sure shes doing okay or something, that could work." Dean said biting his lip. Castiel nodded and looked at the clock. 

                 "Well, I start work at 6am every morning, I have an hour lunch though. And i close at 8 so I could go to your house on my way home?" Cas said looking back to Dean. Dean smiled and put his hands in his pockets. If Castiel didn't know any better he would say Dean look almost...giddy? Like he was excited about something. Castiel decided not to over-analyze the situation.

                 "That sounds great!" Dean cleared his throat and changed his stature. "I uh, I mean that's cool man. I'm going to talk to my boss and see if he'll let me have these 4 days off so i can make sure she's alright, but I'll let you know. Do you..." Dean looked hesitant before continuing. "Do you want my number? You know, so we can stay in touch?" Dean asked. Castiel nodded and tried not to show how happy he was inside. This was the first time he had exchanged numbers with someone in years. And considering he only had 4 numbers on his phone, it was definitely an achievement.

                 "I'd love to, Dean." Castiel said with a smile. Dean couldn't help but see how happy the guy looked. Like he was making his first friend or something. Dean told him his number and Castiel did the same. Dean put his phone back in his pocket and gripped the dogs leash tighter. 

                  "Well, I'll uh, see you tomorrow?" Dean asked, just to make sure. Castiel nodded and put his phone back in his pocket. 

                  "Yes. I will see you tomorrow Dean." Castiel said with a smile. Dean nodded and bit his lip.

                  "Catch ya later, Cas." Dean said with one last smile and then walked out the door. Castiel's heart stopped for a second, the memory of his ex flooding his mind. He hand't been called Cas since...Castiel shook his head and focused on the customer that had just walked through the door. 

                   Dean opened the door of his car for the dog to get in, then slid in next to her. He glanced over at her and smiled. 

                   "Ready to go?" He asked. The dog barked and stuck her head out the window. Dean couldn't stop smiling. The dog had a big part in that, but his smile was mostly because of Cas. He had just met the man and he was already falling hard. He hadn't been into a guy since he was 15...Dean's smile went away as he remembered his fathers words that day.  _Disappointment...disgusting...wrong...sin._ Dean swallowed as he started the car. The sound of Renegade by the Styx blasted through the car and he let it drown out his thoughts as he sang along and drove off.


	3. Mary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finally hears from Gabriel, in which he informs him of the green-eyed beauty that he had met. Dean struggles with the dog and ends up naming her.

**"T** hank you ma'am. Have a nice day." Cas said as he gave the woman a smile. The woman grabbed her bag and hoisted up her mini poodle onto her hip, and walked out. Cas exhaled as soon as the door was shut and closed his eyes. _Finally..._ he thought to himself as he walked to the door and flipped the sign from  _OPEN_ to  _CLOSED_ and locked the door. Just as he was getting ready to begin sweeping the floors, Cas felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.  _That couldn't be Dean...could it?_ Cas reached into his pocket, something inside him making him anxious and looked at the caller ID. His excitement faded when he saw that it was Gabriel and not Dean. Cas unlocked his phone and answered with a sigh.

          "Cassy? You there?" Gabriel asked over the phone.

          "Yes, I'm here. Hello Gabriel." Castiel said with a smile. He was starting to miss his brother, but he would never tell him that. Gabrial would most likely make fun of him for the rest of his life.

          "What up bro!? Sorry I didn't call you for a while. I was ocupado with Kali, if you catch my drift." Gabriel said. Cas could actually visualize Gabriel wiggling his eyebrows at the last part.   

          "Yes, I "catch your drift", and I would prefer to not hear any details. How is the trip so far?" Cas asked as he shuffled around the store rearranging a few items. 

          "Oh man, you'd love it here baby bro! The suns always shining, the waters always the perfect temperature, the beaches are loaded with hot babes and dudes--" Gabriel cut off short with a grunt. Cas pictured Kali elbowing him in the stomach and smiled to himself. Gabriel cleared his throat and continued, "Anyways...you should seriously think about coming here one day. Just close up shop for a week or two and take a vacay." Gabriel suggested. Cas sighed and leaned on the counter.

          "I can't just close up shop for a week or two Gabriel, you know this. Who would take care of the animals? And what about Wings? I can't leave him behind...especially not after all that hes been through." Cas said petting Wings down the back. 

          "Alright, alright. So any thing good happen today?" Gabriel asked. Cas' heart felt thicker as he remembered his encounter with Dean and he smiled.

          "I met someone." Cas said. He was about to explain further but was cut off by Gabriel yelling into the phone.

          "Oh my god! Who? Where? I need details bro! Details!" Gabe asked. Cas laughed lightly at his brothers enthusiasm.

          "Well...his name is Dean, and he has the greenest eyes I've ever seen. Hes about my height, slightly taller, with sandy brown hair and freckles that dot around his nose and cheeks. He came in looking for a dog for his younger brother and long story short, we exchanged numbers and I am to go to his house twice a day to help him take care of the dog." Cas ended as he slid the phone onto his shoulder and pressed his ear to it so he could sweep. 

           "Holy shit Cassy...I honestly thought you were never going to get back in the groove of things. That's awesome bro! Well when I come back in a week I'd better get to meet him. I need to make sure he gets the Gabe-seal-of-approval." Gabriel said. Castiel laughed lightly and shook his head.

           "I'm only helping him Gabriel. That's it. To be quite honest, I don't even think he's gay." Cas said sighing. 

           "Not getting that vibe, huh?" Gabriel asked. Cas shook his head again. 

           "He stared at me for a quite a while, but other than that, this man is as straight as a pole as far as my intuition goes." Cas said as he put the broom back into the closet. He heard Gabriel make a quiet noise of disappointment. 

           "Damn...well who knows little bro. You could be wrong. Hey I gotta go, Kali wants me upstairs and I'm not going to say no to her. I'll try calling you tomorrow maybe." Gabriel said.

           "Tell Kali I said hello. Talk to you later Gabriel." Cas said. Gabriel said goodbye and hung up the phone leaving Cas back to the silence of the store. Cas' smile faded as he hung up and put his phone back into his pocket. Talking to Gabriel made him miss his big brother even more and now he was left feeling abandoned. He knew Gabriel had very right to spend time with his new wife and not have to stay home and worry about his introverted little brother.  But Cas was slightly jealous of his brother. Gabriel was now married and moving on in his life. Cas was still stuck in the same town, with the same people, and was alone. He used to think that this was all temporary, back when he was younger. He used to talk about traveling around the world, meeting new people, and experiencing different cultures along the way. But now he knew that those were nothing but dreams. Dreams that would never come true. 

           "Meow." Wings rubbed his head on Cas's calf and looked up at him. Cas smiled as he picked him up and rubbed his head. 

           "At least I have you." Cas said kissing the cats forehead. Wings purred and rubbed his head on Cas' palm. Cas felt his phone vibrate again so he set Wings down and looked at the caller ID.  _Dean._ Cas quickly unlocked his phone and read the message. 

**"Hey Cas. So, I talked to my boss and he said I could take this week off. I'll be home all week so I can take care of the dog. I live on Pineview Rd. Apt. 125. If I don't answer the door, feel free to just come in. Keys under the mat." -Dean**

            Cas smiled as he wrote down the address and pinned it to his calendar. He took a while to think about how to respond, before he texted Dean back.  

             **"Alright, I should be at your house tomorrow afternoon around 11 or 12." -Cas**

Cas wanted to ask him what he was doing so he could keep the conversation going, but Dean was probably busy and didn't want Cas blowing up his phone. It was already 8:30 and Castiel assumed Dean would most likely be out with friends. Cas remembers when he used to go places. Now he practically lives at the pet shop and doesn't go any further than the grocery store. Lets just say, Cas was surprised when he felt his phone vibrate again. He unlocked it and saw that the text had an image attached. Curious, Cas clicked download and laughed when he finally saw it. It was a pic of Dean and the dog sitting side by side. She was in the midst of licking his eye and Deans face was filled with equal amounts of horror and confusion. Under the pic Dean wrote: 

**"Shes doing fine btw. You never warned me about her being a licker!" -Dean**

Cas held his hand over his mouth to suppress his smile. God, this man was too good to be true. He was handsome, funny, down to earth and Cas knew that underneath that tough exterior was a giant teddy bear. 

                **"Didn't want to spoil the surprise. Glad shes doing okay." -Cas**

Cas almost added in a smiley face but then thought better of it. He wasn't a child with a school crush. He was a grown man and he needed to act like one. That didn't stop him from bouncing around the store with happiness though. Dean and Cas had texted a few more times before Dean had said he had to go to bed. Cas was disappointed but knew that tomorrow he would get to see Dean. He decided he would bring Wings home with him tonight instead of leaving him at the shop to keep things under control. Actually it was due to the fact that his apartment complex didn't allow pets, but Cas occasionally snuck him in anyways. Picking up Wings and turning off the lights, he shut the store door behind him and began his nightly walk home with an extra pep in his step. 

                                                       --------------------------------------------------------------------------

              Dean was hesitant to put the phone down but he was worn out by the dog. He had ended up taking her to the park down the street and had regretted it the moment they came there. She couldn't let one squirrel go unnoticed and she'd be damned if she didn't sniff every single persons crotch at least once. Deans arms were sore from trying to keep her from pulling on the leash and his knee ached from when his attempt had failed and he landed on his knees before falling face first into the grass. He had gotten up, ready to yell at the dog but stopped. He looked down at her and felt his anger dissipate. How could he be mad at her? _I mean... how the hell would I act if I was on a leash?_   Dean rolled his eyes and pat her head lightly before being dragged around the park a second time. 

               After what had felt like forever, but was probably only 30 minutes, Dean came home with the dog trailing behind him, panting. It was only 6 and Dean had time to kill so he took the leash off and kicked off his boots before flopping onto the couch. He turned on Dr. Sexy MD and slowly slid downwards on the pillow, getting comfortable. Dr. Sexy was looking fine as ever and was currently making out with Dr. Piccalo in his office. Just as things began to get heated, the dog sat in front of Dean, blocking his view of the TV. Dean groaned and looked over at the dog.

              "What? I just took you on a walk." Dean whined. The dog stared at him blankly before laying her head on his stomach and grunting. She casually glanced up at him, her big, brown eyes locking with Deans. Dean tried to stare her down but inevitably lost as he felt his eyes burn and he blinked. With a sigh he moved his legs up towards himself, making room for her. The dog jumped up, walked in circles a few times, then sat down on his foot. She had a good 4 inches of clearance on the other side of the couch, but had decided sitting on his foot was much better. Dean just didn't understand this dog.  _Huh...she probably needs a name._ Dean studied her face, seeing if any of her physical features would help him decide. Maybe he should continue just calling her dog and let Sam choose the name. Dean wasn't sure if Cas had named her anything so he just assumed she was currently nameless.  _Shadow._ Dean thought to himself. He shook his head.  _Midnight...?_ Dean watched as she farted (quite loudly) and woke herself up. She looked at Dean with confusion before groaning and laying back down. 

              Dean laughed and pet her behind the ear. Dean racked his brain for a solid 10 minutes, none of his ideas feeling right. He was about to give up when he glanced over at his wall above the entertainment system. He stared at the photo of him and his mom and smiled. Even though she had been gone for more than 10 years, Dean still found himself missing her. He still remembers how she would make him pancakes every Sunday morning, always shaped like Mickey Mouse. Dean remembers her singing Hey Jude to Sam while Dean listened from the hallway. He was embarrassed to admit that he still found his mother's singing soothing even though he was 9 and too old for bedtime lullaby. She would always tuck Dean in though, kissing him on the forehead and reminding him that angels were watching over him. Dean scoffed at that last thought.  _Yeah...they sure are doing a shitty job of that._ _  
_

              He glanced back over at the dog and he realized why he felt as though he had seen those eyes before. Looking at the dog felt as though he was looking directly at his mother. Dean reached over slid his hand through her thick, shiny coat. _Mary_....

               "What do you think of Mary?" Dean asked. The dogs head lifted and she stared at Dean. Dean knew that she didn't understand him; she was a dog. But he couldn't help but feel as though she approved when she licked his hand and barked before laying back down.  _Huh...Mary._  "Well alrighty then. Mary it is." Dean said as he looked back at the tv and continued watching his show. 

          

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I'll continue writing the story in both Dean and Cas' POV but if you have any objections please let me know. Hope your all enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it. Next chapter will have more destiel, but the explicit stuff won't happen for another chapter or two. Comments are a great way of figuring out what works and what doesn't so please feel free to leave one. Also, does anyone have any objections to how I write the text messages? I wasn't sure how to write them so i kind of winged it. Thanks for reading! Stay beautiful <3


	4. An Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up to Mary in distress and calls Cas. Cas and Dean get to know each other a little bit more.

       **D** ean had woken up at the ass-crack-of-dawn due to the sound of Mary whimpering and whining. Dean looked around and judging by the kink in his neck and the texture of leather, he had fallen asleep on the couch. With a groan, he got up and he blindly slid his hand on the wall until he flipped the light switch on. He saw that Mary was laying on her side, back facing him with her chest rising and falling rapidly. _What the?_ Dean glanced over her and saw that her tongue was out, and her eyes were heavy-lidded. 

       "Mary? Whats wrong girl?" He asked, knowing he wouldn't get a response. He crouched beside her and touched her face.  _Shes really warm...do dogs get fevers?_ Mary let out a whimper and slowly tried getting up. Dean watched as she struggled to get her balance, her body swaying slightly.   _That's not normal...is it?_ Mary whined again and looked at him, obvious discomfort showing heavily in her eyes. "Hey, hey...shhhh..its okay girl. You're okay." he said comfortingly as Mary began whining continuously. Dean was starting to freak out now. What was wrong with her?? Dean started panicking and scrambled to find his boots. He ended up finding them shoved under the couch and slipped them on, not bothering to tie the laces. He lifted Mary up with a grunt and walked to the door. She wasn't very heavy, but dean could tell that carrying her was going to make his arms hurt soon. He found himself not caring as he walked out the door and half-walked half-ran to the elevator. He pushed the button with the toe of his boot and continued making soothing noises to Mary. 

      The doors seemed to be taking forever. With a sigh of frustration he re-positioned Mary and ran for the stairs. Luckily, he was only on the second floor so the stairs wouldn't be too bad. He almost tripped twice though, as he skipped steps and had his vision somewhat blocked by the black mass in his arms. Once he got to the bottom he took off in a sprint to get her in the car. He had to set her down so he could open the door and he continuously apologized to her.  _I've only had this dog one fucking day and I'm already killing her?? God I'm a terrible parent._ Dean said to himself as he laid her gently in the seat. He got into the drivers side and made sure she was secure, before putting the car in reverse and gunning it out of the parking lot. 

       He realized about 40 seconds into driving that he had no clue where a fucking veterinary clinic was. " _Can't you do anything right?"_ He heard his fathers voice saying in the back of his head. He punched the steering wheel out of anger and stepped harder on the gas pedal. He was well beyond the speed limit now, and he was trying his hardest to avoid other cars. Luckily it was only 4am so not many people were out on the streets. He frantically looked side to side as shops flew by, hoping one would be a vet. It was 5 minutes after that he saw a glowing white sign and he nearly cried out of happiness.  _Thank god..._ _  
_

                                                                                     ---------------------------------------------------

      Cas opened one eye as he heard the distant sound of a vibration.  _Are you fucking kidding me? Who calls at 4 in the goddamn morning?_ Cas wasn't exactly a morning person, and for some reason it seemed as though his personality changed completely after being woken up. He went from polite, sophisticated citizen to down right I'll-punch'you-in-the-fucking-face-if-you-wake-me-up asshole. So, when he closed his eyes after the vibrating stopped, and then heard it vibrating again, lets just say he was anything but pleased.

      He groaned loudly as he pulled the covers off and felt the chill from his apartment taking away what warmth he had created in his bed. Wings meowed angrily at him as he had apparently woken him up. He could see through his windows that the sun had just barely risen and he cursed as he zombie-walked to the source of the sound. His phone was lit up on the dresser, almost illuminating the room. He squinted as he tried to get his eyes to adjust to the light and woke up immediately when he saw it was Dean. He grabbed the phone and swiped the screen, answering it.

      "Dean? What is it?" He asked, worry coming off from his words. No one would call this early unless something was wrong. And because he hadn't even known the guy a whole day and he was calling, something was _definitely_ wrong.

       "Cas? Oh thank god! I don't know what happened man! I woke up and Mary was whimpering and she looked like she was dying or something so I took her to the vet and now i'm in this tiny office and everything smells like fucking bleach and she hasn't come back with the doc in like 10 minutes. Oh my god what if I killed her? What if I fucking killed Mary!? What if--" Cas cut him off.

       "Dean, you need to calm down. Take a deep breath." He said, waiting to hear Dean do what he said. He could hear Dean inhale and slowly exhale. "Alright, what veterinary clinic are you at? I'm going down there." Cas said, not letting Dean have the option of rejecting. Dean was one of the reasons he had wanted to go, but he was also genuinely worried about her. Apparently "her" was now "Mary" and Cas knew that Dean had already gotten attached. He remembered when he mentioned the dog him and his brother had, and how badly it hurt when he was taken away. He too, had grown attached to the dog and didn't want anything happening to her. 

       "Uh, its near a seven eleven. Damn I don't know the fucking name..." Dean said as he began panicking again. 

        "I don't need a  name. Whats the address?" Cas asked grabbing a piece of paper while also sliding on a shoe. 

         "2437 Wayward Blv." Cas wrote it down and stuffed the note in his pocket before slipping the other shoe on.

        "Okay. I'm on my way Dean." He said as he grabbed his keys. He heard Dean let out a shaky sigh.

         "Okay...please hurry." and then Dean hung up. Hearing his voice on the verge of breaking made something in Cas ignite. It was as if nothing else mattered but getting to Dean and making sure he was okay. He ran to his car and pulled the cover off, not caring where it went. He almost always had his car covered because he rarely ever drove it. It was a black 1966 Chevrolet Camero and had been part of his inheritance from his father. He only lived 10 minutes away from the shop so he never really had the necessity of wheels. That is, until now. 

          He slid into the drivers seat and pulled out of his complex, trying hard not to speed. He was desperate to get to Dean, but driving this car made him more paranoid than a teenager smoking pot. His father had always treasured it and Castiel always felt that if he had done any damage to it, his father would haunt him for eternity. He remembers his dad spending hours cleaning and buffing this car, making sure it was perfect. 

          He reached into his pocket and read the chicken-scratch address. It only took him about 15 minutes to get there, mostly due to the fact that no one was awake and driving around. It was almost eerily quiet as he pulled into the parking lot. The only car parked there was a black 1967 Chevy Impala, so Castiel assumed that was Deans. The only reason he knew what kind of car it was, was because his father had regularly taken him to Classic Car shows and Cas's memory was extraordinary. He parked right next to it and got out, running to the door and swinging it open.

          "Is there a man named Dean here?" He asked as he approached the lady who was writing stuff down on a clipboard. She looked up and assessed Castiel before flipping a few pages and nodding.

          "Yeah, hes in room 10. You his partner or something?" The lady asked not seeming to really care. Cas was to preoccupied with getting to Dean so he just nodded his head as he walked down the hallway.

           "Dean?" he asked as he poked his head into the room. He saw Dean look up from where he was sitting and quickly wipe his eyes and clear his throat.

           "Oh uh, hey man. That was fast." Dean said giving Cas a small grin. Castiel could see that Dean had been crying and knew that Dean was trying to cover it up with his macho-persona. So, without thinking, Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and hugged him. It took Dean a few seconds before he returned the hug, grabbing harder onto Cas's shoulder and putting his face onto Cas's chest. Castiels face was on fire and he was unsure of how to further proceed from this slightly awkward encounter. Luckily, Dean saved him by unwrapping his arms and shaking his head slightly. 

            "Dean, are you alright?" Castiel asked as he took a seat beside Dean. Dean shrugged his shoulders and cleared his throat again.

            "Nurse came in bout' 5 minutes ago and told me they were still running some tests." Dean said quietly as he stared at the floor. Castiel could see the worry in Deans face and bit his lip, wishing he could help in some way. 

            "I'm sure she'll be alright Dean." Dean didn't respond so Castiel decided to try and change the topic. "Is that your car out there?" Castiel asked, knowing it was. Dean smiled slightly and looked at Cas. 

            "Yeah, that's Baby. Shes a--

             "1967 Chevy Impala?" Castiel finished his sentence almost laughing when Deans face changed into confusion.

            "You...know cars?" Dean asked. Cas made an exaggerated gasp which made Dean laugh. Cas watched the crinkles his eyes formed in the corners when he smiled. "Sorry, man. Just didn't peg you for a car-dude, ya know?" Dean said shaking his head. 

            "Well, I can understand why. I'm an awkward, single,  gay man with a cat for a best friend." Cas said shrugging. He caught Dean looking at him with a guilty expression.

             "Hey, I didn't mean it that way. Hell, I didn't even know you were gay. Not that it matters, of course. I mean, everyone can know things about cars regardless of what--"

             "Dean. Its fine, really. The only reason I know cars is because my dad used to collect them." Cas said. He thought it was kind of cute the way Dean tended to babble when he was nervous or stressing out about something. Dean nodded his head and turned so he was facing Cas more.

             "So whats your favorite?" Dean asked, a flame kindling in his eyes that made Cas realize how passionate he was about cars. Cas thought for a minute before answering.

             "I would have to say a 1965 Aston Martin DB6, even though I drive a 1966 Chevrolet Camero." Cas said. Deans eyes sparkled and his mouth opened slightly. If he was a dog, Cas wouldn't be surprised if he would be drooling right about now.

              "You drive a Chevy Camero? That's so fucking cool, dude! And yeah the Aston Martin is a pretty sweet looking ride. I personally like the 1955 MG MGA, but my Baby will always be my number one." Dean said with a smile. It was fascinating to see how much the atmosphere changed when Dean talked about cars. Castiel could tell that they really meant something to Dean, and he found that even more endearing. Every sentence exchanged between them made Castiel fall a little harder. He knew he shouldn't, considering Dean wouldn't be interested and he was just wasting his time, but he genuinely liked Dean. Even if they couldn't be a couple, they could always be friends, right? 

                                                                    -----------------------------------------------------------

                Dean was liking Cas more and more every time the guy spoke. He was an animal lover, liked classic cars, he was handsome, and god Dean was falling hard. When Cas had mentioned that he was gay and single, Dean was honestly a bit shocked. He knew Cas was gay from the moment he walked into the shop, but him being single was almost unbelievable to Dean. Why the hell was someone like him single? And when Cas had hugged him...Dean thought he was going to explode. His body heated up, making his face a crimson red and he had to hide his face to make sure Cas didn't see it. When he realized that he was hugging a dude in the middle of an empty room, he had quickly pulled away and tried to seem manlier. He wished he could hold Cas like that all night, but he was afraid of the vet walking in and making assumptions about him.

               Dean knew he was into guys. He was also into chicks, but mostly guys. But he also knew he had to try and bury those feelings deep down and never let them see the sun. He never wanted a repeat of what had happened when he was 15, and he knew the only way he could accomplish that was to ignore all feelings he felt towards men. Occasionally Dean had woken up with a guy after a night of partying, and Dean would always freak out and leave the guy pissed off. Then Dean would use drugs or alcohol, sometimes both; anything to make him forget what he had done. But then Cas comes along with his blue eyes and bed-head, and those feelings began to emerge. Dean knew it, and he was terrified. He hadn't used in 6 months, but he wanted nothing more than to go back to his ex-dealer Crowley and have him take the feelings away.

               The room had grown quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. Dean looked at the clock and saw that it was now 4:45am and he sighed. His leg started bouncing up and down out of nervous habit and he began biting his nails, all the while occasionally glancing at the clock. He felt Cas's hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Cas smiling at him reassuringly. Dean gave him a weak smile in return, when he heard the door open. Cas and Dean turned towards the door, Dean jumping out of his chair and rushing over to the vet.

                "Is she alright? Whats wrong?" Dean asked.

                "We ran some tests to see what the problem was, and after taking an x-ray...well here, let me show you." The vet said as she took the xray and held it up to the bright screen. Dean felt Cas walk up to his side and he could feel his body heat radiating off of him. He took a deep breath and looked at the image. It was an xray of Mary's stomach, and everything seemed normal; except for the large black mass in the center. Dean got a bit closer and squinted trying to make out the shape.

                "Is...is that...my ipod?" Dean asked looking over at the nurse. She nodded and sighed.

                "It seems that Mary had swallowed your ipod, whole, and was unable to get it out of her system. She was stressed and constipated." The vet said taking the xray off the board and putting it back into her folder. Dean sat down with a small laugh and then shook his head. _Thank god...she was going to be alright_. "We were able to flush out her system and after some...digging...we were able to extract the ipod." She said as she handed Dean a ziploc bag. Inside was his pink ipod, obviously wiped clean, but just the thought that it was up a dogs butt made him gag. 

                 "Keep it. I can get another one." He said handing it back to the vet. She nodded understandingly and clipped it to her clipboard. 

                 "Another vet is currently giving her some pain medication, but once shes done you're all set and free to go." She said with a smile. Dean looked over at Cas who let out a sigh of relief. He smiled and took a deep breath. 

                 "Thanks Doc." He said as she walked out. Dean and Cas were once again alone in the room, and there was a feeling in the air that Dean couldn't quite put his finger on. Dean cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head. "Thanks for coming here, Cas." He said quietly. He looked over and saw Cas smiling at him.

                 "Of course Dean. It was no problem at all. When I heard how scared you sounded in the phone, there was no way I could just leave you here." Cas said looking at the floor with a blush. Dean bit his lip and refrained from hugging Cas. No one had ever cared about him like that, not even any of his ex's. He heard the door open and smiled widely at the sight of Mary wagging her tail and pulling on the leash the vet was walking her on. He dropped to his knees and hugged her neck, not minding when she licked his ear. He gave her a few scratches on her neck and took the leash from the vet. 

                  Dean, Cas and Mary all walked over to the counter where the lady was still writing things down. She glanced up and then smiled as she moved her paperwork away from her computer. 

                  "All righty..so its gonna be $142 and we need you to give her these twice a day for at least 2 days." The lady said as she handed Dean a small orange pill bottle. Dean had nearly keeled over when she said how much it was going to be. He actually felt sick to his stomach and struggled as he pulled his wallet out. He was about to slide his card in when Cas's hand beat him to it. Dean looked over at him and Cas shrugged.

                   "I've got this Dean. Don't worry." Cas said as he put in his pin code and thanked the lady. Dean smiled lightly and bit his lip.

                   "Thanks." He said as he looked at the ground in embarrassment. He sounded like a teenager going on his first date.

                   "You two make a cute couple. You boys have a nice night." The lady said as she turned in her chair to sort though papers. Cas and Dean stood there for a few seconds before glancing at each other and blushing equally. Dean held the door open for Cas, realizing how chick-flicky that seemed and mentally kicked himself for it. He made a whistle at the sight of Cas's car and he put his hands in his pockets.

                    "Damn...shes a real beaut'. Well, I'll uh...I'll see you in a few hours?" Dean said checking his watch and realizing that there was only 6 hours before Cas would be coming to Deans house. Cas nodded and got into his car. "And uh...thanks again. For everything." Dean said quickly before getting into his car. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control his breathing. Dean had it bad...he was falling in love with Cas. 

             

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little long, but I felt kind of bad for not posting anything for a few days. Also, I've decided that when you see ------ that means the story has changed from Cas to Deans POV (vice-versa). The next chapter will have some destiel smut (light) so get ready for the feels. Please leave comments (they fuel my fire to write) and let me know if you see any mistakes. Also, my tumblr URL is now candidlycas instead of Mishamiga25 just as an fyi. Happy Pride Day!


	5. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finally visits Dean and is confused at what he sees.

            **B** y the time Cas had gotten home, it was 5am and he had to be at work in an hour. Slipping his coat off and setting his keys in their designated bowl, he sat on the couch beside Wings and sighed. Although he'd like nothing more than to go back to the comfort of his bed, he knew that he had to go to work and feed all the animals. They were his priority, and he would never put anything before them. Cas sighed again and looked around, wondering what he could do to kill 30 minutes before he had to begin his walk to the store. He got up and searched his kitchen cupboard for his coffee and almost cried when he couldn't find it. _Must have run out_...Cas thought to himself as he slammed the cupboard shut with a groan. He would stop by the store on his way home today and pick up some more. His eyes wandered towards the bathroom, and he walked to hallway closet and grabbed a towel.  A shower sounded nice, and would probably help him wake up. And right now, he needed all the help he could get; especially with the lack-of-coffee in his system.

           After setting his towel on the counter and rolling up his sleeves, he turned the knob on the shower head and waited until the water was a sufficient temperature. Once the water was hot enough, he shrugged his clothes off and stepped into the white porcelain tub. The hot water hit his back and he exhaled as his muscles began to loosen up. The whole fiasco with Dean and Mary had taken its toll on his muscles, and the hot water felt like pure bliss. Cas closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his dark, brown hair. He remembered the look Dean had on his face when he was talking about cars; his almost child-like aura radiating off of him had made Cas's heart melt. He focused on the freckles that peppered Deans cheeks and nose, and his emerald-green eyes sparkling as he talked about his "baby". The fact that Dean had called his car that only made Cas fall harder.

           Cas grabbed his soap and began rubbing it onto his shoulders and neck. He had only met Dean that day...but he couldn't help but feel that their meeting was destiny. Cas laughed to himself. He knew things like "fate" and "destiny" didn't exist but...Dean was almost too good to be true. Many attractive people had walked into his store, women and men alike; but something about Dean was different. When Dean smiled he made the room light up, and when he laughed...it took Cas' breath away. To be quite frank, it scared the shit out of Cas. He hadn't fallen this hard in a while, and it was terrifying. Cas' hand moved down his chest and rubbed the bar into his stomach and hipbones. He glanced down and saw that he had unintentionally become aroused. Probably when he was thinking of Dean...god the things Cas wanted to do to that man.

           Cas' other hand wrapped around his cock and gave a slow pull, making him moan. It felt wrong doing this...jerking off to a guy he had just met. But for some reason, he just couldn't find it in himself to stop. He gave another pull, swiping his thumb over the head and making him grit his teeth. He closed his eyes again and pictured Dean...his green eyes looking up at Cas from where he was kneeling on the ground, hand wrapped around Cas' cock giving slow pulls. Cas moaned again as he began to quicken his pace, making sure to tighten his grip as he neared the head. Cas dropped the soap and propped his arm on the tile wall, leaning so he could thrust into his hand. He pictured Dean taking him into his mouth with ease, swallowing him down. Cas' breathing was becoming heavier, and he could feel himself getting close. With a few more thrusts and a loud moan, Cas was cumming on the wall. Cas let out a breathy laugh as he grabbed the shower head and hosed down the tile. He knew he hadn't jerked off in a while, but that was beyond quick.

           He squirted a dollop of shampoo on his hand and ran it through his hair. Normally he would let it sit, but he knew he was probably cutting it close time-wise. After rinsing off the shampoo and turning the knobs off, Cas stepped out of the tub and wrapped the towel around his waist. He swiped his hand across the mirror and saw that his face was flushed and his eyes had bags under them.  _I'm getting old..._ Cas thought to himself as he pulled the skin on his forehead with his finger, ridding his face of his forehead wrinkles. He was only 32, but years of work and stress had made his face age quicker. _Dean would never go for someone like me..._ Cas thought as he tried to make his under eye circles look less dark. With a frown , Cas walked out of the bathroom and into his room for some clean clothes. 

                                                  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            As soon as Dean had gotten home, he had kicked off his boots and walked straight to his bedroom, Mary following close behind. He shrugged off his shirt and pants before sliding under the sheets and sighing heavily. His neck was still hurting from falling asleep on the couch and he was tired from the lack of sleep. He wanted to try and catch up on his rest with these days off but he knew it would be a wasted effort. He hadn't had a full nights sleep in months, and he knew why. He knew why and he hated himself for it. Even after therapy and counseling, Dean still woke up at night with a feeling of emptiness. He knew drugs were nothing but temporary solutions, but it was better than feeling like this. He hadn't intentionally started using, but he had continued which made him at fault just as much as Crowley. He still remembers that night he met Crowley. He had been the only person to approach him, and Dean had opened himself up (mostly due to the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed). He had no idea what it was that Crowley had offered him at the time; he assumed it was just a mint or something. 12 hours later when he woke up in a basement filled with strangers, he had realized he had been wrong.  

           He wasn't sure why, but he continued to go back to that basement. It was probably because of his alcoholic, abusive father; or maybe even his cheating ex-girlfriend. Dean never knew the exact reason, but he always found himself in that basement, using whatever he could to numb the pain. It had become a daily routine for him; wake up, go to work, go to the basement. Until he got fired, of course. Sam had gotten him an interview at some grocery store his friend worked at, but Dean didn't feel like going. A few months went by, and Dean found himself out on the street because he couldn't pay his rent. Crowley had welcomed him with open arms, and Dean had accepted. He would lie to Sam and tell him every thing was fine; until it wasn't. 

          Dean shook his head and closed his eyes, trying not to think of that part in his life. He felt Mary jump up beside him and lay down. His hand laid on her head, running his fingers through her thick fur. Blue eyes and messy, dark hair formed in his thoughts. He remembered the look Cas had on his face as he entered that room; his eyes filled with worry and fear. Dean wasn't sure why, but his eyes had almost seemed to glow. Cas had woken up at 4 in the morning, just to make sure Mary was okay...and a part of Dean hoped it was because of him as well. He knew he shouldn't feel this way towards Cas...towards another man...but he couldn't stop himself. All the years of denial and hiding were slowly starting to dissipate, and Dean hated it. Hated the fact that Cas had broken his walls with nothing more than a smile. When Cas laughed...Dean felt something inside of himself that he had tried to ignore. The way Cas' blue eyes shined when he talked about his animals made Deans heart throb in a way that it had never done before. 

          Dean rolled over onto his side and looked at Mary as she slept. She looked so peaceful...so content. Mary's legs began moving as though she was running, and she let out a few quiet barks.  _Probably dreaming..._ Dean said to himself as he smiled. He had forgotten what it felt like to dream. His nights were filled with nothing but nightmares, each one worse than the last. He couldn't remember the last time he had dreamed something pleasant, and he knew that wasn't normal. He hadn't told Sam about it because Dean didn't want to push his bullshit onto his brother. Sam was going to be graduating from law school soon, and he didn't need Dean ruining it with his problems. Dean put his arm over his eyes and groaned. He was so tired...

                             -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

         Cas glanced at the clock and saw that it was 11. He could probably wait another hour, but he wanted to see Dean sooner. It had only been 6 hours since he last saw him, but it felt like forever. Cas flipped the _OPEN_ sing to  _CLOSED_ and locked the door behind him. He pulled out the paper he had written Deans address on and figured out where he had to go. Deans apartment was only about 15 minutes away, if that, so Cas put the paper back in his pocket and began walking down the sidewalk. He was probably walking too fast, but he didn't care. He would finally get to see Dean and nothing would stop him. He was cut off by a car honking at him as he was about to cross the street, making him stop and sigh. He realized that he had never even pushed the button on the crosswalk and he almost laughed ta how ridiculous he was being.  _Deans not going anywhere. Slow down and take a breath._  

        It had ended up only taking 10 minutes, probably due to how fast Cas had walked, when Cas got to Deans door. The apartment complex was ordinary, and in the bad part of town. The area was generally a nice neighborhood, but this small sub-section was what most people would refer to as a "ghetto". Cas didn't care though. He would like Dean regardless of how much money he had or where he lived. Plus, Cas wasn't exactly wealthy either, and there wasn't very many apartments for rent around here currently.

        Cas cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair before knocking on the door. He couched into his hand, just to make sure he didn't have bad breath. He was relived when he couldn't smell anything. He tapped his foot as he waited, eventually knocking again. He looked to see if there was a buzzer but he realized that the button was missing. Dean had said to let himself in if he didn't answer, but Cas felt weird going in without Dean knowing. What if he walked in on Dean doing something private? He knocked one last time, putting extra force into it so it would be louder. After waiting a while and realizing that Dean was definitely not going to answer, Cas lifted up the mat and grabbed the key.

       "Dean?" Cas called as he shut the door behind him. The apartment was small, the living room bare except for a couch and a TV that had been placed on the ground. Cas glanced at the kitchen that was connected and saw that there was a small table and two chairs; but nothing else. No toaster or microwave...not even a coffee pot. "Dean?" Cas called a little louder this time. He was about to give up when Mary came running out of a room and knocking into his legs, making him fall over onto his butt. Mary licked at his face and Cas grinned. "Miss me?" He asked, petting her head and giving her a small kiss on her forehead. He used the couch to pull himself up and then wandered down the hall. Mary was right behind him, her nose brushing against the back of his pants. Cas looked at the first room and was met with plain white tile with a small sink, toilet, and bathtub. It was clean, but he knew that years of use and neglect had taken its toll on the room. The paint was peeling up near the ceiling, and the window had a giant hole that looked like it had been hit with a ball of some sort.

       Cas opened the next door and realized it was the hallway closet. It was barren except for two towels and a laundry hamper at the bottom. Cas gave a puzzled look and shut the door, feeling as though he was invading Deans privacy. He had figured Dean had money problems considering where he lived, but this was a bit more drastic than Cas had assumed. The apartment felt cold...as though no one lived in it. He glanced into the last room down the hallway and saw Dean sleeping on his bed with his headphones in. Deans room was entirely different compared to the apartment. This room was covered in pictures and posters of what Cas assumed to be friends and family and various rock bands. There was a dresser that had a cheap stereo on top; Cd's and albums stacked beside it. Cas squinted ta the picture that was standing up  on the small nightstand beside Deans bed. It was a lady with blonde hair and a young boy, smiling as they hugged each other.

        Cas' eyes wandered over to Dean and he frowned. Dean was obviously asleep, but Dean looked as though he was angry or upset about something. He was clutching his pillow tightly, and his eyebrows were furrowed.  Cas took a few steps towards him before he jumped back as Dean yelled.

        "STOP!" Dean cried out as he clutched the pillow tighter. Cas blinked a few times and swallowed hard. 

        "Dean...?" Cas asked as he took a few steps closer. 

         "Please...stop..." Dean whispered with pain. Cas took a deep breath before reaching out and touching Deans shoulder. He almost fell over when Deans body flew to a sitting up position.

          "Cas? Oh..sorry man. Didn't hear you come in." Dean said as he took out his earphones. Deans face was pale, his skin glistening with sweat. Cas licked his lips before he spoke.

           "I think you were having a nightmare, Dean." Cas said. Dean shrugged.

           "Probably. Happens a lot. Uh, I'm going to take a quick shower and then we can get started, kay?" He said as he got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom down the hall. Cas walked behind him until Dean shut the door, leaving Cas in the hallway. Cas sat down on the couch, the worn leather groaning as he put his weight on it.  _That was weird..._ _what does he mean it happens a lot?_ Cas asked himself as Mary jumped up beside him. 

            "Down." He said as he pointed to the floor. Mary quickly got off the couch and sat on the floor, tongue sticking out. Cas wasn't sure if Dean allowed Mary to go on the furniture, so he figured he would tell her down until he found out. Cas scratched his head as the vents that just happened replayed in his head. Dean had looked so upset...almost on the verge of tears. Cas had had nightmares before, sure, but nothing like that. Dean had almost looked like he was in pain. Cas' heart hurt as he heard Deans soft cries, _"Please...stop..."._ Cas wanted to ask him what he was dreaming about, but he didn't want to overstep any boundaries. He didn't know Dean very well, but he could tell he was a man that wasn't into sharing his feelings very often, let alone to some guy he had just met. Cas tried to stop thinking about it, but he couldn't. 

            "Sorry about that." Dean said as he walked out of the bathroom. He had obviously taken a shower, but he had the same clothes on as when he went in there. Cas thought it was odd but decided not to pry further.

            "Its no problem. Do you allow Mary on your furniture?" Cas asked, trying to make the awkwardness go away. Dean thought for a moment before he spoke.

             "Should I? I mean I've let her on the couch and she slept on my bed but, your the expert. Should I be more strict and tell her no?" Dean asked as he sat beside Cas. Cas thought for a moment as he looked over at Dean. 

             "Well...it really depends on you. Well, I guess in this case, it depends on you brother. Do you think he would allow her on his couch?" Cas asked as he turned so he was facing Dean more.

             "I think? I mean...probably?" Dean said with a shrug. Cas nodded in understanding.

             "Well for now I don't see anything wrong with letting her on the furniture. If your brother doesn't like it, he can always tell her no. Shes a very good dog." Cas said as he glanced over at Mary. She was licking her back leg with concentration, oblivious to the conversation. 

             "Well alrighty then. You want a beer or something?" Dean asked as he got up and walked to the kitchen.

             "Oh uh..that's okay. I don't drink." Cas said. He heard Dean's footsteps stop before he reappeared in the doorway.

             "You don't drink?" Dean asked. Cas looked at the ground and shook his head. Dean made a "huh" face and walked back into the kitchen. Cas was thankful that he didn't ask why. He hated having to tell people he used to be an alcoholic. They always gave Cas a look of pity and then told him he was strong or some nonsense like that. Dean walked back into the room with a water in his hand and sat beside Cas, offering it to him. Cas was confused as to why he hadn't grabbed a beer for himself, and politely declined the water.

              "So...tell me everything I need to know." Dean said as he sat back and smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the "light destiel smut" I had told you guys about turned into Cas doing the do in the shower. Its kind of the same thing, I guess? Anyways, sorry its been a while since I updated; my home life isn't the best at the moment and I couldn't find time to sit down and write. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know what you think and/or if you have anything you would like added to the story (characters, certain scenes, certain animals, anything really). Thanks for reading! Stay lovely :3


	6. An Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gives Sam a call and gets his house ready for Cas. Cas meets a strange man at his store that leaves Dean terrified.

            **C** as didn't stay long because he had to go back to work. So, Dean was back to being alone and bored. He watched some Dr. Sexy MD, took a shower, gave Mary a walk, and was now laying on the floor staring at the ceiling. He tried thinking of something he could do to pass the time until Cas came back at 8. He glanced over at Mary and smiled as she chewed on the bone Dean had bought her on the way from their walk.  He remembered that she wasn't his, she was Sam's and he frowned and looked back up at the ceiling. He knew he grew attached to things quickly; Sam had always said it was because he didn't have anything as a kid and now, whenever he does get something, he clings onto it. That gave Dean an idea and he reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. After dialing and holding the phone up to his ear, he heard Sam's voice.

            "Dean? Is everything okay?" Sam asked as he swallowed whatever he was eating. Dean smirked. _Probably more rabbit food..._

"Hey, Sammy. I was just bored and thought I'd give you a call." Dean said as he rolled over onto his stomach. Dean could hear people talking in the background and a woman's laugh.

             "Dean, you know I hate it when you call me that." Sam said with a sigh, Dean smiled and picked at the carpet.

             "I know. That's why I call you it." Dean said with a teasing tone. He could practically feel Sam rolling his eyes. 

             "So, why are you bored? Aren't you supposed to be working or something?" Sam asked.

             "Well i got four days off to watch over--" Dean looked over at Mary and bit his lip. Shit.

             "Watch over...??" Sam said waiting for Dean to finish. Dean thought for a second and a light bulb went off in his head.

             "Wings. Hes my friends cat." Dean said hoping it sounded believable. Sam made a "huh" noise and laughed lightly.

             "Dean, you hate cats." Sam said.

             "I don't _hate_ cats, Sam. I'm allergic. There's a difference." Dean said as he got up onto his knees and rubbed Mary's head.  

             "Well, regardless, why are you babysitting your friends cat? Wait a second! You said friend! Dean you finally have a friend?" Sam asked, excitement filling his tone. Dean rolled his eyes.  

              "Well, I've only known the guy for a day. But he seems cool, so yeah I guess." _and hes hot..._ Dean thought to himself.

              "Dean...good for you man. I honestly thought you were going to stay cooped up in your apartment forever. I'm happy for you." Sam said. Dean could imagine Sam smiling with his puppy eyes and he smiled slightly to himself.

              "Dude, no chick flick moments." Dean said as he stood up and walked to the fridge. Sam made a sighing noise and then Dean could hear him talking to someone quietly.

              "Hey, Dean. Sorry but I have to go. My class starts in 5 minutes." Sam said.

              "Nah man, its cool. Maybe I'll go to the store or something. I'm running low on beer." Dean said as he glanced in the fridge. He heard Sams line go quiet and Dean mentally kicked himself. "Don't worry, Sam. I'm not drinking like I used to. But I'm a grown ass man who deserves to have a beer every now and then." He said reassuring Sam.

              "Just...just be careful Dean. I'll talk to you later." Sam said.

              "See ya in a couple days little bro." Dean said as he hung up. He looked in the fridge one more time and sighed. He had nothing but some butter and a carton of eggs. He couldn't go to the store this week, not after all the money he spent on Mary. _Well...looks like I'm eating eggs this week._

                                                         ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               Cas thanked the lady as she grabbed her bags and left with one of the new puppies that Cas had brought a few days ago. He had found them in a box by the convenient store and he took them without even a second glance. He was tempted to keep one as his own, but he wasn't home enough to take care of a puppy. They required a lot more work than cats, and Cas was just too busy. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was 7:45. He wanted to close early and go to Deans but he knew that closing early would cost him money. You never knew when some rich person would come in and buy everything in the store. Cas rested his elbows on the counter and sighed as he stared at the door. He could almost hear the clock ticking as he began tapping his foot and biting his nail. Wings bumped his head on Cas' shoulder and meowed, knocking Cas out of his trance.

               "Hey, Wings. You hungry?" Cas asked as he ran his hand down Wings' back. He stood up and opened the cupboard above the counter where he had a small supply of cat food. He grabbed one of the cans and opened it, dumping it into Wings' bowl. Wings jumped off the counter and began eating, so Cas walked around and rearranged the dog food. He was trying to reach the top shelf when he heard the bell ding, signaling that a customer had come in. 

                "I'll be with you in a second!" Cas yelled. After finally reaching the top shelf and laying the bag down, he wiped his hands and walked back towards the counter where a man in a suit was standing, looking down at Wings. For some reason, Cas felt a surge of protection as the man reached down and ran his hand over Wing's head. Cas cleared his throat and put on a smile when the man turned around. He was heavy set, with a beard and he looked like he was perpetually thinking of ways to kill people. He had the look of someone who you knew had never been to a soup kitchen in his life.

                "Hello. I was interested in buying a dog, perchance." The man said as he put his hands behind his back. His voice was a thick, Irish accent. Or maybe it was Scottish? Cas wasn't quite sure. For some reason, he didn't want to sell any of his animals to this guy.

                "Oh, sure. Just uh, just follow me." Cas said leading the man towards the back. He could hear the guys boots clicking on the tile as he followed. Cas opened the door to the outdoor kennel and let the man through.

               "Are these the only ones you have?" The man asked as he assessed the dogs. Cas closed the door and put his hand on his hip. The man was looking at these dogs as if they were nothing but items at the grocery store. 

              "Yes, these are the dogs that I have. Is there a particular breed you were looking for?" Cas asked as he pet one of the dogs who nuzzled his leg. The man pursed his lips and shook his head.

               "Never mind, then. I was looking for a Doberman or Rottweiler but, you don't have any. I'll be on my way." The man said as he turned around and opened the door. Cas followed behind him, just to make sure he wouldn't steal anything.

               "Um, I'm sorry but I've never seen you around before. Did you just move here?" Cas asked. The man stopped in his tracks and turned around.

                "Who wants to know?" He said taking a step towards Cas. Cas put his hands up.

                "No one! I was just wondering." Cas said. The man took a step back and rolled his eyes.

                "I'm here on business. A...colleague...of mine is behind on his payments. Thought I'd pay him a visit and...chat." Crowley said with a demonic grin. Cas felt bad for whoever this guys colleague was, cause he would hate to be on the other end of a "chat" with this guy. They were almost out of the store when the man stopped and picked up a leather collar. He tossed it in his hands a few times and looked over at Cas.

                 "How strong is this would you say?" He asked Cas, handing him the collar. Cas wasn't sure if he wanted to know what the collar was for, so he took it in his hands and pulled. 

                 "Well, its genuine leather...it could probably hold back anything from a Hound to a Great Dane. Why?" Cas said handing it back to him. The man smiled and shrugged.

                  "I don't believe that's any of your business..." the man looked down at his name tag and smirked as he raised and eyebrow. "...Castiel." Cas swallowed and took a step back. The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a $50, handing it to Cas. He didn't even ask for his change as he walked out the door, whistling an eery tune.

                                        -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                 Dean stood in front of the stove, contemplating if he should make dinner for him and Cas. Not that this was a date or anything...Cas might be hungry after a long day at work, that's all. But, the only thing Dean had were eggs, and that wasn't exactly a turn on. No one came to someones house and had fucking eggs for dinner under candlelight. Dean sighed and got his phone, dialing up the pizza place down the street. 

                 "Yeah can I have a large pepperoni pizza?" He asked the man. The man told him it would be ready in about 20 minutes. Dean looked at the clock and saw that Cas should be here in roughly 10 minutes, so hopefully he stayed long enough for pizza. He wasn't sure how late Cas would want to stay over, but he assumed the maximum would be an hour or so. He walked around his living room and picked up his shoes, carefully placing them beside the front door where they should be. He fluffed up his pillows on the couch and got out the old vacuum Bobby had let him borrow when he first moved in. He wasn't sure why he was cleaning; Cas had already been over once today and didn't seem to question anything. After Cas had left though, Dean started feeling self conscious of his lack-of-furniture and untidiness. Cas seemed like the type of person that valued a clean house.

Dean turned off the vacuum and put it back in the closet with a puzzled look on his face. Why the hell was he freaking out so much? He walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He fixed his hair and splashed some water on his face.  _Be a man Winchester. Get your shit together. Cas is just coming over to help you with Mary. That's it._ He nodded to himself and straightened up, smoothing down his plaid shirt.  _Maybe I should put a different shirt on..._ Dean shook his head and walked out of the bathroom. He could really use some alcohol right about now. He only had one beer in the fridge though, and he needed to save that for one of his rougher-nights. At least until he got his paycheck from Bobby and could buy more. Mary came trotting into the kitchen and sniffed at the empty food bowl. 

                 "Oh shit, sorry Mary." Dean said as he realized he hadn't given her dinner yet. He grabbed a random cup from the cupboard and scooped some of the kibble into it. After dumping it in the bowl, he threw the cup in the sink next to all the other dishes he had in there. Dean looked at the pile and cringed.  _When did I turn into a fucking slob?_ He pushed up his sleeves and turned the water on. Just as he was finishing up a bowl with god-only-knows-what stuck inside, he heard the faint sound of someone knocking. He instantly rubbed his hands on his pants, drying them off and ran his fingers through his hair. After taking a deep breath, Dean opened the door and smiled.

                 "Hey Cas, come on in." He said opening the door wider. He saw that Cas had Wings under his arms and he took a step back.  _Wait...Cas said he was hypoallergenic right?_

                 "Hello, Dean. I hope you don't mind me bringing Wings along. He gets very lonely when I leave him at the shop, so I decided to bring him home with me tonight." Cas said walking in and letting Wings jump to the floor. 

                 "Oh, that's cool. Yeah I could see why he would get lonely being locked up in an empty store." Dean said closing the door and reaching his hand out so Cas could give him his coat. Cas looked down at Deans hand and grasped it with his own and shook. Dean stared at him confused until Cas quickly let go and cleared his throat, pink rising in his cheeks.

                 "Sorry. I don't get out much." Cas said as he took his coat off and handed it to Dean. Dean waited until Cas walked into the living room before he smiled and laughed. _God hes fucking_ cute...Deans smile disappeared and he cleared his throat. _A grown man isn't cute. Stop acting like a fucking school girl._

                 "So...how'd you get into the whole animal thing?? Dean asked as he sat beside Cas.

                 "Well...I've always been very fond of animals. I never had a particular favorite, although I did always tend to favor cats more than anything. I think it all started back when my parents got me my first hamster when I was 5." Cas said as he turned slightly so he could face Dean better. Dean realized he had been staring so he averted his eyes towards Mary and nodded. "His name was Hammy--"

                  "Seriously? You named your hamster Hammy?" Dean asked with a grin. Cas rolled his eyes and his cheeks were tinted pink.  

                  "I wasn't very original, clearly." Cas said smiling. Dean heart throbbed when Cas smiled. He just wanted to lean over and kiss the ever living crap-- _Knock it off Winchester. That would be all kinds of wrong, and you know it._  Dean cleared his throat and motioned for Cas to continue. 

                   "Anyhow, after getting Hammy I continued getting animals throughout my life. In high school I was in FFA and got to raise livestock. Then, when I moved out after I graduated, I decided to have my own store. And now here I am." Cas said with a sarcastic tone. Dean raised his eyebrow.

                  "You don't sound like your very happy with how things turned out." Dean said. Cas looked up at him and gave him a "Come on" face.

                   "I'm 32, single, an ex-alcoholic, and I haven't had sex in 2 years. So, yes. I'm not very happy with how things turned out." Cas said before his eyes widened and he looked back at the ground. He probably just said something that he didn't want Dean to know, so Dean tried not to bring it up again. _No sex for two years? Jesus...thats rough._ He knew Cas was an ex-alcoholic once he said "I don't drink". Dean said the same thing when he would pass by people who offered to sell him drugs. " _I don't do that"_ is whta he would always say. He glanced at Cas and saw that he looked almost ashamed. Dean gritted his teeth and raised his sleeve, exposing his arm to Cas. 

                                         -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _I cant believe you just told him you were an ex-alcoholic! And what the hell was with the no sex in 2 years thing? Was that really necessary?_ Cas thought as he shamefully looked down at the ground. He was anticipating for Dean to start telling him how he was strong and blah blah blah. He looked up when he realized that Dean had his arm out, sleeve rolled up. Cas looked down at his arm with confusion. AT first, he couldn't really see anything wrong with the tan skin. But as he looked closer. he could make out small scars on Deans wrist. He could also faintly make out small circular scars near the section of arm where your forearm and arm connected. Cas' heart felt heavy and he looked up to see Dean looking up at the ceiling. Cas hesitated before he gently placed his finger on one of the scars. He felt Dean twitch so he quickly took it off. 

         "Dean--" he was going to say he was sorry when he realized that he would sound just like the people he always complained about. He bit his lip and pulled Dean into a hug. Deans body froze and Cas was about to pull away until he felt Deans arm wrap around his shoulder. They sat like that, arms around each other, for who knows how long. They probably would have stayed like that if Mary hadn't of barked and scared the shit out of them. They quickly let go of each other and looked over at Mary who had her butt in the air and was barking at Wings. Wings could care less as he licked his paw. Just then, the door bell rand and Dean was standing up and heading to the door in 2 seconds flat. Dean had hugged back so obviously he wasn't opposed to what Cas had done, but...Cas couldn't help but feel as though he had overstepped his boundaries. Dean walked back into the living room and sat a box of pizza down on the floor.

          "Hope you like cheese." Dean said with a small smile as he sat on the ground and opened the box. Cas followed and sat across from him, grabbing a piece.

          "Thank you, Dean." Cas said as he took a bite. They ate in silence for a while before Cas decided to try and ease the tension in the air. "I strange dude in a suit came to my store today." Cas said taking a bite. Dean looked up and must have taken the hit because he nodded and wiped his mouth.

           "Yeah? Define strange." Dean said as he took another bite. Cas finished chewing before he spoke.

            "Well...he was wearing a suit in the middle of summer, for one thing. And he had this odd accent...like Irish or Scottish. I have never seen him before and I've lived here my whole life." Cas said as he finished his slice and wiped his hand on one of the napkins. Dean looked up with his eyebrow raised. 

           "Irish? Was he kind of...creepy looking?" Dean asked he put his pizza down. Cas nodded and he watched as Deans eyes opened wider. "Uh...what uh...what did he want." Dean asked as he sat up straighter. Cas noted that Dean looked scared; of what though, Cas wasn't sure.

            "He wanted to buy a Doberman or Rottweiler from me. He was kind of rude to my animals, told me he was here to visit a colleague, and then bought a collar. He was definitely creepy." Cas said as he watched Deans hand start to tremble.

            "A colleague huh? Did uh...did he mention a name?" Dean asked as he looked at the ground. _Why was Dean freaking out about this guy? Unless..._

            "Do you know this guy or something?" Cas asked. Deans head snapped up and the look of terror in his eyes made Cas worried. Dean looked as though he were about to speak, and then closed his mouth.

            "No I was just wondering. You want some water or something?" Dean asked as he got up and walked into the kitchen. Cas said yes as he watched Dean walk away, Dean's hands gripping his hair tightly. Something was definitely wrong. He had never seen someone look that scared. Cas stood up and walked into the kitchen. Dean was facing towards the kitchen window, his arms resting on the sink with his head down.

             "Dean...are you okay?" Cas asked as he took a few steps forward. Dean didn't answer so Cas took a few more.

             "His names Crowley..." Dean said with a tremble. "And he came here looking for me."   

                   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I haven't posted in a while, and I should probably have a schedule for when I'll be posting, but i have been super busy lately. I'm going to try and post a chapter every Wednesday (maybe more depending on my drive). Please leave comments (you have no idea how helpful they are and they make me want to write more) and let me know what you think so far. I'm not sure how long this story will go, but so long as people are enjoying it I will continue writing it.  
> Stay beautiful!! ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ


	7. A Possible Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas comes up with a plan to help Dean with Crowley. Dean questions himself and his actions as the two begin to fall harder and harder for each other.

          _**T** his can't be happening...not now...how did he find me?  _Dean thought as he stared out the window. He could see that the sky was just going dark, the moon illuminating behind a line of trees. Dean could hear Cas approaching him from behind and his grip on the counter tightened. _ **  
**_

            "Whose Crowley?" Cas asked with a small amount of hesitation. Dean closed his eyes and tried not to let the tears that were forming in his eyes escape. 

            "He's my ex-boss...kind of..." Dean said trying not to reveal everything to Cas. He knew that he could probably tell Cas and wouldn't be judged by him, but he was so ashamed of his past that there were things he hadn't even told Sam. Dean shook his head as he tried to contemplate how Crowley had found him.  _You moved away...you cut ties with all of his guys...how the hell did he find you...?_

             "Did you get fired? He said something about how his "colleague" was behind on payments. What does he mean by that?" Cas asked as he stood beside Dean and put his hand on his shoulder. Dean flinched at the touch and looked away.

             "I don't want to talk about it." Dean said on instinct as he pushed away from the sink and walked back into the living room. He knew he was probably being rude to Cas and ruining any chance he had with him. _What chance? Cas is twice the man I'll ever be. He deserves better._

             "Dean, please talk to me. I know we haven't known each other long...but I don't like seeing you like this. I can try to help." Cas said innocently as he stood behind Dean. Dean shook his head and let out a harsh laugh.

             "Help?" Dean said bitterly as he turned around to face Cas. "Cas, you've met this guy. Do you honestly think that anything you could would help? Hes a fucking psychopath, okay? If you help me, all you'll be doing is putting yourself at risk. No one else is going to die because of me, alright?" Dean said. He instantly closed his mouth when he realized he had said too much. Cas' eyes widened and filled with sorrow. Dean hadn't meant to mention that last part. He could still remember his ex, Cassie, as she laid on the ground surrounded by blood. Crowley was standing above her, smiling as Dean dropped to his knees and screamed. Dean closed his eyes hard, trying to block out the image.

             "I don't care." Cas said quietly. Dean opened his eyes slowly and looked up. _He doesn't care? He doesn't care that he could potentially die? That everything he has ever worked for could be taken from him with a snap of Crowley's fingers?_   _How the fuck does he not care?_

"What do you mean you don't care...?" Dean asked as he crossed his arms. Cas bit his lip and stood straighter. 

             "I want to help, Dean. Regardless of the outcome, I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you and I hadn't done anything to prevent it. So, I don't care." Cas said as his voice grew stronger. Deans heart swelled up and he felt a tear fall down his cheek. He can still hear Cassie as she told him the same thing; told him that she didn't care if she died. He quickly wiped away the tear and cleared his throat. His father's voice rang in his head from the day his mom had died, " _Real men don't cry, boy. You cry in front of someone, all they'll see is weakness. So wipe your tears, take a breath, and hold it in, you hear me? Don't ever show anyone you're weak."_  Dean looked at Cas and saw that he was staring at Dean with an intense stare. Dean could see that he had meant what he said, and nothing Dean said or did would change his mind. Dean bit his lip and nodded as he looked back at the ground in shame.

 "Fine...what's your brilliant plan?"

                                       ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

              _Oh god...please don't cry,_ Cas thought as he watched the tear fall down Dean's cheek and land on his lip. Dean instantly stood straighter and cleared his throat, obviously trying to appear more manly. Cas wanted to tell him that it was okay to cry, that it was okay to be scared. He wasn't sure who made Dean this way, but whoever it was, Cas hated them for it. It was obvious that Dean put up walls whenever he showed any kind of emotion, and Cas knew that it was unhealthy. He knew how much of a toll bottling up your feelings had on your mental state. You keep things in and they slowly grow, until finally one day they explode and you wake up the next morning in an alleyway covered in garbage and throw-up. Cas tried to stare Dean down, showing him that he meant what he said. He really did want to do anything he could to help Dean. He didn't care if it cost him his life; he couldn't live with himself if anything were to happen to Dean. It sounded ridiculous, especially considering he didn't know much about Dean. But, for some reason, Cas didn't seem to care. 

             "Fine...what's your brilliant plan?" Dean said as he sat on the couch with a sigh. _Crap,_   _I hadn't actually thought of anything..._ Cas thought for a moment before a light bulb went off in his head.

             "You could stay with me for the time being." Cas suggested. _If Dean were to stay with me, he could hide out in the apartment. Crowley would never look for him there. Crowley has no idea that I know Dean._ He gripped the edge of his shirt, expecting Dean to reject. He actually looked up in shock when Dean spoke.

             "I don't know how it'll help, but sure. If you want to have a sloppy, emotionally unstable, ex-drug addict living on your couch, then fine." Dean said as he sat back and crossed his leg. Cas winced at how Dean talked about himself. 

             "Why do you talk about yourself that way?" Cas asked as he sat beside Dean. Dean actually looked confused as he looked at Cas. Dean blinked a few times before looking away with a questioning look on his face. "You say all these negative things about yourself, when none of them are true. It breaks my heart that you can't see how amazing you are. Dean, you're a good man. I knew from the moment you walked into my store that you were a good guy. Just because you were surrounded by evil in the past, doesn't mean that you yourself are evil." Cas said laying his hand on Dean's knee. Cas knew that what he just said sounded almost like a confession to how attracted he was to Dean, but he didn't care. Dean's cheeks were pink and he bit the inside of his cheek.

             "You don't know me Cas...you have no idea what I've done. I know you have good intentions, but don't talk about me as if I'm some sort of saint. I've done so many bad things..." Dean said trailing off as he shook his head. Cas squeezed his kneecap slightly making Dean look back up at him. Cas wasn't sure he would be able to say anything to make Deans perspective change so he gave him a small, genuine smile. He knew it didn't mean much, and it wouldn't help hardly at all; but when Dean returned the smile, he knew he had put a crack in his wall. Cas watched as Dean's eyes trailed up and down his face and Cas couldn't help but blush. He was starting to wonder if maybe he was wrong about Dean's sexual preferences when Dean licked his lips and locked eyes with Cas. Cas slightly leaned forward, not making it too obvious as to what he was asking for. Dean's face was filled with conflict as he slightly leaned in too. Cas looked at Dean's lips and back up at his eyes, silently asking him for permission. Dean swallowed as he moved closer, their mouths barely a few inches apart.  Cas licked his lips and closed his eyes; he could feel Dean's warm breath on his face.  

            _CRASH._ Cas' eyes flew open as he moved his head in the direction of the loud noise. Mary was staring guiltily at them, the TV fallen over beside her. Cas glanced at Dean and saw that he had moved back to his original position, running a hand over his face. 

             "I'll go pack." Dean said as he got up and walked to his bedroom. Cas looked back at Mary and sighed. _  
_

                                                   --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            _What the fuck just happened?_ Dean thought as he grabbed his duffel bag that he had shoved under his bed.   _I was about to kiss Cas..._ Dean angrily unzipped the bag and opened his closet.  _What if Mary hadn't of knocked the TV over?_ Dean grabbed the only shirts he owned and shoved them into the bag, moving over to his small dresser. He grabbed his jeans, boxers and socks and threw them into the bag as well. " _You fucking faggot!"_ Deans father yelled in his mind. Dean hit his lamp off the dresser in anger and it hit the floor with a loud crash. He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes, trying to control his emotions. He walked into the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush and comb, sliding them into the bag and zipping it up. He grabbed the handles and walked out into the hallway, closing the doors behind him. Cas was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. Dean cleared his throat and Cas glanced up, sliding his phone into his pants pocket.

           "Are you ready?" Cas asked, standing up. He wasn't acting weird like Dean had thought he would. Dean nodded and grabbed Mary's leash that was hanging on the wall. Mary bounded up to him and sat, waiting for him to clip it onto her collar. Dean was trying not to speak, because he didn't know what he would say if he did. He never had much of a filter, and it had gotten him in trouble in the past. He learned that when he was feeling like this, the best thing to do was not say anything at all.  Dean hooked the leash to Mary and began walking before he turned around and looked at his wall. He only had 4 or 5 photos, but they were all he had left of the way things were before his mom died. He opened the back of the frames and slipped the photos into his duffel, letting the now-empty frames fall to the ground. When he turned around he saw Cas watching him with curiosity. Dean ignored it as he walked past him and walked down the stairs.

           "Can I take my baby?" Dean asked as he slid his hand on her door. Cas shrugged.

           "I don't see why not. Does Crowley know you drive this?" Cas asked as he re-positioned Wings in his arms. Dean almost cried when he realized that Crowley _had_ seen his car. The day he left, he had driven away with Crowley running out into the street behind him. He watched from the side mirror as Crowley grew smaller and smaller until he was gone. Dean had meant to slip out without Crowley noticing, but as always, it didn't go according to plan. He didn't know that Trevor, Dean's supposedly-friend would rat him out. 

           "Hes seen it..." Dean said quietly. Cas bit his lip and looked around.

           "There's a garage a few houses down from me. You could park her there and put a cover over." Cas suggested. Dean thought for a moment.

           "Okay. Yeah, lets do that. There's no way I'm leaving Baby behind."   Dean said as he let Mary hop into the back. Cas walked to the passengers side and opened the door awkwardly as Wings began moving around. Once Cas was finally able to get Wings in the car with minimal scratches, Dean stepped on the gas and pulled out of the complex.

           The garage cost $20 a day and Cas had volunteered to pay it. After a small argument with Dean inevitably losing, Cas ended up paying. The walk to Cas' house was quiet, an awkward atmosphere surrounding them. Dean knew that they would have to talk about what happened eventually, but he wasn't ready yet. He didn't want to say anything that he would end up regretting. He pulled back on the leash a bit as Mary sped up. She instantly slowed down and Dean walked behind Cas up the stairs. Cas' apartment complex was much nicer than Dean's and Dean couldn't help but feel jealous. There was a small flower pot sitting beside the front door with yellow flowers pouring out of it.

           "It's for the bees." Cas said as he unlocked the door. He must have noticed Dean staring at the flower pot with confusion. Dean didn't ask what the hell he meant by that and followed him inside. The apartment smelled like clean laundry and apples and Dean instantly felt at home. His mom used to smell like apples and this apartment made him feel as though she was here. He saw that the setup was almost identical to his apartment, except Cas had way more stuff than Dean. A small blue love seat with green pillows sat in front of a glass coffee table. A smaller, blue chair sat at the end with a tall lamp beside it. The TV was set in an entertainment system filled with DVDs. Dean let out a whistle when he walked into the kitchen. The white tile contrasted with blue walls, the counters filled with stainless steel appliances.  _Oh...I could definitely get used to this..._

"Make yourself at home. I don't have another bedroom, but I don't mind sleeping on the couch." Cas said as he hung up his coat. Dean looked over at Cas with his eyebrow raised.

            "You're going to let me sleep in your bed while you sleep on a fucking couch? You're kidding right?" Dean asked.  _Who the hell would give up a bed for a couch?_ Cas walked into the kitchen and took Mary's leash off, letting her roam around. 

            "Its not a problem. My couch is surprisingly comfortable. I want you to feel comfortable and safe, so I'm offering you my room." Cas said with a small smile. Deans heart throbbed and he looked at Cas with adoration.  _You are so screwed Winchester..._

            "Well in that case, I'll take the couch. Thanks though..." Dean said as he scratched the back of his head. Cas smiled and nodded and motioned for Dean to follow. Dean followed him down the hallway and stopped behind Cas.

            "This is the bathroom. You have to hold the handle on the toilet in order for it to flush, and the shower head has different settings on it. You just have to turn it like this.." Cas said as he got in the shower and turned the shower head. "There's massage, pulse and normal. I normally keep it on normal but feel free to change it if you like." Cas said as he got out of the tub. Dean nodded, taking note. He would definitely try out the massage setting. 

            "Gotta say Cas. You got a pretty sweet setup here." Dean said as they walked into the living room. He sat on the couch and laid his arms on the back. Instead of sitting on the vacant chair, Cas sat beside Dean. Dean thought it was odd but didn't say anything. It was the guy's house after all; he could sit where he damn well pleases. 

                           --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Cas wasn't sure why he chose to sit beside Dean instead of the chair, but he knew it must have seemed weird. He normally sat here and didn't think about it at the time, until he was sitting close beside Dean with Deans arm behind him.  _Nice going._

            "Thank you." Cas said as he looked over at Wings who had already curled up on the window sill and was sleeping. Mary was laying beside Dean's feet, eyes beginning to close. Cas glanced at the clock and realized that it was almost 10.

            "Think I'm gonna turn in for the night." Dean said with a yawn. Cas wanted to talk to Dean longer but didn't want to sound needy or desperate.

            "I'll go get you a blanket and a pillow." Cas said as he got up and walked to his hall closet. He always kept a spare pillow and blanket for when Gabriel would come over. Once he found an extra pillow case, he walked back into the living room and handed it to Dean.

            "Sweet. Thanks, Cas." Dean said as he set the pillow by the arm of the couch and laid the blanket down. It wasn't until Dean was laying on the couch, looking at Cas with  a confused expression, that Cas realized he was still standing there.

            "Goodnight Dean." Cas said with a nod. Dean adjusted himself with a groan.

            "Night, Cas." Dean said as he turned onto his side. Cas nodded once more before tuning around and walking to his bedroom. He couldn't contain his smile at the sound of Dean saying goodnight to him. _I could get used to that..._ Cas thought as he pulled his shirt off over his head.  It was odd having another person in his apartment. Cas had gotten used to being alone, and knowing that someone was sharing his space felt foreign. He pulled back the covers before sliding into bed. He fell asleep to Deans voice," _Goodnight, Cas."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised not to leave you guys with a cliffhanger for too long, so here is the next chapter. I won't be able to update this frequently all the time, but as I've said before; I will try my hardest. Thank you so much for reading! Comments are much appreciated and they make me want to write more, so don't be shy. Also, please let me know if you would like me to add a character or have any ideas that you would like to see incorporated into the story. Stay lovely ✿*∗˵╰༼✪ᗜ✪༽╯˵∗*✿


	8. Dean and the Guinea Pigs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean helps Cas at work and finds out he loves Guinea Pigs. Crowley appears out of no where and Cas has to lie his way through it. Once Crowley leaves, feelings ensue...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rape warning in the beginning (not too graphic)

         _ **T** he room was dark and crowded. Dean couldn't make out any faces or hear any distinct voices. Everything was blurry and the people voices were muffled. He knew Crowley was beside him, as he always is. Deans head was spinning, making him clutch his stomach and groan._

_"Easy there princess." He heard Crowley say smugly. Dean flinched when he felt Crowley's hands grip his shoulders. "I think hes ready boys." Crowley said with a grin. Dean had no idea what he meant, he didn't care. He just wanted the drugs to kick in so he wouldn't have to feel anything anymore. He had gotten a call from Sam earlier that day, telling him about his dad's cancer. Dean didn't cry. He didn't sob into the phone asking God why He would let something like this happen. He just hung up, and walked to Crowley's. Crowley would know what to do. Crowley always knew what to do._

_Dean had been trying to count how many fingers he had when he felt another hand on his shoulder. He looked up with hooded eyes and squinted, trying to make out the face. It was some older guy with black hair, and a sadistic grin showing his yellow teeth. Dean felt Crowley's hands leave his shoulders and felt the couch lift as Crowley got up._

_"Do be gentle, boys. Hes precious cargo." Crowley yelled from the stairway. Dean heard the door close and the click of the lock._

_"Whats going on?" Dean asked. At least, he thought he had asked. It probably came out as a bunch of incoherent mumbles. The mans grip tightened as he pulled Dean up to his feet. Once standing up, Dean could see that there was a small crowd of guys slowly creeping out from the shadows. Dean grabbed the guys arm and pulled, failing with a sigh. The guy smiled and licked his lips as he dragged his eyes down Deans body._

_"Hey Jay! Help me out here." The old guy yelled. Dean could hear the southern drawl as he spoke. Dean blinked a few times to try and get a better view of what was going on, but before he could he felt a set of hands push him from behind. Dean landed on the table, his face pressed against the glass._

_"Well, jesus Jay. You heard Crowley for christs'sake." The man said with bite. The other guy, Jay made a snorting noise and laughed._

_"Oh who the fuck cares about what Crowley said. We paid good money and goddammit I'm gonna get my moneys worth!" Jay yelled back. Dean was so lost about what the hell was going on. He blinked and saw a few shapes form in his view and then disappear as soon as he opened his eyes again. He felt his pants being pulled off of his legs and he tried to turn around to look. The old guy gripped his hair and pressed his face into the cool glass of the table, blocking Deans view._

_"What are you doing?" Dean mumbled as he tried to turn his head again. The old mans grip tightened and Dean winced as he felt his head being pushed into the table. Dean started feeling his boxers being pulled down and shivered as his ass was exposed to the cold air. He could hear more boots on the wood floor slowly approach him. Dean started to panick and kicked back, kicking someone in the knee._

_"Ow! What the fuck!? Matt you're supposed to be holdin' him down, goddammit!" Some guy yelled from somewhere behind Dean. Dean could hear the sound of zippers being pulled down and he tried moving his legs again. Whatever Crowley had given him, it was starting to kick in because Dean could no longer feel his legs. He knew they were being spread apart, but only because he still had some feeling in his thighs. Dean opened his mouth to scream and found that no words would come out. He tried again, blinking tears as he failed. He closed his eyes and bit his lip as he felt a hand run up his back, making him shiver. He felt the burn as he was stretched and ---_

              Dean bolted up-right and looked around the room. He wasn't in his apartment, and definitely wasn't back at Crowley's basement. He breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. He was used to this. He had the same dream every couple of days and everything was always the same. It was more of  memory than a dream; but Dean would never tell anyone that. He was nothing but a play-thing to those guys. He had been humiliated, beaten, and used that day. He should probably talk to a therapist, but they wouldn't help. No one could help him anymore.

              "Dean? Are you okay?" Cas asked from the hallway. Dean looked and saw that he was already dressed in a white shirt with dark blue jeans that gripped his thighs. Dean had to pry his eyes away from his legs so he could nod.

              "Yeah, just another nightmare. What time is it?" Dean asked as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. 

              "5:47. I have to be at work by 6 and I was just getting ready to leave." Cas' eyes squinted slightly and he bit his lip. "Do you need me to stay here?" Cas asked. Dean shook his head and laid back down.

              "Nah, don't sweat it man. I'll be fine." Dean said with no truth behind his words. He knew he would never be fine, so why burden Cas with his issues?

              "There's some fruit in the fridge if you want. I don't have coffee but I'll pick some up on my way home--" Cas was cut off by Dean jumping up.

              "Can I come with you?" Dean asked. He wasn't sure why he said that but maybe he just didn't want to stay at Cas' house all day. He remembered how bored he was yesterday and felt that it would be better if he just came with Cas. He would never tell Cas it was because he was afraid to be alone. 

              "To my work? What if Crowley shows up?" Cas asked as he slipped on a shoe. Dean thought for a moment and shrugged,

              "If he shows up, I'll hide. I'm pretty good at it, believe it or not." Dean said with a grin. Cas looked at him skeptically but nodded slightly.

              "If you want to come with me, I won't stop you. But you have to promise me something." Cas said looking a Dean. Dean locked eyes with Cas and felt like he was lost at sea, and nodded. "If Crowley comes to the shop, you hide and stay hidden. No trying to catch a glance at him, no trying to listen in on the conversation. You run like hell and hide. Can you promise me that?" Cas asked with pleading eyes. Dean wasn't planning on making himself known to Crowley but he knew it would make Cas feel better if he agreed.

              "Promise." Dean said with a smile. Cas nodded and walked into the kitchen.

                          ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               Once Dean, Mary, Wings and Cas were all in the store, Cas got to work. He grabbed a bag of dog food and hoisted it onto his shoulder. Cas told Dean to wait by the counter until opening time, so with a sigh Dean walked away. Cas knew he was treating Dean like a child, but he didn't want Dean to have to work at a job that wasn't his. After he fed the dogs and checked that they were all healthy, he walked back into the store to find Dean on his hands and knees, butt in the air.  Cas' breath stopped as Dean turned around to look up at him. Cas could almost picture him thrusting into Dean while he was in this position, and just before he came he would look up towards Cas and grin...

              "Oh hey man. I saw a mouse run around here and I was seeing if I could find the hole." Dean said as he made no movement to change his position. Cas could feel his face warm as his cheeks turned red. He was still staring at Deans ass until Dean cleared his throat. Are you checking out my ass?" Dean said with a cocky grin. Cas stuttered and felt his heart race.

              "W-well I-I no, no not at, uh--" Dean laughed as he stood up and patted him on the shoulder.

              "Easy there big fella." Dean got close to Cas' ear and whispered hotly, "Don't hurt yourself." and walked back towards the counter. Cas was left standing there with  sweat beading down his forehead and his feet feeling glued to the tile.  _Was he flirting with me just now? He was flirting with me..._

               "Can I do anything to help out?" Dean asked from where he was sitting on the counter. Cas looked up and blinked a few times, clearing his head.

               "That won't be necessary, Dean. You don't work here and I don't think I could pay you." Cas said, slightly ashamed at his somewhat-failing business. Dean shrugged and swung his legs.

                "Dude, I'm living on your couch rent-free. I think I could help you out in the shop as payment." Dean said. Cas knew that Dean would end up helping out no matter what he said, so he nodded and motioned Dean to follow him. 

                "Have you ever held a guinea pig?" Cas asked. Dean thought for a moment before shaking his head.

                "Honestly, I haven't even seen a guinea pig in like 10 years." Dean said. They approached the aisle named "Small animals" and Cas watched as Dean immediately looked to his left at the cage where he held his rats. "I always thought all rats looked like sewer rats, but these guys are pretty freakin' cute.": Dean said with a small smile. Cas felt his heart race when he saw Dean stick his finger in the cage and pet one of them lightly on the head.

                "Those are hooded rats. I got them a month ago from an old lady whose rats had a litter. She didn't have room for all of them so she gave them to me." Cas said. Dean nodded and took his finger out.

                "So wheres the guinea pig?" Dean asked smiling at Cas. Cas couldn't help but smile back.

                "Guinea pigs, and they're over here." Cas said pointing towards the big cage. Dean walked up to Cas and practically molded to his side. Cas glanced up at Dean and Dean glanced back before slowly moving away, giving them room in between. "I've had this one for a year now, but I'm thinking of adopting her for myself. I named her Hannah." Cas said pointing to one that was a mixture of black, brown and white. 

                "You should, man. I mean, if she hasn't been adopted in a year, I'd say that's a good reason to take her, ya know?" Dean said as he viewed the others. There were only 3 in the cage, but each one had a completely different personality. 

                "That's what I thought too. The other two are siblings that I bought from Petco. They had them shoved into such a small cage that they were practically on top of each other, so I bought them and gave them a better home." Cas said shuddering at the memory of what he had seen. Dean nodded and stood up again, looking at Cas.

                "So what do you need me to do?" Dean asked. Cas opened the cage door and picked up Hannah, holding it towards Dean. 

                "I need you to hold them while I clean their cage. If its not too much trouble, of course." Cas said with an apologetic smile. Dean gave off an uneasy feeling and Cas reassured him that he would do fine. "Guinea pigs don't tend to move much when being held. And I have a small playpen that you can sit in while I clean." Cas said as he handed Hannah to Dean and Dean did his best to follow Cas' example. The guinea pig let out a squeak and ground her teeth together. "See, she likes you." Cas said as he smiled. Seeing Dean holding a guinea pig made his heart warm.

                 After handing the guinea pigs to Dean and letting him get comfortable in the play pen, Cas went to work. When he finished he made his way back to the play pen but stopped when he saw Dean laying on his back, Hannah sitting proudly on top of his stomach. Cas leaned up on the shelf and watched as Dean wiggled his nose in front of the brown one to his right. The guinea pig squeaked and walked towards his face as Dean smiled brightly. Cas gripped the front of his shirt when Dean gently pressed his lips to the brown ones head and the guinea pig went into a frenzy of squeaking and pop-corning around in the pin. Cas felt that he would act the same way if Dean had kissed him and laughed lightly. Dean looked up and locked eyes with Cas.

                  "Oh you're done already? That was quick." Dean said as he picked up Hannah and set her on the ground so he could sit up.

                  "Well all I have to do is change the bedding. Its not a very daunting task. Do you need a few minutes?" Cas asked with a smirk. Dean rolled his eyes but smiled.

                  "Oh shut up." Dean said obviously not meaning it. Cas smiled to himself and picked up Hannah and the black one. "Maybe I'll adopt a guinea pig." Dean said as he picked up the brown one and stood up. Cas gave him a questioning glance.

                  "Maybe after you give Mary to Sam. Or maybe, you could visit Hannah sometime." Cas said as he blushed and looked at the ground. He knew the arrangement they had wouldn't last, and he needed an excuse to keep hanging out with Dean.   
                 

                    "I'd like that." Dean said as he walked in front of Cas and put the guinea pig in the cage. Cas felt himself fill with hope and tried to contain his smile. Dean must have seen how happy Cas was because his cheeks turned red and he looked down at the ground. Cas put the other two in the cage and shut the door.

                    "I'm going to be opening the shop now. Would you like to be on the floor or at the counter?" Cas asked trying to make Deans discomfort lessen. Dean looked around and shrugged,

                     "I'll man the counter. I worked at a few stores before so I know how to use a register. Plus, I don't know about any of this stuff." Dean said motioning towards the pet supplies.

                     "Sounds like a plan." Cas said with a smile.

                                  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                    Dean had been resting his head on the desk when the sound of the bell chimed, alerting him that there was a customer. Cas was currently helping an older gentleman pick a rat so Dean was supposed to help them out until Cas was free again. Dean looked up and almost shit himself when his eyes met with the side of a mans suit. Dean knew instantly who it was and he dropped to his knees, and crawled into the small space under the counter. He heard the click of Crowley's shoes as the made their way towards the counter, then stopped. Dean bit gritted his teeth to keep himself from screaming to Cas. What _the hell was Crowley doing back here?_  Dean let out a small sigh of relief when he heard Cas' voice above him. Cas walked behind the counter and stood in front of Dean. Dean realized that he was crotch-level with Cas so he tilted his head down slightly. The last thing he needed was to mentally picture himself give Cas a blow job right now. 

                   "Back so soon? What seems to be the problem?" Cas said with only a slight tremble in his voice. Dean heard Crowley reach into his pocket and grab something.

                   "Have you seen this man? I've been looking every where for him and I decided to ask around. I was just chatting with Joe, the guy who owns the shoe store across the street and he said to ask you." Crowley said with an uninterested sigh. Dean knew that it was a picture of him and it was obvious Crowley was getting irritated at having been told no multiple times. Cas cleared his throat and moved his feet slightly.

                   "Hmm...you know what? I don't think hes ever been in my store. He looks somewhat familiar but I can't place why. Is this the colleague you mentioned yesterday?" Cas said. It was obvious to Dean that he was lying; he could hear the uncertainty in Cas' voice. Dean looked up and could see under Cas' chin. Cas was biting his lip and looking every where but at Crowley. _Of course he sucks at lying...the dudes a freaking angel._

                   "That's interesting because Joe said he saw him a few days ago leaving your shop with a dog. I believe it was a black lab." Crowley said. Dean saw Cas' legs quiver slightly.  

                   "O-oh. Oh that must be why I recognized him. You know what, I do remember him purchasing a dog a few days ago. Sorry, it must have slipped my mind." Cas said giving Crowley an apologetic smile. _Come on Cas...you got this,_ Dean mentally told himself as he gently put his hand on Cas' knee, trying to reassure him that he was doing good. Cas jumped at the sudden contact and cleared his throat.

                  "You seem a bit jumpy there. Is there something you're not telling me?" Crowley asked as his voice grew closer. Cas violently shook his head and took a small step back. 

                  "Sorry, we have mice. I felt one crawl over my foot." Cas said with an attempted smile. Crowley made a noise of disgust and sighed.

                  "If you see him, call me. Oh and by the way, I'm offering a reward to anyone who finds him first. So, if I were you, I'd keep an eye out. Have a wonderful day." Crowley said sarcastically as he set his card down on the desk. Cas nodded and watched as Crowley left the shop, letting out a breath when he was gone. 

                  "A fucking reward? Jesus I'm so fucking dead!" Dean said as he stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. Cas put his hand on his arm and held his chin so he was facing Cas. Cas' blue eyes stared deep into his green ones and his knees felt weak.

                  "You are not dead, Dean. I won't let him find you, okay?" Cas asked. Dean shook his head and looked at the ground.

                  "All it takes is one person to see me, and I'm gone. When he says a reward, he doesn't mean some petty amount of money. He means "big"-bucks and if someone sees me they'll turn me in and then he'll do god only knows what to me and I--" Dean froze as he felt Cas' slightly chapped lips slot against his. Dean blinked a few times, seeing if this was reality. When Cas was still there, Dean felt a mixture of emotions. He wasn't disgusted or ashamed like he thought he would be. He felt something funny in his heart, something he hadn't felt for a long time; love. Dean hadn't felt it since Cassie died, and he thought he would never feel it again. But here he was, in the middle of a pet store, kissing a man. A man that had taken him in without hesitation, who offered his bed while he slept on the couch just to make Dean comfortable. A man who was gorgeous inside and out, who treasured every creature regardless of size or shape. A man, who Dean fell in love with. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I was a day late; my dog had to have an ultra-sound and they found out that she has liver failure. Needless to say, I was too busy bawling my eyes out to write. But, I didn't want to let you guys down so I sucked it up and wrote a chapter today. Hope you guys liked this chapter (especially the end). I'm still unsure of how many chapters there will be but there will be a lot more judging by how the story is going. Comments are appreciated and I hope everyone is having a good summer. Stay beautiful s( ^ ‿ ^)-b


	9. Dumpster Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean panics after Cas kisses him and (literally) runs into trouble. Cas cant believe he just kissed Dean and buys some coffee; and is greeted with quite a sight when he gets home.

              **C** as had moved on instinct; his lips pressing against Dean's to try and calm him down. Cas used to do the same thing to his ex and something inside of him felt like it was the right thing to do. As Cas slowly pulled away, he realized he may have been wrong. Dean was staring back at him, terror in his eyes.  _Oh no..._

            "Dean--" Cas had tried to explain but Dean had already run out the door in a full sprint. Cas tried not to be hurt, but to no avail. _Of course Dean would react like that. I kissed him completely out of the blue;_ _its the same way I would have reacted if someone had done it to me._ Cas bit his lip and took a deep breath, trying not to cry.  _Except if it had been Dean...I would never have ran away..._  

            "Excuse me? Are you alright there, son?" The man Cas had been helping earlier said as he walked towards the counter with his basket. Cas quickly wiped his eyes and nodded as he turned to face the man. The last thing he needed right now was some person seeing him cry. 

             "Did you find everything you needed?" Cas asked as he took the basket from him. The man looked like he wanted to ask something, but thought better of it and nodded.  

             "This is a great shop you got here. You're the owner right?" The man asked as he watched Cas scan his items. Cas knew he was just trying to create small talk so the odd tension in the air was less evident. 

             "Thank you. And yes, I'm the owner. I"m actually the only person who works here." Cas said as he finished scanning the items and tallied up the total. "That will be $34.98 please." The man pursed his lips and grabbed his wallet, pulling out a credit card.   
             

              "So you do all the work here? Like feeding and cleaning the animals, restocking..." The man trailed off as he slid his card through the machine. Cas nodded and handed him a pen to sign the receipt. "Damn. You're one hell of a worker, boy. You should consider getting some help though. You don't want to work yourself to death, ya know? Thanks." The man said as he grabbed his bagged items and left.  Cas sighed and put his head on the counter. He knew that he needed to hire at least an assistant but, funds were tight and he knew he could never afford to pay an employee. Business had started great a few years back, but a new pet store down the street had opened up last year and all of his customers left him for the bigger store. He had heard that they used puppy mills and he had tried complaining to the city, but everyone shot him down. 

              "Whats wrong with me Wings?" Cas said as his back slid down the counter until  he was sitting with his knees tucked under his chin. Wings wandered over from his food bowl and rubbed his head on Cas' leg.  _God that was so stupid. Why do you always ruin whatever chance you have with someone?_ Cas picked up Wings and set him in his lap. 

              "What should I do?" Cas asked as he stared into Wings' eyes. He knew Wings couldn't respond, but he had no one else to ask. He could call Gabe but he didn't want to interrupt his brothers vacation with his problems. Wings stared back with an odd expression on his face.

               "Meow" Wings said. Cas sighed and buried his head into Wings' fur. 

                      ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

              As soon as Cas had pulled away, everything came back to reality for Dean. When Cas' lips touched his, Dean had realized his true feelings; and he was terrified. As soon as Cas' hands left his shoulders, Dean's immediate reaction was to run; and fast. He had been halfway down the street when he realized how much that must have hurt Cas' feelings. He couldn't imagine kissing someone and having them bolt as soon as it was over. _God i'm an asshole..._  Dean slowed down to a walk and realized how stupid what he had just done was. He was now out in the open, the possibility of Crowley being around the corner too real. And now there was a bounty on his head and Crowley had told every one to keep an eye out for him. Dean looked around and sighed a breath of relief when the only person he saw was an old man drinking coffee across the street reading a newspaper. He needed to get back to the safety of Cas' apartment. He _could_ run back to Cas' store which was only a minute away, but Dean knew that wasn't exactly a good idea considering what had just happened. He wasn't sure if Cas was going to be livid with him and yell or if he would find Cas in tears; honestly, he didn't know which one sounded worse. 

               Dean pulled his hood up over his head and stared at the cement as he pressed the crosswalk button and waited. He didn't know what would happen when Cas came home tonight, and Dean was thinking of every possible outcome. Would he walk in and pretend it never happened? Would Cas come home and tell him to get his shit and get out? Would they end up fucking on the couch? Dean sighed deeply and wiped his hand down his face. That last one would be the best case scenario but knowing Cas it would most likely be the second one.  _I cant believe I just considered us fucking on the couch as an option,_ Dean thought as he heard the alarm and looked both ways and began crossing the street. 

                _What would dad think...?_ Dean stopped for a second and looked up.  _Wait a second...why the hell do i care what my dad thinks?_ Dean began walking again, a little slower this time. Why _did_ he care what his dad thought? His dad had never cared what  _Dean_ thought. Every time Dean had voiced an opinion or an idea, his dad would shoot him down with no questions asked. Dean jumped when he heard a loud honk and looked up. There was a red car a few inches away from where he was standing and Dean yelled.

               "Watch where the fuck you're going asshole!" Dean finished with a flip of his middle finger. His finger slowly went down as he realized who was driving the car, and his heart dropped. Crowley looked just as surprised as he did, until his surprise was replaced by a smirk. Dean immediately booked it and ran across the street, taking a left and  heading towards Cas' apartment. He didn't look back but he could hear the rumble of Crowley's car as it followed him.  _I need to hide!_ Dean frantically looked around as he ran, hoping something could be used as cover. He cursed as he realized there was nowhere to go but down the street. He couldn't lead Crowley to Cas' apartment; he would never put Cas in jeopardy like that. Who knows what Crowley could and would do to Cas if he found out Dean was shacking up with him. Dean felt his lungs burn as he pushed further on, making a hard right at the corner. He knew there was a big dumpster near Al's Diner and he figured he could try hiding in there. He could see Al's sign appear and he made a mad dash across the street. He quickly glanced back and saw that Crowley's car wasn't far behind, his engine almost echoing in Dean's ears. Dean bit his lip and tried to run faster, feeling his lungs burn more and his feet start to ache. He couldn't stop now; if he stopped it would be over. Crowley would catch him, and god only knows what he would do. Crowley had considered the gang-bang as a "gift" for Dean, so there was no telling what he would do as punishment. Deans eyes watered as he pictured Crowley standing above Cas, Sam laying behind him, lifeless. 

                Dean gritted his teeth and pushed his body with every fiber of his being. He passed Al's and turned, going down the small alley where the dumpster was located. Dean glanced behind and couldn't see Crowley. He could hear his car in the distance though, slowly creeping up on him. Dean held his breath and lifted himself into the dumpster with what little momentum he had left. The garbage crunched beneath his boots and he immediately dropped to his knees. He suppressed a gag as the smell hit his nose and lowered his head. His body was shaking with fear and he closed his eyes, trying to control his nerves. His breathing was shallow and uneven as he tried to catch his breath without making too much  noise. He knew Crowley most likely couldn't hear Dean from in his car, but Dean didn't want to take the chance. 

                Dean held his breath as he heard the purr of Crowley's engine pass by slowly, and exhaled once it was gone. Dean slowly poked his head out of the dumpster and didn't see anything so he climbed out and breathed in the fresh air. He had come so close to being caught; to being trapped by Crowley once again. His adrenaline was pumping through his veins and he felt a new type of high; one he had never felt before. Dean laughed as he started walking away from the dumpster. He began walking to Cas' apartment with a smile, a realization having just hit him. He could have been taken just now. He could have been taken by Crowley, and never seen Cas again. All the feelings he had inside his heart, even the ones he tried to deny; none of them would have ever seen the light of day. He realized now, that even if things didn't work out, he knew that he had to try. He couldn't live with himself if he left things the way they were with Cas; never knowing what could have been. Dean's feet ached, and his legs burned, but he found himself setting into a jog that slowly became a run. 

                             ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               Cas had decided to close up shop early, not having the motivation to continue working. He didn't know if Dean was going to be at the apartment when he got home; he didn't even know if he would ever come back. For all he knew, Dean had packed up his stuff and left without a trace. Cas hooked Mary's leash to her collar and tucked Wings under his arm as he made his way out the door. It was 4:30 and the fog had started coming in, the chilly breeze making Cas grip Wings tighter for warmth. He looked both ways before jogging across the street and stopping by the convenience store. Normally they didn't allow animals, but the owner had a crush on him and would let Cas bring Wings inside. The dog must have been a surprise though as Cas entered the store and smiled at Balthazar, Balthazar looking at the dog with a puzzled frown. 

             "Cas, darling; I know I said yes to your cat, but you've never mentioned a dog before." Balthazar said with a thick British accent. Cas looked down at Mary and saw that she was licking the tile with concentration. 

             "Sorry. This was a little unplanned and I really need to buy coffee." Cas said batting his eyelashes. He didn't feel anything romantically towards Balthazar, and he had told him that when Balthazar confessed to him. Balthazar was disappointed but didn't push Cas any further. They weren't exactly "friends" in Cas' opinion; more like acquaintances that only talked when Cas needed groceries. Balthazar rolled his eyes and sighed.

           "Fine. But only because you're so damn cute." Balthazar said as he walked over to a customer who had called for his aid. Cas smiled in victory and tucked Wings under his other arm so he could have one hand free. He made his way down the aisle and browsed the selection of coffee. He thought about trying something new and exciting, but he ended up choosing Folgers as always and brought it to the only check out stand open. He internally groaned as he saw Ruby standing behind the register, a vacant expression on her face. He had never liked Ruby. She was never nice to anyone and obviously hated her job. Cas still doesn't know why Balthazar hasn't fired her yet but he didn't want to pry. Cas cleared his throat and set his coffee down in front of her. Ruby looked up and popped the bubble of gum she had blown.

          "This it?" She said with a sigh. Cas nodded and used his free hand to reach into his pocket. "Whats with the cat?" Ruby asked with an amused tone. Cas shrugged and slid his card into the machine. He hated talking to her, so he always tried not to. Ruby lifted her eyebrows and pulled out the receipt. Cas took the paper and grabbed the bag with his coffee inside.

          The cold air hit Cas when he stepped outside and he shivered. It was just becoming summer, but the weather had been odd for the past couple of weeks. Cas' pace quickened as he felt another gust of cold wind against his back. He had to yell at Mary a few times to stop sniffing people, and Wings every now and then got grumpy and wouldn't stop meowing. Cas rolled his eyes and pulled harder on the leash, silently pleading Mary to hurry up. Once they had arrived at the complex Cas walked slowly up the steps, making sure not to trip. He'd tripped before, so he always walked with caution. Cas kneeled down to get the key under the mat and gulped when he saw it wasn't there. So Dean  _had_ come back. Cas adjusted Wings in his arm and cleared his throat. 

          He bit his lip as he opened the door, trying as hard as possible not to make too much noise. He didn't exactly know how Dean was going to react to the situation earlier, and he figured that stealthily tiptoeing to his bedroom for the night without Dean noticing was for the best. Cas was hit with a delicious aroma and he smelled the air. He couldn't tell what exactly was cooking, but his stomach growled.  _Maybe I should just go talk to him..._ Cas thought as his stomach grumbled again. He hadn't eaten since this morning and he was beginning to think with his stomach instead of his head. Cas took off Mary's leash and put Wings down before he toed off his shoes and walked towards the kitchen. He smiled when he saw Dean standing in front of the stove wearing Cas' old apron. Dean was humming something and nodding his head to the beat as he listened to, what looked like, an iPod. Cas didn't want to disturb him, didn't want to ruin this scene. Something about it seemed familiar, as though they had done this a million times. Cas resisted the urge to wrap his arms around Dean from behind and sway to the music with him. 

          He jumped slightly when Dean whipped his head around and made eye contact with Cas. Cas was mentally preparing himself for Dean to yell, shout, cry, scream--but Dean just smiled. 

          "Hey Cas." Dean said as he pulled out his earbuds and set them on the counter. Cas smiled back, and nodded.

          "Hello, Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments in the last chapter. They made me feel so much better and I wish I could hug every single one of you. Honestly, words cannot describe how grateful I am for all of you and I wish there was something I could do to express how much gratitude I have. ╰(˵ヘωヘ✿)╯
> 
> On a second note: Comments are much appreciated, and I always welcome suggestions to improve the story. Also, if you want to know when I've updated or if you just want to talk, you can always follow me on Tumblr (URL: candidlycas) and I follow back 99% of the time. One more thing, should I make the cpaters longer? They dont seem very long on my computer but im not sure about mobile. If you would like them longer, let me know :). You're all beautiful and I hope you're enjoying the summer <3


	10. The First of Many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes dinner for Cas as an apology and dinner gets interrupted by more important matters.

           **D** ean had decided that the best thing to do was woo Cas with his cooking. He wasn't the type of person to brag but, he was a damn good cook. He had cooked for Sammy when he was was younger and throughout high school. John was normally too drunk to even make cereal so Dean had taken on the responsibility of making sure Sam had 3 meals a day.  _I should probably call Sam..._ Dean thought as he lifted the mat and grabbed the key from under it. Sam's birthday is in 2 days and he needed to figure out what he should bring. They had talked last week about where to go and had decided on a park that was a few blocks from Sams apartment. 

          He shut the door behind him as he made his way to the kitchen. He was hoping Cas had the necessities and he could wing it from there. His eyes lit up when he saw that Cas' fridge did indeed have everything he needed, and more. Dean's fridge was never this full, nor would it ever be. He was lucky to even have a box of mac n' cheese laying around his barren cupboards these days. All his money went into rent and, until recently, paying Crowley back. After Dean had ran away from that life, he got a letter in the mail a few months later telling him that they wouldn't come after him, so long as he paid Crowley back for all the drugs he used. Dean had been able to pay the first few times, but every time he got the bill the amount would increase. The last letter he got was telling him he needed to pay $6000 and Dean just didn't have the money. He figured Crowley might let one payment slip, but he was obviously wrong. 

          Dean grabbed the tomato paste and butter, setting them on the counter. He grabbed some pasta and garlic seasoning from the cupboard and set to work. He had decided to grab the small iPod he had stolen a few years back and listen to some tunes while he waited for the pasta to cook. He had skipped most of the songs until he came to his favorite. Now; Dean Winchester was a man. He was a man's man that listened to classic rock and fixed cars and drank beer. But when this song came on, he couldn't help but tap his feet to the beat. And as it got to the chorus his hips began to sway with the music, knowing no one would catch him in the act. 

          _Cause the players gonna play, play, play_  
_And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate_  
_Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake_  
_Shake it off_

          He was just mixing the paste into the cooked pasta when he felt one of the floor boards under him shift slightly. He turned around and smiled when he saw Cas standing by the entry way with a confused face. Dean pulled his headphones out, slightly disappointed he didn't get to finish the song, and locked eyes with Cas.

          "Hey, Cas." Dean said feeling his face flush slightly. Cas' face seemed to soften and it looked like he breathed a sigh of relief. 

          "Hello, Dean." Cas said with that sultry voice of his that drove Dean crazy. 

          "I uh-I made dinner. To uh, apologize for earlier." Dean said pointing towards the pasta in the pot and garlic bread in the oven. Cas sniffed the air and Dean heard the faint sound of his stomach rumbling.

          "It smells amazing, Dean. You didn't have to cook though. I too want to apologize for earlier. I don't know-" Cas was cut off by Dean. 

          "You don't gotta apologize Cas. Seriously." Dean said with a smile. He saw the confusion in Cas' eyes and he decided that they would eat before they discussed this any further. Dean wanted some food in him if he was going to tell Cas how he felt, and by the sound of Cas' stomach, he knew Cas wouldn't complain.

           "Where did you find candles?" Cas asked as he looked at the small dining table. Dean mentally kicked himself.  _I knew the candles were too much..._

           "I found them in your hall closet. Sorry, I shouldn't have just been going through your stuff without asking. I can go put them away if-"

           "I like them." Cas said with a fond smile as he sat down in one of the chairs. Dean's heart sped up and he grabbed the pot of pasta from the stove and set it onto the hot plate that was in the center of the table. He went back for the garlic bread and sat it beside the pasta before sitting down in the seat across from Cas. He could feel his palms sweating and he nervously rubbed them on his jeans. This looked like a scene straight out of a chick flick and Dean was nervous as hell. Cas didn't seem at all affected though as he ripped off a piece of bread and offered it to Dean. Dean realized that Cas had been talking to him and grabbed the bread.

           "Huh?" Dean asked. Cas' brows furrowed slightly as he grabbed a piece for himself. 

           "I was asking where you went this afternoon." Cas said as he took a bite of the bread. His eyes closed and he let out a moan that made Dean have to adjust his pants.

            "You like it?" Dean asked. 

           "This is amazing...I've never had garlic bread that was warm, buttery, flaky, and just so...so amazing." Cas said taking another bite. Deans face flushed with the praise and he took a bite from his own plate with a grin.

           "I didn't do much really. I pretty much realized how much of an ass I was 5 minutes after leaving and then walked here." Dean said making sure not to look Cas in the eyes. He wasn't sure why he was lying to Cas about what had happened with Crowley; maybe it was so Cas wouldn't worry. Cas' eyes squinted in the slightest before he opened the pot and scooped a helping of spaghetti. He scooped Dean one as well and closed the lid.

           "Dean, what did you really do?" Cas asked nonchalantly as he twirled the spaghetti onto his fork. Dean chocked on his spaghetti at the words and coughed, clearing his throat. How the hell did he know he was lying?

            "What do you mean? I told you man." Dean said wiping his mouth. Cas looked up and set his fork down.  

            "I hope you know that you're a terrible liar." Cas said. Dean stared down at the table and ripped a small piece of his bread off.  He really didn't want to tell Cas because he knew the night would be ruined with Cas worrying about him. Dean shrugged.

             "Nothing important. So anything happen at the store?" Dean asked, changing the subject. He could tell Cas didn't want to let this drop but he picked up his fork and took a bite. 

             "Nothing important." Cas said back with a bit of sass. Dean rolled his eyes and lightly kicked his leg from under the table. Cas smiled and laughed quietly. Dean couldn't hold back a smile as he watched Cas smile under the candle light. He was the most beautiful person Dean had ever met, and he'd be damned if he let him go. Dean decided that the best way to express his feelings was with actions instead of words. He would probably end up stuttering and getting way too embarrassed if he just came right out and said it. _Fuck it._ Dean thought as he  licked his lips and leaned forward, his mouth inches from Cas'. He heard Cas' breath hitch and his blue eyes locked on Deans. Dean's hand slowly rested on the side of Cas' cheek as he leaned forward slightly, his eyes silently asking for permission. Cas smiled wide and closed the distance between them, his slightly chapped lips pressing against Dean's. 

                                  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

             As soon as Dean leaned forward, Cas lost all ability to think.  _Is this really going to happen? Is Dean really going to kiss me?_ He asked himself as he felt Dean's hand rest on his cheek. He leaned into the touch and smiled.  _Finally..._ Cas thought as he lunged forward and pressed his lips to Deans. He felt Dean tense for a moment before his other arm was wrapping around Cas' neck and pushing his head closer to him. Cas slid his tongue across Deans closed lips until Dean finally let him in. Dean tasted like garlic and spaghetti, but Cas didn't care. He was finally kissing Dean, with Dean kissing him back. Dean's tongue slid hesitantly on top of Cas' and Cas bit his lip in encouragement. It seemed to work because Dean moved his tongue with confidence and his grip on Cas tightened, the tabletop pushing into Cas' stomach. Cas was about to run his fingers through Deans hair when he felt Deans lips leave his. Cas looked up at him and saw that his face was flushed and his lips were wet and red. He looked completely debauched and Cas knew he would never forget that face.

            "Sorry. The table was digging into my stomach." Dean said rubbing the back of his head and licking his lips. Cas almost laughed at how ridiculous the situation was and nodded in agreement. Dean looked Cas up and down slowly, obviously thinking about something.

           "What is it?" Cas asked slightly worried. Dean bit his lip and trailed his eyes to Cas'.

           "Wanna continue in the living room?" Dean asked quietly as his face flushed even more, his ears turning red. Cas smiled and felt his heart throb. He was absolutely and totally in love with this man. He didn't say anything as he grabbed Deans hand and pulled him to the couch, pressing his hand onto Deans chest to get him to sit down. Once Deans legs gave out and he landed with a small thump, Cas straddled his thighs and wrapped his arms around his neck. 

           "That a yes?" Dean smirked. Cas rolled his eyes and pressed his lips to Dean's. The kiss was less intense this time, more of just them trying to taste and get a feel of each other. The kisses were languid and passionate, Cas trying to savor every moment. He was finally kissing Dean. He was finally not going to be alone. He hesitated slightly after that thought. _Does Dean want a serious relationship? What if he doesn't want any commitment?_ Dean must have felt Cas tense up because he drew away and furrowed his brows.

             "Whats up Cas?" Dean asked stroking a thumb across Cas' cheek. 

              "I um...I was wondering if we were...if we were dating now."Cas said slightly embarrassed. Deans brows unfurrowed and he let out a laugh. Cas' heart dropped and he looked down at his lap. So this was nothing to Dean. He just wanted sex and nothing more. Cas should have seen this coming. 

              "Of course it means were dating you idiot." Dean said with fondness, obviously not saying it in a hurtful way. Cas looked up and saw that Dean was smiling at him.

              "Really?" Cas asked, just to be sure. Dean rolled his eyes and pecked him on the lips.

              "Really really." Dean said as he rested his forehead on Cas'. Cas' smile grew and he closed his eyes, breathing in Deans scent. He smelled like shampoo and leather, and 100% Dean. 

                                                   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               Johns voice rang in Deans head at first, telling him how wrong this was. Dean was able to push it back to the depths of his mind and savor the moment he was having with Cas. His forehead resting against Cas'. They didn't talk for a while, the room filled with silence and Dean traced his finger down Cas' arm and entwining their hands together. They were interrupted by Eye of the Tiger blasting from Deans phone in the kitchen. Dean groaned and patted Cas' back to silently ask him to get up so he could answer it. Cas kissed his cheek and groaned back.

               "Let it ring." he whispered hotly in Deans ear. Dean felt his dick twitch in his pants and he shook his head.

               "I gotta answer it, man. It could be Sam." Dean said with a sigh. The mention of his brother seemed to make Cas understand and he got up with a sigh. When Dean got up he could tell that Cas was pouting and it was fucking adorable. Dean willed his eyes to leave Cas as he went into the kitchen and unlocked his phone. Sam had graciously given him an iPhone for Deans birthday a few months ago and Dean treasured it. It was probably the nicest thing he owned.

               "Sup Sammy?" Dean asked as he rested his arm on the sink and looked out the window.

               "Hey Dean. I was just checking up on you, seeing whats up." Sam said. Dean knew that Sam was a worry wort and he was used to it, but a part of him was irritated that Sam had interrupted his and Cas' hot make out session to "see whats up". He didn't blame Same though; there's no way he could have known what was going on at the moment.

                "I'm uh...I'm just hangin' with Cas." Dean said with a shrug. It wasn't exactly a lie.

                "Oh sorry man. I didn't mean to interrupt or anything." Sam said. Dean smiled lightly and rubbed the back of his head.

                "Nah, man; its cool. So hows college? Meet any hot chicks yet?" Dean asked with half seriousness. Sam sighed loudly.

                "You know I'm trying to stay away from girls right now. I've got finals in 3 weeks and I don't need any more distractions. I can barely study already with Garth singing and playing music all the time." Sam said with an aggravated tone. Garth was Sams roommate and even though the dude was a little weird, Dean liked him. Sam did too but Garth didn't take school as seriously as Sam so sometimes their personalities clashed. 

                 "Well serves you right for not having any fun. Seriously, you need to get out more. Its college! Go party, drink, experiment, make bad decisions, you know; college stuff." Dean said half serious. He was always worried that Sam would end up working himself into an early grave. 

                 "Hey, once I graduate and get my degree, I can party all I want. You know how important this is to me, Dean." Sam said. Dean sighed.

                 "I know bro, I know. So we still on for Saturday?" Dean asked as he glanced out the window and saw one of the neighbors dogs taking a shit on the lawn. He hoped someone was going to clean that up because if he ever found it on his shoe, he was gonna be pissed. 

                 "Yeah. You know you don't have to get me anything right? I just want a few friends over to eat and drink and that's all. No balloons, no party hats; just friends and family hanging out." Sam said. Dean rolled his eyes.

                  "Yes dude. You've told me like 3 times already." Dean said as he felt arms wrap around his waist. He glanced back and saw that Cas was now pressing his chest to Deans back, his head resting on top of Deans shoulder. Dean smiled and turned back towards the window. 

                  "Alright, just so were clear. And for gods sake, no--"

                   "Clowns. I know Sam. Don't think I forgot about the clowns." Dean said smiling. Sam had been afraid of clowns ever since his 6th birthday when Bobby had invited his friend over to hand out balloon animals and act like an idiot for the kids in a clown suit. Long story short, one look at the clowns face as he jumped out from behind the barbecue and Sam was in tears and actually soiled himself. It was equally mortifying and terrifying for the poor kid and now he couldn't even look at Ronald McDonald the same. Dean felt Cas's arms tighten and his breath caressed the back of Deans neck. He was still aroused from earlier and Cas wasn't making it easy to talk to Sam. 

                   "You wanna bring Cas?" Sam asked. Dean felt cas' tongue trail slowly up his neck and he shivered.

                    "Mmmm...maybe." Dean said closing his eyes. Cas gently bit his earlobe and then licked away any pain. 

                    "Dean? You alright, man?" Sam asked. Dean opened his eyes and realized that he was still on the phone with Sam.

                    "Huh? Oh yeah I just uh, yeah i'm good. I can ask Cas if you want, but I thought you only wanted friends and family?" Dean asked as he tried to focus on Sam even though Cas hands were under his shirt and sliding up his stomach.

                   "Any friend of yours in a friend of mine, you know that." Sam said with all seriousness. Dean bit his lip and suppressed a moan as Cas' fingers gently slid over his nipples making his pants even tighter and more uncomfortable.  

                   "Ri-ahh-ght." Dean whispered as Cas gently pinched one of Deans nipples. Dean shook his head trying to keep his mind focused on Sam.

                   "Uh...yeah. So uh, hows dad?" Sam asked. Deans body hardened and he felt Cas' hands stop.

                   "I thought we agreed not to talk about him, Sam." Dean said with a slight bite to his tone.

                   "I know, sorry. Never mind." Sam said, the atmosphere growing awkward. Sam was never exposed to Johns true personality. Every time dad came home drunk, Dean would lock Sam in his room and not let him come out until he was sober. John would occasionally beat the crap out of Dean for no reason and Dean always took it without a word. So long as he never tried to hurt Sam, he could bear with it. One time Sam had come home to Johns hands wrapped around Deans neck but Dean had assured him later that night that he was just trying to show Dean a new defense move. He wasn't sure if Sam bought it, and he wasn't sure why he was trying to cover up John's mistakes. He just wanted Sam to grow up normal. John was the epitome of good dads when he was sober. He would throw the football to Sam, take him to baseball games. But as soon as he started drinking, he turned into a monster. Dean didn't want Sam to see that side of their dad. The poor kid had been through enough, and having an alcoholic asshole of a father didn't need to be added to the list.

                   Dean felt Cas kiss his neck lightly and his hands rubbed soothing circles on his shoulder blades. He must have felt Dean change because he was no longer teasing and toying with Dean, but trying to comfort him. 

                   "Well I'll see you on Saturday, yeah?" Dean said as he rubbed his hand over his face. 

                    "Yeah. See ya Dean." Sam said. Dean hung up the phone and didn't move.

                     "Everything all right?" Cas asked from behind, still rubbing circles on his back. Dean closed his eyes and tried to get his fathers image out of his head. 

                    "Yeah. I uh, I'm just tired." Dean said. Dean turned around and saw that Cas was looking at him with sympathy. 

                    "Would you like to sleep in my bed tonight?" Cas asked. Dean had a feeling that his intentions weren't sexual but more for comfort, so he nodded. He felt like a kid as Cas took his hand and walked him down to his room, letting him in first. Cas opened his closet and handed Dean a clean shirt before he took of his pants and set them in the hamper. Dean tried not to watch as Cas slid his shirt off, his abdominal muscles shifting with every movement. Dean automatically felt self conscious and stopped what he was doing.

                     "I'm going to change in the bathroom." Dean said as he clutched the shirt tight. Cas slipped on a white shirt that had a giant bee on the front and read "bee-utiful" underneath it. Cas looked at Dean and he must have understood why Dean was uncomfortable because he smiled fondly and sat on the bed.

                     "There's no need to be self conscious, Dean. I won't judge you. Do you want me to turn around?" Cas asked with all seriousness. Dean realized he was probably acting ridiculous and shook his head.

                     "Its just that...well you're so fit man." Dean said looking down. He wasn't fat and he knew that. But he definitely had some pudge in the front and having such a perfect person beside him, he couldn't help but be embarrassed. Cas sighed and turned around.

                     "I won't look if you really don't want me to. But Dean, you have nothing to be self conscious about. To me, your perfect; inside _and_ out." Cas said slightly mumbling the last part out of embarrassment. Dean almost dropped the shirt at that. No one had ever told him he was perfect. He honestly didn't even know how to react so he just pulled his shirt off and slid the clean one on, getting into the bed. Cas glanced back and saw that Dean was dressed so he laid down and pulled the covers up around them. Cas laid so that he was facing Dean and slowly moved forward, pressing their chests together. He was hesitant; probably because he wasn't sure how Dean felt about cuddling.  Dean rested his arm around Cas' waist and burrowed his head into the groove of Cas' neck. The room was silent, only their breaths being heard. 

                    "You really think I'm perfect?" Dean whispered against Cas' neck. Cas gently kissed the top of his head and closed his eyes.

                    "Yes, Dean. I do." Cas whispered back. Deans heart warmed and he smiled before falling asleep in Cas' embrace.  

                     

                   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update. I completely forgot it was Wednesday yesterday because I've been so preoccupied with my dog and registering for my college classes. I tried to make this chapter a little longer sort of as an apology. Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter! They finally kissed guys...FINALLY. Like I've said before, I'm not quite sure how long this story will go but as long as you guys are enjoying it and want me to continue, I will. Thanks for reading and I hope you're all enjoying the final weeks of summer. Stay beautiful s( ^ ‿ ^)-b
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr! http://candidlycas.tumblr.com/  
> P.S.--> I always follow back


	11. A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas wakes up to find Dean making breakfast. Domestic fluff ensues before Cas realizes hes late for work. Dean sees something from his past at the park, and Cas ends up in a bad situation.

        **C** as stirred awake and felt that the other side of the bed was empty. Opening one eye with a grunt, he scanned the room to see if Dean had gotten up to use the bathroom. He waited a few moments before realizing that Dean was definitely not in the room. Panic immediately struck Cas and he threw the covers back and jumped out of bed.  _Oh god...please still be here._   _Did I do something wrong last night? Did he realize that he actually doesn't like me that way?_ Cas' mind was running in a million directions until he smelled a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. His heart stopped pounding and he took a deep breath, collecting himself.  _You're such a spazz._   _  
_

       Cas peeked his head out from behind the wall and saw Dean flipping pancakes wearing only his boxers and an apron. Cas' mind started running for a completely different reason and he cleared his throat, alerting Dean that he was no longer alone. Dean glanced over and smiled.

        "Mornin'" Dean said as he flipped a pancake over. 

        "Good morning." Cas said back as he entered the kitchen. He looked down and saw that Wings was chowing down on cat food and Mary was eating kibble in a bowl beside him. 

        "Oh yeah, hope you don't mind. I didn't bring Mary's bowl so I just kind of used one of the ones in the cupboard." Dean said glancing back towards Cas and then resuming his cooking. 

        "I don't mind at all, Dean." Cas said as he wrapped his arms around Deans waist hesitantly. This was still very new and probably even newer to Dean and Cas didn't want to do anything to make him uncomfortable. His grip tightened though when Dean placed one of his hands on Cas'.

        "You like pancakes?" Dean asked as he poured the last of the remaining batter into the pan. Cas shrugged.

        "Would it be weird if I said I'd never had one before?" Cas said embarrassed. Dean immediately turned around with his mouth open in awe.

        "Seriously? You've  _never_ had a pancake?" Dean said with an exasperated gasp. Cas thought for a moment before shaking his head.

         "My father never let my siblings or I eat anything but fruit for breakfast. And my previous boyfriend only made crepes. So, no I don't think I've ever had one." Cas said as he took a seat at the table. Dean blinked a few times before remembering that there were things cooking so he turned back around.

         "Why the hell could you not eat anything but fruit? That's literally the weirdest thing I've ever heard." Dean said shaking his head. Cas laughed lightly and reached down to scratch Wings' head affectionately.

         "Well, he was an odd man. To this day the reason for it is still unknown to me. My best guess is that it was the devils food, or something of the sort." Cas said as he got up to grab a cup of coffee. Dean glanced back at him with his eyebrow raised.

          "The Devils food?" Dean asked. Cas grabbed  a mug and poured some coffee into it with a sigh. 

          "As I said before, he was an _odd_ man." Cas said as he poured a splenda packet into his coffee.

          "Okay so i need you to make a list of things you've never eaten, or you know, experienced, and then give it to me so i can help change that." Dean said shrugging and turning the burner off. Cas looked at him with a confused grin.

          "What exactly do you mean, Dean?" Cas asked as he grabbed some plates from the cupboard and set them on the table. Dean scooped the pancakes and set them on a platter before joining Cas.  

           "Make a list of things you want to do. Lets say, you've never seen the ocean or something. Write that on the list, and I'll make sure that that changes." Dean said as he poured some maple syrup on his stack of pancakes.  _Why on earth would he want to do that?_

           "Okay, I guess. I don't really see why, but since you asked; I'll do it." Cas said with a nod as he took a small bite of the flat, doughy cake. Cas took a moment to chew and swallow before he looked over and saw Dean staring at him with anticipation.  _It wasn't anything special but he looks so hopeful..._

"These are amazing Dean. Thank you." Cas said before taking another bite. He felt something nudge his leg from under the table and he looked under to find Mary staring at him. 

            "Hey! Mary! No begging." Dean said gently pushing her away from Cas. "Sorry. I've been trying to get her to stop." Dean said sheepishly. Cas smiled and shook his head.

            "She always was a bit of a free spirit. Most of the animals from my shop take to my training almost immediately but she took some extra work." Cas said as he smiled fondly at her. Cas' smile turned to a frown. _Oh god I forgot about the shop!_

             "I have to go Dean. I completely forgot about the shop and its definitely past 6." Cas said standing up abruptly. Deans eyes widened and he swore under his breath.

             "Sorry, i should have waken you up. I honestly forgot about the shop too. Damn...sorry man." Dean said. 

             "Don't blame yourself, Dean. I was too caught up from last night and it slipped my mind. I'll just open shop a little later than usual. I'll see you at 8?" Cas said as he slipped his trench coat on. Dean nodded and stood up, wiping his hands on his pants.

             "Yeah, you'll see me at 8." Dean said with a smile. Dean stood there awkwardly and Cas knew that he was silently asking for a proper goodbye. Cas rushed over to him and pecked him on the lips gently before grabbing Wings and making a beeline for the door.

                                                 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               _What the hell am i going to do until 8?_ Dean thought as he started cleaning up breakfast. He stepped over Mary who had planted herself in front of the sink and set the dishes inside. 

             "Wanna go for a walk girl?" Dean asked as he looked down at Mary. Her ears perked up and she barked with agreement. After digging out some clothes for himself and the leash from Deans stuff he looped it onto her collar and walked out the door. Outside was a little chilly from last nights frost so Dean rolled down his sleeves and headed towards the park. He took a few precautionary glances around him, just to be sure that Crowley was nowhere near. Once he felt it was safe, he crossed the street. 

              Dean had just sat down on a bench when his phone rang from within his pocket. He glanced at the number and smiled before answering it.

              "Hey Bobby."

              "Hey boy. I was just calling to ask your opinion on somethin'." Bobby said with a grunt. Dean leaned back on the bench and sighed.

              "My opinion on what?"

              "Should Ellen and I bring lasagna or casserole for tomorrow?" Bobby said with seriousness. Dean let out a snort and shook his head.

              "You're kidding me, right?" Dean said with a grin. Bobby sighed and paused for a moment.

              "No I ain't kidding you, ya idgit. Ellen's been on my ass all night about what to bring and I don't have a goddamn clue." Bobby muttered from under his breath. Ellen must have been somewhere in hearing distance because Bobby's voice lowered. Dean thought for a moment before deciding.

              "Lasagna. Definitly. You can't go wring with lasagna, man." Dean said with a nod.

              "Alright I'll let her know. Thanks boy. Oh yeah, by the way. You get anything for Sam yet? Ellen and I ended up buying him some books from downtown. Ellen picked them out and said he'd like em'." Bobby said.

 

              "I got him a dog." Dean said matter-of-factly.

              "You're shittin' me." Bobby said with a laugh. Dean shrugged.

              "Figured he needed some company. I mean I'm not there so, I thought, might as well get him a dog." Dean said petting Mary behind the ears.

              "Huh. Well I guess that makes sense. Do they even allow dogs where he lives?" Bobby asked as Dean heard the phone shift.

              "I think so. I mean, Garth has some fish and a giant ass lizard. Don't see why Sam can't have a dog."

              "Good point. Alright, I gotta go boy. I'll see you back at work on Sunday right?" Bobby asked. Dean could hear Ellen's voice in the background telling Bobby to help her out with something.

              "Yep. Sunday it is. Tell Ellen I said hi." Dean said as he sat up.

               "Will do. See ya tomorrow." Bobby said before hanging up. Dean put his phone back in his pocket and looked around at the park. He was the only one there except for a mother and her kid down by the slide. He watched as she caught him at the end and the kid smiled and laughed. Dean felt a pang in his heart and he looked away towards the tree line. His eyes narrowed as he saw a figure hide behind one of the trees. _Son of a bitch..._ Dean gripped Mary's leash and got up, glancing behind him. The figure ducked behind a tree again.  _Probably one of Crowley's men..._ Dean looked forward as he walked out of the park, trying to make it seem as though he hadn't seen the guy. He had to have been a rookie because Crowley's men would never have been seen in the first place. Dean would know, considering he was one of them for a short period of time. He still remembers when Crowley had him track down some poor bastard who hadn't paid. Dean would never forget watching the guy from outside his kitchen window as him and his family sat around the table to eat dinner. 

               Luckily, Dean wasn't the one who had to confront him, but he had to tell Crowley where he was so he was just as much at fault as the guy who murdered him a few days later. He had been watching the news one night at a local bar and the guys face popped up. Apparently, they had found his body in the river wrapped in rope with his hands cut off. Dean had left as soon as his family came on when the interviewer began asking them questions. He heard the wife's sobs from the exit and he closed his eyes as he slammed the door behind him. 

               Dean crossed the street towards the cafe and took another glance behind him. The figure frantically ducked behind a trash can and Dean grinned.  _Oh hes not a real threat. I just gotta lose him so he doesn't tell Crowley where I am._ Dean looked around for anything that could throw this guy off his tracks and smiled when he saw Becky Rosen talking to a guy near the stop sign. She was known around town to hand out pamphlets and generally annoy the crap out of people with her crazy ideas. She had come up to Dean once when he was taking out the trash and had tried to get Dean to sign some petition against the new overpass. Even after Dean had politely declined, she had continued talking about the cause for an hour or so before Dean just left. He knew it was rude, but man could that chick talk. 

               "Hey, Becky!" Dean yelled as he approached her. Becky turned around and smiled, gripping her papers tighter.

               "Hi! Would you like to help out a local cause? They want to put up-"

               "Actually, Becky I'm kind of in a hurry." Her smile faded slightly. "But, you see that guy over there? by the trashcan?" Dean asked as he nudged his head in his direction. Becky glanced over and nodded. "Well him and I were just talking and he told me he just loves to help out the local community. I told him I would come get you so you could help him out." Becky's eyes widened with happiness and she squealed. 

               "Oh my god yes! Oh he's just going to love this new one!" Becky said as she made her way towards him. Dean smiled when he saw the man look confused and scared at the oncoming woman who was practically running towards him. Dean watched as he put his hands up and shook his head frantically but he knew that it would take a lot more than that to get Becky off your case. Feeling accomplished, Dean turned back towards Cas' apartment and walked away. 

                                         --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               Cas had just finished his shift and was closing up when he glanced out the window and saw someone standing a few yards away. He stared at the man before shrugging and closing the blinds. 

              "Ready to go home, Wings?" Cas asked as he grabbed his keys and pulled on his coat. Wings meowed and sauntered up to his leg waiting to be picked up. Cas reached down and scooped Wings under his arm, and turned off the lights before leaving the shop. It was somewhat cold outside but it was a welcoming change to how stuffy it had gotten inside the store. Cas took a deep breath, breathing in the crisp air before letting it out and walking towards home. The man from earlier wasn't there anymore but Cas had decided that it was probably just some guy who didn't know where the hell he was. It happens all the time in this city; people getting lost on their way to a bigger town and having to ask directions from the town locals. It wasn't a very big town, the population only being about 2,000, so no one came here on purpose. 

              Cas pressed the button on the crosswalk and waited for the little white guy to pop up before crossing. He had just gotten to the other side of the sidewalk when he saw something from the corner of his eye. It was too quick for him to really see what it was so he blinked a few time before continuing down the sidewalk. Wings started fidgeting and meowing with urgency so Cas looked down at him with concern. 

             "Whats the matter?" Cas asked as he tried to get him to calm down, but to no avail. All of a sudden, Cas felt something get thrown over his head, blocking his vision and making it harder to breath. He let out a scream, dropping Wings as he tried to pull the bag off. He touched another persons hand and then felt a piercing pain on the back of his head, before everything went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm posting this at midnight but today ended up being a lot crazier than I had anticipated. As for the cliffhanger at the end; fear not. I'm planning on posting another chapter on Saturday or Sunday so i don't have you guys pulling your hair out. Thank you so much for reading and as always, please comment and let me know how you like the story. It helps me out a ton and helps make the story better. Hope everyone's having a great day; stay lovely ᕙ( ~ . ~ )ᕗ


	12. Trouble at 1821 Baker St.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean notices that Cas is running late tonight while making dinner, and a familiar friend shows up on the doorstep. Dean finds himself running in search of Cas, and Cas wakes up to a bad situation.

**D** ean had been in the midst of cooking dinner when he glanced at the clock and saw that it was 8:30pm.  _Huh...weird._ Normally Cas was home by 8:15, or at the latest 8:20. Dean turned the burner on low so the water in the pot wouldn't boil over and made his way to the living room to retrieve his phone. There wasn't any missed calls or messages so he tucked it into his pants pocket and sat on the couch.  _You're probably over reacting. He probably went to get something from the store or something._ Dean thought for a moment and decided that he was being irrational, so he got back up and went into the kitchen to resume cooking. He was making up a  pot of his famous Fettuccine Alfredo and had the sauce simmering in a separate pan. He stirred it slightly, checking the consistency and then tasted it just to be sure.  _Yep, its perfect._ Dean smiled proudly to himself and took the pan off the burner while the pasta continued to cook. He took another glance at the clock and squinted. 8:35pm.

          He pulled out his phone again just to be sure he hadn't missed a message. He grew slightly more worried when he saw that his phone was empty. Biting his lip, he dialed Cas' number and rested his back on the sink.  _I'll just call him to make sure everything's okay..._ He chewed on his lip as he waited for Cas to answer. When the phone went to Cas message system, Dean instantly re-dialed, his heart pounding in his chest.  _Oh god...please answer me Cas. Please....please answer...._ He almost threw the phone when it went to the message system again and he rubbed the back of his head with worry.  _What if something happened to him/? I mean... Crowley's still out there...oh god. No no no no no no..._ Dean pressed re-dial and closed his eyes as he waited to hear the sound of Cas' voice. _Ring....ring.....ring....I can't come to the phone right now but if you--_

         Dean gripped the phone as he took a deep breath, trying to get oxygen into his lungs. He looked over at Mary who was sitting in the middle of the kitchen staring at him with concern. Deans attention as drawn to a scratching sound coming from outside the apartment door and looked over, his heart beating out of his chest. He ran to the peephole and looked around, confused when he saw no one. He slowly opened the door just enough so he could look out and was met with nothing but the cold night air. _Great...now you're hearing things._ He was about to shut the door when he heard a familiar meow below him. He looked down and saw Wings sitting on the welcome mat, eyes staring up at him. Dean felt his heart stop and he dropped to his knees, the door  opening wider as he went down.  _Wings is here, and Cas isn't...he isn't picking up his phone..._ Dean was re-living the night Cassie died. Everything, minus the cat, was the same. She didn't come home, didn't answer his calls; a few hours later he was sobbing over her dead body in an alleyway. 

          Wings meowed loudly again and made Dean look up, tears brimming his eyes. Wings turned around and walked a few feet, looking back at Dean. _Does he want me to follow him?_ Dean didn't care how crazy it sounded; he was desperate. He didn't even grab his coat before shutting the door behind him and running after Wings who had taken off down the stairs. Dean ignored the stares from people as he continued following the cat throughout the town. A few passerby's looked at him like he was crazy, others looked mildly worried. Dean could care less. His mind was focused on one thing, and one thing only.  _Cas..._

                                ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

          Cas groaned when he felt himself coming to. His face was pressed against cold concrete and he grimaced as he felt a pain in his head shoot down to his arms and legs. He blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness that surrounded him. There was only one light bulb in the center of the small room, and it gave the room an eery glow. He looked around, taking in his surroundings. From the looks of it, he was in a basement. There was a small window near the ceiling across the room that showed nothing but grass and dirt. Cas got to his knees with a grunt, the pain in his head making it hard for him to stay upright. He moved his finger slowly up his cheek until he felt a warm, wet patch on his temple. He knew it was blood, and judging by how bad it hurt, he was guessing the wound was pretty bad. He swallowed, trying to get nay kind of liquid into his dry throat.  _Where the hell am I?_  Cas muttered to himself and he gripped the stone wall and stood up. It took him a  moment to get his balance, and then he made his way to a small wooden door in the corner of the room. He tried twisting the handle and sighed when it wouldn't budge. In a last futile attempt, he shook and pulled on the handle, hoping that by some miracle, it would open. He kicked the door in frustration when the door remained sealed shut. 

          Cas ran on a daily basis, so his legs were pretty strong. He decided to try to kick the door harder, hoping the force would dislodge the lock. He lifted his leg and put all his strength into the kick, only to land on his ass with a now, most likely, sprained ankle. He hissed as the pain from landing on the concrete went up his back and he closed his eyes.  _I need to get out of here...I need to get back to Dean...Oh god...Dean..._ For all Cas knew, Dean was currently being tortured by Crowley and near death. Cas winced as he stood up again, setting his weight onto his good leg. He limped to the door and banged his fist on the wood. 

          "Help! Help me please! Somebody! Anybody! For the love of God help me, please!" Cas screamed until his voice was hoarse. His fist continuously pounded on the  wood until he was certain he had bloody knuckles. He didn't care. He didn't care how much pain, how much agony he had to endure. All he cared about was getting back to Dean, and making sure he was safe. He almost fell forward when the door thrusted open and he was met with Crowley, a grin plastered on his face. 

          "I don't think God can help you Castiel." Crowley said as he walked in with two men who looked like body builders. Cas backed away slowly until his back was pressed against the wall. 

          "C-crowley. Whats going on? Why am I here?" Cas asked, trying to play it off just in case they hadn't found Dean yet. Crowley squinted and then sighed.

          "Why do you think you're here, love?" Crowley asked as he took a few steps closer to Cas. Cas looked from Crowley to the other men and then backto Crowley.

          "I honestly h-have no idea." Cas lied. He knew that his voice had cracked and Crowley probably knew he was lying through his teeth.  Crowley let out a snort and rolled his eyes with unamusment.

          "Playing dumb, are we? Fine. I'll play along. You're here because you were seen with Dean Winchester." Crowley said grasping his hands behind his back. Cas stared at Crowley as though he had never heard of the name.  Crowley rolled his eyes again, this time snapping his fingers. In an instant, the two guys that stood  behind him came forward and grabbed each of Cas' arms, raising him off the ground. "You know, Dean Winchester. The man you're currently shacking up with?" Crowley said as he locked eyes with Cas. Cas felt his heart stop and his breath catch.  _How did he find out?_

          "I don't know what you're talking about." Cas said with a groan as his arms began to ache. Crowley motioned his heard towards one of the men and Cas felt his fist collide with his abdomen. He let out a gasping breath and his vision went blurry for a moment. 

          "Do you know what I'm talking about now?" Crowley asked as he took another step towards Cas, his face inches away from Cas'. Cas took a deep breath and locked eyes with Crowley. 

           "No." Cas snarled. He was met with anotherhit from the other man, under his jaw. He winced as he felt his teeth snap onto his tongue. He knew that no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much he wanted to cry and beg for mercy, he couldn't. He had to be strong for Dean.

          "One of my men saw him leaving your apartment yesterday with a dog. Care to explain why he was at your apartment if you don't know him?" Crowley asked with annoyance. Cas didn't say anything as he spit some of the blood that had formed in his mouth directly at Crowley's face. He immediately felt a punch to the side of his jaw and his chest. Cas wheezed and shut his eyes tight, willing the pain away. He glared down at Crowley and grinned with malice. 

          "You can torture, beat, and abuse me all you want. I will  _never_ tell you anything." Cas said with what breath he had left. He was still trying to catch his breath from the previous blow to his chest. Crowley smirked, raising an eyebrow.

          "I misjudged you Castiel. And, I think, I will take you up on your offer." Crowley said as he gave the two men a look before walking away towards the door. Cas fell to the floor and felt one of the men's boots kick into his side, making him let out a gasp. Another boot collided with his back and his vision began growing black with unconsciousness. All he heard before he passed out was the click of the men's boots as they walked out the door, and shut it. Cas watched as the wooden door shut, sealing his fate. and let the darkness take him.

                                    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

         Dean watched as Wings made his way down an alleyway some ways from town. Dean had been chasing him for what felt like an hour and he could feel his lungs burning and his legs shaking with exhaustion. Wings sauntered up to a small window that was right in front of the ground and meowed loudly. Dean willed his legs to keep moving as he made his way over to Wings and got to his hands and knees. He looked through the window and was met with nothing but darkness. He glanced back at Wings who was staring at him with force. Obviously there was a reason Wings had brought him to this window, and he could only hope that it was to lead him to Cas. He slid his fingers along the metal frame, his pointer finger meeting with a latch. He pulled it up and gently pushed the window open, careful not to make any noise. He stuck his head in and tried to get his yes to adjust to the darkness so he could see. 

        "Cas?" Dean whispered. He waited for a moment and felt disappointment when he heard nothing but the distant drip of a broken pipe. He looked back at Wings who was in the same position as before and decided to give it another shot. "Cas?" Dean whispered a little louder. He closed his eyes and waited to hear something, anything that would indicate that Cas was inside. He heard a faint groan and he felt his heart stop. "Cas?" Dean whispered again. He was met with another faint groan, this one louder than before. He could recognize that raspy voice anywhere. It was Cas. "Cas! I'll get you out man, hold on!" Dean whispered.7

         Dean assessed the window and realized that there was no way he could fit inside there. He looked at Wings and then shook his head. Even if Wings could go in there, there would be no way he could get Cas out. Dean thought for a moment, racking his brain for anything or anyone that could help...a light bulb went off in his head. Officer Mills! Dean pulled out his phone and clicked on her contact. She had given Dean her personal number a few months ago when she had talked to Dean at the local bar. Dean had essentially told her his life story and she gave him her number to call if he ever needed any help. 

         "Officer Mills." Jody said through the phone. Dean breathed a sigh of relief and shifted the phone.

         "Jody? Its Dean. You know how you offered me some help a few months back? I could really us it now." Dean pleaded.

         "Of course, Dean. Whats up?" Jody asked with worry. 

         "Could you and a few police guys come down to 1821 Baker St.? My bo--my friend, is locked in a basement and I'm guessing there's a few guys inside that are really bad." Dean whispered, making sure not to alert anyone. He could hear Jody writing something on a piece of paper.

         "Alright. Dean, I need you to leave the area. I don't want you getting hurt if anything goes south." Jody said as he heard her walkie-talkie go off. "I got an NAT on 1821 Baker St. with a SUSP locked in a basement.Backup requested, BOLO. Over." 

         "Jody, with all due respect, there's no way in hell I'm leavin'." Dean said as he grabbed Wings and held him in his arms. Cas would want Wings to be safe.

         "Fine, but you need to get out of view. If the guys that took your friend are still out there you need to make sure to stay out of their line of sight. You hear me?" It was more of a demand then a question and Dean didn't get to respond before she hung up. Dean slipped the phone into his pocket and stood up, taking Wings with him. He would wait across the street behind a tree or something, but he wouldn't leave Cas. He had just crouched behind a tree and a trashcan when he heard the door to the house slam shut. He could hear Crowley yelling something at someone so he peaked up. He watched as Crowley yelled at the phone he was talking on and storm to his car parked out front.  _Dammit...if he leaves Jody won't be able to catch him._ Dean mentally cursed and watched as Crowley pulled out of the driveway and drove away. 

          Moments later Dean could hear the distant sound of sirens and he felt his heart immediately lighten. He watched as 3 police cars pulled up to the house and a total of 6 people, Jody included, walked up to the doors with there guns drawn. 2 guys went behind the building, probably to make sure no one escaped out the back. Dean flinched when one of the cops kicked the door and it echoed throughout the quiet neighborhood. He waited as he heard the cops yelling from inside and saw a big guy being escorted out with cuffs on his hands. The cop slammed him onto the hood and yelled a bunch of stuff that Dean had stopped paying attention to. A few moments later another guy joined the other one on the hood and Dean watched as he tried to break free. Dean had to hand it to these cops. Those guys were some pretty big dudes and the fact that the cops could hold them down was impressive. Dean looked back towards the house and almost bolted when he saw Jody come out with Cas in her arms. Cas looked limp, lifeless. 

        Dean couldn't stop his feet as he ran towards Jody, his heart running a mile a minute.  _Oh god please be okay..._  Dean slowed down when he approached Jody, his eyes directed towards Cas' bruised face. Dean let out a sob as he took another step towards her.

        "Its okay Dean. Hes alive. A little bruised and battered, but, alive." Jody said with a smile. Dean let the tears fall as he smiled and nodded, relief filling his body. He turned as he heard the ambulance coming their way and looked back at Cas. He gripped Wings a bit tighter as he started meowing, probably at the sight of his owner. Cas' face was bruised badly on his jaw and cheek, dried blood coming from his mouth. Dean felt another round of tears come as he took in the reality of what had just happened. _This is all my fault..._ everything that had happened was his fault. Cas being taken and hurt, was his fault. None of this would have ever happened if Cas had never met him.   


         Dean watched as a few men hopped out of the ambulance and pulled out a stretcher form the back. They pushed past Dean and lowered Cas on, being careful of his head. Jody joined Dean by his side and put a hand on his back. 

          "He'll be fine. I'm sure of it." She said with a soft smile. Dean bit his lip and willed his tears to go away. 

          "Can I go with him?" He croaked out. Jody's eyes filled with sympathy.

          "I'm sorry but you need to go down to the station, son. We need your testament and I got a couple of questions I need to ask you." Jody said. Dean looked back at the ambulance as they wheeled Cas inside, shielding Dean's view of him. Dean felt another tear fall down his cheek and nodded weakly. He wanted nothing more than to be there for Cas, be by his side. But as the ambulance drove away he knew it was too late. Dean walked with Jody to one of the patrol cars and got in, hugging Wings once he was seated. Wings purred as Dean buried his face into his fur, thankful that he was hypoallergenic. Jody shut his door before going to the drivers side and joining her partner, a blonde woman with a Canadian accent, and started the car. 

           Dean took a deep breath and wiped his eyes, trying to contain himself. He knew that this had to end. This thing with Cas was nothing but dangerous for him, and Dean wasn't going to let the same thing that happened to Cassie, happen to Cas. He'd rather die. Dean's heart ached at the thought of leaving Cas, but it was a sacrifice he knew he had to take. Cas' safety was worth more than Dean's happiness. Dean's composure broke and he let out another sob.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAT- Necessary Action Taken  
> BOLO- Be On The Look Out  
> p.s. I'm not a cop so if what I wrote Jody saying is weird or incorrect, I'm sorry lol
> 
> Can I just say that I love BAMF Cas? Anyways, please leave a comment letting me know how you think the story is going or if you have any suggestions. Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate it. If you want to know when I've updated or just want to talk, my tumblr is candidlycas (I always follow back). Stay wonderful s( ^ ‿ ^)-b


	13. Another First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas waked up in the hospital with a stuffed cat and a note. Dean finds a place to stay for the night and is awoken by an unexpected visitor. Sexy times ensue *wiggles eyebrows*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Smut warning near the end~

**"M** r. Novak? Mr. Novak? Can you hear me?"

         Cas blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust to the bright light beside him. He followed the voice and saw a young woman smiling down at him.

         "W-where am I?" Cas asked, trying to get his eyes to focus.

         "You're in the hospital. You were hurt pretty badly and the police brought you here. But don't worry, with a little rest and some painkillers, you'll be a-okay." The woman said smiling widely. Cas' vision finally cleared up and he nodded slowly.  _The police...?_ Cas thought back to the basement and Crowley. He remembers being hit a few times and then nothing.  _I must have blacked out..._

         "When can I leave?" Cas asked as he sat up slowly. He felt his head pulsate at the sudden change of position and winced. The nurse looked down at her clipboard and squinted.

          "According to my charts you can leave in the morning. We need to keep you overnight to make sure you don't have a concussion." The nurse said as she moved a small, metal table towards Cas. There was a glass of water and a small plush cat sitting on top. Cas picked it up and raised an eyebrow at the nurse. "Oh, that was dropped off by  a man that came to visit you. He wouldn't tell me his name but he also gave me this to give to you." the nurse said as she handed Cas a small scrap of paper. The writing was sloppy but still legible and the ink was faintly smudged.

                                                                _Cas,_

_I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess. I should never have let this happen, and I'm sorry_

_you were hurt because of my selfishness. I think its best if we rethink this whole thing between_

_us. You're a great guy and I really like you but, I can't stand the thought of you being hurt because_

_of me. I hope you can understand, and hopefully you don't hate me after this. Wings is being babysat_

_by Officer Mills (I'll leave the number at the bottom of the page). Thank you for everything, and again,_

_I'm sorry._

_De                                   -Dean W._

 Cas gripped the note tighter as he felt his heart get pulled out of his chest.  _How is this his fault? He had no idea that Crowley knew about me. I should have been more careful and less dense. Thinking back on it, it was s obvious that that guy in front of the shop was tailing me. I should have known...oh god. I need to get to Dean. I need to tell him its not his fault. I can't lose him...I don't want to be alone again. I can't take any more pain..._

_"_ When did this man come in and drop this off?" Cas said frantically as he pulled the sheets off his bed. The nurse looked alarmed and set her hands on his shoulder to keep Cas from standing up. 

               "Mr. Novak, please calm down. You need to stay in bed and rest." The nurse said with plead. Cas sat back down on the bed and held the note out to the nurse.

               "When did he come in?" Cas asked again but more forcefully. 

               "An hour ago or so. He was sitting here for a few hours before he left." The nurse said glancing at the clock. Cas bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair.

               "Is there anyway I can get out of here ASAP? I need to get him back." Cas said desperately. The woman looked confused and looked at her form again.

               "...I can ask?" The nurse said shrugging. Cas nodded frantically.

               "Yes, please ask. Tell them its urgent and I can even come back in a few hours if necessary. Please..." Cas said feeling a tear fall down his cheek. The nurse looked at him with sympathy and nodded before leaving the room. Cas walked to the window and flipped the blinds, hoping to see the Impala sitting in the parking lot. He shut the blinds dejectedly when he didn't see the familiar black vehicle.  _Where could he have gone..._ Cas' eyes filled with tears as he rested his face in his hands and rocked back and forth.

                                                                   ------------------------------------------------------------------------

                Dean pulled his hood up more and shoved his hand in his pocket. The other one was gripping the leash as Mary pulled slightly down the sidewalk.  His face was red and puffy from crying and he was constantly sniffling.  _I probably look like a freaking teenage girl after being dumped._ Dean thought as he saw two women look over at him with their eyebrows raised. It was just getting dark so he could make out their faces pretty well. He adjusted the strap on his backpack and continued walking, trying to ignore the women. He had tried to fit everything in the small bag but he was only able to get a few clothes, Mary's stuffed moose and a small bag of kibble in there before it was nearly impossible to zip it up. He knew Mary was going to Sam tomorrow so she could get by on the food he was bale to bring. He felt another surge of tears come at the thought of having to part with Mary. He knew Sam would take good care of her and he could probably visit, but he had grown so attached to her in the last few days. 

              Dean could see a group of teens hanging out behind some trees in a circle near the parks entrance. He couldn't make out what they were doing but he could see the faint orange glow of a joint being passed between them.  _What I wouldn't do for a hit of that..._ Dean thought before willing his attention away. He sauntered off down the concrete path towards the back of the park until he came to a bench that was surrounded by bushes.  _Guess this is as good a place as any._ Dean sat down on the wooden bench with a sigh. He would have to find another motel or apartment soon. He had tried to call the local motel but they were booked for the next few days.  _Lucky me, I need a motel room the same weekend a candle convention is going on._  Dean had no idea why people actually went to the convention but he decided not to try and come up with a reason. They probably went the same reason why Dean would go to a car convention. They just really liked candles, he guesses. Mary jumped up beside Dean and laid her head down on his thigh with a long sigh. 

              "I know girl, I know. Its only one night." Dean said as he pet her head softly. He felt the wind pick up and he pulled his jacket closer to his body. It didn't do too much good but it was enough.  Dean rested his head on the back of the bench and stared up at the stars. He thought of his moms words and smiled softly.  _Angels are watching over you..._ Dean knew that angels weren't real, and that they ever could never be real. But every time he found himself feeling lonely, he would look at the sky and think of his mom. He hoped she was up there watching over him, his own personal angel. He kissed two of his fingers and raised them towards the sky.                 

              "Love you mom." Dean whispered. He lowered his arm slowly and then closed his eyes. He could feel the wood digging into his back and he knew he would have a kink in his neck in the morning. He felt Mary move closer to him and he opened one eye to look down at her. She was shivering slightly and curled into  tight ball. Dean slipped his jacket off and laid it on top of her. He gritted his teeth at the cold and closed his eyes again, willing himself to fall asleep.

               Dean woke with a start when a bright light flashed across his eyelids. It was still dark outside so he couldn't have been asleep for that long.

               "Hey man someone sleeping here. Go get your own bench." Dean said as he sat up. The light dropped down to his chest and he heard the shuffle of footsteps approaching him.

               "Dean?" Cas asked with worry. Dean knew it was Cas by the tone of his voice. He wanted to run up to him and hug him, kiss him, cry...but he couldn't. If he really loved Cas, he wouldn't put him in danger. Cas being with him was _dangerous._  "What are you doing out here?" Cas asked as he stepped out from behind a bush. Dean looked down at the ground and grit his teeth.

                "Sleeping. What are you doing here?" Dean said trying to not look at him. He heard Cas walk closer.

                "I came to find you. The hospital was kind enough to let me leave early, although now I have to come back in a few days so they can check on me." Cas was silent and Dean made no move to change that. Cas cleared his throat and reached into his pocket, pulling out the note and holding it out towards Dean. "What is this?"

                "You read it right? I thought it was pretty clear." Dean said with a stone cold expression. He didn't want to be like this to anyone, especially not Cas. But he knew he had to if there was even a small chance that it would knock some sense into Cas and make him move on. 

                "Dean...it wasn't your fault. I know you may think it is, but its not. It was due to my ignorance that this happened. I should have realized the man was tailing me and I should have called the police. This isn't your fault." Cas said tilting the flashlight downwards. Dean bit his lip and willed his tears to go away.

                 "You don't get it, do you Cas? As long as I'm with you, they'll never stop. He'll  _never_ stop. If I stay with you, i'm scared that-" Dean went silent as he flashed back to Cassie. "I'm scared that you''ll end up dead." Dean whispered. He felt cas' hand fall onto his shoulder and his other came up to grab Deans chin softly.

                 "If it means I can be with you, I'm willing to take that chance." Cas said before kissing Dean's temple. Dean felt his heart melt and he let a few tears fall.  _  
_

                 "You're making a mistake...I'm not worth that. I'm not a good guy Cas. I-i'm an ex druggie, i steal, I've done horrible things to nice people...I'm not good enough for you. You deserve so, so much more." Dean said, his voice cracking. Cas tilted Dean's chin upwards so his eyes were staring back at Cas'.

                 "It saddens me that you think so lowly of yourself, Dean. Would a bad guy give his only jacket to his dog instead of himself? Would a bad guy dance to music in the kitchen while making dinner? Would a bad man be so loyal and loving towards his brother? Do you want me to continue?" Cas asked as he wiped a few tears away from Dean's face with his thumb. Dean shook his head softly and looked back down at the ground. "And what you've done in the past...Dean, that was the past. Everyone makes mistakes, even me. All those bad things you've done, you've made up for by getting clean and helping people. You helped a lonely guy find love again...you helped me, Dean." Cas whispered as he lifted Deans chin back towards himself so Dean was looking at him. 

                  _I don't deserve this._ Cas lightly kissed Dean's lips and rested his forehead on Dean's.  _I don't deserve him._ Dean's hand reached behind Cas and ran through Cas' hair.  _I don't deserve you..._ Dean pulled Cas closer to him and kissed him. He kissed Cas like his life depended on it, and Cas kissed back with the same intent. Dean knew he wouldn't change Cas' mind. He knew that this would inevitably end, but he couldn't find it in himself to care any longer. Even though this would end, he would be able to spend his last moments of happiness with Cas. Cas pulled away slowly and smiled, reaching his hand out to Dean.

                 "Lets go home." Cas said. Dean's eyes filled with tears and he nodded.  _Home. I'm going home._

_\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Cas ran his fingers through Dean's soft, short hair and smiled. Dean was humming Hey Jude by The Beatles and Cas was entranced in the sound. They stared at each other, mapping out each other faces. Cas trailed on of his fingers down Dean's nose and pressed a kiss to the tip. Dean grinned and kissed Cas' nose back. 

                 "How did I get so lucky?" Cas whispered as he stroked his thumb across Dean's cheek. Dean licked his lips before pressing them to Cas'. Cas' hand immediately found the back of Deans head and he pulled him closer. Dean rolled on top of Cas so his legs were straddling Cas' waist. The kiss was slow at first, more sensual than anything. It soon turned more and more heated until it was almost desperate. Cas slid his tongue along Dean's and stifled a moan as Dean's knee pressed into his crotch. Cas' hands roamed Dean's back, leaving light scratches in their wake. His hands occasionally dipped into the back of Dean's jeans and squeezed eliciting a pleased moan from Dean. Cas began unbuttoning Dean's jeans, frantically trying to pull them off. Dean laughed as he helped Cas and pulled them off. He immediately went back to Cas' lips and kissed him again, making sure to grab a fistful of his hair and pull lightly. Cas slid his pants off so now they were rubbing against each others clad cocks, both hard and leaking.

                 "I want you Dean." Cas whispered in his ear as he gently mouthed on his earlobe. Dean sputtered for a moment and pulled away.

                 "You sure...? I haven't had much experience...I don't want to hurt you." Dean said. Cas rolled his eyes and pulled Dean back to him.

                 "I'll walk you through it." Cas said as he kissed Dean on the forehead. Dean nodded and Cas could tell he was nervous. "There's some lube and a few condoms in my dresser. Top shelf." Cas said as he pointed in the direction of his dresser. Dean got up and walked towards it. Cas found that as a perfect opportunity to strip off his boxers and throw them across the room just as Dean turned around. Deans eyes immediately fell to Cas' erect cock and he gaped.

                  "H-holy shit..." Dean said frozen in place. Cas laid on the bed with his knees up, slowly opening and closing his legs.

                  "Come on Dean...so ready for you..." Cas moaned as he reached down his abdomen and grazed over his dick. That seemed to get Dean's motors going because he practically sprinted towards Cas and threw himself on top of him. Their lips crashed together and it was more teeth then tongue. 

                  "God I want you so bad Cas...what should I do?" Dean whispered hotly as he kissed Cas' collarbones. 

                  "Mmm...get some on your fingers and open me up." Cas growled as he lightly bit into Dean's shoulders. Cas could hear the cap open and before he knew it slippery fingers were prodding his entrance. "O-one at a time.." Cas winced. Dean retracted a finger and began working him slowly. "Oh...just like that...just like that..." Cas murmured as his eyes closed. 

                  "Another?" Dean asked seriously. Cas opened his eyes and saw Dean staring down at him. Cas licked his lips and nodded, bracing himself for the extra stretch. It had been a while so he knew it would hurt more than usual. That and judging by the size of Deans dick from behind his boxers, it would definitely hurt more than usual. Cas bit his lip as another finger was added. "Am I doing alright?" Dean asked in all seriousness. Cas smiled at him before moaning. "Yeah..you're doing great." Cas said closing his eyes again. Cas was just getting adjusted when one of Dean's fingers hit a spot that made him let out a moan and curl his toes. He hand't felt this in so long, and god it felt so good. If he wasn't careful he'd finish before they even got to the good part. "S-should I stop?" Dean questioned. Cas shook his head frantically and pulled him down for a chaste kiss.

                 "Just fuck me, Dean." Cas pleaded. Dean looked taken aback; probably because he had never heard Cas swear. Cas never liked swearing; even as a kid he would say freak instead of fuck and shoot instead of shit. But for some reason, when he was in bed with someone, he had lost his filter and spewed out the worst things. His ex had explained to him that he probably just liked dirty talk, and Cas had agreed. He loved when his partner was soft and sensual too, but nothing beat having his hair pulled and having them call him a slut while driving into him. 

                 Dean tore the condom wrapper open with his teeth and slid it onto his hard cock. He gritted his teeth when he grazed by a sensitive spot and it was all Cas could do to not grab him and take him into his mouth. Cas gripped the sheets as he watched Dean guide himself in front of Cas' entrance and glance up at him for approval. Cas licked his lips and nodded. Dean pushed into him slowly, letting him adjust to the stretch before he was all the way to the base. 

                 "Should I move or-"

                 "Just fuck me Dean. Please..." Cas pleaded as his grip tightened. Dean seemed to get the memo because he snapped his hips backwards and forwards, eliciting a whine from Cas. Dean thrusted another time, and then again, and then he changed his angle and hit Cas' prostate head on. Cas practically screamed at the feeling and curled his toes, his mouth open with silent moans. Dean looked up at him and then snapped his hips on the same place, making Cas wrap his legs around Dean's waist, pulling them closer. "R-right there. Oh god, Dean. There!" Cas yelled out as Dean continued thrusting into the sensitive area. Cas was so close...he could feel that familiar warm feeling in the pit of his stomach as he was reaching his climax. Dean only had to thrust into him a few more times before Cas was crying out and coming on his chest.  _Holy shit...I didn't even need to touch myself. That's never happened before._ Caqs thought before he felt Dean's lips press against his. He could feel his cum sliding between his and Dean's chest and he shuddered. 

                  "Mmm...so tight...so good..." Dean moaned with repetition as he continued thrusting at a relentless pace. Cas hooked his ankles together and thrusted back onto Dean making Dean bite his lip. Dean's face was flushed and sweaty, his eyes closed as he thrusted a few more times before coming with a silent "o" on his mouth. Cas moved his hips until he felt Dean begin to pull out. Cas was trying to catch his breath and regain his focus.  _That was the best sex I've ever had..._ Cas thought as he grabbed his shirt from the floor and wiped his chest off. Dean collapsed beside him, his chest rising and falling with breaths. "Holy shit." Dean managed to gasp. Cas laughed and threw the shirt at him so he could clean himself up. Dean dragged the shirt across his chest and tossed the condom in the trash before turning towards Cas. Cas looked at him and smiled. 

                   Dean looked completely debauched and spent, and Cas wanted to savor this moment forever. He scooted closer to Dean so their chests were pressed against each others and  rested his head on Deans arm.

                   "Can I tell you something?" Dean asked. Cas looked up at him and kissed his arm. 

                   "Of course, Dean." Dean looked down at Cas with gratitude.

                   "I'm glad you wanted to be bottom." Dean said bashfully. Cas looked at him with confusion.

                   "Why?" Cas asked with curiosity. He knew some guys just didn't like being on bottom but he felt that there was a reason behind Deans sudden confession. Deans face turned pained for a moment before he shrugged.

                    "I uh, I haven't had a good experience with bottoming. So...I'm glad you volunteered." Cas knew that wasn't the full story but he wasn't going to push Dean. If Dean had wanted to tell him the whole story, he would have. Cas smiled before kissing his temple and resting his head back on his arm.

                    "Luckily for you, I prefer to be the bottom." Cas said with a smirk. Dean snorted and kissed the top of Cas' head. 

                    "Oh yeah, you wanna go to Sammy's party tomorrow?" Dean asked. 

                    "Of course." Cas said before closing his eyes and falling asleep to the sound of Dean's heart beating. 

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this was late! I had written most of it last night and planned to finish it this morning but I accidentally deleted it. So, I had to write a completely new chapter and it ended up setting me back a few hours. Also, my college starts next week so I may have to change the day of updates (i'll let you guys know). Let me know what you think of the story so far or if you want me to add anything/anyone. Enjoy the last week of summer if you have school next week! s( ^ ‿ ^)-b


	14. The Party

             **"I** feel bad not buying your brother something." Cas said as he slipped on a clean pair of pants. Dean peaked his head out from the bathroom, toothbrush hanging loosely from his mouth. **  
**

             "Dude, Sam could care less. He's never really been into 'things'. He just likes every one being there and having a good time. Don't worry about it man." Dean said before he continued brushing his teeth. Cas grabbed a pair of socks from the dresser and sighed.

             "If you insist. I just hope I'm not a nuisance to your friends and family." Cas said with worry. Dean came out of the bathroom wiping his mouth and sat on the bed beside Cas. Cas felt Dean put his hand on his shoulder so he looked over at him. Dean was smiling at him with a glint in his eye that was filled with love. Cas' heart instantlywarmed and he lost all of his worries.

              "Cas, they'll love you. What's not to love, huh?" Dean said as he kissed Cas' forehead gently. Cas smiled into the contact and realized he was just worrying over nothing. If Dean's family was anything like Dean, they couldn't be that bad. Cas cupped Dean's cheek and brought his lips to his own. Dean tasted like mint and his lips were the perfect amount of soft and rough. Cas dominated most of the kiss, another thing he had discovered about Dean. As much as Dean claims to be a "man's man" it was obvious that he liked others taking control. Last night flashed through cas' mind and he slid his tongue beside Dean's, eliciting and soft moan from Dean. Cas was still shocked that what had happened last night, happened. He never thought he would find happiness again, but he did. He found it in the form of Dean Winchester. Cas slid his hand up Dean's black t-shirt, grazing over his nipple. Dean had the perkiest nipples and Cas thought it was equal parts adorable and hot as fuck. He almost whined when he felt Dean's hand on his chest pushing him back slightly.

               "As much as I would love to continue, we gotta go. I told Sam I would be there earlier to help him set up." Dean said. Cas nodded and ran his hand through his hair. 

               "Is our relationship open?" Cas asked. He wasn't sure if Dean wanted his family to know and Cas had to make sure. Dean looked thrown off and stared at the ground. "Dean?" Cas asked. Dean looked up and bit his lip.

               "Sorry...I just never thought about that. Uh...could we keep it on the down low? Just for now anyway..." Dean said with a guilty frown. Cas gave him a reassuring smile and kissed the back of his hand. He knew how hard it was to come out to family, and he respected Deans decision. He didn't feel as though Dean was ashamed of him or anything; Cas assumed that Dean hadn't come out yet and just wasn't ready.

                "Of course. Shall we get going then?" Cas asked as he stood up and offered a hand to Dean. Dean smiled and slid his fingers in with Cas'. They walked to the living room where Mary was laying on the couch watching TV.

                 "Come on girl." Dean said as he grabbed the leash of the hook and walked towards her. Mary's tail wagged rapidly as she hopped of the couch and broke into a sprint, jumping up on Dean when she got to him. "Down, girl. Down." Dean said with a bit of force. Mary seemed to get it and sat down, waiting for the leash to be put on. Dean hooked it to her collar and smiled. "I'm gonna miss her."

                Cas smiled sympathetically towards Dean and put his hand on his back. 

                "I'm sure you will see her when you go to Sam's. This isn't goodbye, Dean." Cas said smiling at him reassuringly. Dean nodded before grabbing Cas' hand once again and making his way out the door. 

                                                ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                 Dean tapped on the steering wheel, still thinking about their conversation. Its not that he was ashamed of Cas or anything. Its just...he really wasn't sure how his family would react. Sure a few of them would support him but, he knew a lot of them wouldn't. His dad especially. He could probably get away with telling Sam but even then he was still unsure. Dean side glanced at Cas and saw him staring out the window with a small smile.

                  "What're you smiling about?" Dean asked as he stopped at a red light. Cas glanced over at him and then rested his head back on the seat. 

                  "I'm just happy." Cas said, his smile still there. Dean's heart throbbed and he reached over towards Cas, pulling on his shirt and lips in a chaste kiss. He put his hands back at the wheel and started driving again. "What was that for?" Dean shrugged and felt a smile grow on his face.

                   "I'm just happy." Dean said glancing at Cas. Cas' face was slightly flushed and he let out a flustered noise. Dean looked back out towards the road and smiled even brighter.  "Were here."

                    Sam's apartment was about a mile from his school and was located in a small neighborhood. It was mostly comprised of students and old people, but there was a small family near the end of Sam's block that always baked Sam pies for helping with their garden. Most of the apartments all looked the same; the only thing differing them from one another was the color. Sam's happened to be a light blue color, the paint slightly faded and chipped. Dean turned down onto the street and parked in the desolate driveway. Neither Sam nor Garth could drive, nor wanted to ever learn. 

                    "Ready?" Dean asked as he took off his seat belt. Cas looked over at him with his eyebrow quirked.

                    "Are  _you_ ready? Cas questioned.  _Damn...how did he know I was nervous?_    


                     "Yeah, yeah...I think so." Dean said with a sheepish smile. Dean got out and opened the other door, letting Mary jump out. Cas had already gone in the trunk and pulled out the box of stuff that Dean had thrown in there. He could never wrap for shit so he had just bought one of those stick-on bows and stuck it on the top. Cas said it looked ridiculous but Dean knew his brother wouldn't mind.

                      "So...anything I should know about before I go in there?" Cas asked as they made their way towards the front door. 

                      "Watch out for my dad. Hes a bit of a shit-starter if you know what I mean. Also, sarcasm runs deep in my family so, don't take anything personal. Well...unless its my dad." Dean said with honesty. He didn't want Cas to be thrown off by one of John Winchesters one-liners that always made Dean cringe. Cas nodded with understanding and shifted the box in his hands.

                       "Avoid dad. Got it."  They had literally just gotten to the front door when it was thrown open. Sam was standing in front of them with a big grin.

                       "You guys made it! Come on in." Sam said gesturing them inside. Dean saw him glance down at Mary and he remembered that he was giving her over to Sam. He felt his heart falter slightly as he looked down at her.

                        "Happy Birthday Sammy." Dean said with a smile as he held out the leash towards him. Sam looked confused for a moment before it was replaced by happiness.

                        "You got me a dog? Dean! Holy crap!" Sam said as he grabbed the leash and pulled Dean in for a big hug. Deans hugged back with vigor, savoring the moment. He would never admit it to anyone, but he missed Sam's hugs. When Sam was little he would do it on a regular basis. But now, Dean was lucky to get 2-3 a year. Sam pulled away and kneeled down, taking Mary's head in his hands and petting her behind the ears. Mary's back foot kicked in appreciating as he tail wagged with enthusiasm.

                         "She got a name?" Sam asked as he scratched under her chin. 

                         "Named her Mary. Hope you don't mind." Dean said with a smile. Sam looked up at him with a hint of sadness. 

                         "Mary..." Sam looked back down at her and rested his forehead on hers so their eyes were locked. Mary barked and licked his nose. "Yep. Shes definitely a Mary. Good choice Dean." Sam said as he stood up. Cas handed Sam the box and Sam took it with  his eyebrow raised. "So you're Cas huh? Well I gotta say man, its great to finally see you in person. Dean talks about you all the time and about how your eyes are bluer than--" Dean elbowed him in the chest, a small blush creeping up his neck. He knew Sam did this just to irritate him, and it worked every time. Sam laughed and shook Cas' hand.

                         "Same to you. Dean has told me many things about you. Happy Birthday." Cas said, smiling. Dean watched the exchange and felt happiness surge inside him when everything was going well. He wasn't all that worried with Sam, though. It was the rest of his family that were wildcards when it came to stuff like this. So long as they didn't know Dean and Cas were involved romantically, it should go smoother than gravy. 

                          "Thanks man. So, Bobby's gonna be here in 10 with Ellen and Jo, and dad will be here later on. Hes having one of the home care guys drive him over at like 7." Sam said as he walked into the kitchen and placed the box on the table. Dean didn't move from the doorway and tensed.  _Damn it...I was hoping he wouldn't show up..._

                          "Dean...are you alright?" Cas whispered beside him. Dean nodded and followed Sam into the kitchen. Dean sat down and Cas followed suit beside him. Sam sat down after grabbing a water and two beers. He placed the water in front of Dean and a beer in front of Cas. Dean rolled his eyes.

                          "Really, Sam?" He asked. Sam looked up at him and frowned.

                          "Yes really, Dean." Sam said. The table grew uncomfortable and Dean heard Cas clear his throat.

                          "Actually, I don't drink. Thank you but, no thank you." Cas said sliding his beer towards Dean and the water towards himself. Dean glanced at Sam and saw that his frown was still there.

                          "You got nothing to worry about, Sam. Seriously. I have like, a beer a night.  _Maybe."_ Dean said popping off the top and taking a swig. Sam rolled his eyes and seemed to back off.

                          "So, Cas, what do you do?" Sam asked as he took a sip of his beer. Cas looked back towards Sam and away from whatever he was staring at.

                          "I own a pet store.  _Little Wings,_ I named it after my cat." Cas said.   


                           "Your cat's name is Wings? Cool. My ex had a cat named Mouse and I always thought it was really lame but, Wings sounds pretty cool. So you're a cat person?" Sam asked. Cas thought for a moment for before answering.

                           "Not particularly. I love all animals for the most part. I guess I do tend to favor cats more however. What do you do?" Cas asked as he unscrewed his water bottle. 

                           "Not much at the moment. I mean I help out a few of my neighbors with yard work and I do night shifts down at Chubby's. I'm studying to be a lawyer though." Sam boasted. 

                           "Wow, a lawyer? That's impressive. My uncle was a lawyer for a while before he passed. He was never much good at it though." Cas said with a fond smile. 

                           "You never told me that." Dean said. Cas looked at him and frowned.

                           "You never asked." He said bluntly. It would have sounded rude to anyone but Dean, but Dean knew Cas didn't mean it in a mean way. Cas was blunt with most of his statements and it took some time getting used to it. Every now and then it still throws Dean off at times. Just then, Dean realized something. He really didn't know _anything_ about Cas. He didn't even know his favorite color for Christ's sake. His thoughts were thrown off as a loud yell came from the entryway to the kitchen.

                            "Hey yall'! Why didn't you tell me Dean was here dude?" Garth smiled. Dean stood up to accept the hug from Garth.  Garth pulled away and whistled. "Haven't seen you in forever man. And whose this?" Garth asked as he turned towards Cas. Cas stood and held his hand out.

                            "Castiel. I'm Dean's bo-" Cas cleared his throat. "Friend. I'm Dean's friend." Cas said a second time. Dean felt guilt crawl back in his stomach and he bit his lip. He was planning on telling Sam but..Garth? Could he trust Garth? Garth was nice and all but, he was a bit of a blabber mouth. 

                            "Castiel? Cool name man. That's an angel right? Like...the angel of....Thursday?" Garth asked. Cas nodded and Garth smiled. "Well alrighty then. Nice to meet ya Castiel. So, did you bring a pie Dean?" Garth asked with hope. Dean mentally punched himself and sighed. _I knew I forgot something..._

                            "Nah man, I forgot. Sorry." Garth frowned and gave a dramatic sigh. 

                            "How could you forget the pie Dean?" Garth mumbled. He stopped when his eyes came to Mary's and he made a loud "awe" noise. "Aww shes a real cutie! Was this your birthday gift to Sam?"

                            "Yep. I figured he needed someone to keep him company." Dean shrugged. 

                            "Well what the hell am I then? Chopped liver?" Garth said as he stood up once again. 

                            "Well considering you practically live in your room, yes." Dean said with a teasing grin. Garth put his hand on his chest and gasped.

                            "Well I never..." Garth said. Dean and Garth looked at each other for a second before both bursting into laughter. Cas seemed to be lost and Sam had gone outside to let Mary run around. "Sam's got burgers going so I'm gonna go check on them. See ya guys out there." Garth said before walking out onto the deck. The apartment complex's all came with a deck at the every bottom that everyone was welcome to. Sam normally had it to himself though, considering most of the other occupants were too busy studying or scrolling through Tumblr to bother going outside. Once Garth left Dean wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

                             "Is something wrong, Dean?" Cas asked as he put his arms around Deans back. Dean shook his head and let out a content sigh.

                             "Nah...I'm just glad that went well. I mean, I know I shouldn't be worried but most of the people I brought here hardly ever went that well. Normally things get super awkward or something." Cas kissed the top of Deans head and gripped him tighter.

                              "Sam is very kind. I must say, hes much taller than I had originally anticipated." Cas said bluntly. Dean let out a laugh and pulled away.

                              "Believe it or not, he was shorter than me up until Sophomore year. I don't know what the hell happened but he grew like 6 inches in one summer. Dudes a gentle giant though." Dean said. Cas smiled in agreement. 

                              "And Garth is quite nice as well. Is he from the South?" Cas asked. Dean rolled his eyes and grinned. 

                             "He likes to think so. Dude was raised in Oregon." Dean said as he opened the deck door. Cas looked confused but stepped out onto the deck anyways.

                                            ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                              Cas had really liked Sam and. They were much different than his own family and it threw him off at first. He walked out onto the deck and looked around. It wasn't extravagant but it could easily hold 20-25 people. Sam was standing at the barbecue while Mary sat beside Garth as he pet her vigorously. Cas decided to take a seat beside Garth and Dean was about to sit beside him when he heard the doorbell ring. 

                              "I got it." Dean said as he walked back towards the house.

                              "So, whats the story with you and Dean?" Garth asked. Cas looked up, a little taken aback.

                              "W-what do you mean?" Cas asked nervously.  _Had he seen us hugging in the kitchen? Does he know now?_

                              "How'd you guys meet?" Garth clarified. Cas let out a relieved breath and smiled.

                               "He came to my pet shop a few days ago and bought Sam a dog." Cas said remembering back to the fateful day. Garth looked down at Mary and poked her nose.

                               "So you got your own pet store? That's sweet man! You got any geckos?" 

                               "Bobby's here!" Dean yelled with a smile as an older man walked behind him. The older man was followed by an older woman and a girl who couldn't be much older than 19.

                               "No need to make an announcement boy." The older man, Bobby, said gruffly as he set down a pack of hot dogs and buns and a large metal tray with foil wrapped around it. 

                               "This is Cas, Bobby. Hes a friend of mine." Dean said as he sat down beside Cas. Cas shook his hand and gave him a smile.

                               "Nice to meet you."

                               "And this here is Ellen, and Jo. No, they're not sisters. Ellen is Jo's mom." Dean said with a cocky grin. Ellen gently hit the top of his head and rolled her eyes.

                               "Nice to meet ya sweetheart. Cas was it? IS that short for something?" Ellen asked as she sat across from them. 

                               "Castiel. My parents were very religious." Cas said with a shrug. 

                               "Like the angel of Thursday?" Jo asked as she placed a hand on her hip. Cas nodded and she smiled.

                               "Cool. I just finished a book report about angels so I remembered the name. You got any siblings?" She asked. Cas winced slightly at the thought of his brothers.

                               "Yes, I have 3 brothers. Lucifer, Zachariah and Gabriel." Cas said. Jo grinned and took a sip of soda she must have brought out from the kitchen.

                               "Damn, you weren't kidding about the religious thing huh?" Jo asked rhetorically. 

                               "Jo, watch your mouth. I raised you better than that." Bobby grunted from beside her. Jo rolled her eyes.

                               "Sorry pops."

                               "So, you're Dean's boss, correct?" Cas asked trying to break the ice. Bobby looked like a nice man, but it felt like he had his guard up.

                               "Yep. Been teaching that kid every thing he knows since he could walk." Bobby said with a slight smile.

                               "And I'm pretty sure I've taught you a few things myself old man." Dean replied as he smiled around a beer. Bobby muttered something that sounded like "Idgit" before turning towards the door. A few other people walked out and everyone greeted each other. There was a man wearing worn out jeans and a Slayer t-shirt completed with a mullet. Behind him was  a woman with curly brown hair who was probably the same age as Cas. She was followed by a small man with short hair and a perpetual worry on his face and another old man that was black and wearing a camo jacket. Cas watched as Dean ushered them towards Cas and Cas felt himself begin to sweat nervously. One or two people he could handle. A crowd? Not a chance.

                               "Cas, this is Pamela, Rufus, Chuck and Ash. Guys, this is Cas." Dean said. The man with a mullet threw his hand out and smiled.

                               "Names Ash. Nice to meet you dude. You want a beer?" Ash asked as he began making his way towards the cooler. Cas politely declined and faced the other people. 

                                "Any friend of Dean's is a friend of mine. Nice to meet you sweetie." Pamela said before turning towards Deans and squeezing his butt. Dean yelped and she laughed and walked away towards Bobby. Cas didn't dislike Pamela, but he sure as hell didn't appreciate the her pinching his boyfriends butt. Dean looked at him with a "its cool, this is normal" look and Cas decided not to dwell on it. 

                                "You hunt?" The older man asked with his arms crossed. Cas was taken aback and he shook his head.

                                "Never. I don't believe in the killing of animals for personal enjoyment." Cas said with a bit of bite. He didn't mean to sound rude but he despised hunters. He understood it when that was there only way of getting food but, people who killed helpless animals for sport were the worst of the worst. The older man, Rufus, raised his eyebrows and walked away with a disbelieving laugh. Cas glared at him until he felt Dean place a hand on his shoulder. 

                                 "Don't worry Cas. The only one here who really likes Rufus is my dad and Bobby. Hes always been a bit of a prick." Dean said with reassurance. Cas sighed and glanced at the other man that had walked in with them . He was staring at the ground and tapping foot nervously.

                                  "Chuck? You good buddy?" Dean asked. The man, Chuck, looked up quickly.

                                  "W-what? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm Chuck." Chuck said baring a shaky hand towards Cas. Cas took it and smiled.

                                  "Nice to meet you Chuck. Pardon me rudeness but, you aren't possibly  _the_ Chuck. Chuck Shurley? The author?" Cas asked with hope. Chuck Shurley was one of his favorite authors and he remembers the pictures of him from the back of the book. This man looked so much like him that Cas had to ask. Chuck blushed and nodded sheepishly. "I'm a big fan of your work. Have you thought about writing a sequel to Another Day of Night?" Cas asked. Chuck seemed l=to calm down visibly and shrugged.

                                  "I didn't think anyone liked it so I haven't thought about it. You think i should?" Chuck asked with a small smile. Cas nodded.

                                   "Oh yes. A few others and I have been dying to know what happens to Chelsea after she gets trapped by the Darkness. Your novels are very good, Chuck. I hope you continue writing." Cas said with a genuine compliment. Chuck smiled widely and thanked him before walking towards Sam. 

                                   "Thanks for that." Dean whispered to Cas. Cas looked over at him with confusion.

                                   "For what?" Cas asked.  

                                   "Chuck hasn't written anything in a few months because he's convinced he sucks. But, with your compliment, who knows. Maybe he'll start it back up again." Dean said with a smile. Cas nodded and watched as Chuck laughed with Sam over the barbecue. He reminded him of himself in so many ways, it was almost like staring at a mirror. He hoped that they could be friends in the near future.

                                   "Is that everyone that's coming?" Cas asked. 

                                   "A few of Sam's friends from he college might show up but I haven't got a clue who they are. You don't have to socialize with them if you don't want to. I never do when he throws parties, honestly." Dean said as he yawned. Cas looked around at the deck and smiled to himself. _So this is what its like to be surrounded by friends and family._ Cas hadn't ever experienced this before, but one thing was for certain; he never wanted it to end.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE! I had my first week of college and it was more over whelming than I had anticipated. I'm moving my update days to Saturday because there is no way I can update on Wednesdays with all the homework I have to do. I hope you all understand and can forgive me for updating a few days late. Besides that, how do you think the story is going? I really need feedback to know if you guys want more or if there's anything you want me to add in. If you've started school, Happy First Day of School and if you haven't; hope your enjoying the rest of summer! Stay toasty ༼⌐■ل͟■༽


	15. The Party Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexy time warning near the end

             **D** ean sipped at his beer with a smile, happy that Cas was getting used to being around so many people. His family and friends could be a bit overwhelming to new-comers so the fact that Cas was able to handle them so well was awesome. Dean glanced over at where Cas was talking to Chuck. He knew they would get along. Dean checked his watch and breathed a sigh of relief. His dad wasn't supposed to be here for another 2 hours so he had plenty of time to hang out with everyone before getting the fuck out of there. He really didn't want to see his dad and he especially didn't want his dad to make Cas uncomfortable. John never had a filter and it had cost Dean a few relationships back in High School. 

             "So when did you guys start going out?" Sam whispered in Dean's ear before sitting next to him. Deans eyes widened and he stuttered.  _How in the holy hell..._ "I saw you guys in the window." Sam said with a grin. Dean felt a bead of sweat fall down his forehead and he wiped it away. "Dude, dude...its cool. You know you could have told me sooner that you swung that way. I wouldn't judge you." Sam said popping the top of his beer off.

             "I don't." Sam looked at him with a confused expression and Dean cleared his throat. "I- I mean...I don't just swing that way...I like girls too." Dean said. Sam nodded and took a sip from his beer. There was a few moments of silence before Sam sighed and put his hand on Dean's back.

             "I'm proud of you man." Sam gave Dean a big goofy grin and Dean felt the worry melt away. Why did he ever doubt Sam? Of course Sam wouldn't care; it's Sam. They told each other everything. Dean felt a little guilty that he hadn't told Sam sooner, but Dean was still coming to terms with his feelings. Hes still not 100% sure where he stands in regards to his sexuality but he doesn't care. So long as he has Cas, that's all that matters. "Aw shit, Garth! You're burning the burgers man!" Sam yelled as he got up and ran towards the barbecue. A big cloud of smoke was forming around Garth and Dean suppressed a laugh. This had happened the lats time everyone got together for Dean's birthday. Garth had volunteered to barbecue and every one ended up having to choose between a piece of burnt charcoal and something that resembled a log. Dean decided he should get up and socialize before he got any crap from Sam. He assessed his options and decided to join Cas and Chucks conversation. Cas smiled at him as he walked up to them.

             "Whats up guys. You havin' a good time>?" Dean asked looking over at Cas. Chuck nodded and fiddled with his beer.

              "Yes, Dean. Chuck was just telling me about his ideas for a new book." Cas said as he shuffled over slightly to get closer to Dean. Dean resisted the urge to hold Cas' hand and instead dug his hands into his pockets.  

               "I'm glad you're thinkin' about writing again Chuck. Its about time." Dean said jokingly with a smile. 

               "Well, I've had some ideas for a few years now but I never knew if they would succeed. Cas told me to just go for it though." Chuck said with a shrug. Dean looked at Cas and found Cas smiling smugly. 

                "So how Becky been? You guys still seeing each other?" Dean asked. He'll never forget the Christmas dinner when Becky the local spaz showed up with Chuck. By the end of the night she had gotten Dean's whole family to sign a petition to save the trees. Chuck sighed and scratched the back of his head. 

                "Not really...we kind of lost that spark. You know? I mean, I love her but...I don't know. Its not the same love as before." Chuck said. Dean frowned slightly and glanced at Cas. Cas was looking at the ground with a perplexed expression. 

                "Well that sucks man. You guys made a good couple too. Why don't you go check out Lala Land and get that spark back." Dean said with a grin. Chucks face heated into a deep crimson and he stuttered. 

                 "Lala Land? I don't believe I've heard of that. Is it a store of some sort?" Cas asked innocently. Dean laughed and put his hand on Cas' shoulder.

                 "I wouldn't expect you to, Cas. Its a sex shop." Dean said with a dirty grin. He locked eyes with Cas and watched as his face also turned red. 

                 "That's not what I meant Dean..." Chuck murmured awkwardly. Dean shrugged and slid his hand down Cas' arm, letting his fingers graze some of Cas' exposed arm. He could practically feel Cas shiver and it was all he could do to not just grab Cas and kiss him. 

                  "Just a suggestion." Dean said with a shrug. 

                  "Hey bitches, what're you talking about?" Charlie asked from behind Dean. Dean whipped around and wrapped Charlie into his arms. Charlie had been his best friend since Middle School and he loved her like the sister he never had.

                   "What are you doing here man! I thought you couldn't get off work today." Dean said as he let go and smiled at her. 

                   "Sam gave me a call yesterday and said that I should come. So, I pulled a few strings with work and got the day off. I can't exactly say no to the birthday boy, can I?" Charlie asked with a shrug. She peeked out behind him and waved at Cas.

                   "Oh, right. Charlie, this is Cas. Cas, this is Charlie." Dean said moving out of the way so Cas could get closer. 

                   "Hello, Charlie. I must say, your hair is gorgeous." Cas said as he looked at her fierce red locks. Charlie flipped her hair and smiled,

                   "I know right. My girlfriend colors it for me. Shes amazing at this stuff." Charlie said. Dean thought Cas was going to be thrown off by the whole "girlfriend" thing but was pleasantly surprised when his facial expression never changed. _Of course its not weird to him. Hes gay so this is nothing new to him.  
_

"Well I might have to get her card so I can get a hair cut. I'm beginning to think this style is dull." Cas said running his fingers through his hair. When Cas did that it gave him a sort of mafia look and Dean felt himself stiffen.  _I wonder how Cas feels about role play..._ Dean was snapped out of thoughts by Charlie elbowing him lightly.

                   "Hm? What?" Dean asked coming out of his daze. Cas' cheeks flushed and he looked at the ground. He must have seen Dean staring at him.

                   "Ugh, never mind. So how're you doing Dean? We never get to talk anymore." Charlie said with a pout. Dean sighed.

                   "I'm...good. Really good." Dean said as he side-eyed Cas. Cas glanced at him and then back at the ground.  _God hes so fucking cute..._ "How bout' you? Every thing good down at techno world?" Dean asked. 

                   "Well my boss said I might get a promotion so, yeah. I was able to fix some big-wigs company computer that had gotten like 15 virus's on it in 2 days. He said it was a new record." Charlie said with a proud smile. 

                   "Really? That's awesome! I knew you'd get to the top one day." Dean said. Charlie was about to respond but was cut off by a bunch of people saying "hey" in unison. Dean looked over towards the door and saw his father being pushed out onto the deck in his wheelchair. He recognized the Nurse as Jess from last Tuesday and looked over at Cas. Cas had gone frigid and was obviously nervous. _Shit..._ Dean had been hoping to leave before his dad showed up, and now that he was here he couldn't. The nurse wheeled him towards Sam and Sam lent down to give him a big hug. John hugged back and then reached down to the cooler for a beer. Jess had taken it out of his hand as soon as he had gripped it and Dean grinned. 

                   "I'm uh, I'm gonna go inside for a bit." Dean said. Charlie and Chuck looked at him oddly and he did a pathetic wave before speed walking towards the patio door. He was just about to turn the knob when he heard his fathers voice from across the deck.

                    "Dean! Come er' boy!" John yelled. Dean took a deep breath before turning around and walking towards them. Everyone knew that his fathers and his relationship was rocky and he could feel everyone's eyes on him. 

                     "Hey, dad." Dean said with a fake smile. 

                     "Where were you goin'?" John asked innocently, almost as if he knew that Dean was trying to escape. Dean bit his lip and shrugged.

                     "I was just gonna head inside to pee. Uh, glad you made it." Dean lied. He looked at Sam who was standing there awkwardly with the spatula. 

                     "You gonna introduce me to your friend there?" John asked. Dean turned around and saw that Cas was behind him with a stone expression on his face. If he didn't know Cas any better, he would say that he was trying to come off as intimidating. 

                     "Uh, yeah. Dad, Cas. Cas, dad." Dean said simply. Cas stuck his hand out to John and waited for him to shake it. John eyed him for a moment before taking his hand and shaking it half-heartedly. 

                      "Cas huh? Odd name. It short for somethin'?" 

                      "Castiel, actually. My parents were religious." Cas said with a small, fake smile. John raised an eyebrow.

                      "You got some weird folks. So you're Dean's...?" John asked looking between the two of them. 

                      "Friend. We met at my store a few days ago and he invited me." Cas said. John squinted at Dean slightly and bit his lip.

                      "Friend. Right. Anyways, how have you been Sammy?" John asked as he turned the chair away from Cas and towards Sam. Cas looked mildly offended and put his hand on his hip. Dean sighed and walked back to the house, sitting at the dining table with a groan. Cas came in a few moments later and sat across from him. 

                      "Sorry about that. My dad thinks every guy i bring over is my new lover or something. He caught me  a few years back and now i cant have guy friends without him thinking im taking it up the ass. Fucking homophobic prick." Dean bit. Cas looked at him with sympathy. He slid his hand across the table and gently took Dean's.

                      "Dean, its okay. No ones family is perfect. If you think you're father is bad, you should meet my Aunt Lily. Her nickname is Lilith for a reason." Cas said with a light smile. Dean felt himself laugh lightly and he looked up at Cas. It was amazing that Cas knew how to make him feel better even though the had only known each other for a few days. 

                      "Maybe I'll meet her one day." Dean said. Cas looked shocked at first and then smiled.

                      "Maybe." Dean felt his heart flutter at that. Maybe this thing with Cas would last long enough to meet her. If Dean didn't fuck it up of course. 

                                                            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                       Cas was glad that he was able to get a smile out of Dean. He hated seeing him upset. 

                       "Do you want to go home?" Cas asked as he squeezed Deans hand lightly. Dean thought for a moment.

                       "We'll stay a few more hours and then go. I hardly get to see these guys and we've only been here an hour. Hopefully my dad keeps inc heck and doesn't piss me off." Dean said with a fake grin. 

                        "We'll try our best to avoid your father. I'd much rather talk to Chuck or Garth anyway." Cas smiled. Dean let out a small laugh and stood up. Cas did the same and watched as Dean leaned back to look out the window. Cas was about to ask what he was doing but was interrupted by Dean's lips being pressed to his. He let out a surprised moan and slid his fingers through Dean's hair. Cas' back bumped into the fridge and Dean bit his lip as he pulled away slowly.

                        "And when we get home...I'm going to wreck you." Dean whispered hotly in Cas' ear. Cas' pants tented and Dean walked out. _Jeez...what have I gotten myself into..._ Cas wondered as he adjusted himself and fixed his hair before walking back outside onto the porch.

                        They ended up staying for 2 hours before Dean had decided he wanted to go home. Cas said his goodbye to Chuck, Charlie and a few others before following Dean towards the door. John had called Dean's name and Dean groaned before walking back towards him. Cas decided that he would wait by the car to avoid a conversation with John. It was a little cold out tonight but it felt good. The street that Sam lived on reminded him of his neighborhood back when he was a kid. Of course the "apartments" were three story mansions, but other than that it was the same thing. His father had inherited some money and had his own company, so they were loaded. Cas never felt like he was more entitled to certain things because of this, but it had made making friends a challenge. Most people who claimed to be his friends only wanted his money so Cas had decided in Middle School to give up completely. 

                         Cas leaned on the Impala and took a deep breath. His moment of serenity was crushed when he heard the front door slam shut. He looked forward to see Dean stomping down the path.  _What did his father say now?_ Cas thought with an anger burning inside of him. 

                          "Are you okay Dean?" Cas asked as Dean slid into the drivers side. Cas got into the passengers side and faced him with concern. Dean was gripping the steering wheel tightly and holding his breath. Cas hesitantly put his hand on Deans arm and almost jumped when Dean whipped towards him and slotted their mouths together. Cas kissed back but something obviously wasn't right. The kiss was too brutal and blunt, and it was clear Dean was upset about something. Cas made to put his hand on Deans chest but Dean grabbed his arms and held them behind his back. And then just as soon as it had started, Dean pulled away and started the car. Cas sat in a state of shock and confusion. He glanced at Dean and saw that he didn't look as angry, but he was still fuming. Dean had never taken control like that...and it caught Cas off guard. He didn't completely hate it, but it felt odd.  "Dean..."

                         "Sorry. I'm just...I'm sorry." Dean said as he turned onto the highway.

                         "Don't be. If there's something wrong, you can tell me." Cas reassured him. Dean nodded once before stepping on the pedal harder and speeding down the road. They drove for a while before Cas realized that they weren't going towards Cas' apartment. Cas decided not to say anything but he got even more confused when they turned onto a dirt road. A few minutes later Dean parked in front of a cliff overlooking the city. Cas gaped and took in the site before opening his door.

                         Cas had just shut his door before Dean come over and pressed Cas to the car. The kiss was filled my love and passion than the last one and Cas moaned into it. Dean carded his hand through Cas' hair and gave a small pull, trying to get a better angle. Cas opened his mouth and let Dean's tongue in to roam. Cas slid his hands down Deans back until they were cupping Deans ass and he gave a few squeezes. Dean gave a grunt of pleasure and mouthed at Cas' neck. Cas knew that he was probably leaving a mark and he didn't seem to care. He wanted people to know that Dean was his. Cas bared his neck more, letting Dean have as much room as possible to bite and lick and suck. 

                          Dean slotted one of his legs between Cas' and thrusted forward, rubbing their clad erections together. Cas let out a wanton moan and thrusted back. They were practically dry humping each other and the only thing that Cas could think of was how much clothing they were wearing. Cas slid his hand over Deans jacket and pulled, Deans jacket falling to the grass. Deans mouth came back to Cas' and he grazed his tongue against the roof of Cas' mouth. Cas gripped the front of Deans jeans and smiled as Dean groaned and panted into his mouth. It was obvious that there was a fight for dominance at the moment, but Cas knew he would win in the end. Dean was already starting to melt in his hands and he knew it would only be a matter of time before he had Dean writhing. 

                          Cas dropped down to his knees and turned Dean so he was the one leaning against the side door. Dean lifted his shirt and bit his lip as Cas unzipped his pants and pulled them down with his boxers, just enough to expose Dean's leaking cock. Cas took no time in swallowing Dean down and Dean sucked in a breath as he grabbed Cas' hair.  Cas made sure to swirl his tongue around the tip every time he came up for air. Dean thrusted a few times and Cas let him take the reins. Cas unbuttoned his pants and slid his hand into his boxers to palm at his cock to give it some attention as Dean thrusted his cock into his mouth. Dean was making the most unholy noised Cas has ever heard and it only made Cas harder and drip with precum. Dean suddenly pulled Cas' mouth off and grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him up to his mouth. Cas wondered if Dean could taste himself on his tongue and  bit his lip. Dean dragged them towards the front of the car and pushed Cas down so he was laying on top of the hood. It was warm because of the engine which Cas was thankful for. Dean lifted Cas' shirt and licked a stripe down his stomach making Cas moan and curl his toes. Dean used his teeth to pull Cas' boxers down and Cas watched through hooded eyes as he tentatively kissed the head of Cas' cock. Cas lifted his hips to let him know he wanted it and almost let out a small scream a Dean took him all at once. It was short lived as Dean pulled off and coughed before he went back down.

                       He seemed to get that his gag reflex wasn't as great as Cas' so he compensated what he couldn't take with his fist. Cas knew that Dean had said he didn't have much experience with this but it was hard to believe with how amazing this felt. Cas felt heat pooling into his gut and he bit his lip.

                       "Mmm..stop Dean..gonna cum..." Cas let out in a breathy whine. Dean smiled smugly at him and pulled off so Cas' cock hit his stomach. 

                       "Be right back." Dean said as he pressed a few light kisses to Cas' thighs and retreated back to the car. Cas slipped his pants and boxers off before gripping the base of his cock to keep himself from coming as he listened to Dean rummage around through the car. When Dean came back he had a condom in between his teeth and a small bottle. Cas felt precum leak from his aching cock at the thought of Dean filling him up and spread his legs wider.

                        "You want this..?" Dean purred as he pressed a wet kiss on the inside of Cas' thigh and ghosted a finger over his hole. Cas drew in a breath and nodded. Dean slipped one finger in easily and Cas bit his lip. "You're sucking my finger up, Cas..." Dean said lewdly as he mouthed at Cas' nipple. Cas hoped to god they weren't on someone property or in hearing range because he let out a loud yelp as Dean grazed his prostate. 

                          "M-more...Dean, more..." Cas pleaded as he sank down on Dean's finger. Dean slid in a second finger and Cas gritted his teeth at the stretch. Luckily they had done this yesterday too so it wasn't that bad. Cas was beginning to get impatient and Dean must have sensed it because he slid in one more finger. Dean had prodded at Cas' prostate a few times and Cas was trying his hardest not to cum. It sounded weird but he wanted Dean and himself to release at the same time. "fuck me...oh Dean please..." Cas moaned. Dean gave Cas nipple a small bite before standing straight and lining himself up with Cas' hole. Dean was definitely more bold than last night and it was a welcome change for Cas. Cas almost screamed when Dean thrusted inside, catching him off guard. Dean leaned over him and kissed him gently almost as an apology. Cas moved his hips to encourage him to keep going and Dean must have gotten the memo because he began pumping into Cas at a rapid pace. The heat returned to Cas stomach and he quickly reached down the grip the base of his cock. Just as he thought he had everything under control, Dean angled himself slightly and hit Cas' prostate repeatedly. It was only a few more thrusts before Cas couldn't bear it anymore and let out a long, breathy moan as he came on his chest. Cas clenched around Dean, and that must have been Dean's breaking point because he bit his lip and groaned as he came. 

                        They stayed in that position for a minute or two before Dean pulled out and walked back to the car. Cas was still trying to catch his breath when Dean came back with an old shirt and wiped down his chest. He helped Cas straighten up and Cas' legs felt like jelly.

                        "You're um...you're a fast learner." Cas said still kind of out of breath. Dean laughed and pressed a kiss to his forehead before zipping up his fly.

                        "Well just because I haven't fucked many guys, I've still had my fare share of practice." Dean said winking and slapping Cas' ass playfully. Cas let out a huff and rolled his eyes, a small amount of jealousy coming up.

                         "But yesterday you were so sweet and gentle...and today you were..." Cas looked over at him and saw him grinning back at Cas. 

                         "Intense?" Dean asked as he closed the space between them and squeezed Cas' bare ass cheek. 

                         "That'd be good word for it. Can I put my pants on? Its really cold." Cas said bluntly. He was beginning to remember that they were outside and he felt his legs get goosebumps. Dean smiled and picked up his pants for him before throwing them towards Cas. 

                          "So...what brought that on?" Cas asked as he slid a leg through the pants. Dean crossed his arms and leaned on the hood.

                          "What do you mean?" Dean asked. Cas sighed and buttoned his pants before sitting beside him.

                           "You know what I mean, Dean. Back at the house in the car?" Dean rubbed his hand over his face and shook his head.

                            "Its just some stupid shit my dad said. It doesn't even matter. I was just over reacting." Dean said shrugging. Cas wrapped his arm around Deans waist and squeezed.

                           "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But, Dean, you can talk to me about this stuff, okay? You don't have to deal with it alone." Cas said resting his head on Dean's shoulder. Deans head soon landed on top of his and they both stared at the stars. 

                            "Thanks, Cas." Dean whispered warmly. Cas smiled and cuddled closer to Dean.

                            "Of course, Dean." Cas said as he watched a shooting star glide across the night sky. 

                  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I was told that my tags were incorrect and I just wanted everyone to know that I fixed them. We wont be seeing bottom!Dean in this chapter but i promise its coming up ;). Hope everyone is enjoying the story and comments are appreciated. Love you guys (> ^_^ )>
> 
> tumblr URL: http://candidlycas.tumblr.com/


	16. Back to Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean both go back to work. Cas gets a call from Gabe and Dean gets to talk to Benny.

**"W** hen's your birthday, Dean?" Cas asked as he finished pouring himself a cup of coffee. Dean glanced at him before taking a sip from his mug. 

     "January 24th. Why?" Dean asked biting into his toast.

     "Well, it occurred to me last night that we don't know much about each other. I would like to change that." Cas said as he took a seat beside Dean. Cas watched as Dean thought for a moment.

     "I'm an Aquarius, 6'1", favorite color is blue, I like hamburgers and beer, my mom's name is Mary and my Dad's name is John. I was raised by Bobby in Lawrence, Kansas after my mom died and my dad started drinking. I lost my virginity when I was 14 and...oh and I love plaid." Dean finished with a smile. "What about you?" Cas was a little taken a back by his honesty and bluntness. He never expected Dean to share this stuff with him so easily. Cas cleared his throat and wiped his mouth before speaking.

     "Well, I was born on July 10th in  Portland, Oregon, my mother left us when I was very young, my father is very religious, which you already know, I have 3 siblings, my favorite color is green, I'm 5'11" and I like hamburgers as well." Dean looked at Cas with a smile before patting his hand.

     "I'm glad you asked. Honestly, I was thinking about this last night too at the party. So...your favorite color's green? How come?" Dean asked. Cas smiled and kissed his nose.

     "Well, it  _was_ orange, but then I looked into your eyes. I don't much care for orange anymore." Cas said as he pecked Dean's forehead. Deans face seemed to blush and Cas laughed softly. Dean cleared his throat.

     "Cas...are you flirting with me?" Dean asked with a small smile. Cas looked at the ceiling and shrugged.

     "Who knows..." Cas sighed. Dean laughed and kissed Cas' hand gently. They spent a few minutes doing nothing but laying soft kisses on each other and staring into one another's eyes. Cas could get lost in Deans eyes. 

     "I gotta get to work." Dean said with a slight frown. Cas sighed and nodded.

     "Me too...I don't want to go." Cas whined as he laid another kiss on Dean's collarbone. 

     "I don't either but Bobby needs me. Plus, you gotta go take care of those animals." Dean pecked Cas' lips before standing up and putting his mug and plate in the sink. Cas followed.

     "I need to hire someone so I can have days off. I wish my shop actually made money..." Cas sighed as he downed the last of his coffee before setting in the sink. He smiled when he felt Dean's arms wrap around his waist and he leaned into Dean's chest.

     "Maybe you could try advertising more? Or having a sale?" Dean suggested. Cas shrugged. He had already tried that multiple times but with that superstore down the street, there was no way.

     "I'll try." Dean kissed the back of Cas' neck before pulling away. Cas already missed the warmth of Deans body pressed against his own. Cas called Wings who strolled into the kitchen slowly. Cas picked him up and grabbed his bag before looking over at Dean. Dean was standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at the floor. "Is something wrong, Dean?" Cas asked. Dean sighed and shook his head.

     "Its uh...its just weird not having Mary here." Dean said before grabbing his keys and phone off the table and giving Cas a quick peck. "See you at 8." Dean called out as he left. Cas shut the door behind himself and began walking down the stairs. He could hear the engine of Baby being revved up in the parking lot and he frowned. He knew that Dean would be a little upset about losing Mary, but he didn't know it was going to be this bad. Cas had caught him earlier that morning sitting in the living room holding onto one of Mary's toys that had been left behind on accident. Cas didn't say anything and had just walked back into the bedroom to give him his space. Maybe Dean was the type of person who was easily attached to things. Cas still didn't know all of Dean's past but he was willing to bet he didn't have a lot of his own stuff. 

 

      Once all the animals were fed and cleaned, Cas stood at the counter. It was only 8am so no one would be at the store for another few hours. Cas was used to siting around and waiting for customers, but he'd never felt this lonely before. All he wanted was for Dean to walk through those doors. Cas felt his phone vibrate and answered it.

       "Hello?"

       "Little bro! How are ya man?" Gabe practically yelled. Cas withdrew the phone from his ear slightly.

       "Hello Gabe. I'm good but very bored at the moment. How are you and Kali?" Cas asked as he spun the rack of dog treats that were displayed on the counter. 

       "Well, we've decided to come home a little earlier than we planned. Kali's mom has some weird foot virus and shes in the hospital so we gotta go home. I was seeing if you wanted us to stop by your place on the way." Gabe asked. Cas smiled and pet Wings. He was beginning to miss his annoying brother.

      "I would love that Gabe. I, actually have something to tell you." Cas said biting his lip. 

      "Oooh...well go on then! Don't keep me waiting." Gabe whined.  Cas laughed.

      "I have a boyfriend now." Cas had barely finished his sentence before he heard Gabe let out a congratulatory yell. Cas could hear him repeat Cas' message out to Kala and Kala let out her own whoop.

      "Fucking finally! Sooooo...whose the lucky man?" Gabe asked. 

      "Well, remember last week when you called? And I told you about a man named Dean that I had met?" The line was silent for a moment before Gabe practically screamed.

      "No way! Dean? The guy you were fawning over? Well damn bro how did you manage to catch him? I thought he was straight?" Gabe asked with bewilderment. 

      "Well it turns out hes not as straight as many think. But, oh Gabe, hes perfect. I'm falling so hard for him so quick...its slightly alarming." Cas said with a faint smile.

       "Well, that's how it was for Kali and I. I mean, one look at her and I knew she was the one. We only dated for 5 months before we got married. And you know, so far, I'm the happiest man alive." Gabe said. Cas could hear how happy and sincere he sounded. He hoped one day maybe Dean and him would be married and on their honeymoon. 

      "So when do you plan on coming out?" Cas asked. 

      "Well were leaving tonight so probably Tuesday evening. Its cool if we stay the night right?"

      "Of course. So long as you don't mind Dean being there too. He's currently living with me." Gabe laughed.

      "Damn, you sure do work fast little bro. I underestimated you."

      "He moved in out of necessity, Gabe. He needed a couch, and I had one. I don't "work fast"." Cas rebutted, slightly offended. 

      "Okay, okay. But yeah thats fine. I want to meet Dean and Kala does too. So we'll see ya Tuesday evening?"

      "I wont be home until 8 so go ahead and let yourself in if I'm not home. You still have the key right?"

       "Yep. Alright, will do. Have fun with Dean."

      "I will. Bye Gabe."

      "Later." Gabe said before hanging up. Cas slid his phone back into his pocket and sat on his stool. He was slightly worried about Gabe and Kali coming over because he hadn't asked Dean, but he knew Dean wouldn't mind. Plus, he hadn't seen his brother in months and he was really starting to miss him. Cas smiled as his door chimed signaling a customer. 

       "Hello. Welcome to Little Wings' Pet Shop."

                                                                          ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

      "Whats gotten into you brother? You're actin' all...weird." Benny said from behind the car he was working on. Dean stopped whistling and shrugged.

      "I don't know what you mean, man." Dean said as he reached for a screwdriver.

      "You know. You're whistling and humming 'Whole Lotta Love' by Led Zepplin and practically dancing around the shop. I haven't seen you this happy since High School when you made out with Jenny Carpenter." Benny smirked as he wiped his hands on his rag. 

       "Well, for your information, I've got a...I'm in a relationship." Dean wasn't sure if he should say boyfriend to Benny. Benny was one of his best friends but he had never told him his feelings for guys. How would he take it?

      "Really now. My my my...Dean Winchester in a relationship. Well congrats brother. Whats her name?" Benny asked. Dean winced and bit his lip.

      "...Cas." Dean practically whispered.

      "Cas? That short for Cassandra or something?" Benny prodded. 

      "Its short for uh...for Castiel." Dean said. He glanced at Benny and waited for him to freak out. Benny just stood there for a moment before shrugging.

      "Weird name. His dad a priest or something?" Benny asked. Dean was lightly shocked. He didn't even remotely look taken aback by the fact that Dean was dating a dude. 

      "You uh...You don't care that I'm dating a guy?" Dean asked hesitantly. Benny looked up at him with an eyebrow quirked.

      "No... Should I?" Benny questioned. Dean thought for a moment before sighing and shaking his head.

      "Guess not...I just thought you might freak out." Benny looked mildly offended.

      "Why? Cause you like guys? Brother, I've known you for almost half your life. I already knew." Benny chuckled. Dean gaped at that.

      "What do you mean you already knew?"

      "Oh brother...you're a lot more obvious than you think. You were constantly staring at other guys asses and were obsessed with Doctor Sexy MD. You had a freaking Doctor Sexy poster on your wall, Dean. How the hell could I not see it?" Benny laughed. Dean blushed and shrugged.

      "Guess I thought I hid it better than that. So...you really don't care?" Dean asked again for reassurance. Benny rolled his eyes and set his wrench down.

      "No brother, I really don't care." Benny smiled before patting Deans shoulder and getting back to work. "But I do expect to meet him sometime soon. I wanna meet the one who finally warmed your cold heart." Dean threw his rag at Benny and Benny laughed. 

      "By the way, why weren't you at Sam's party yesterday?" Dean asked as he hopped onto the workbench to sit down.

      "Miranda had a nasty cold so I wanted to stay and help Andrea with her."

      "I'm sure Andrea could handle Miranda by herself."

      "You'll understand it when you have kids of your own, brother." Benny said with a chuckle. Dean winced slightly at that. Dean knew he most likely wouldn't have kids. He'd always wanted them, but he didn't want them to grow up with a shitty father like him. Plus he didn't make nearly enough money to support himself let alone a family. Also, even if this thing with Cas lasted, they were both guys. Sure they could adopt but, again, Dean felt that he would be one of the worst parents ever. Benny seemed to notice the slight wince because he cleared his throat and apologized.

      "Sorry brother...didn't mean to make a jab at ya." Dean shrugged it off and began working on the Toyota again. "You could always come babysit Miranda for us if you want." Benny suggested. Dean had always thought Miranda was one of the cutest kids he'd ever seen and she was a sweetheart. He'd babysat her before and it had been so easy, at times he forgot she was even there. She hardly ever cried and she was fun to play with.

      "Well if you ever need help, I'm there. Just gimme' a call." Benny nodded before sliding under the car and out of Dean's view. Dean glanced at the clock and sighed. He'd have to wait another 6 hours before he saw Cas. Dean thought about what they should do for dinner. _Pasta? No I already did that...I could always make my famous burgers...Cas did say he liked burgers. Alright then, burgers it is. Plus I think I saw some hamburger meat in Cas' fridge yesterday..._

"Dean? You gonna work or just stand there and stare at the ceiling all day?" Benny asked with a laugh from beside him. Dean snapped out of it and cleared his throat.

        "Sorry man. Must of spaced out."

         "Mhm...damn you really do got it bad brother." Benny said. Dean got on his board and slid under the car.  _Oh man...I really do got it bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter because I have so much stuff I have to get done today. Hope you guys are liking it and I would really appreciate any comments and/or feedback. Your guys' comments make me want to write more and they make me super happy ^_^ (Also just as an update my dog is doing much better with medication and some TLC and again thank you for those comments of support). Love you guys (✿ヘᴥヘ)


	17. Confessions and Cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean share their pasts and realize they have more in common than they thought. Lots of feelings and fluff ^_^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Mention of past alcoholism and drug abuse

         **"D** ean? Are you home?" Cas asked as he slid his coat off and hung it up on the closet door. He saw Dean's head pop out from behind the kitchen wall and he smiled warmly.

        "Hey, Cas. I made burgers!" Dean said with a toothy grin. 

        "Really? But I don't have any buns." Cas replied as he sauntered into the kitchen. He sat at one of the chairs as Dean rested a plate in front of him. 

        "Well I kind of figured that so I just stopped at the store. Actually, I went to a different place than usual because its closer to your house. Some British guy was way too handsy with me so I don't think I'm going there again." Dean said as he laid a burger on Cas' bun. Cas was slightly annoyed at Balthazar for hitting on his boyfriend, but it wasn't as if he knew they were dating. Plus Balth was handsy with everyone, really. 

         "I believe you just met my friend Balthazar. He's like that with everyone." Cas said as he squirted ketchup onto his burger. Cas glanced up at Dean to find him standing there with a frown.

         "Including you?" Dean asked, almost hesitantly. Cas didn't see any reason to lie so he nodded.

         "Hes asked me out numerous times but he knows he'll never get anywhere with me. Balth is just a friend Dean, nothing more." Cas reassured. Dean's face seemed to frown deeper and he bit his lip.

         "Balth, huh?" Dean mumbled. Cas stared at Dean with questioning. Was he actually jealous of Balthazar? And now Dean looked like he was a kid who just had their toy taken away. Cas sighed and grabbed the collar of Dean's shirt, pulling him down towards Cas' mouth. He pecked his lips gently onto Dean's and pulled back slightly.

         "You have no reason to be jealous, Dean. You're the best thing that's every happened to me, and I'd be a fool to throw that away. You're mine, and I'm yours." Cas finished with another peck to Dean's lips. Dean sighed before slotting their mouths together and gripping the back of Cas' head. Cas didn't know that Dean would be the jealous type, but he loved the fact that he was. Dean pulled away with a bashful smile and sat down beside Cas. 

          "...Sorry...I'm not normally like this." Dean said with a sigh. Cas smiled and decided to not further embarrass Dean anymore and drop the subject. Cas picked up his burger and took a bite, almost dropping it as he groaned. 

          "Dean...this is amazing. What did you put in here to make it taste like this?" Cas asked around another mouthful. Dean's bashful smile returned and he shrugged nonchalantly.

          "Some spices. They're not  _that_ good." Dean said. 

         "You're kidding me right? These are amazing, Dean. And I'm not just saying that. Really." Cas said as he took another bite. He hadn't even put the burger down once and he didn't plan to. Dean blushed before taking a bite from his own burger.

          "How was work?" Dean asked, seeming to change the subject.

          "Slow, as usual. A lady came in looking for a parrot and hollered at me for not having any. When I told her that they were loud and messy, she flipped me off and left." Dean suppressed a laugh and rolled his eyes.

          "All that for a freakin' parrot? Man, some people are just down right nuts." Cas nodded in agreement.

          "How was _your_  work today?" Cas asked. Dean finished chewing and cleared his throat.

          "It was fine. Nothin' really eventful happened except...well I told my friend Benny that we're together." Cas looked up at Dean with surprise.  _I thought he wanted us to be on the down low?_

"Really? But Dean, I thought you didn't want people finding out about us." 

          "Well...Benny and I go way back. I figured I could trust him and surprisingly he didn't freak about me being with a dude. Actually, he told me that he already knew I was into them." Dean laughed. 

          "Well I also told my brother and his wife today. I hope that was okay..." Cas asked. Dean sighed and licked his lips.

          "Guess were not so good at keeping this under wraps, huh?" Cas laughed and shook his head.

          "Guess not." Dean and Cas stared at each other for a few minutes before Dean apparently decided that enough was enough. Cas gasped slightly as Dean pulled him out of the chair and walked him to the living room before pushing Cas onto the couch. Dean straddled Cas' thighs and leaned in toward him.

          "I couldn't stop thinking about you today.." Dean whispered as he pressed a hot kiss to Cas' neck. Cas brought Dean's lips to his own and bit gently.

          "Me neither..." Dean licked Cas' bottom lip before kissing him. Cas moaned as he felt Dean's erection press against his own. "I've been meaning to ask you..." Cas said as Dean began unbuttoning Cas' shirt. Dean glanced up at him with a grin.

          "Meaning to ask me what?" Dean said before continuing to unclasp the buttons.

          "You were telling the truth when you said you didn't have experience with guys before, right?" Cas asked. Deans fingers stopped and he glanced up at Cas.

          "Not...not completely." Dean said guiltily. Cas gripped Deans chin and brought his face in front of his.

          "It's okay, Dean. I kind of assumed after last night." Cas smirked. Dean smiled but there was something off about it. "Is something wrong?" Cas asked. Dean shifted uncomfortably in his lap and picked at one of Cas' undone buttons.

          "It was back in High School...there was this guy that I liked. He was the first dude that I had had any feelings about so..it was terrifying you know? Anyways, the guy ended up liking me back and we dated secretly for a little while. I mean, until my dad found us fooling around in the back of the impala. My dad had been so mad at me that he threw a lamp and almost choked me. I was so scared that night..." Dean bit his lip as he thought back. "I'm terrified of being who I really am because of that." Dean sighed. 

          "So that's why you were acting the way you were the first few days after we met?" Cas asked sympathetically. Dean nodded and pressed a small kiss to Cas' collarbone. "I'm sorry your dad made you feel that way. My dad was the same. He caught me flipping through explicit male magazines and made me go to confession to repent for my sinful ways. He didn't let me out of his sight throughout high school but I still managed to get a few hours away. I actually met my ex during that time." Cas was timid in talking about his ex, but he wanted Dean to know everything. He hated the idea of keeping secrets from him. "He um...well we went out for 8 years actually." Deans eyes widened and he sat up straighter with curiosity. 

           "What happened?" Dean asked hesitantly. Cas ran his fingers through his hair and shrugged. 

           "I found him plowing into another man on our bed....twice." Cas stated bluntly. Dean's eyes filled with anger and sympathy. Dean suddenly wrapped his arms around Cas and hugged him closely.

           "Well he missed out." Dean mumbled into Cas' ear. Cas' heart thumped and he dug his head into Deans shoulder. 

           "He's the reason I started drinking. I stopped after I found Wings and that's why I don't drink now." Cas added. He figured Dean already knew he was an ex-alcoholic but he wanted to tear the walls between them further. Dean pulled back and shrugged his plaid shirt off. 

            "I already showed these to you but...I guess I should give you a background as to why I have them." Dean said referring to his scars. Cas glanced at Dean's arm and shook his head.

            "Only if you want to Dean. You don't have to if you don't want to."

            "I want to." Dean stated immediately. Cas sat back and nodded, his eyes occasionally glancing at Dean's scars.

            "Well, when I was a teen, I was a rebellious little shit." Dean said with a faint smile. "I mean, I was the kind of kid that would light up bags of shit on a porch and tp people's houses on Halloween. Anyways, once I graduated I decided to move in with some of my buddies so I could get away from my dad. I felt bad leaving Sam there but my dad was always on his best behavior around him, so I wasn't too worried. My friends were all into drugs and parties and all that shit but they never pressured me into anything. Until my closest friend John got a new dealer."

             "Crowley?" Cas asked quietly. Dean nodded.

             "Bingo. Crowley was a cool guy and he took to John and I almost instantly. When Crowley offered us a job, we agreed and moved out to live with him and his group. We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into, I mean, we were just stupid kids. Then I went into a state of depression, and I couldn't get out of it. I asked Crowley for something to help me relax and he gave me one of his "happy" pills, as he calls them. It was my first time taking drugs, and it started something that ruined me..." Dean said as he traced one of the small, circular scars. "I got into drugs pretty heavily after that...the way they made me feel...they just took away all my pain, ya know? I knew they were temporary and it wasn't solving anything, but I didn't really care back then. I'll be 7 months clean tomorrow..." Dean practically whispered. Cas kissed one of the scars and smiled.

              "Congratulations, Dean. You should be proud. Not many people can pull themselves away from things like that. I'll be 3 years sober in a week. I guess we both have earned ourselves a celebration." Dean smiled and looked at Cas.

               "What did you have in mind?" Dean asked. Cas trailed his eyes downwards, taking in every inch of Dean. He slowly trailed his eyes back up and they locked with Deans. Dean seemed to see what he was implying and leaned in for a kiss. It was soft and loving, and Cas couldn't get enough. He didn't think he would ever get tired of kissing Dean.                                                                                     --------------------------------------------------------------------------

                Dean woke with a start, his chest heaving rapidly as he tried to control his breathing. He felt Cas' arms wrap around his waist and he took a few deep breaths,

                "Another nightmare, Dean?" Cas said from beside him. Dean looked over at Cas who was staring at him with worry in his eyes.

                "...yeah." Dean replied shamefully. He hated that every time he did this it woke up Cas and deprived him of his sleep.

                "You want to talk about it?" Cas said as he pressed a kiss to Dean's shoulder. 

                "No..." Dean had told Cas that night about some of his past, but he didn't have the courage to tell him everything. He could only imagine what Cas would say if Dean ever told him about the bad things he had done. His nightmares were normally caused by memories of blood, murder, screams, and Crowley. He knew a way to get rid of them, but he had to mentally fight with himself on why it was a bad idea to go back to his old ways. A quick shot of heroin and he could be on could 9 for the rest of the night. He closed his eyes and willed himself to stop thinking about it. Even though it had been 6 months, his cravings never subsided. It took every fiber of his willpower to resist looking around the neighbor for a hookup. 

                "Go back to sleep Dean. I'm here..." Cas reassured as he gently lowered Dean back down onto the bed.

                 Dean felt one of Cas' legs drape on top of his and he turned into Cas' chest. His hand gripped his shirt and he took a deep breath, breathing in Cas. He hummed appreciatively as he felt Cas' fingers card through his hair slowly in a rhythmic motion. This was almost routine now; every time Dean woke up from a nightmare they would do this. Dean was used to having to suffer by himself, after years of being alone. But Cas made him feel safe, secure...loved. Dean still couldn't get used to the feeling of being loved. Sure, Sammy and Bobby loved him, but not in the same way Cas does.

                  "Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song, and make it better..." Cas whispered from above him. Dean pictured his mom singing this to him every night. He had told Cas about it a few days ago and now it was something Cas did to try and get Dean to fall asleep.

                 "...And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain.. don't carry the world upon your shoulders. For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool, by making his world a little colder..."

                  Dean felt like a child having to be sang to sleep, but he couldn't seem to care. He loved listening to Cas sing, even if he wasn't the best at it. It was the way Cas put all his effort into singing it just right, as if he was giving a part of his soul to Dean through song, that made Dean swoon with every word. Cas' singing turned into a dull hum and Dean felt himself beginning to succumb to sleep. The rhythmic beat of Cas' heart drowned out Dean's fears and he gripped Cas' shirt tighter. He felt as though if he were to let go, Cas would be gone. It had happened so many times before...so many times Dean had woken up alone.Woken up to cold sheets and an empty bed. He never wanted to lose Cas, but he knew deep in his mind that the inevitable would happen. Cas would realize that he deserved better and leave Dean for someone more worthy of Cas' love and affection. Someone who deserved it.

                 Cas' fingers continued to card through his hair and Dean eyes grew heavier. Even though he knew he couldn't be this happy forever, he decided to savor every moment with Cas. Dean knew this could never last, so he made sure to take in every moment, every touch, every kiss, every word...so that in times when he was down and alone, he would have something to remember. Memories of laughs and smiles, of cuddling and kissing, of watching Cas eat his first pancake, of Cas' face when Darth Vadar announced that he was Luke's father, of Cas' toothy grin and crows feet that bunched up around his eyes when he smiled. Dean thought of Cas' face the first time they made love; he would never forget Cas' debauched face as he puffed hot breathes from his mouth, his eyes hooded and lips swollen.

                 "I love you." Dean whispered. 

                 "I love you too, Dean." Cas replied quietly. Dean smiled and snuggled up to Cas' side, letting sleep take him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to update a little earlier this week because I finally have some free time. I'll probably update again on Saturday (no promises though). I feel like the story is probably going to end soon because I'm not getting much feedback on it so I'm not sure if people are still enjoying it. If you want me to keep it up just let me know and I will. The next chapter is FOR SURE going to have bottom!Dean involved (something to look forward to) and I'm super stoked about writing it. Hope everyone's healthy and having a good week. Stay wonderful (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


	18. A Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean picks up his dad to take him to the hospital, Cas gets to talk to one of his regulars who claims to be psychic, and Dean goes to the doctor to see if they can help him get some sleep. Dean finally trusts Cas and sexy times ensue near the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Some references to past drug abuse and NSFW near the end.

**D** ean groaned as his alarm on his phone blared from across the room.  _Fuck...I forgot it was Tuesday..._ He glanced over at Cas who was still asleep and sighed. All he wanted to do was stay in bed and cuddle with Cas. With another groan, he heaved himself out of the warm embrace of the sheets and turned off the alarm. He trudged to the bathroom and a few minutes later he was dressed and ready to go. He looked over at Cas again and smiled. He walked softly towards him and planted a kiss on his temple. Cas stirred but didn't wake up so Dean walked out of the room. 

      It was a sunny morning, and Dean loved it. He was one of those weirdos that actually enjoyed the heat so summer was his favorite time of the year. The forecast had predicted sunny skies until next Wednesday and Dean was ecstatic. He opened the door to the impala and sat down.  _Maybe we should do something this weekend..._ Dean thought. It would be a shame to waste beautiful weather like this, and he'd be damned if he stayed inside all week. Plus he had Saturday off and Cas could probably take one day off without it hurting his business too much. Maybe he could call up Sam too and see if he wanted to come. Hell, he could invite Charlie and Benny as well just for the hell of it. Dean started up the car and thought about where the best place to go would be. The park?  _Nah...too many kids running around._ The Lake?  _Shit I think its off-limits for a few months because of littering..._ The beach? _Now there's an idea...plus I'd get to see Cas in a bathing suit._ Dean smiled at the thought and drove towards his father's complex.

 

       "How are ya dad?" Dean asked as he shut the door for him and thanked Jess. 

       "Peachy. My son is 24 minutes late and I have terminal cancer. How the hell do you think I'm doin' boy?" John said bitterly. Dean grit his teeth to refrain from making a snippy comment. It was best to just let John vent and not say anything. It would be a losing battle and Dean didn't want to argue today.

      "You like nurse Jess? She seems like Sam's type. Thinkin' about setting them up." Dean said with no real intention of starting a conversation. He really was thinking off setting them up though. He had seen how flirty they were with each other at Sam' party. 

      "She ain't your type?" John asked as he stared out the window. Dean pictured Cas and shook his head.

      "Not really. Shes pretty but, I'm good." 

      "Oh that's right. Your more into the masculine type, eh Dean-o?" John bit. Dean grasped the steering wheel tighter and willed himself not to throw his dad out of the car. It was amazing that John hadn't let that go for over 15 something years. No one could hold  a grudge like John Winchester. John continued to stare out the window and shake his head. "Where did I go wrong..." John mumbled quietly to himself. Dean had heard him and his knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel even tighter. 

        

       After what felt like hours, Dean finally pulled up to the hospital and got out to open his dads door. His usual doctor came out and greeted him with a smile.

       "How're we doin' today Mr. Winchester?" The man asked. John flipped him off and wheeled towards the double glass doors. "Still full of spirit I see." The doctor said with a scowl. 

       "Sorry about him." Dean said as he opened the drivers side. The doctor sighed and shook his head.

       "Mans on his last thread. I don't blame em' for being a dick." The doctor said before leaving.  _Hes always been a dick..._ Dean thought bitterly as he got in and drove off. 

 

      Dean walked into the apartment and was greeted by the smell of coffee and Wings brushing up against his leg. He lightly pet his head and walked into the kitchen to find Cas with his head in his arms.

      "Cas? You okay?" Dean asked, touching his shoulder lightly. Cas bolted his head up and blinked.

      "I must have fallen asleep again..." Cas said as he yawned and rubbed his eyes. Dean felt the guilt of waking Cas up every night and obviously it was taking its toll on the poor guy. 

       "You're not opening the shop today?" Dean asked as he pulled out a mug for himself. Cas shrugged and stood up, slipping his arms around Deans waist.

       "I already stopped by at 6 to feed the animals, but i decided to open a little later today. I'm just so tired." Cas mumbled into Dean's neck. Dean once again felt that pang of guilt and sighed.

        "Sorry Cas...I've been keepin' you up huh?" Dean sighed. 

        "Its not your fault Dean. I can live with a few lost hours of sleep, so long as you're okay." Cas said before pressing a kiss to the back of Dean's neck. 

        "Maybe I can talk to a doctor about getting some sleeping pills or something." Dean suggested. Cas hummed behind him and rested his forehead on the back of Dean's shoulder.

        "Are you sure you're ready?" Cas whispered. Dean tensed up and bit his lip.

        "Maybe. I could always try it and see. Worse comes to worse you can take them away from me and I'll try something else." Dean sighed. He wasn't sure if he was ready or not, but he was desperate for a full night of sleep. This waking up on and off again crap was getting old. 

         "That sounds like a plan to me. Want me to come with you?" Cas asked as he let go of Dean and stretched his arms over his head. Dean shrugged.

         "Nah, its okay. Maybe I'll see if Bobby will let me go before I have to pick up my dad at 10." Dean said as he watched Cas stretch. Cas muscles tightened as he stretched and Dean couldn't help but lick his lips. 

         "Well whatever works. Oh by the way, my brother will be staying the night later in the evening. I forgot to tell you." Cas said.

         "Alright. I kinda want to meet him anyways." Dean smiled. Cas looked relieved and smiled back.

         "You really don't mind?" Cas asked again. Dean rolled his eyes.

         "Of course I don't mind, Cas. Its _your_ apartment." Dean assured him.

         "Thank you...well I guess I should go now..." Cas pouted. Dean chuckled and grabbed his collar, pulling him in for a kiss. Cas moaned into it and slid his tongue across Dean's lips. Dean groaned and pushed him away lightly. 

         "If you start that, you'll never get to work." Dean said. Cas sighed heavily and pecked Dean one last time.

         "Well, I guess we'll have to continue later tonight then." Cas said with a wink before opening the door and shutting it behind him. Dean blushed and cleared his throat before walking to his room and grabbing his bag. He could feel his pants slightly tighter in the crotch area from Cas' promise and he adjusted himself.  _He didn't even really say anything and you're already hard? Nice, Winchester. Nice._

_\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Well ma'am, because you have a hound dog, I highly suggest this type of collar. Its made specifically for dogs with narrow heads and it should help you on walks." Cas suggested to the lady. The woman, she was and older woman with chocolate skin and claimed to be psychic. She was one of Cas' regulars and he always enjoyed her company.

          "Well Daisy is quite the puller, but I'll try it out. Thank you Castiel." She said with a smile as she picked out the collar she wanted. Cas nodded and continued standing there, just in case she had any more questions. She was currently the only one in the store and Cas didn't really want to be left alone. "By the way, are you dating someone?" The woman asked as she stood up, collar in hand. Cas stuttered for a moment before clearing his throat.

           "That's very flattering ma'am but you're not exactly-" The woman lightly hit his shoulder and rolled her eyes.

            "I'm not hittin' on you boy. Heavens, I could be your grandmother!" She said with a laugh. Cas exhaled with relief and laughed slightly at himself for being so stupid. "I just sensed that you have someone in your life at the moment. Someone you care deeply for." She finished with a smile. Cas thought of green eyes and freckles and sighed dreamily.

            "His name is Dean." Cas said as he led her to the cash register. 

            "Ooh, Dean? You've been together for...2 weeks?" She asked with her eyebrows raised.

            "Close but its only been about a week and a half. You're pretty good though ma'am." Cas said as he rung up the collar.

            "Oh please, call me Missouri." The woman said extending her hand. Cas took and shook with a smile.

            "Well, Missouri, I must say, you are pretty good for a psychic." Cas repeated. He put the collar in a bag and handed it to her.

            "Well thank you Castiel. Would you like a reading sometime? My shop is just down the street." Missouri said. Cas thought for a moment before shrugging.

            "Why not? That could be fun." Cas smiled. Missouri smiled back warmly and took her bag.

            "My shops name is Brews and Bits. Stop by anytime and I'll give you one for free as a thank you for being so nice. You can bring your boyfriend if you want a couples reading." Missouri suggested. Cas took the card that she handed him and put it in his back pocket.

            "I'll ask him. Thank you so much, Missouri." Missouri nodded and walked out. Cas never really believed in all that stuff, but Missouri was such a nice woman he couldn't refuse. Plus, it could count as a date with Dean, which they still hadn't gone on. It was hard to believe that they had only met about a week ago and already he felt as if they knew each other for years. Normally, it would take Cas months to establish a relationship with someone and feel comfortable with them. But something about Dean made him feel so loved, so..wanted. Cas straightened up when he heard the bell ring on the door and smiled.

                                                       ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

           "So, what seems to be the problem?" The doctor asked as he sat down in a chair. Dean tried to relax and took a deep breath. He hated hospitals. 

           "I've uh...I've been having trouble sleeping." Dean said. The doctor nodded and jotted down something. 

           "How long has thing been going on?" The doctor asked looking up through his glasses. Dean thought and ended up just guesstimating.

           "Uh...I'm not sure really...maybe 8 years? 10?" Dean shrugged. The doctors eyebrows raised and he jotted down some more on his pad.

           "8 to 10 years huh? Why haven't you come in sooner?" The doc asked. Dean bit his lip.  _I guess I have to be honest with him...hes a doctor so it'll stay confidential, right?_

"I had a bit of a...a bit of a drug problem. I've been clean 6 months." Dean said with shame. The doc didn't seem to change facial expressions and nodded.

           "Drug abuse is common to patients who have trouble sleeping. We see it all the time, don't worry. And it seems that all your vitals are good which is always great. SO what do you think caused the sleep loss? Was there a traumatic experience in your life, perhaps?" The doc asked. Dean tensed up.  _Traumatic experience? Oh man...I've had so many..._

           "Well...my mom died when I was 10. And uh...my dad got diagnosed with cancer a few months back. And when I was 19 I uh..." Dean swallowed harshly and bit his lip. "I was...raped." Dean whispered. The doctor raised his eyebrows and his face was sympathetic.

           "You've had a tough life, huh? Well, I guarantee that those are the reasons your sleep has been deprived. I can write you a prescription for some doxepin but, with your recent drug addiction, I'm not sure if its the best decision." 

           "I should be okay. My boy- uh my friend has promised to keep a close eye on me." Dean assured him. The doctor nodded and wrote down some more.

           "Well then I'll write you the prescription. I'll also give you my card just in case you have any problems or difficulties with the medication. Now, you should take this medication orally, usually once nightly within 30 minutes before bedtime on an empty stomach. Don't take it within 3 hours of a meal because the effect of the medication will be delayed. Also, don't take more than 6 milligrams a day. Do you have any questions?" Dean shook his head and the doctor stood up. "Well then Mr. Winchester, here's your prescription. Just walk down the hall and wait for your name to be called. Bring this to the front window. Remember to give me a call if you have any questions." The doctor said before handing Dean the prescription and his card and leaving. Dean got dressed and walked down the hall, stopping in his tracks and groaning. The waiting room was filled to the point where there wasn't even an empty chair left for him to sit down.  _This is going to be a long wait..._

2 hours later, Dean had his pills and made him way back to Baby. Once in the car, the sudden realization of the situation dawned on him. He glanced down at the paper bag and swallowed.  _Just a little look..._ Dean opened the bag and glanced inside before quickly shutting it again and putting his hands on the steering wheel. He glanced back down at the bag and opened it again cautiously. The familiarity of the orange bottle made him shiver and he took a deep breath through his nose.  _You can do this...just  pick up dad and then drive back to work and ignore it._ Dean willed his eyes away from the bottle and started up the car. John's pickup place was only 5 minutes away so he didn't have to drive very far. He grabbed the bag and threw it into the back when he saw his father being wheeled outside the doors. 

           "How is he?" Dean asked as he shut the door after his dad. The nurse that had wheeled him out sighed.

           "Not very good, Mr. Winchester. The doctor said that even with extensive radiation treatment and care, he only has a few months left...if that." The nurse said quietly. Dean nodded and thanked her before getting in the car. The car was silent for most of the drive, a heavy tension filling the air. 

           "We should have a family dinner." John said, breaking the silence. 

           "Sounds good. Gimme a date and time and I'll plan it." Dean said. He knew that his dad wasn't going to be around much longer, and he would want the same thing if he was in his shoes. 

           "Maybe Saturday...If they let me off the fucking leash of course." John bit. Dean rolled his eyes and turned onto the freeway. 

           "Alright, I'll call the family and see who can make it. Where we meeting?" Dean asked. 

           "Not my place that's for damn sure. How bout' your house." John said as more of a statement than a question.  _Crap...I never told him I moved out..._

           "How bout' Sams place?" Dean suggested hoping his dad wouldn't persist further. John thought for a moment before nodding.

           "Fine. His place would be better anyway." John sighed. Dean knew that his dad was implying that Deans place was crap, and he tried not to say anything. Sure, his old place wasn't the nicest and Cas' apartment was kind of small, but he was proud of where he lived. Fuck off, John. Once Dean dropped his dad off and pulled out of the driveway, he let out a long breath. His dad was becoming more and more difficult every day, and he didn't know how long it would take before Dean snapped. He looked at the review mirror and eyed the brown paper bag laying in the backseat. Luckily it was out of arms reach, but the temptation was so strong, it was terrifying. He hadn't realized how bad his addiction was until now. He shifted his mirror so the bag was out of view and continued driving towards work.

                                                   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

           "Hello Wings. Did you miss me?" Cas asked as he picked up the cat and pet him behind the ears. Wings purred and closed his eyes with satisfaction. Cas gently set him down before flipping on the lights to the living room. _Deans not home yet?_ Cas wondered as he glanced at the clock on the wall. It was only 8:09 so he wasn't too worried. Dean was probably on his way home right now. Cas picked up one of the pillows that had been thrown off the couch from last night and set it back where it belonged. He made his way to the bedroom and shrugged out of his shirt and pants before making his way to the shower. The day had been long and daunting and nothing sounded better than hot water on his sore muscles. One of the dogs had been particularly difficult and he ended up pulling a muscle in his thigh trying to get her into her cage for the night. He didn't blame the dog, and he wasn't spiteful. He'd be a bit grumpy too if he had to go into a cage every night. Cas hated putting them in there but he had no choice. He had tried leaving them in their play pen over night one time and found that two of them had gotten out and rampaged through the store. It had taken him 2 hours to get every thing back in order and he had decided right then and there that cages were a necessity. 

            Cas turned on the water and waited for it to warm up before stepping inside the tub and closing the curtain. He didn't bother shutting or locking the door because it was his apartment and he could care less if Dean walked in on him. Cas thought of Dean sucking him off under the water and he felt himself harden. He grabbed his semi-hard dick and gave a few pumps, sighing as he felt pleasure run up through his body. He leaned against the cool tile and gave a few more slow pulls before letting go and putting shampoo on his head. Hew as just working the soap into his hair when he heard the front door shut. His dick twitched with the thought of Dean joining him and he stepped under the water to rinse off. 

            "Cas?" Dean called from what sounded like the kitchen.

           "In the shower!" Cas called back. He almost jumped a few moment later when the curtains were pulled back and Dean was standing in front of him naked and hard. 

           "Mind if I join?" Dean asked lewdly. Cas had to catch his breath before shaking his head and moving over. Dean stepped in facing him, his chest just inches away from Cas'. Dean leaned his head back, letting the water run down his head and body. Cas followed the water with his eyes and bit back a small moan at the sight. 

            "How was work and the doctors?" Cas asked, clearing his throat. Dean leaned forward again and wrapped his arms around Cas' neck.

            "Good. Couldn't stop thinkin' about you though..." Dean mumbled as he pressed a wet kiss to Cas' collar bone. Cas shuddered and rested his hands on Dean's hips, squeezing the skin gently. 

            "Me neither...Need you." Cas whispered hotly in his ear before biting gently on Dean's earlobe. Dean's grip tightened and he slotted their mouths together, their tongues entwining with one another. Cas ran his hand down Dean's hips to grip his cheeks firmly. Dean let out a small yelp at the sudden touch and Cas gave another squeeze knowing it drove Dean crazy. Dean gripped Cas in his hand and gave a pull, making Cas moan and buck into his fist. Dean moved so he could grab both of their erections in one hand and twisted his hand, making Cas' toes curl. Cas pulled away from Dean's mouth to catch his breath, his chest heaving from the lack of oxygen. Dean quickly started planting kisses down Cas' chest, sucking small bruises into his hipbones. Cas could care less how much Dean marked him. He wanted the whole world to know that he was Dean's and felt nos shame in having a few hickeys showing. 

            Dean dropped to his knees and took Cas into his mouth, swirling his tongue on the tip and making Cas lean back against the tile and groan. He fisted his hands into Dean's hair and tried everything in his power not to thrust into his mouth, knowing Dean was still knew to this. Chocking on someones dick was not a turn on to everyone, especially beginners. 

            "Oh god Dean...mmm...god don't stop..." Cas moaned as Dean took him deeper and bobbed his head up and down, sending chills down Cas' spine. He could already feel his stomach fill with warmth and he pulled Dean off and gripped the base tightly. 

            "You close?" Dean said with a scratchy voice. Cas nodded and Dean kissed him again.

            "Mm..Dean...bed..." Cas mumbled from between Dean's lips. Dean nodded and turned off the water, and they practically raced each other to Cas' bedroom. Cas stubbed his toe on the edge of the bed and let out an assortment of curses while Dean laughed. Cas threw a pillow at him before jumping on top of him and straddling his thighs.

            "That wasn't funny. It hurt." Cas said half-serious. Dean smiled and kissed Cas, making him forget all about the pain in his toe.

             "M' sorry.." Dean whispered as he placed a kiss on Cas' neck. Cas sucked gently on a bit of skin on his chest before beginning to trail downwards. Dean laughed as Cas licked over his side and he glanced upwards. Dean had his mouth covered and was biting back laughter.

             "What?" Cas asked with a smile. Dean lowered his hand and bit his lip.

             "I'm ticklish there..." he said bashfully. Cas felt his heart melt at how cute Dean sounded and he placed another kiss to his side. Dean grabbed his hair and pushed him down, trying to get him away from that area. Cas fought back and was able to get a few more kisses there before swallowing Dean with one swift movement. Deans toes curled and he moaned as Cas felt the tip hit the back of his throat. Cas was always thankful that he was born without a gag reflex. 

              "Cas...god I'm so close...I'm gonna burst man..." Dean moaned from above him. Cas pulled off slowly and kissed Dean again. Cas dragged one of Deans hands and pulled it towards his entrance, silently asking him to open him up. Dean bit his lip and pulled his hand away, looking away from Cas. "I uh...I was wondering if...god this is so stupid." Dean mumbled.

              "What's stupid, Dean? Is everything okay?" Cas asked. Deans cheeks were beet red and he avoided eye contact with Cas. 

              "I want... I want..." Dean couldn't seem to get his words out and closed his eyes.

              "What do you want, Dean?" Cas asked. 

              "...you." Dean asked, peaking through one of his eyes. Cas thought for a moment, wondering what on earth Dean meant. Then hit him and his breath caught.

              "Really Are you sure?" Cas asked. Dean bit his lip and nodded. "Why the sudden change?" 

              "I uh...I want to feel you...inside me..." Dean mumbled, blushing red. Cas wasn't sure why he had changed his mind, but in that moment, he didn't care. Dean trusted him enough to do this, and he wanted to make sure it was as painless and pleasurable as possible. 

              "If you're sure, then spread your legs." Cas said in a gentle tone. He could tell that Dean was slightly scared but he opened his legs up slowly, giving Cas view he would never forget. Cas reached down into his drawer and brought out a bottle of lube and a condom. "If you're at all uncomfortable, tell me and I'll stop. Okay?" Cas asked as he coated his fingers with lube and tried to warm it up. Dean nodded and gripped the bed sheets beside him. Cas circled a finger around his entrance and Dean bit his lip. Cas made sure to go slow and he stopped whenever Dean tense up. He had gotten one finger in and Dean was already pushing down and practically begging for more. 

               "Can I add another one? Cas asked just to make sure. Dean nodded frantically and pushed down on his finger again.

               "Oh god yes, Cas...m-more..." Dean whined. Cas dick throbbed at Dean's pleas and he slipped another finger in beside the first. Dean gritted his teeth and gripped the sheets harder, the sudden stretch seeming to make him uncomfortable. Cas didn't move for a while, and waited for Dean to nod his head and let him continue. They continued this process for another 10 minutes or so before all four of Cas' fingers were inside Dean and Dean was mewling at the feeling of being full.

               "M-more...want you..." Dean pleaded through hot breaths. Cas slowly pulled his fingers out and Dean whimpered at the loss. After rolling the condom on and slicking his cock with lube, just to be safe, Cas lined himself up with Deans entrance and looked at him, asking for permission. Dean nodded and spread his legs wider, his knees now resting on his stomach. Cas pushed in slowly, gasping at how tight and hot Dean was. Cas hadn't topped in a while, and he wondered why he ever stopped. The feeling of Dean squeezing his dick made Cas moan and push in deeper. When Cas bottomed out, they both stayed where they were as they caught their breath. Dean's grip on the sheet lessened and he took a few breaths. 

                "Can I move...?" Cas asked. 

                "Y-yeah..be gentle though..." Dean whispered with short breaths. Cas slowly pulled out and then pushed back in, making deans toes curl and he let out a small moan. Cas repeated the motion, pulling out just a little father than the last. Cas hand found Dean's and he entwined their fingers together, their eyes never leaving one another's.  _This is what they call making love..._ Cas thought warmly as he pulled out further and pushed back in with a little more force. Deans mouth opened in a silent moan and Cas placed a kiss on his nose. Cas angled himself to the side more and thrusted in again, this time hitting Deans prostate and making Dean let out a yelp.

                 "Fuck!" Dean practically yelled as Cas thrusted against the spot again. Cas began picking up the pace and within 5 minutes he was thrusting into Dean with a rapid unrelenting pace. He made sure every thrust hit Dean's prostate and he could feel himself getting close. Cas wasn't sure how close Dean was but he wrapped his hand around Dean's shaft and gave a few pulls. Dean threw his head back and gripped the sheets, his knuckles turning white. 

                 "Mm...Dean...Your so tight...so hot..." Cas moaned as he continued thrusting into him. Dean hooked his legs around Cas' waist, pulling Cas in closer. 

                "M' close...god don't stop Cas...fuck I'm gonna cum..." Dean rasped. Cas knew he was close as well and thrusted faster and harder, making Dean mewl below him. One last thrust and Cas felt his stomach tighten and his orgasm overtook him. Dean followed right afterwards, spraying his release on his chest and the pillows near him. Their eyes were locked onto each other, their mouths both open with silent gasps. Cas leant down to capture Dean's lips with a kiss and Dean brought his hand to the back of Cas' head, pulling him in closer. 

                 "Cas I've been--oh jesus!" Gabriel hollered as the door was slammed shut. Cas whipped his head towards the door in shock and then looked back at Dean.

                 "Oh god...don't tell me that was him..." Dean groaned. Cas closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

                 "I do believe my brother just walked in on us." Cas sighed. Dean couldn't help but let out a small laugh as he kissed Cas' forehead.

                 "If it makes you feel any better...that was awesome." Dean said as he caught his breath. Cas looked down at Dean with a small smile.

                 "Really?" Cas asked. Dean pulled him in for another kiss.

                 "Really." Dean smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a little late. My depression is back and I ended up relapsing after 3 months of not self harming, so I wasn't in the best mood this week. I'm slightly better today and I decided that writing a chapter would help keep my mind off of it. So, here you guys go. We finally get to see bottom!dean and there's promise for a "beach" chapter coming soon. Thank you so much to the people who commented and told me how much they loved the story. It really made me happy and knowing that people are actually enjoying it made me want to continue writing it. Hope everyone is good and healthy, and I love you guys.(◕‿◕✿)


	19. A Good Night's Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Gabe and Kali. Dean is finally able to get some sleep after taking his new medication and receives an odd letter in the mail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIde note:: Kali is actually who I was previously referring to as Kala. I messed up the names so just as an fyi, "Kala" will now be "Kali" in the rest of the story. My bad lol

     "So you're the famous Dean I've heard so much about." Gabe said with a smirk as Dean and Cas entered the kitchen, now wearing pants. 

     "Heh, yeah. That's me. Listen man, I'm so sorry--"

     "Don't worry about it Dean-o. I can't even count the amount of times Cassie here has walked in on me and Kali." Gabe laughed as Cas closed his eyes and sighed. Dean couldn't really see the resemblance in Gabe, but for some reason it was obvious that him and Cas were brothers. Dean smiled as he saw Gabe hug Cas and whisper something in his ear, making Cas blush and look down at the ground. 

      "So you must be Kali." Dean said as he put his hand out for the woman to shake. She was a beautiful Indian woman with tanned skin and dark, black hair. She was the epitome of gorgeous and Dean found her breath taking. Not in a "I wanna tap that" sort of way, but there was no denying that she was absolutely stunning.

      "I am. Its nice to meet you Dean. We've heard so much about you from Castiel." Kali smiled.

      "Good things, I hope." Dean joked. 

      "Would you guys like some tea? Coffee?" Cas asked from where he was talking with Gabe. 

      "I'll have a coffee; extra sugar." Gabe said before sitting down next to his wife. 

      "I'm fine, hun. Thanks though." Kali smiled. Cas looked over at Dean and he shook his head. If he had coffee now, he would never get sleep. He thought back to the pills he had in his bag and he felt a shiver run down his spine.

       "So Dean, didn't peg you for a bottom." Gabe said with his eyebrow quirked. Dean choked and had a coughing fit.

       "Excuse Gabriel for his bluntness. Hes never really had a filter. And Gabe, for your information, I'm usually the bottom." Cas smirked before starting up the coffee pot. That last comment made Gabe cough slightly and Dean couldn't help but laugh. 

       "Hows the store lately, Cassie?" Gabe asked seemingly wanting to change the subject. 

       "Not that great, as usual. I'm hoping when Christmas comes around business will be better but, who knows." Cas sighed. Dean put his hand on Cas shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze. Cas smiled up at him and Dean had to refrain from giving him a peck on the lips. He still wasn't completely comfortable with having every know he was dating a  guy, and Gabe had met him in a way that Dean wished he could change. Meeting your little brothers boyfriend for the first time should not be when said boyfriend has your little brothers dick up his ass. 

       "So what do you do Dean?" Kali asked. 

       "I'm a mechanic for my Uncle Bobby. Its not the best paying job but, I love it." Dean smiled. 

        "A mechanic huh? You mind checking out my car real quick? Its been making this weird rattling noise for days and I just can't figure out whats wrong with it." Gabe sighed.

        "Oh yeah, I can help you out. You wanna do it now or wait till' tomorrow morning?" Dean asked. He loved fixing cars and he figured he could get on Gabe's good graces if he fixed his car for free. 

        "Well we can go out there now if you want." Gabe said as he stood up and pushed his chair in.

        "Alright, cool. Show me the way." Dean patted Cas back before following Gabe outside and out into the driveway. 

        "So, like I said, its been making this rattling noise. Here, listen to this..." Gabe said as he turned on the ignition. Dean listened for a while before determining what the problem was.

       "Well it sounds like either your suspension or your exhaust pipe is damaged. Let me grab my tools and I'll check it out." Dean said as he ran back into the house to get his tools. He came back down and laid on the ground, slowly crab crawling backwards until he could see.

        "So...you love my brother?" Gabe asked from above.  _Oh man...here comes the protective brother talk._ Dean had done the same thing to many of Sams ex-girlfriends so he knew the drill.

        "Honestly, yeah." Dean said as he grabbed a wrench from his tool kit. 

        "Well, I'm cool with that. And you seem like a good guy. But I'm telling you this now Dean, you make my brother cry and I'll hunt you down and castrate you." Gabe said with all seriousness. 

         "I'm not going to make Cas cry and I don't plan to in the future." Dean replied. 

         "Well good. Because hes always been really sensitive and giving, and a lot of people take advantage of that." Gabe said solemnly. Dean was a little pissed that people would even try to take advantage of Cas, and the way Gabe had said it sounded like it had happened a few times in the past.

         "I would never take advantage of Cas. Listen, I know where you're coming from, Gabe. I'm an older brother too and I know what its like. But I can honestly say that I have no ill intentions towards your brother. Honestly." Dean reassured him as he slid out from under the car. "Now, could you start up the car and see if the rattling is still there?" Gabe started the car and smiled widely when nothing was heard.

         "Well shit, Dean. You've only been under there for like 5 minutes. You must be one hell of a mechanic." Gabe said slapping him on the back. Dean shrugged and wiped his hands off on the rag that he had stashed in his tool kit.

         "Well fixin' cars is really the only thing I can do. I've never been book smart so, I've pretty much been fixing up cars since I was 12." Gabe whistled, impressed. 

         "You sure you don't want me to pay you?" Gabe asked as they made their way back to the apartment. 

         "Nah, don't sweat it. It wasn't really a big problem anyways." Dean smiled. He liked Gabe. 

                                            --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

       "So he's cute." Kali said with a grin while Cas poured himself a cup of coffee. Cas nodded in agreement and took a sip from his mug.

       "That's a bit of an understatement." Cas smiled. Kali laughed and crossed her legs so she was facing Cas.

       "Are you sure you guys aren't taking this too fast? I mean, you've only met a week ago and you've only been dating for...well for a really short time. And hell, I mean hes already moved in with you." Kali motioned to the apartment. Cas sighed and set his mug down, crossing his arms.

       "Well him moving in here was completely unrelated to us dating. It was...a rather difficult time for him and I had offered. As for taking things too fast, your probably right. But, honestly Kali, I don't care. I'm just happy that hes happy." Cas smiled warmly. Kali clutched near her heart and squealed slightly. 

       "You guys are so cute together too. So long as you are both happy together, I don't see anything wrong with it. Does his family know?" Kali asked. 

       "Well...his brother does. Other than that, no. He's just coming to terms with his sexuality and he's terrified of his family finding out. Particularly his father. Oh Kali, wait till' you meet this asshole." Cas said shaking his head.   
       

        "His father is a homophobe?" Kali asked. Cas nodded.

       "Oh definitely. And some things happened back when Dean was a teenager that...lets just keep it at 'hes an asshole'. Its not my story to tell." Cas finished as he took another drink. Just then Gabe and Dean came back into the room and Cas and Kali decided it was time to change the subject. Cas made sure not to give away too much of Deans past because as he said, it wasn't his story to tell. 

        "Well, I'm fucking exhausted from driving all day." Gabe yawned.

        "I'll pull out the couch and bring you guys some sheets." Cas said before making his way to the hallway closet. 

        "You'll be here in the morning right? I hate cutting this off but I'm just so fucking tired." Gabe sighed.

        "I will be here, yes. I'm not too sure about Dean though."

        "Oh uh, I'm not sure. If you wake up before 8 then I will be but I gotta get to work by 8:30."

        "Well if we miss you and you leave before we wake up, it was nice meeting you, Dean." Kali smiled as she followed behind Gabriel to the living room. 

        "Yeah, man. And thanks for fixin' up my car." Gabe gave him a thumbs up before taking the sheets that Cas had handed to him. 

        "Its no problem. It was nice meeting you guys too." Dean smiled. Cas felt his heart warm up and handed two pillows to Kali. He was so glad that they had gotten along. Gabe had never really behaved when he had company over, so for him and Dean to hit it off so quickly, it was truly a blessing. 

         "Goodnight, Gabriel. Goodnight Kali. I'll see you in the morning." Cas said as he followed Dean down to the bedroom. 

         "No more doing the nasty while I'm here! I want to be able to sleep without hearing you two yahoo's getting it on all night!" Gabe shouted form the living room. Cas rolled his eyes and shut the bedroom door behind him.

                                                       -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

         "I think that went well." Cas said as he undid his pants. Dean laughed lightly and shrugged his shirt off.

         "Yeah, really well. Especially considering the fact that your brother freakin' walked in on us doing it." Dean snorted. Cas gave him a look that made Dean laugh.

          "Yes well, be glad it was Gabriel and not one of my other brothers. So how was the doctors? Did you get something to help you sleep?" Cas asked. Dean thought of the pill bottle and his heart beat loudly in his hcest.

          "Oh yeah. Its uh, Doxepin. I'm supposed to take one 30 minutes before bed." Dean said as he rummaged through his bag to find the bottle. He pulled it out and showed it to Cas.

          "I can hold onto them if you like." Cas suggested. Dean looked between Cas and the bottle and bit his lip.

          "It uh....It might be better if you take em'. Dean said holding it out towards Cas. Cas put his hand around it but Dean found that his fingers stayed glued to the plastic. Cas pulled a little more this time and Deans fingers gave up, letting Cas have the bottle. Cas gave him a look of sympathy and set them on his side table.

          "Have you taken one yet?" Cas asked. Dean shook his head and Cas picked out one of the pills and handed it towards Dean. Dean grabbed the pill, probably a little too eagerly and swallowed it dry. "Do you uh...do you want some water?"Cas asked.

         "Nah its okay. I just hope this thing works." Dean sighed as he slid under the covers. Cas followed and wrapped his arms around Dean's torso.

         "Me too. You deserve a good nights sleep." Cas mumbled as he closed his eyes and snuggled up to dean's chest. Dean wrapped an arm around Cas and kissed the top of his head.

         "I meant what I said." Dean said. 

        "What do you mean?" Cas asked.

        "It was amazing." Dean smiled. Cas' head perked up and he kissed Dean gently on the lips.

        "Well I'm glad. Goodnight, Dean." Cas said, retaking his position. 

        "Night, Cas." Dean said. Dean continued to sit there and stare at nothing for what had to have been almost an hour and he wasn't feeling anything. He glanced over at the orange bottle and bit his lip. Maybe one wasn't enough? His system could have been used to heavy drugs so he needs more than the recommended amount. Its possible...Dean glanced down to see Cas fast asleep on his stomach. Dean flicked his eyes back up to the bottle.   _One more couldn't hurt..._

        Dean slowly pulled the covers up, his feet lightly landing on the soft carpet. He tiptoed to the side table and picked up the bottle. He couldn't help the feeling of guilt, knowing that he probably shouldn't be doing this. He wasn't going to down the whole bottle or anything but, he knew it was still sneaking.  _Just one more pill. Just one._ Dean shook one out and swallowed, continuing to stand there for a while. He put his hand on his hip and sighed. Why wasn't anything happening? Dean shook the bottle and another pill fell into the palm of his hand. He swallowed it and closed the lid, still continuing to stand there. Dean wanted to throw the pill bottle and scream because it seemed that it wasn't going to work. He paid $50 for these fucking pills and they weren't even working. Dean set the bottle back onto the side table and laid back down. He was pissed. He decided to just close his eyes and hope that maybe they'll kick in soon. 

                                          ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

       Cas alarm blared from his side table and he groaned.  _I hate mornings..._ He turned towards Dean and saw him passed out with his arms and legs sprawled out.  _Wow, I guess that pill worked._ Dean hadn't woken up once during the night and Cas was glad. He hated seeing the look of pure terror on Dean's face every time he woke up from a nightmare. Cas hadn't asked what he had dreamed about, but something told Cas that he didn't want to know. He got up and stretched his back, sighing when he felt his back pop in a few places. It was only 6 so he didn't have to wake Dean up yet. Cas had decided to do what he had done yesterday and feed all the animals at 6, then come back so he could spend some time with Gabriel and Kali. He missed his brother and he knew that these visits were rare. His work could wait.

 

       It was about 7:30 by the time Cas came back from the shop and he started a pot of coffee and fed Wings by 7:35. He was just about to go through the mail that he had picked up when he heard footsteps coming from the living room.

       "Hey baby bro. What the fuck are you doing up?" Gabe yawned. Cas pulled out the chair beside him and began sorting through the mail.

       "I had to feed my animals at 6 this morning. There's really no point in going back to sleep." Cas said with a sigh. _Even though I would much prefer being snuggled up to Dean right now..._  "What are you doing up?"

       "I was gonna get a glass of water but, i think I'll stick around for coffee." Gabe smiled as he pointed to the coffee pot. Although Gabe was very different from Cas, they still had one thing in common. Coffee was a necessity.

       "Did you sleep well? I know my couch isn't the comfiest..." Cas said as he opened a bill. It was the rent for his shop and he choked slightly at the amount of zeros he owed. He put it back in the envelope and slid it to the side.

       "Actually, I slept pretty good. Kali's like a walking heater so it was no biggie. How'd you and Dean sleep?" Gabe smirked. Cas rolled his eyes and slid a piece of junk mail into a separate pile.

       "Fine. Actually, it was the first time Dean had a full nights sleep. Hes normally up every few hours but last night, he never once woke up." Cas said happily. He saw a white envelope addressed to Dean and stared at it.  _Dean never gets mail..._ Cas decided to put it in a separate pile and let Dean know when  he woke up. Maybe it was his paycheck from Bobby?

       "He an insomniac or something?" Gabe asked.

       "No. He has nightmares a lot. I feel so bad though...there's nothing I can do to help him." Cas sighed. Gabe nodded knowingly.

       "So then how did he sleep last night?"  
       "His doctor prescribed him Doxepin, which is supposed to help you sleep. I'm assuming it worked considering he's still out." Cas said as he put the last of the junk mail into its pile. 

       "Guess so. Shouldn't he be getting up soon though? He has work at 8:30 right?" Cas nodded and stood up, throwing the junk mail into the trash.

       "I'll go get him up. He probably forgot to set his alarm." Cas walked down to the bedroom and opened the door slowly. He could hear Deans alarm going off, Dean had told Cas it was called Heat of the Moment by a band called Asia. Cas had never heard of them, and wasn't a huge fan of the song, but it wasn't entirely unlikable. 

       "Dean? Dean, you gotta wake up." Cas whispered from above him. He shook Dean lightly a few times and sighed. "Dean. Wake up." Cas said a little louder this time. Dean groaned and pulled the pillow over his head.

        "...O way" Dean mumbled. Cas assumed he said "go away" and sat on the bed beside him.

       "Dean it's 7:50. You have to be at work in 40 minutes." Cas said as he placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean groaned again and glanced back at Cas with one eye open.

       "I'm so tired Cas...I'm not going." Dean said before dropping his head back onto the pillow. Cas decided that he wasn't going to push him so he grabbed his phone from across the room.

       "I'll call Bobby and tell him you're not feeling well. Okay?" Cas asked. He was answered by a loud snore and he laughed lightly.  _Those pills are no joke._

   

        After calling Bobby and explaining what was up, Bobby had agreed to give Dean the day off. Cas rejoined his brother in the kitchen and sat down, Kali soon joining them. They spent the morning drinking coffee and reminiscing about their childhood. Gabe had reminded Cas of how dumb he was as a kid, and Cas made sure to tell Kali all about Gabe's wild escapades. Cas would glance at the clock occasionally, the time ticking away. It was 10 now, and Dean was still asleep. Because he had the whole day off, Cas decided to just let him sleep until he felt like waking up. Cas, however, needed to go to work and Gabe and Kali ha dto begin their drive home. After walking his brother and wife to the car and saying goodbye, Cas made his way to the shop to open for the day. He had left a note on Dean's side table telling him he was going to work and also left the letter that had come in from the mail under it. Cas had also taken the pill bottle with him, just to be on the safe side. Hopefully Dean would be awake when he got home.  _I think I'll make Eggplant Parmesan tonight..._  Cas thought with a smile.

                                       ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        Dean groaned as he opened his eyes slightly. His vision was blurry and he mouth was dry. He licked his lips and stretched, trying to wake himself up. He couldn't tell what time it was but it looked like it was a little after noon from outside the window. A quick glance at his phone and he saw that it was 3:45.  _Damn...I haven't slept that good in...well in forever._ Dean looked over at Cas' side table, looking for the orange bottle. He felt himself get slightly angry that it wasn't there... _Cas doesn't trust me?_ Dean looked over to his side table and picked up a note.

        _Dean,_ _  
_

_I've gone to work. I will be home around 8 (as usual). I may be a bit late because I'm thinking about going to the store afterwards and making you something special for dinner. Oh, there was a letter addressed to you in the mail this morning so I left it with this note. Your pills are with me, and no its not because I don't trust you. Eat something and drink some water. See you tonight._

_Love, Cas <3_

   Dean smiled when he saw that Cas had drawn a small heart beside his name. Man that guy was too cute. He looked down to find the letter that Cas had talked about and picked it. Well...that was definitely his name in there. But he still hadn't changed his mailing address so it was weird receiving anything from anyone. Dean shrugged and opened it, puling out a small piece of paper. Dean blinked a few times to get his eyes adjusted to the small, cursive writing. Dean began reading what was on the paper and froze. He knew this handwriting. He knew this type of paper...and as he continued reading he felt his heart drop. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of late because I was at a party with some friends I haven't seen in forever so, my apologies. Also, because I'm really tired and its currently 12:02am, I'm also apologizing for any mistakes I made wile writing this and will probably go back tomorrow (after some sleep) and edit any mistakes. Feel free to message me on tumblr for whatever reason (I love getting mail so seriously, anything is fine) and commenting is always welcome and encouraged. Hope you guys like this chapter. Love you guys <3
> 
> tumblr URL: candidlycas


	20. Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas continue life as normal, with Dean getting more hours at the garage and Cas increasing his sales; life couldn't be better. But Cas suspects that not everything is as good as it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is entirely in Cas' POV

        **C** as came home around 8:30, bags of groceries in both hands. He could have called Dean and asked him to help but he wasn't sure if Dean had ever woken up.   


        "Dean? You awake?" Cas called from the kitchen as he set the bags down. Wings brushed against his calf and meowed, his normal greeting to Cas. Cas picked him up and kissed him on the head earning a soft purr from Wings. "Dean?" Cas called again.  _Odd...maybe he's still out?_ Cas set Wings down and made his way to the bedroom. To say Cas was confused, as he walked into an empty room, would be an understatement. The bed was made up, the curtains pulled back, even the note he had left Dean was still standing on the table. Cas noted that the letter was gone but didn't think much of it. Cas felt his heart race slightly as he rushed to the closet. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Dean's clothes still on their hangers, his extra pair of boots sitting off to the side. Cas closed the doors and scratched his head.  _Where on earth could he have gone?_

        Cas made his way back to the kitchen, still running the possibilities through his mind.  _Maybe he went to the store? He could have decided to take a walk to get some fresh_ air...Cas decided to stop being a worry wart and just call Dean to ask him. There was no point in getting worked up over nothing and Cas was beginning to feel like an overbearing parent. Cas pulled out his phone and went through his contacts, clicking Deans name and putting the phone up to his ear. He was greeted by his voicemail and Cas gripped his shirt tightly. _Maybe he forgot to charge his phone? Maybe he went to visit Sam and Mary?_ Cas searched through his small contact list until he found Sam's number. They had ended up exchanging numbers at the party after talking about Dean. Sam had told him that Dean had a tendency to do stupid things so it would be safer if they had a way to get in contact with each other. Cas hadn't objected and promised to call Sam if anything happened. Cas bit his lip as he heard the rings from the other line.  _I'm probably just being stupid...hes a grown man. He can come and go as he pleases._

"Castiel? Whats up man?" Sam asked with a yawn. 

         "Hello, Sam. I was just wondering if Dean was there?" Cas asked as he took out the eggplant he had bought. Cooking had always been a way to distract himself, and right now, he needed a distraction.   


         "Dean? No hes not here. I mean I talked to him on the phone but uh, that was like 4 hours ago. Why? Is he not with you?" Sam asked his voice becoming more and more wary. Cas began slicing the eggplant in thick cuts as he shook his head.

         "No he's not. I left him here to sleep and I told him I would be home at around 8ish but when I got here, he wasn't in bed." Cas said as he felt the worry creep back into him.  _If hes not at Sams...then where the hell is he?_

"Have you tried calling him?" Sam inquired. Cas could hear shuffling in the background and finished cutting the eggplant.

         "Yes and I got his voicemail. Sam, where do you think he could have gone? I don't want to be presumptuous but, you don't think...you don't think he..." 

         "No, no. I mean...I mean I don't think so? Damn...I haven't got a clue Castiel. You can always try checking out the Roadhouse or Bobby's garage?" Sam recommended. Cas could tell that Sam was just as worried as Cas was and they both knew why. Who knows where Dean went and what he's doing. They hadn't actually said it but, it was obvious they were both worried that he started using again. Cas shoved that thought to the back of his mind and thanked Sam. After ensuring Sam he would call when he came home, Cas hung up and seasoned the eggplant. He was just about to put the eggplant into the oven when he heard the front door open followed by a grunt and the sound of shoes hitting the wooden floor. 

        "Dean? Is that you?" Cas asked even though it was obvious it was him. Deans head peeked out from behind the kitchen wall and he smiled.

        "Heya Cas. Sorry, I got restless so I went out for a walk." Dean apologized as he strode towards Cas and wrapped his arms around his waist, bringing him into a hug. Cas smiled with relief and hugged Dean back, thankful that he was home and seemed to be acting normal. 

        "Those pills must have really worked, huh?" Cas joked as he pulled away and set the timer on the over. Deans smiled faltered for a moment and then was covered by another toothy grin. 

       "Yeah. I mean..I woke up at like 3 and not once did I have a nightmare. Miracle pills, man." Dean gave Cas a thumbs up and made his way into the living room. Cas raised his eyebrow at Deans weird hand gesture but didn't mention it. 

       "So dinner will be ready in about 30 minutes. I made eggplant parmesan." Cas smiled as he followed Deann into the living room. Dean plopped onto the couch and put his feet on the coffee table. Cas sat beside him and leaned into his side.

       "Eggplant? Damn...you've been talking to Sam haven't you?" Dean joked. Cas rolled his eyes and hit him on the arm lightly.

       "I know you don't like 'rabbit' food but I swear it will be delicious. You won't even know its a vegetable." Cas smiled before grabbing the remote and turning on the tv. 

       "Can we watch Dr. Sexy? I heard from Charlie that they were having a marathon this week." Dean grinned with excitement. Cas looked over at him and was about to say a witty remark but stopped when he looked into Dean's eyes. They were the same beautiful green color that they always were but, his pupils were small. Not just slightly, but they were so small they almost looked like pins. Dean noticed Cas staring at him and he shifted uncomfortable and drew his eyes towards the tv.

        "...Dean? Are you okay?" Cas asked, setting the remote down on the table and turning to face him. Dean crossed his arms and shrugged.

        "I'm a little tired but other than that, I'm great. Why?" Dean asked, still not meeting Cas' eyes. Cas bit his lip before speaking, thinking of his words carefully.

        "Dean...your um...your pupils are very small and your acting...odd." Cas said hesitantly. He didn't want to piss Dean off by accusing him of anything, so he made sure to tread lightly. Dean glanced at him with his eyebrow raised and sighed.

        "Maybe its a side effect of the..of the..." Dean stared at the ground trying to think of the word.

        "Doxepin?" Cas asked. 

        "Yeah the Doxepin. maybe its causes your eyes to act weird or something. I'll call up my doc tomorrow and ask." Dean said as he grabbed the remote and searched the channels for Dr. Sexy. Cas turned back towards the tv and stared blankly at the screen.  _He wouldn't lie to you...you're overreacting. Deans a good man. He's 7 months clean. Stop being an ass and making accusations._ Cas took a deep breath and slid him fingers into Dean's, giving him a slight squeeze. Dean squeezed back and kiss the top of his head lightly. Cas smiled and rested his head on Dean's shoulder.  _See? You were just being dumb. Dean is still Dean._ Cas remembered that Sam had wanted him to let him know when Dean came home so he pulled out his phone and shot him a text. He was surprised when Sam answered back within seconds and he glanced down at the screen.

        From Sam: how is he?

       Cas glanced at Dean and then back down to his phone.

        To Sam: Fine. He says hes tired but other than that he's good.

        From Sam: are his eyes glazed over at all?

       Cas lifted a brow at that and sucked in a breath. 

        To Sam: Sort of. And his pupils are very small. Its probably just a reaction to the new medication he's on.

        From Sam: Hes on medication? You're kidding me right? You're supposed to be taking care of him Cas!

        To Sam: I am, Sam. He gave me the pills so he wouldn't be tempted. I've taken precautions

         From Sam: fine but you need to keep an eye on him. For me.

         To Sam: I will. I won't let anything happen to him.

         Cas smiled at Dean and kissed him on the lips lightly. 

         "Mmm...what was that for?" Dean asked with a smile. 

       "No reason. I'm just happy you're here." Cas sighed. Dean rolled his eyes with a grin and pulled Cas in for another kiss. This one was deeper and more passionate, with Deans hands running up Cas' shirt. Cas moaned at the touch of his calloused fingers grazing his skin. They both groaned when they heard the oven timer go off and Dean pulled away grumpily. Cas hopped up and went to the kitchen to retrieve the eggplant.

         "I can't believe I was cock-blocked by an oven." Dean murmured as he sat down at the table.

                                            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        May flew by and before they knew it, it was June. Cas had been able to get more customers thanks to the flyers he had posted around town. Even though it wasn't enough to keep the bills down, it was a welcomed improvement. Dean continued his job at Bobby's Garage, taking a few days off here and there. Cas was appalled by the summer heat while Dean embraced it. They had had a few arguments over whether the fan should be on or not but Dean usually gave in and let Cas have his way. Dean had tried getting Cas to join him on his mid-day walks, something Dean had begun to try and get in better shape, but Cas always declined, not wanting to leave his air conditioned home. Dean never asked him twice or begged him though, so Cas assumed that it wasn't a big deal. 

        Cas had been slightly irritated at Bobby for increasing Dean's work hours. Dean had come home at 10 one night and told Cas that Bobby had given him more hours. Dean seemed to be happy about it but Cas was less than pleased. It was rare for him to see Dean before the increased work hours, and now it was even harder. Cas had tried staying awake until 10 so he could see Dean but, after a week of falling asleep on the kitchen table, he gave up and decided that he would settle for seeing him in the morning. Dean had begun helping Cas pay for the bills even though Cas had insisted he shouldn't. Dean had not taken no for an answer, especially because of the extra hours he was working at Bobby's which had given him more cash and now they split the bills in half. Although Cas still didn't want Dean to pay for some of the bills, he did have to admit that it made paying off the store easier. 

         They had also made Saturday the day they went to visit Sam and Mary. Cas had realized that Dean was till moping around the house so he suggested they go see her. Dean hadn't objected and by the end of the visit, Sam told them to come by every Saturday for a barbecue. Cas and Dean both thought it was a good idea, and Cas was happy that Dean would be able to visit Mary more often. It was obvious that Dean was much happier now that he had full nights of sleep and he could visit Mary and Sam, and he was making more money.  A couple times Dean had even taken Cas out to eat at fancy restaurants, always opting to pay for the whole thing. Cas had gawked when Dean pulled out a lump of cash and slipped it into the check. Dean just winked and called the waiter over, acting as though it was the most normal thing in the world. Cas had asked Dean where he got it all and Dean had just said, "Don't worry about it. Its just money." Cas had decided to drop it at that and drove home.   

         It was near the end of June now, July approaching at a rapid rate and Cas sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in one hand, and an envelope in the other. He had found it in the mail that morning and it looked oddly familiar. Now that Dean had changed his address at his work, his paycheck was sent directly to Cas' apartment. This envelope was different though. Bobby's was normally just a plain, white envelope; but this one was light blue. A subtle difference really, but Cas knew that something was off about it. Even the envelope itself felt thicker, and more heavy than Dean's usual paycheck. 

        "Hey babe. You make any coffee?" Dean asked groggily as he stepped into the kitchen. Cas glanced up at him and then back at the letter.

        "Yes, its in the pot. Um, Dean, you have a letter." Cas said as he handed it towards Dean. Dean rubbed his eyes and grabbed it, blinking a few times to adjust his eyes. Deans face faltered for a second before he stuffed it under his arm and poured some coffee into his mug.

        "Who is it from?" Cas asked. He knew he was probably being nosy but, something just didn't feel right. Dean shrugged and trudged over towards Cas, dropping akiss onto the top of his head.

        "So, any plans for today?" Dean asked as he sat at the table. Cas realized that Dean had completely evaded his question and he felt himself begin to tense up.

        "No. I uh...I was thinking about closing up earlier today though. I need to take Wings to the vet for a checkup." Cas said as he sipped his coffee. The fact that Dean hadn't answered him was still bugging him. He didn't want to come off as a pest so he repressed his thoughts and dropped it.

        "Dang, that sucks for Wings. Huh dude?" Dean said as he patted Wings on the head lightly. Wings ran into the living room and Dean shrugged.

        "Yes that does suck for him. He's never been a fan of the vet. I think it's because they were the ones who took away his man hood." Cas smirked. Deans eyes opened wider and he crossed his legs.

        "Poor guy..." Dean muttered to himself. Cas laughed and finished his coffee before standing up and setting his mug into the sink.

        "well, I'm off. I'll see you in the morning, I guess." Cas sighed. Dean stood up and pecked him on the lips.

        "Its too bad I don't get to see you at night." Dean said. Cas looked up at him and smiled empathetically. Dean was frowning slightly, his eyes filled with guilt. 

        "Don't blame yourself, Dean. Its not your fault that Bobby increased your hours. I'll see you tomorrow morning." Cas pecked him on the lips and grabbed his bag before heading towards the door. He could just barely hear Dean mutter something from the kitchen.

        "Yeah...right. Not my fault..." Cas glanced back at Dean and found him turning towards the hallway, the letter gripped tightly in his hand.

                                                                               -------------------------------------------------------------------

        "He seems to be in tip-top shape Mr. Novak." The vet said as he entered the room, Wings fitted snuggly under his arm. He set him down on the ground and Wings- immediately jumped onto Cas' lap. 

        "Great. So I guess I'll see you in 6 months?" Cas asked. The vet nodded and opened the door for him.

        "Definitely. Have a great summer you two!" The vet smiled. Cas exited the room with Wings and smiled. Dr. Nuss was a weird guy, but Cas liked him. He had been Wings' vet since Cas had found him as a kitten, so Dr. Nuss was considered more of a friend than a vet. 

         After paying the fee and thanking Mr. Nuss one last time, Cas made his way outside. Even though he had the car his dad had given him, he had decided to walk to save money on gas. Gas prices were through the roof right now, and if Cas could walk, then he was going to. The vet wasn't too far from his shop anyways, and he needed to get out and get some fresh air more often. Thankfully it was 7pm right now, so the hotness of the day had already subsided. Now it was just a dull warmth and Cas could deal with it. He passed by a few boutiques and glanced at the window displays as he continued walking home. He said hello to a few people passing by, more out of courtesy than want. As much as he complained about it, he really did live in a good neighborhood. Everyone was friendly and welcoming, always waving and making small talk with each other. It was much better than the cold, boring neighborhood he lived in as a kid. He had grown up with rich, snobby people who could give to shits if a homeless person asked for change.

         He was just about to pass the park when he noticed a familiar vehicle sitting idly beside the curb. _Baby? What is Dean's car doing here?_   Cas shifted Wings in his arms and made his way across the street. He wasn't sure why but he ended up crouched behind a trash bin, peeking out from behind. He saw Dean sitting on the bench, his body leaning forwards. Cas waited for a moment, curiosity getting the best of him.  _You're being ridiculous. Spying? Really? What are you, 12?_ Because Cas felt like an idiot, he was about to stand but then ducked behind the bin again as someone approached Dean. Cas peeked out again, watching as the guy walked up to Dean and handed him something. The man was wearing a red hoodie, the hood pulled up to cover his forehead. He had a pair of sunglasses on and was looking around nervously, his foot tapping on the sidewalk.  _Who the fuck wears a hoodie in June?_ Cas asked himself. Dean handed the man something in return and then he walked away, his head continuing to look from side to side. Cas had a feeling that he just saw something he wasn't supposed to. He was filled with a mix of emotions. He was confused as to who this guy was and what Dean and the man exchanged, anger that Dean was obviously not telling him something, and guilt for having spied on Dean. 

         Cas watched as Dean stood up and began making his way towards the Impala. He too, was looking around every so often. Obviously he was worried about being seen, and that made Cas even more wary of the situation. What exactly had Dean just done? All of a sudden, the realization hit him like a train. He felt so stupid for not seeing it before. Cas watched as Dean got into the Impala and began driving away. _He wouldn't do this...he wouldn't..._ Cas felt tears form in his eyes as he gripped Wings and tucked him under his arm. Before he even knew what he was doing, he stood up and began to follow the black car.  

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, shits going down. Hope you guys are enjoying the story! The next chapter will have Dean and Cas' POV but this particular one really needed to stay in Cas' for obvious reasons. Let me know what you guys think and please feel free to shoot me a message because it makes my day :) Love you guys~


	21. Putting Pieces Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks about the letter that Crowley gave him, and he thinks back to how this all began. Cas begins to research and finds out some horrifying news. Cas tells Sam and they both agree to confront Dean, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Mentions of past murder (not too graphic)  
> Insinuated Drug abuse

       _ **W** here the fuck is this guy? He was supposed to be here like 20 minutes ago! Fuck, Crowley's gonna kick my ass... _Dean thought bitterly as he shifted slightly on the bench. He had been sitting there for almost 30 minutes now, his butt growing numb to the hard wooden surface. He sighed heavily with relief when the guy came out of the bushes and made his way towards him.  _Finally._ The man was wearing a red hoodie, covering his forehead. He also had on a pair of sunglasses and had his hands in his pocket.  _Wow, how much more obvious could you get?_

"Hey man...you got the stuff?" The man asked, his face twitching as he continuously sniffled. Obviously this guy was tweaking out on coke and Dean hated dealing with tweakers. You never knew how they were going to react or what they would try to do to get a score. He always felt sympathy for them though. He knew that they were probably going through some shit and, from experience, sometimes drugs were the only thing that worked. 

     "Give me the money first." Dean whispered. He wasn't sure if there were people at the park considering it was so dark, but why risk it? The man pulled out a wad of cash and handed it to Dean, his eyes jerking back and forth.

     "Here ya go. You good man?" Dean asked as he handed the brown bag to him. The man jerked his head side to side and mumbled something before shuffling away.  _Poor guy..._

     Dean stood up and stretched before making his way to the car. He could have sworn he heard something, or someone, but he realized it was probably the weird ass pill Crowley had given him a few hours ago. He felt his heart twist as he thought about Cas sitting at home, waiting for him. Dean had to lie and say he got more hours at the garage, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Dean had quit a month ago. The truth was, that letter that had been sent to him was from Crowley. It wasn't very long, and it definitely made it clear what Dean had to do. Dean can still remember exactly what it said, word for word.

                _Dear Squirrel,_ _  
_

_Meet me at The Roadhouse at 5pm; come alone. If you try to run, I'll catch you; and if you try to hide, I'll find you. And if you fail to go to the Roadhouse, your boyfriend will suffer the consequences. We wouldn't want history to repeat itself, now would we?_

_\- F.Crowley_

As soon as Dean had read that, he felt himself break inside. Threatening him was one thing, but the fact that Crowley had mentioned Cas made Dean go numb.  _"Wouldn't want history to repeat itself, now would we?"_ The sentence was ingrained into his brain, and he knew exactly what Crowley meant. If he didn't meet up with him, he would kill Cas.  _His_ Cas. So, after taking a shower and getting some boots on, Dean had gone to the Roadhouse. He wasn't sure what the meeting was for, but he had a vague idea. He was hoping with every fiber of his being that Crowley wouldn't want him back; wouldn't want him to go back to his old job. Dean began to shiver as his mind flashed images of the terrible things he had done; things that would never be able to be forgiven; things he could never take back. 

       Dean had immediately locked eyes with Crowley as he opened the door. Crowley was wearing his usual black suit, a wicked grin plastered onto his face. Dean felt physically ill looking at him. Crowley had been compared to the devil by countless people, but Dean disagreed. He was  _worse._ Dean felt his palms sweat and his hands shake as he made his way towards the booth. Dean wasn't afraid of many things but, something about Crowley made his skin crawl. Crowley could murder an entire family, disembowel them, and feed them to his dogs, and would still come home to eat dinner. Dean knew this because, he was there when that happened. After the fatality that would never leave Dean's mind, Crowley had invited him to his home for dinner. While Dean stared at his plate, flashes of blood and screams filling his mind, Crowley ate and talked about his trip to the Bahamas.

        "Dean." Crowley smiled, his hand gesturing to the empty seat in front of him. Dean swallowed and sat down tentatively, his eyes looking anywhere but at Crowley. He knew that as soon as Crowley made eye contact with him, he would know just how frightened Dean was. And Crowley had always said, "Fear is weakness. As soon as someone is afraid, they are of no use to me. Fear will be the death of you." 

      "What do you want?" Dean bit. Crowley raised his eyebrows and sighed.

      "Straight to business as usual? I'm glad you haven't changed." Crowley took a sip from his martini and licked his lips. "Alright Dean. I want you back." Dean's heart stopped momentarily, his fists clenching his shirt as he closed his eyes briefly.

       "Why?" Dean asked quietly. He could feel tears forming in his eyes and he willed them away. 

       "Believe it or not, I like you. You were one of my greatest students. Most of the pieces of shit I hire now a days can't even begin to compare to you. You're talented, Dean. And I need your talent." Crowley sneered. Dean grit his teeth and shook his head.

       "Please Crowley...please...don't make me go back." Dean begged. He knew that he sounded pathetic, but he didn't care. He glanced up at Crowley and then immediately back down towards the table. Crowley was rubbing under his chin, thinking.

       "Tell you what? You don't have to go back to your old job, at least not yet, and instead you can start off small. I understand that you need to get back in the swing of things, so I'll demote you to sales for the time being." Crowley finished. Dean bit his lip and felt a tear fall down his face. He quickly wiped it away, relived that Crowley hadn't been paying attention. "But Dean, you working for me is non negotiable. What I wrote in that letter is still valid. I won't hesitate to kill your partner, as I'm sure you are well aware of by now." Cas added. Dean clenched his fists so hard he could feel them piercing the skin of his palm.

       "Don't hurt him." Dean said, barely even a whisper. Crowley shrugged and took another sip of his drink.

       "Work for me, and we won't have a problem." Crowley bit back. 

       "I'll do it." Dean said with shaky breath. He would be going back to working for Crowley...his past coming back to haunt him. All those months of therapy to get clean, wasted. He couldn't tell Sam, and he couldn't tell Cas. Dean was alone; and he knew he had no choice. Crowley could beat him, burn him, cut him open; but the thought of Crowley even laying a finger on Cas set something off inside of Dean. He wouldn't let it happen again. He wouldn't go through that pain and anguish again. He would never, ever, let anyone hurt Cas. So he had to sell his soul to the devil, in order to keep Cas safe.

                                                            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        **"I** 'm too old for this crap." Cas stated with puffed breaths and he tried to keep up with the impala. He used to run track in High School and he was still very fit, but after not going on runs for 2 months and the fact that he had a cat in his arms, he realized very quickly that this wouldn't work.  He stopped and bent over, trying to get his lungs to relax. The impala was long gone now, and Cas was in a part of town that was new to him. He had driven by multiple times, but never actually went into the neighborhood. Now, as he looked around and realized he had no idea where he was, Cas knew he had made a mistake. It was ludicrous to even think he couldn't keep up with a car going 45 mph, and now he was paying for his ignorance. Wings meowed from under his arm and Cas laid his hand on his head comfortingly. Cas pulled out his phone and clicked on the maps app. _Thank god for technology._  After searching for a street sign for a few minutes, Cas was finally able to enter in an address and figure out how to get home. 

       An hour later and Cas entered his apartment with a grunt. Wings darted down the hall as Cas kicked his shoes off, his feet aching. The house was dark and quiet, so he assumed Dean hadn't come home yet. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was 9 now. Trudging down to the bedroom, he removed his pants and flopped onto the bed. Cas glanced at the empty space beside him and felt his eyes fill with tears.  _Dean's been lying to me..._ Cas was still unsure of what exactly Dean had been lying to him about, but he knew that there were multiple things that Dean wasn't telling him. Like why the hell Dean was in a park with a sketchy man instead of at the garage? Had those "Mid-day" walks even been what he said they were. What if he was using them as an excuse? Cas felt like an idiot.  _How could I have not noticed..._ Cas thought back to all the times Dean had come home, acting strange. He would immediately pass out beside Cas, not even bothering to take his shoes off. Although Dean's nightmares seemed to subside, he would still break out into cold sweats and move his body around frantically. Cas had thought that he must just be a restless sleeper, but now he was questioning even that.

       Cas pulled out his phone and went into the web browser. He had to have answers, he had to know. He googled "how to know if someones using drugs" and waited for it to load. He heart was pounding as he waited, afraid of what he would read. He clicked the first link there and burst into tears almost immediately.  _Red, watery eyes; pupils larger or smaller than usual._ Cas thought of how Dean's eyes would be red and his pupils small when he came home from work. He had always blamed tiredness for the redness in Dean's eyes.  _Tremors or shakes of hands, feet or head._ Cas recalled last Saturday when they were at the BBQ. Cas had noticed Deans hands shaking and Dean had told him he was just nervous about work.  _Loss of or increased in appetite, changes in eating habits._ Dean had been eating less than usual, but Dean had told Cas that he was just trying to watch his weight. Cas felt a tremendous amount of guilt come upon him as he thought back. Cas always put his leftover dinner in the fridge for Dean and lately it had been uneaten in the morning. Cas hadn't even questioned it.  _I'm a terrible boyfriend..._ Cas couldn't bare to read more so he closed the browser.

      Cas got under the covers and stared at the ceiling, his mind running through possible reasons for Dean's relapse.  _Is he unhappy?_ Dean had actually seemed happier now then when Cas first met him, so Cas threw that idea away.  _Is work too stressful?_ Dean constantly talked about how much he loved Bobby and the garage. Before bobby had given him longer hours, it was all Dean could talk about. He really did love the Garage, and Cas could see it in his smile.  _Scratch that idea then...Is it...is it me?_ Cas clutched the sheet and threw it over his head. Sure, they didn't have sex every day but, they did other things. Yesterday Cas had given Dean a blow job in the shower before work, and Dean seemed pretty content with it.  _Maybe I'm unsatisfying...maybe I'm boring._ Cas had read something in a magazine before about how you had to keep things "fresh" in the bedroom or else you would bore your partner. Cas wasn't really into any of the kinky stuff that he had read about, but if Dean was bored, he supposed he could give it a try. 

     He groaned in frustration and decided to shoot Sam a text and let him know what was going on. Sam deserved to know.

     To Sam: Sam? Are you awake?

     Cas jumped slightly at the instant reply.

     From Sam: Yeah, I'm staying up trying to study for my final. Whats up?

     To Sam: I think Dean is using again.

     Cas wasn't surprised when he received no response for a few minutes. He knew that he could have probably given the news to Sam in a gentler way, but he wasn't sure how else to put it. He was about to put his phone away and go to sleep when he felt it vibrate in his hand.

      From Sam: Are you sure?

      To Sam: Pretty sure. I'll explain tomorrow at the barbecue. I'm sorry, Sam.

      From Sam: Don't be. Its not your fault. See you tomorrow.

      Cas set his phone down on the side table and buried his face into his pillow. He wouldn't bring this up to Dean yet. He had to be 100% sure before he called him out. If he was wrong about his assumptions, he would never forgive himself for having so little faith in Dean. If he found out, however, that Dean was in fact using, he would do everything in his power to help him. Dean was his life now, and he won't let anything come between them.

                                                      ------------------------------------------------------------------------

     "You ready to go honey?" Cas asked as he  put on his watch. Dean was sitting at the table, his head in his arms. He glanced up and sighed before standing up and grabbing the lasagna Cas had made that morning.

     "Do we have to go?" Dean asked with a yawn. Cas looked at him questioningly and frowned.

     "Dean, you love going to your brothers house. You'll get to see Mary. Why don't you want to go?" Cas asked. Dean had come home at 11 the other night and didn't sleep well. He was up a few times throughout the night, waking Cas up in the process. Cas had watched in silence as Dean paced in the bedroom until he got back into bed and fell asleep. 

      "M' tired. And I miss you..." Dean said as he wrapped his arms around Cas' waist, pulling him into a hug. Cas kissed the side of his neck and hugged back.

      "We'll only be there for a few hours. And then...when we get home...you'll have me all to yourself." Cas gently bit his earlobe and pulled away with a smirk. He was trying his hardest to pretend like yesterday had never happened. So far, he was doing pretty well. Dean smiled and followed Cas to the impala.

 

       "Hey guys, come on in." Sam said with a small smile. Cas could see that Sam was forcing himself and he felt a pang of guilt for having ruined his night. Getting a message about your brother relapsing while you were studying for a final was not exactly pleasant. 

      "Heya Sammy. Cas brought a kick ass lasagna. Wheres the meat so i can start grillin'? Dean smiled. Sam laughed lightly and pointed towards the patio.

      "I've already got it on the grill. You pretty much just need to watch them and make sure they don't burn." Dean walked out the door and Sam sighed.

      "So..." Sam said as he sat down at the table. Cas gave him a sympathetic smile and sat beside him.

      "So..." Cas said, unsure of how to start this. 

       "When did you find out?" Sam asked as he took a long pull from his beer. 

     "Well, yesterday I found him at the park at 7pm instead of work. I think i witnessed him selling drugs to someone. Then I went home, googled "how to tell if someone is using drugs" and he checked out on almost every one of them. Its been going on like this for months, Sam. It all started when Bobby increased his hours. He comes home, wakes up at random hours, he sin't eating as much as he normally does, his eyes are either glossed over or red, his hands shake for no reason...I'm really worried about him, Sam." Cas almost sobbed. Sam put a hand on his shoulder and smiled reassuringly.

      "We'll help him get through this, Cas. The most important thing to do is not accuse him of anything, and be supportive." Cas nodded in agreement and wiped his eyes.

      "So we need an intervention then, right?" Cas asked. Sam nodded solemnly and finished off his beer.

      "You want to do it now? Or after dinner?" Sam asked as he threw his bottle into the trash.

      "I suppose it would be better after dinner, once he gets some food into his stomach. He is always at his happiest when he's full." Cas smiled. Sam smiled back and nodded.

      "Yeah he does. Alright. After dinner, I'll bring it up." Sam said, his face tightening. He was probably thinking of how to bring it up in a way that wouldn't be accusatory. Cas looked out the window and watched as Dean sat on the wooden ground, Mary sitting in his lap and he pet her. Dean looked up and made eye contact with Cas. Dean smiled and Cas felt a tear fall as he smiled back. _Were going to make it through this, Dean. You're going to make it through this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIDE NOTE: If you ever think someone is using drugs, don't always go by what the symptoms say on the internet. Some "signs" that are listed as possible drug-using characteristics can also be from mental/physical health problems. Never accuse someone of using. 
> 
> So, I had wanted to update on Wednesday because I didn't want to leave it at that cliffhanger, but I had so much work I needed to do for college. So, my apologies, but I hope that you enjoy this chapter. Not too much happens in it, just mostly inter-monologues but next chapter, shit will start to hit the fan. Let me know what you think so far and if you see any mistakes! Happy October! ᕦ⊙෴⊙ᕤ


	22. Inner Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Sam finally confont Dean. Dean and Cas make love and Dean is overcome with the darkness of his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> -Smut (In the middle)  
> -mentions of past self harm (Near the end)  
> -attempted suicide (near the end)  
> -mentions of drug use (pretty much the whole portion near the end)
> 
> If any of these are triggering for you, please don't read. I don't want anyone to not know what they're in for in this chapter, cause its a heavy one.

**"T** his steak is perfect, Dean. Thank you." Cas smiled. Dean winked back at him and gave Sam a piece before sitting down beside Cas. Cas took a bite and hummed in appreciation. He wasn't really that hungry, especially because he was so worried about how the conversation was going to go with Dean. Dean wasn't exactly the 'sit down and talk about your feelings' kind of guy and Cas was terrified that he would mistake their concern for judgement. He still remembers how angry he was when Gabe confronted him about his drinking problem. He had stormed out of Gabe's apartment, drank his weight in alcohol, and then woke up the next morning just outside of town in someone's lawn.  _What if Dean reacts the same way I did?_ Cas clenched the edge of his shirt and glanced over at Dean. He was smiling and laughing with Sam, talking about their childhood. Their words weren't really audible to Cas; his mind tuning them out as he sat there and thought about the possible outcomes. Cas glanced at Sam and saw him glance back. He didn't say anything, but Cas could see it in his eyes. Sam was just as scared as he was. 

        "So how's the garage? You work on any classics lately?" Sam asked as he swallowed a sip of his beer. Cas looked over at Dean and saw him tense up.  _That was...Odd._  Dean cleared his throat and chuckled.

         "Nah, not lately. Some woman just brought in her Prius because her teenage daughter had crashed it into a garbage can." Dean made a pointed look at Cas and Sam and rolled his eyes. 

        "What do you have against the Prius?" Cas asked finally trying to enter the conversation., He didn't want Dean to think something was wrong, so he had to try and act normal. Dean looked at him with a raised eyebrow and Sam shook his head and laughed.

         "Oh don't get him started, man." Sam groaned. Dean glared at Sam before looking back at Cas.

         "Its not the Prius that i hate, Cas. Its the people who drive them. They always think they are better than everyone because they have the money to afford an 'eco-friendly' car and they drive around as if they own the streets. I've never met one person who drove a Prius that didn't piss me off in one way or another." Dean finished with a swallow of beer. Cas scrunched his eyebrows with confusion and nodded his head slowly.

          "I see...but isn't that stereotyping?" Cas asked. Dean raised his eyebrows and Sam covered his eyes.

          "Oh god, can we just drop it? Please?" Sam pleaded. Dean rolled his eyes and continued eating his steak with a sigh.  Sam glanced at Cas and cleared his throat, a pensive look on his face. "So...uh, Dean...Cas and I wanted to talk to you about something." Cas watched as Dean stared at his plate, his shoulders stiff. After he didn't reply Cas decided now was as good a time as any and reached for Dean's hand. Cas gripped his hand in his own, giving a small squeeze.

          "Dean, honey...is there something you're not telling us?" Cas asked tentatively. Dean continued staring at his plate, his breathing becoming labored and deep. Cas looked over at Sam who shrugged.

          "Dean...if there's something going on, you gotta tell us, man. I mean...we're brothers. And you and Cas? I mean, no matter whats going on, we're here and we'll support you." Sam said.

          "We'll love you no matter what, Dean. I'll love you...no matter what." Cas added with another squeeze to his hand. Dean set his fork down and bit his lip.

          "I don't know what you guys are talking about." Dean muttered, his eyes avoiding Sam and Cas'. Cas adjusted himself so he was facing Dean and took both of his hands into his own.

          "What were you doing at the park last night?" Cas asked. Deans head snapped up and his eyes widened. 

          "I uh...I was meeting a guy." Dean said as he tried to compose himself. 

          "What guy?" 

          "An uh..an old friend." Deans eyes looked down at the table again, almost as if he was ashamed.  _Hes lying...but I don't know how to progress in this..._ Cas looked over at Sam with pleading eyes. Sam nodded and pushed his plate to the side so he could fold his hands.

          "Dean, I know you're lying. I know you're lying to hide something, and I want you to know that you don't have to hide. We'll get through this...together." Sam explained. Dean didn't respond so Sam decided to continue. "Are you using again? Cause Dean, we can help you--"

           "No you can't." Dean whispered. Sam shut his mouth and stared at Dean with question.

           "What do you mean Dean?" Cas said, his voice wavering. 

           "There's nothing you can do." Dean said louder this time, looking up to meet Cas' eyes. Cas opened his mouth and then closed it; the words not forming in his mind.  _What does he mean there's nothing we can do?_

"Dean, yes there is. We've gone through this before, and we can do it again. I can call up Dr. Hill and ask him if there's any seats open-"

            "You don't get it!" Dean shouted, his fist slamming on the table. Sam visibly jumped back at the sudden outburst. Cas' hands fell to the side as he stared at Dean with shock. He could already feel tears forming in his eyes and he knew he had to be strong; he had to be strong for Dean. Cas took a deep breath, willing the tears to not fall.

            "What don't we get, Dean? Please, just tell us whats going on....you're scaring me." Cas' voice quivered at the end. Dean looked over at him with an expression that broke Cas' heart. Dean's face was filled with pain...and guilt. Dean shook his head and stood up. "Wait, Dean!" Cas shouted as Dean turned around and began walking towards the door. Cas reached out to grab Dean's hand and felt his heart brake when Dean drew his hand away.

            "There's nothing you can do, okay!? Either of you! I don't want anyone else to get hurt, alright? I can't lose anyone else...I just...I can't lose you, Cas. I didn't want you to find out because I knew you would want to try and help. Helping me is a hopeless cause because I'm fucked up. I'm fucked up and there's nothing that can change that. I love you, Cas...more than anything. That's why...that's why..." tears began falling from Dean's eyes, streaming down his freckled cheeks. "That's why you should just leave me. Go be with someone that doesn't bring so much bullshit into your life. You deserve so much better Cas. You deserve the world...and I just can't give that to you." Dean sobbed.

           "I deserve the world but you can't give that to me? Dean, why don't you understand? You  _are_ my world! You're the reason I wake up every morning; you're the reason I tell myself no when I come home and all i want to do is drink until i black out and forget everything; you are my world. Please...don't leave...don't leave me..." Cas pleaded, his voice breaking. The tears that Cas had tried so desperately to contain had broken free and streamed down his face. The thought of his life without Dean in it was too much to bear. Dean shook his head and bit his lip.

          "I don't want you to get hurt, Cas...I'm tired of seeing the ones I love..." Dean gulped and let out a sob. "I'm tired of seeing everyone I love die! I'm tired of watching as the life in their eyes disappear! I'm tired of hearing the screams...the tears...watching as everyone leaves me...I'm just...I'm so tired, Cas." Dean cried. Cas took a few steps towards Dean, placing his hand on Dean's chest. He stared at Dean's black shirt, the fabric rising and falling with every breath. Cas slid his eyes upwards until they were locked with Deans.

          "Then don't go." Cas whispered. Dean closed his eyes and rested his forehead on Cas' as his arms slowly wrapped around Cas' back. Cas brought his arms around so they were wrapped around Dean's shoulders, their bodies pressed together. He breathed a sigh of relief and let the last of the tears fall, knowing that Dean wouldn't be leaving. Knowing that his love...his life...wouldn't be leaving. "I love you so much, Dean." Cas whispered into his ear. Cas listened as Dean sniffled and caught his breath.

          "I love you too, Cas...more than anything..." Dean replied, his voice raw and scratchy from yelling. 

                                                                           ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

          They had gone home that night, the car filled with silence. Dean stared out the window as Cas drove down the freeway, his hands gripped firmly on the wheel. Dean watched as the cars went by, the lights blurring together with the darkness of the sky.

          "I'm sorry..." Dean said quietly. 

          "Don't be. We're going to go home, take a bath, get into bed, and get a good nights rest. And Dean..." Dean looked over at Cas. "Everything's going to be alright." Cas smiled lightly before turning his head back towards the road. Dean stared back out the window and took a deep breath.  _What am I going to tell him..._

 

Dean woke with a start as he felt Cas nudge him with his hand.

            "Dean? You fell asleep...do you want to go inside?" Cas asked. Dean looked around and realized that he had, in fact, fallen asleep and now they were parked outside the apartment complex. He nodded slightly and rubbed his eyes before opening the door and getting out. Cas immediately threaded his fingers with Dean's and led him up the stairs.  _I never want to let go..._ Dean thought silently as he felt the warmth from Cas' palm spread up his arm. Cas unlocked the door and let Dean inside first. Dean toed his boots off and looked around the dark apartment.  _I don't ever want to leave..._ Dean turned to face Cas who was slipping his coat off and hanging it on the hook by the door. Cas turned around and saw Dean staring and, if it wasn't so dark, Dean would say he was blushing. Dean took a few steps towards him and cupped his face tenderly.

            "Love you..." Dean whispered as he pressed his mouth to Cas' gently. 

            "And I love you." Cas replied with a smile as he pressed his lips to Dean's again. The kiss began heating up as Dean slid his hand up Cas' shirt, his fingers grazing the soft skin. Cas shuddered and bit lightly on Dean's lip as he hooked his fingers through the loops on Deans jeans and pulled him forward; their groins colliding together making both moan. 

            "Mmm...bath..." Dean said between kisses. Cas nodded in agreement and drew his lips away from Deans slowly. Dean chased after them but Cas grabbed his hand and turned to walk towards the bathroom. As soon as the water was turned on to fill the tub, Cas turned around and pressed Dean against the wall.

            "Are you sure you want to do this...after everything that's happened?" Cas asked as he gently pressed kissed to Dean's jaw. Dean nodded and ran his hands through Cas' hair.

           "I'm sure, Cas. I...I don't ever want this to end." Dean replied. He knew how cheesy that sounded, but he meant every word. He never wanted to leave the warm embrace of the man he loved. A world without Cas, was a world not worth living in. Cas kissed Dean tenderly, his hands cupping his jaw. Dean hummed in appreciation and grabbed the edges of Cas' shirt to lift it up and off his body. Cas returned the favor, and soon they were both naked and sitting in the warm water of the bath tub. Dean was sitting in front of Cas as Cas gently washed his back. Dean closed his eyes and sighed with relief as he felt the tense muscles in his back begin to loosen. He shuddered when he felt Cas' lips kiss the top of his spine, slowly making their way downwards.

           "Sorry there's not much room." Cas apologized as Dean accidentally kicked the tub when Cas pressed a kiss to his side. 

           "That just means I can be closer to you..." Dean smiled as he turned his head. Cas' face turned red and he reached for the shampoo in embarrassment. Dean smiled to himself and turned back towards the faucet so Cas could wash his hair. After A few minutes of gentle scrubbing, Dean leaned backwards to dip his head into the water. He smiled as he looked up at Cas, who was looking back. Cas leaned downwards to capture Deans lips in a kiss and Dean grabbed the back of his head, deepening it. It wasn't frantic and hot like they usually were...this whole experience was different. New. Every touch was tender...every kiss gentle... _So this is making love, huh?_ Dean smiled as he straightened up and turned towards Cas. 

          "What?" Cas asked as he began washing his hair. Dean shook his head and laughed lightly.

          "Nothing...I just...I was just thinking about us. I'm so lucky, Cas. I'm so fucking lucky I'm here with you." Dean smiled wider. Cas laughed and dabbed a glob of soap on the tip of Dean's nose. Dean fake gasped and swiped his finger into Cas' soapy hair, placing a generous amount of bubbles on his chin.

          "I always wished I could grow a beard." Cas smiled as he posed. Dean laughed and kissed Cas' hand. 

          "You would look pretty hot with a beard. I mean...damn. You know when you don't shave for a few days? And you you have that stubble? I always liked you best when you were in sweatpants with one of my t-shirts on...and that stubble." Cas blushed and gently hit Dean on the chest.

          "Oh stop...I look horrible like that." Cas said as he dipped backwards to rinse the shampoo off. Dean shook his head and kissed his chest.

          "You're beautiful, Cas...I mean that. Regardless of what you wear...or how much you shave...you're perfect." Dean moved his mouth to one of Cas' nipples and gently licked the hardening bud. Cas shuddered and slid his hand through Dean's wet hair.

          "You're beautiful too you know..." Cas gasped as Dean slipped his hand down Cas' chest and gripped his hardened cock. Dean decided not to respond, afraid that it would ruin the moment and instead lowered his head to mouth at Cas' leaking tip. Cas sucked in a breath and curled his toes. "Oh god Dean...mmm...don't stop..." Cas pleaded as Dean swallowed him down. Weeks of practice had made Dean improve significantly, and now he knew every one of Cas' weak spots. He knew just where to touch, to kiss, to suck; he knew exactly how to make Cas into a pleading, spent mess. 

         "You wanna go to the bedroom?" Dean asked as he pulled off. They had never actually done it in the bath before, and he wasn't sure if Cas ever wanted to. Cas shook his hand and pulled him in for a hot, deep kiss.

         "Fuck the bed...need you now..." Cas whispered hotly into Dean's ear. Dean felt his dick fill as those words left Cas' mouth. 

         "Do you have lube in here?" Dean asked. Cas thought for a moment and then pointed towards the cabinet. 

         "Top shelf, behind the toothpaste." Cas breathed heavily. Dean shot out of the bath, ignoring the cold air hitting his body. Once the small tube was in his hands he made his way back to the tub and almost tripped when he saw Cas staring at him, mouth open as he stroked himself. 

        "Jesus Cas..." Dean practically jumped into the tub and straddled Cas' waist as he slid his tongue along Cas' lips. He squeezed a small amount onto his fingers and brought them under the water to Cas' entrance. "Ready?" Dean gasped as Cas slid his tongue down the roof of his mouth, sending shivers down his spine.

        "Yes...oh god just please...need you..." Cas pleaded as he thrusted slightly towards Dean's fingers. It had been a week since they last did anything so Dean understood why Cas was practically begging to be fucked. It wasn't that Dean didn't want to; he was just afraid that Cas would see the new injection marks on his forearm. Dean was ashamed when Crowley had offered a fresh needle, and instead of rejecting it, his body moved on its own and it was embedded into his vein before he even knew what he was doing. This had happened three times that week, and Dean regretted it each time. His body was constantly fighting with his mind. He knew it was wrong and breaking the promise he had made to himself and Sam and Cas...but his body practically begged for it; for the release...for the pain to go away, even if just for a few hours. Dean was thankful that Cas hadn't noticed and slightly drew his arm back, just for precaution. Dean slipped a finger inside of him and licked his lips as Cas moaned and clenched around him.

        "Another..." Cas begged. Dean didn't argue and slid in another finger, both going in easily. Dean raised an eyebrow and Cas bit his lip.

        "Cas...have you been doing this by yourself?" Dean questioned with a smirk. Cas smiled and covered his eyes.

         "...maybe..." Cas muttered with embarrassment. Dean laughed and slid in another finger, just to be sure. Sure enough, the three digits slid in with ease and Dean was slightly grateful for that. He needed Cas sooner rather than later, and this made things go smoother. Dean stroked his dick a few times before lining up with Cas' entrance and glancing up at him. Cas nodded frantically and spread his legs wider, begging for Dean to enter him. Dean slowly pushed in until he was bottomed out and then drew back before pushing inside again. Cas gasped and gripped the tubs edge as his head fell backwards onto the tile wall.

         "That good?" Dean asked with a grin. He knew he was making Cas into a complete mess and he loved it. Cas nodded and Dean changed his angle so he could hit his prostate. He had finally figured out where it was exactly a few weeks ago and now he always aimed for that spot. Cas almost screamed when Dean thrusted particularly hard on the bundle of nerves and Dean moaned as Cas clenched around him.

         "D-Dean...if you keep doing that...mmm...im gonna...oh fuck dean...." Cas cried wantonly. Dean picked up the pace and thrusted faster, harder, knowing his orgasm was rapidly approaching. Cas' hands reached for Dean's neck and he pulled him down for a deep kiss that was mostly just panted breaths and clashing teeth. Dean reached down in between himself and Cas and gripped Cas' cock and gave a few pulls, relishing in the sounds that came out of Cas' mouth. Cas was absolutely beautiful like this. He was beautiful in general, but spread out, moaning, flushed faced and heavy breaths...he could give goddesses a run for their money.

         "Fuck...Cas I'm...I'm gonna cum." Dean rasped out as his thrust became uncoordinated and sloppy. Cas locked his fingers with Dean's and stared into his eyes. They were lust blown, glossed over, and the bluest shad of blue Dean had ever seen.

         "Cum for me Dean..." Cas gasped and that's all it took for Dean to release deep inside of Cas. Apparently that was all Cas needed as he shot all over his chest and Dean's hands with a cry. 

     

          It was roughly 10 minutes later when they both flopped into bed and pulled the covers over themselves. Dean nestled into the back of Cas and gripped his waist. Cas' eyes were already closed and his breathing was becoming slow and steady. Dean kissed his temple and stared at the back of his neck.

          "...Cas?" Dean whispered. Cas shifted slightly and groaned.

          "Yeah Dean?" Cas muttered back. Dean bit his lip and slid his hand to touch the new marks on his forearm. 

          "About what happened at the park...and earlier..." Dean began. Cas turned around to face him and kissed him softly on the lips. 

          "We'll talk about it tomorrow Dean. Get some sleep." Cas yawned and slipped his leg in between Dean's. Dean opened his mouth and closed it, deciding that it would probably be better to talk about this after a full night of sleep.  _Speaking of..._ Dean turned so he could reach into the dresser and pull out the pill bottle. Cas was already snoring beside him but he glanced back, worried he would be caught. He wasn't even sure why he was hiding. Cas knew he took these pills to sleep...so why was he afraid that Cas would catch him? Maybe it was because of all the other lies that he had been keeping to himself. He felt  the familiar wave of guilt wash over himself and he squeezed his arm, the fresh needle marks stinging with pain. He closed his eyes and willed the guilt to go away, but it didn't work. It never worked. He hated that this was who he had become. Although Crowley was the reason he had to start selling drugs again because he had to protect Cas, the relapse was his fault. Crowley always offered and Dean could have said no; could have shown some kind of self control. But, of course, Dean's weakness overcame him. He knew he was weak...a failure...hell his father had made sure to remind him of that every goddamn day. 

           Dean felt a tear fall down his face and wiped it away quickly.  _You're pathetic..._ Dean squeezed the puncture marks, harder this time, hoping it would block out the pain he was feeling inside. It hurt like hell, but not enough. He could still feel every ounce of betrayal, guilt, disappointment that resided inside him. He glanced at the orange pill bottle and swallowed thickly. He opened the top and let 4 small pills drop onto his palm. He stared at them for a while before swallowing them dry. It was amazing how something so small could have such a big effect on someone. Pills were funny that way.  _"You're a disappointment...every time I look at you, I see her. I see her in  your eyes every goddamn day and I'm sick of it. Get out...get out!"_ His dads voice rang in his head and he felt a wave of nausea come over him. Dean stood up and hurried to the bathroom, pill bottle still in hand. He shut the door quietly and stared at himself in the mirror.

             _"...failure..."_ Dean winced and looked down at his arms. They were covered with scars from needles, knives, razors...anything that would take away the pain in his heart. Dean took 2 more pills and swallowed them down. He placed his hands on the side of the sink and stared at his face.  _"...a waste of space..."_ his fathers voice was so clear and precise...the memory fresh in his mind despite the years that had passed. He could almost still feel the sting of his fathers hand as it slapped his cheek, the pain in his gut when his father punched him...Dean swallowed down a few more, tears running down his face.  _Stop...stop...stop it....stop!_ He slowly slid down the wall and cradled his face in his arms. His fathers voice yelled at him in his mind, reminding him of how much of a pile of shit he was. Dean clasped his hands over his ears, trying to silence the screams of his mother as she burned...the cry of Cassie as she was murdered...

            _God just please...stop...make it stop..._ Dean pleaded to himself. He felt his body begin to shake and he let out a sob.  _"My sweet, sweet boy."_  His mothers voice rang in his ears and he pictured her sitting by his bed, just finishing up a book. She kissed his temple, and smiled warmly at him...and then she was engulfed in flames. Her face slowly melted off, revealing nothing but a black, charred corpse. _"...your fault..."_ John yelled. Dean had left the gas burners on after trying to make dinner for his family that night. He had left them on and his mom had tried to light a fire. One flick of the match and the flame combusted with the gas that had been realeased, first catching on her nightgown and then landing on the carpet. Within 6 minutes the whole bottom floor was engulfed, Mary included and Dean and Sam had to be rescued by a ladder from a fire man.  _It was my fault...I killed my mother...and I killed Cassie..._ Dean let a few more pills fall into his palm and he swallowed, his throat beginning to feel as if it was closing.  _I'm a murderer..._ Dean felt his body become slack and he couldn't keep his head up anymore.  _I can still feel the heat..._ Deans palms felt as if they were burning as he reached out to save his mother from the flames. He knew she wasn't there, and that he was probably reaching out at nothing, but it felt so  _real._

           Deans eyes began to fall, the edges of his vision blacking out. He pictured the look on Sams face when he had walked in on Dean shooting up a few years ago. Dean would never forget the look of utter disappointment in his eyes...His arms became numb and the empty pill bottle fell with a clack. 

            "Cas...I'm sorry..." Dean barely managed to mutter before he felt the darkness overwhelm him. His eyes shut and his body slowly fell sideways, landing on the ground with a thump and hitting his head on the tile. Dean couldn't feel the pain...couldn't feel anything... _I'm so sorry...Cas..._ and then the world went black.

        

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was really tough to write (for personal reasons I'd rather not mention). Feel free to let me know your thoughts/feelings about this chapter and I always enjoy reading comments so, like I said, feel free to say anything. I hope everyone is safe and happy and having a good fall/October. Love you guys and I'll see you next week ᕙ( ~ . ~ )ᕗ


	23. Gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Cas stay with Dean at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> \- implied suicide attempt  
> \- mentions of past abuse

     “Doctor! Is he alright!?” Sam asked as he shot up from his chair. Cas was sitting beside him, staring at the tiled floor. His mind was blank, and his eyes were red and puffy from crying. Images of finding Dean on the bathroom floor flashed in his mind and he felt a wave of nausea overcome him. Cas glanced up at the doctor with lidded eyes, trying to keep his composure. He had been crying all night, with Sam hugging him and trying to make it better. It didn’t work; not really anyway. All Cas could think of was never seeing Dean’s smile again. The corners of his eyes crinkling, his vibrant green eyes radiating as he sang Eye of the Tiger.

       “We were able to successfully pump out most of the pills by gastric lavage and he is currently sleeping, however…” The doctors mouth formed into a tight line and he sighed. “…we would like to keep him here for a few psychoanalysis tests and make sure he has no suicidal tendencies. Also, we found large quantities of diamorphine in his system and we highly recommend leaving him here until his system is clean. Now, I’m assuming he is an addict of some sort, correct?” The doctor asked, looking between Sam and Cas. Sam put his hands in his pocket and nodded.

           “Yeah…but he’s been clean for 7 months, Doc. If he has heroin in his system then it has to be pretty recent. Do you think he’ll…you know…go through withdrawals?” Sam asked tentatively. Cas knew what withdrawals were, and how they felt. He remembers when he went his first week without any alcohol, and he had been physically ill because of it. He had heard that drug withdrawals were even worse. Cas shuddered and closed his eyes briefly.

          “Well…if he’s been clean for as long as you say he has, I can’t give you a clear answer. He could wake up in a few days, be completely fine, and be able to go home in about a week. If he wakes up and has the symptoms of withdrawals, well, he could be here for a while; and its not going to be pleasant.” The Doctor shook his head slightly.

          “Can we see him?” Cas whispered, his throat still raw from screaming. The doctor nodded and pointed them in the direction of Dean’s room.

           “Just make sure to be quiet and try not to wake him up. It’ll be a few days before he’s coherent and will be able to talk to you. He’s one lucky guy, though. It’s a miracle he lived.” The doctor smiled and walked away, leaving Cas and Sam in the hallway.

           “You ready?” Sam asked as he turned back towards Cas. Cas nodded and stood up, his legs weak and wobbly. He let Sam lead him to the room, his mind still not completely comprehending everything that had happened. It all seemed like a long, horrible nightmare. He was just hoping and praying that he would wake up soon to find Dean, smiling beside him as they lay in bed. He came to his senses as soon as he saw Dean in his hospital bed. Tubes ran in different directions, the heart monitor beeping idly in the background. Cas felt his eyes water and his stomach twist when he realized it wasn’t a dream. This was reality.

          “Jesus…” Sam muttered from behind him, his voice quiet. There were two chairs beside the bed and Cas decided to sit in the one closest to Dean. Cas stared at Dean’s face and let out a small laugh of gratitude. Dean was alive. Although his skin was pale, his closed eyes surrounded by reddish, purple rings and his chest rose and fell only slightly; he was alive. Cas reached out slowly until his fingers brushed the back of Dean’s hand. There was an IV tube in the center so Cas closed his hands around Dean’s gently, careful not to add any pressure.

           “I’m so glad you’re okay…I thought…I thought I lost you…” Cas rasped out as tears fell down his face. He felt Sam lay a comforting hand on his back and Cas sobbed. He leaned forward until his forehead was pressed to Dean’s chest; his small, faint heartbeats filling Cas’ ears. _I thought you were gone…_

        

          Cas woke up a few hours later by the sound of the room’s door closing. A nurse smiled at him as she walked over to the IV drip.

          “Good morning, Mr. Novak. Sam told me to tell you that he went to get coffee and he would be back in a few minutes. Do you need anything?” The woman asked, her voice delicate and loving. Cas shook his head slowly, his neck aching. She smiled and nodded before exiting the room. Cas watched as she left, her blonde hair bouncing with every movement. She looked oddly familiar, but he couldn’t place where he had seen her before. He shifted his eyes to Dean and smiled.

         Cas held Dean’s hand throughout the night, and it was still resting underneath Dean’s palm. He didn’t care if his arm was sore from the awkward position. He needed to feel Dean’s warm skin against his, just to remind himself that Dean was okay. Cas ran his other hand through Dean’s hair gently, pushing away any strays. He jumped slightly when he saw Dean’s eyes flutter open, his green iris’ as vibrant as ever.

         “…Dean…?” Cas whispered, afraid that he would hurt Dean if he was too loud. It took Dean a moment to focus his eyes on Cas, but when he did, he smiled weakly.

          “Cas…” Dean replied, his voice weak and soft. Cas smiled brightly and wiped away a tear that had fallen down his cheek. Dean’s eyebrows furrowed slightly and his hand drifted up towards Cas’ face. His finger brushed Cas’ temple and Cas leaned into it. “…m’ sorry…” Dean added. Cas bit his lip and shook his head.

            “Don’t be Dean…it’s okay. You’re okay…everything is okay.” Cas reassured him. Dean nodded once before his eyes shut, his mouth going slack with sleep. Cas pressed a kiss to his temple and smiled at Sam when he walked in, a coffee in each hand.

            “Coffee?” Sam asked. Cas nodded and accepted one graciously.

            “He woke up a few seconds ago. He didn’t say much but, he apologized.” Cas informed Sam. Sam sighed and took a long drink from his white cup.

             “Cas…what happened last night? I mean…when you guys left, he seemed alright. I mean yeah he was quiet but…was it something we said you think?” Sam asked. Cas stared at the Styrofoam cup in his hand, racking his brain for an answer.

            “I honestly don’t know Sam…when we came home he was fine. We..” Cas blushed and cleared his throat before continuing. “We came home, had a bath, made love…then the next thing I know…I found him lying in the bathroom. I don’t know what caused it…I just don’t know.” Cas replied as he glanced back at Sam.

            “I never thought I would have to go through this again…” Sam sighed, his voice laced with pain. Cas turned to face him, questions filling his head.

             “Again?” Cas asked. Sam bit his lip and looked down at his lap.

             “Have you ever wondered about that scar on his arm?” Sam asked. Cas thought for  a moment and shook his head.

              “He has many...which one are you referring to?” Cas asked. Sam raised his eyebrows at that and his face was filled with confusuion.

              “Many? Like…new ones?” Sam asked, his lips forming a hard line,. Cas shook his head and Sam visibly relaxed. “I’m talking about that big, long one. On his right arm? The one going upwards?” Sam added. Cas glanced down at Dean’s arm and saw a pale white scar going from his wrist to his mid forearm. Cas had never stared at Dean’s arms too long, knowing it made him uncomfortable. But now, as Cas really took in their appearance, he was shocked. Small thin lines in various lengths and directions, ran down the length of his arms. A few older puncture marks were surrounded by newer, fresher looking ones. Cas felt sick to his stomach.

       “After Dean’s 15th birthday…something changed about him. I thought he was just having a hard time. Him and my dad would stay up for hours fighting. Dean always locked me in my room so I don’t know exactly what happened between them, but I wasn’t blind. It started with small bruises here and there…then soon they became darker, bigger. Dean wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping, and he stopped smiling. I remember him telling me that he didn’t feel good, and I never questioned him. A couple weeks later his school called my dad. Apparently Dean hadn’t been to school in weeks and the principle was worried that something happened to him. My dad and him yelled louder than they ever had that night and then…it stopped. I remember sitting by the door when I heard the screams stop.” Sam stared long and hard at his lap before looking up at Cas, his eyes glossy and wet. Sam obviously wasn’t going to continue with what happened that night but, Cas could guess.

             “We went to visit my mom’s grave a few days later for the anniversary of her death, and Dean had stayed home. My father told me not to worry, so I went with him. When we came back…” Sam wiped away a tear and cleared his throat. “…I found Dean lying on the bed, surrounded by blood. He was in the hospital for 3 months after that.” Sam finished. Cas squeezed Sam’s knee reassuringly and Sam smiled slightly.

            “I wonder why he never told me about that…” Cas questioned. They had spent many nights talking about their past and what their plan were for the future. Cas had told him about his father’s verbal abuse and what happened to his mother. Cas had told Dean things that not even Gabriel knew about.          

           “He’s ashamed. I tried talking to him about it for years but, well you know Dean.” Sam rolled his eyes and sighed, resting his back on the chair. Cas nodded knowingly and drank some of his coffee.

            “What are we going to do? I mean…when he wakes up?” Cas asked. Sam shook his head.

            “I haven’t got a damn clue, Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a (very) short chapter to let you all know that Dean is going to be okay (I promised not to leave cliffhangers for too long). I would have made it a little longer but I have three midterms tomorrow that i need to study for. Thanks for your understanding :) I will be posting a longer chapter on Saturday however, as usual. Thanks for reading (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


	24. So It Goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up and feels some of the symptoms of withdrawals, then gets an unwanted visitor. Cas makes plans with Missouri to get a private reading and Cas returns to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> -implied withdrawal symptoms (drug)

   _Jesus…I’m so tired…my whole body aches…I think I’m going to throw up…_ Dean rolled onto his side and held his stomach in pain. He opened one eye and quickly shut it, the bright, white light practically blinding him. _Oh god…not again…I don’t want to go through this again…_ Dean knew this feeling all too well. He had experienced it a few months ago, when he went clean, and he had prayed to a God that he didn’t even believe in that he would never have to go through it again. He could feel himself sweating, small droplets falling down his forehead. He shivered and reached for the blanket that he vaguely remembers being there last night.

           _I need more…god I need more…I don’t want to feel this again…_ He traced a finger over one of the more recent needle marks and winced.   _More…I need more…_

           “Mr. Winchester? Mr. Winchester? Are you okay?” Dean heard a woman ask from somewhere above him. Dean squinted at the pale face smiling above him, blonde curls surrounding her.

            “Nurse Jess?” Dean croaked out. His throat felt raw and burned.

             “Welcome to the living! You’ve been out for 3 days, Mr. Winchester. Are you hungry? Do you want to try to drink some water?” Jess asked, the smile still there. Dean rolled onto his back and opened his eyes wider, taking in his surroundings. He knew where he was. He didn’t need to see the pale white walls, or the white tiles.

               “Water…” Den tried to reply. It came out as more of a murmur but Jess seemed to understand. He felt the bed slowly shift so his back was straight and he was now in a sitting position. Jess held up a cup of water with a purple straw sticking out and held it next to his mouth. He gulped down half of the cup and sighed with relief. The raw burn in his throat was now dulled and he thanked her.

               “What  happened?” Dean asked, his voice now audible and clear. Jess frowned slightly and took a seat in the chair beside his bed.

                “You don’t remember anything?” She asked. Dean thought for a moment, trying to remember.

                “I…I think I was asleep next to Cas. Yeah, I was definitely in bed…I don’t remember what happened after that.” Dean answered honestly.  Jess sympathetically smiled and bit her lip.

                “Well…to put it bluntly, you tried to overdose. Your partner, Castiel Novak? He found you on the bathroom floor a few hours after you had finished off a bottle of sleeping pills. The doctor was able to successfully pump them out but, there were still a few in your system. That’s why you were asleep for 3 days…none of this rings a bell?” Jess asked.

               Dean stared at his lap, his mind running in different directions. _I remember now…I couldn’t…I couldn’t make it stop…Cas found me on the bathroom floor. He found me…oh god what have I done?_

      “Where’s Cas?” Dean asked, afraid of Jess’ answer.

               “He had to go back to work a few hours ago. He’s been here for the last 2 days morning and night…poor guy has gotten hardly any sleep. You’re really lucky, you know?” Jess said as she smiled and stood up.

                “Yeah…I know.” Dean smiled and felt relief wash over him. He had thought that that would have been the last straw for Cas. That he would wake up in this big hospital, alone. “Did he uh, did he say when he would be back?”

                “No, sorry.” Jess responded as she began changing the IV bag.

                 “Where’s Sam?” Dean asked. Jess smiled warmly and her face flushed slightly.

                 “He had to go back home and take of his dog. He said he would be back around 4 though.” Dean nodded and reached for the water .

                “Um, Dean…? I know this is really inappropriate but…is your brother single?” She asked bashfully. Dean choked on his water and laughed.

                 “Oh yeah, he’s single. Actually, I was thinkin’ of setting you guys up. You want his number?” Dean asked. Jess’ face was even redder now and she pulled out her phone.

                  “Shouldn’t _he_ be giving me his number? I feel like were going behind his back.”

                 “Don’t worry about it. I saw you guys at the family BBQ and, let me tell you, he’s not that smiley and friendly with just anyone. He likes you, believe me.” Dean reassured her. Jess smiled brightly and opened her phone. Dean gave her Sam’s number, happy that Sam might actually have a girlfriend for the first time in 3 years. Jess had thanked him continuously and was halfway out the door when she stopped and turned around. “By the way, you have a visitor. I’ll send him in now that you’re awake.” Jess smiled.

                  _A visitor? Maybe its Bobby…or Charlie._ Dean smiled at the thought of seeing them and sat up straighter. There was a knock outside the door and Dean laughed lightly.

                  “Come on in! Man am I glad to see—“ Dean’s blood went cold as he took in the figure in front of him.

                   “Hello, love.”

                                    ---------------------------------------------------------------

                   “Thank you for shopping here. I hope to see you soon.” Cas smiled at the lady. She blushed and took her bags, her blue dress flying behind her as she walked out the door. As soon as she was gone Cas sighed heavily and put his head on the desk. _I’m so tired…_ He hadn’t gotten much sleep at the hospital, and now he was starting to feel the effects. He didn’t want to leave Dean’s side but Wing’s was probably missing him and he needed to get back to work. With the amount of income he normally gets from customers, he couldn’t afford one more day of absence. He didn’t want to be here…he wants to be with Dean.

              Cas glanced up at the clock and groaned. He’ll be here for another two hours. Wings jumped up on the desk and flicked his tail on Cas’ head. Cas glanced up and gave a soft smile. Wings was sitting in front of him, his blue eyes radiating. Cas rubbed his head lightly and stood up straighter. Wings strolled further down the desk and nudged the black picture frame Cas kept. Cas looked at the photo and bit his lip.

              Dean and him had driven down to the beach for a day of “fun in the sun”. It ended up being dark and raining, but they had decided to enjoy it anyways. After hours of building horrible, lumpy sand castles, and drawing their names in the sand, Cas had insisted they take a picture. Dean had agreed after some persuasion and they found a big tree that held off most of the rain so his phone wouldn’t get wet. Just as Cas was about to take the picture, their bright smiles in focus, Dean had turned and kissed him. Cas had taken the picture and, although slightly blurry, he treasured it.

               “I miss him too.” Cas sighed as he picked up the frame and stared at it. Cas idly slid his fingers through Wings’ fur, making him purr with contentment. His head shot up when he heard the bell ding and he smiled invitingly, trying to get rid of the gloom and exhaustion radiating from him.

               “Hello, Missouri. Back so soon?” Cas asked as he walked out from behind the desk.

               “Yeah, Daisy ate another one of her toys. She only has one now so I thought I’d go and get her a few more. That dog is going to drive me to the poor house.” Missouri said with no ill intent towards her words. Cas knew that Daisy meant the world to her.

            “Well, I just got a shipment of some new toys if you want to look at them.” Cas offered. Missouri nodded and followed Cas towards the toy aisle.

            “Are you alright boy?” Missouri asked. Cas looked back at her and furrowed his brows.

            “What do you mean?” Cas asked. Missouri stared at him for a while and squinted her eyes.

            “Did something happen to your boyfriend?” Missouri asked. Cas had told her a month ago about his and Dean’s relationship and Missouri had just laughed and responded “Took you long enough.” Cas looked back towards the pile of toys in the bin and shrugged.

             “…yes…But he’s alright now. I guess I just miss him at the moment.” Cas responded. Missouri nodded and patted his back.

             “That’s too bad. He’s a good man. Even though I only met him once, I could sense it about him. Dark past, sure, but a heart of gold all the same.” Missouri smiled. She walked past Cas and took in the new toys.

             “Missouri…if you don’t mind me asking…would you mind doing a reading?” Cas asked. Missouri laughed and hit his back lightly.

             “Well of course, Castiel! I’ve been trying to get you down to my shop for a month now. Do you want me to tell you you’re future with tall, dark, and handsome?” Missouri wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and Cas smiled.

             “Actually…I was wondering if you could help me with something.” Cas said. Missouri raised a brow and put her hands on her hips.

              “With what exactly?” She asked. Cas swallowed and licked his lips. He was probably going to sound deranged asking her this but, he had to try.

              “Is it possible for you…to tell Dean’s future? He’s been going through a lot lately and…I’m worried about him. Plus…well he’s been acting strange this past month. I’m worried that he’s keeping something from me. Something big.” Cas said. Missouri pursed her lips and nodded.

               “For you, I can try. When do you want us to get together for a reading?” She asked.

               “Well actually…could we do it without Dean being present? He’s in the hospital right now…and I don’t think he’d appreciate me snooping into his future.” Cas said shamefully.

                “Well…it’ll be difficult without him there but, it’s not impossible. You’ll have to bring in a possession of his. One that he uses a lot…something sacred to him. If you can do that, I’d be happy to help.” Missouri smiled. Cas nodded and smiled back.

                 “Oh thank you so much, Missouri! I can’t thank you enough…I don’t have much money but I can pay you in increments if you—“ Missouri held a figure in front f his lips, cutting him off.

                 “Don’t worry about it son. It’ll be on the house. Just stop by my shop…maybe Friday? At 3? Make sure you bring that object though.”

                 “Of course. I don’t know how to thank you, Missouri.” Cas held her hands and squeezed them. He was going to hug her but, that may come off a bit strong. She didn’t look like the hugging type.

                 “Don’t thank me yet. If it works and were able to help your boyfriend, then you can thank me.”    

 

                  Cas returned to the hospital a few hours later, bouquet of flowers in one hand. He had run a little late because of an incident with the dogs. One of them had decided to get possessive about food and had tried to bite another one of them. Cas had to try and get her to her kennel before anything else happened. It had taken well over an hour and now he was running late. He picked up some flowers from Balth as an apology, knowing Dean was a sucker for Summer Blues. Cas had bought them one time for no particular reason and Dean continuously commented on how gorgeous they were. _"They remind me of your eyes..."_ Cas smiled at the memory and hit the button for the elevator. 

                  When Cas got to Dean's room, he was surprised to find Dean awake. Dean had been out cold for the last three days, so Cas assumed he would still be out of it. He was thankful that Dean seemed to be more coherent than before and glad that he was getting his color back.

                  "Hello Dean." Cas said from the doorway, flowers behind his back. Dean looked up, his frown becoming a warm smile.

                  "Heya Cas." Dean responded tiredly. Cas slipped the flowers out from behind his back and walked towards Dean, extending them towards him.

                  "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up...I tried to get out of work earlier to come here but I had probl--" Dean cut him off with the press of his lips against his. Cas slid his hand through his hair until it rested behind his head and deepened the kiss slightly. After what had to of been at least a minute, Cas pulled back and sat down in the chair. He didn't want Dean to over-exert himself.

                   "Wow...Summer Blues? Cas, you didn't have to...thanks." Dean smiled as he laid them on the table beside his bed. Cas was about to respond when Dean made a gagging sound and covered his mouth.

                    "Dean? Are you okay?" Cas asked worriedly. Dean shook his head as he reached for the small basin Jess had left for him. Cas turned his heard as Dean gagged into it and Cas tried to block out the sounds. A few minutes later Dean set the basin down and groaned.

                    "Sorry..." Dean apologized weakly. Cas shook his head and held his hand.

                    "Don't apologize, Dean. Are you okay though? You're sweating..." Cas brushed his hand over Dean's forehead. "...but you don't have a fever."  Dean shook his head and closed his eyes briefly.

                    "It's the effect of the...the um..." Dean grit his teeth and  sighed, "...the withdrawal." Dean murmured. Cas leaned foreword and shook his head.

                    "The what? Dean I can't hear you..." Cas replied.

                    "I'm going through withdrawals alright!?" Dean yelled. Cas jumped back slightly and closed his mouth. Dean had never yelled at him before. Well, he had, but not in a viscous way. Deans face immediately softened and he wiped his hand down his face.

                    "Sorry...unstable moods is part of the deal...I didn't mean to yell." Dean apologized. Cas scooted his chair closer and squeezed Dean's hand.

                    "...how long..?" Cas asked quietly. Dean looked at him, his eyes filled with guilt and shame.

                    "A couple weeks..." Dean replied, shame apparent in his voice. Cas wasn't angry with him. Not exactly. Sure he was disappointed that Dean hadn't told him but, he knew somewhat what Dean was going through. If he was in Dean's shoes, he probably wouldn't have told either.

                   "May I ask why? You don't have to answer me if you don't want to..." Cas asked softly. Dean looked away and stared at nothing. Cas swallowed and bit his lip. "Is it because of me?" Cas asked weakly. Dean's head whipped towards him.

                   "Of course not! Cas...I love you...you did nothing wrong...it's me." Dean said sadly. 

                   "What do you mean by that?" Cas asked. 

                   "I'm weak..." Dean whispered. Cas watched as a tear fell down his cheek slowly. Cas used his thumb to brush it off and pressed a kiss to Dean's hand.

                   "No you're not, Dean. Stop saying that. You are one of the strongest people I know." Cas insisted.

                   "You must not know many people." Dean huffed a laugh bitterly. Cas frowned at him, unimpressed with Deans lack of self-worth.

                   "Dean...just because you gave in to the cravings, that doesn't mean you're weak. You're human, Dean. We all make mistakes. I make them you make them, Sam makes them...you are _not_ a failure." Dean immediately broke into tears and covered his eyes when Cas finished. Cas slid onto his bed so he was sitting beside him and held him close. He hadn't meant to make Dean cry, but he hoped that they were tears of revelation, not sadness. 

                   "You're the first person to ever say that to me..." Dean whispered between shaky breaths. Cas felt his heart swell and he hugged him tighter. He had no idea that no one had ever told Dean how amazing he is. How strong, and how brave he is. Cas rocked slightly, Dean's head pressed against his chest. Cas held him throughout the night, Dean's tears subsiding and  eventually both of them falling asleep beside each other. Cas hadn't let go, and he never would. He would never let Dean go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, you're guy's lovely comments make me so happy every time I read them. They make me inspired to write so I was bale to post the next chapter a little earlier than usual! Hope everyone is loving the fall weather and surrounded by sweaters and hugs. Thank you so much for reading! c(ˊᗜˋ*c)


	25. Chronos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's withdrawals are finally starting to improve and Jess suggests therapy. Cas finally goes to Missouri's for their private reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *manubrium: The top part of the sternum located just under the space between the collar bones
> 
> ****SIDE NOTE: I don't actually know how to summon deities; I just googled it on "Supernatural.wikia.". If you see any errors that you feel need to be fixed, let me know :)

“ _Did you think this would actually get you out of our deal? Oh Dean…that is so you.” Crowley sneered as he dragged the chair towards Dean’s bed._

_“I didn’t do it because of our stupid deal alright? It had nothing to do with that, so please…don’t hurt him.” Dean pleaded. Crowley smirked and adjusted his tie._

_“Well, I don’t really care what the reason is. One more move like this and lover boy gets it. Do I make myself clear?” Crowley smiled, his teeth almost resembling fangs. Dean grit his teeth and faked a smile._

_“Crystal.”_

_“Good! Now that we’re on the same page, I want you to come back to work as soon as possible. Hildon got in a bit of trouble last week, so now I’m down a man. And that, my dear friend, is where you come in.”_

_“What do you want me to do?” Dean asked, bile slowly creeping up. He knew what Crowley was going to ask of him. He knew, and he was terrified._

_“Some meth-head down by Preston Rd. has been short on his monthly bill. I tried asking the bloody bastard nicely, and he blew me and my boys off. So, I need you to go to his, well I’m not quite sure if you could call it a house…more of a shack really…and persuade him to either pay up, or face the consequences.” Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to do this, not again. But he knew he couldn’t argue with Crowley. He had to obey._

_“Fine. Now get out of here.” Dean snarled. Crowley raised his eyebrows and actually looked mildly offended._

_“Well fine then, princess. I thought I could stay and chat for a few but it seems that I’m unwelcome here. Get the job done, and we won’t have any problems.”_

             Dean shot of bed and gasped, the air feeling thick and heavy. He had replayed that conversation over and over again for two nights now. He had debated going to the cops a few times, but thought better of it. Crowley would most likely get away and then end up hurting Cas as punishment. Dean ran his hand down his face and sighed heavily. The withdrawals were still there, but not as bad as the first day or two. The sickening nausea in his stomach was still there, along with the occasional chill even though it was 98 degrees outside. He slowly laid back down until his head hit the warm pillow. _I wish Cas was here…_

                                                                              -----------------------------------------------------

                Cas glanced at his watch and nodded before entering the shabby shop known as “Brews and Bits”. It was small and reeked of herbs, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Actually, the place was rather cozy. Cas jumped back as a snake hissed beside him from within its cage. Doing a double take at the stores merchandise, he felt like he was in a Harry Potter movie. There were vials with different colored liquids inside, shrunken heads hanging from the rafters, pentagrams sewed onto table clothes; it even had a small cauldron in the back corner that had light green fog seeping out from it.

               “Castiel? Is that you?” Missouri called as she appeared from what seemed to be a back room. Instead of a door there were beads of various patterns, and a cross hung from the center of it.

                “Hello, Missouri. I brought the item.” Cas said as he held up Dean’s small pendant. He normally wore it as a necklace but the black string had ripped. Cas had offered to buy a new one so Dean reluctantly gave him the small, golden charm. Missouri smiled and lifted the beads away.

                “Well come on in, don’t be shy.” Cas smiled and entered the room. It was much bigger than most back rooms, and his eyes were immediately drawn to the center. A big black table with a giant white pentagram sat in the middle, 4 chairs surrounding it. Each tip of the pentagram had small, lit candle that looked to be home made. “Have a seat. I just need to grab a few things and then we’ll get started.” Missouri added before walking out.

                    Cas tentatively sat down in one of the four chairs and gripped Dean’s pendant tighter. This place felt different from the front room, and not in a good way. Something was making the hairs on his arm stand up and chills shoot down his spine. He jumped slightly as Missouri entered the room again, an assortment of odd items in her arms.

               “Do you want me to explain what’s going to happen? You look pale as a ghost my dear.” Missouri sat down, the items falling to the table. Cas nodded slowly

               “Yes please.” He said with shaky breaths. Missouri smiled and cleared her throat.

               “Well, you want to know your boyfriend’s, Dean correct?” Cas nodded his head. “You want to know Dean’s future and also see if he is lying. So, I’m going to summon the Greek god Chronos, to tell the future, and the Roman Goddess Veritas, the goddess of truth.” Cas couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. This was insane. Missouri glared at him. “Do you want my help, or not?” She threatened. Cas immediately stopped smiling and muttered an apology.

                “The Pendant.” Missouri said as she reached for it. Cas placed it in the palm of her hand and watched as she threw it into a small bowl. She then added a mix of odd looking spices and herbs, and a sticky, red substance that Cas assumed to be blood. She mixed it all and lit a small scrap of paper on fire before tossing it into the bowl. Cas felt the heat of the flames as the bowl spontaneously combusted and burned fiercly. “O Krone, parakaloumen se, thespizein hemin hronon ton mellonta!” Missouri shouted.

                  The room shook and vibrated as though an earthquake was currently happening. Cas gripped the table for stability and winced when a vase in the corner shattered into pieces. An odd, ear-piercing whine emitted from the bowl and he covered his ears in pain. Just as soon as the chaos started, it stopped. Cas glanced up at Missouri and almost fell out of his chair at the sight of her solid, white eyes.

                “WHO SUMMONS ME?” A deep, throaty voice calls from within Missouri. Cas swallowed thickly and took a few deep breaths.

               “C-castiel…No-novak…” Cas almost whispered. Missouri’s blank eyes seemed to stare into Cas’ soul and he gripped his shirt tightly.

                “AND WHY, MORTAL, DO YOU SUMMON ME, THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTY GOD, CHRONOS?” the voice asked. Cas took a few more breaths and sat up straighter, trying to be brave.

                “I uh…I was w-wondering if uh…if you could tell me m-my boyfriend’s future. Dean Winchester?” Cas asked, his voice becoming gradually stronger.

                 “DEAN WINCHESTER? AHH…YES…I SEE IT NOW.”

                 “See what?” Cas asked, worry heavy in his heart. Missouri shook her head and frowned.

                 “I SEE BLOOD…SURROUNDED BY BLOOD…A MAN IN A SUIT…DEAN COWERING IN FEAR, FOR WHAT, I KNOW NOT. WICKED WAYS WILL BE PAYED FOR.”

                 “What does that mean?” Cas asked, his voice now shaking. _A man in a suit had to be Crowley…but whose blood is Dean surrounded by? Some random civilian? Dean’s?...mine?_ The God didn’t answer his question and seemed to be viewing the room and taking in his surroundings. Cas cleared his throat and tried again. “C-can I change it?” He asked. Chronos laughed, a deep, billowing, chuckle that echoed in Cas’ ears.

                  “ALL FUTURES CAN BE CHANGED, MORTAL. YOU MUST STOP THE MAN IN THE SUIT, AND STOP ALL HIS EVIL DOINGS. FAIL TO ACT, AND THE MORTAL’S FURTURE WILL BE BATHED IN BLOOD AND BATTLE. I MUST  GO NOW, MORTAL. HEED MY WARNINGS, AND ALL SHALL BE WELL. BUT ACT QUICKLY, FOR THE TIME IS NIGH, AND THE MORTALS LIFE WEARS THIN.” Missouri gasped loudly as her iris seemed to roll back to the front of her head.

                 “Are you alright?” Cas asked. Missouri took a few gasping breaths and nodded her head.

                “Yes, dear, I’m alright. Were you able to find anything out? Chronos can be a bit vague when foretelling the future.” Cas rolled his eyes and crossed his arms

                “I can see that. I will have to go home and further analyze his words, but I think I know roughly what he’s telling me. Is Dean’s pendant okay?” Cas asked, worried that it had been burned. Cas could only imagine the look on Dean’s face as he explained that the pendant wouldn’t be coming back. That necklace was a gift of Sam’s, and Dean treasured it more than most of his belongings. 

“Oh of course! I should have warned you about the fire beforehand but, it’s perfectly intact. A bit ashy but, nothing a quick wipe-down with a rag can’t handle. Now, are you ready for me to summon Veritas?” Missouri asked. Cas nodded his head and licked his lips.

                “I’m ready.”

                                                                             ---------------------------------------------------------

            “How are we feeling today, Dean? Any better?” Jess asked as she wheeled in a tray of food. Dean had told her to call him Dean instead of “Mr. Winchester” because it reminded him of his father. Jess had made a pained expression briefly before covering it up with a smile. When Dean had asked what that was about, she told him that it wasn’t her story to tell and walked out.

           “I’m uh, I’m a bit nauseous…I’m still getting chills and what not but, I think the worst is behind me.” Dean tried to muster a smile. Jess lightly hit his shoulder and smiled brightly.

           “Well good! You had me worried for a while there. Think you can try eating today?” Jess offered a plate of mashed potatoes and what Dean assumed was some type of pork. He wasn’t very hungry, but he knew that he had to eat; at least try to, anyway. Dean accepted the plate and thanked her before taking a small forkful of potatoes. They were bland and the texture of them made his stomach churn. He immediately spit it out and wiped his mouth.

              “I guess I’m not ready yet…I really don’t want to throw up any more. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had a freakin’ six pack by the end of this with how much my abs hurt.” Dean joked. He was only slightly kidding. His abdominals really were sore though, and it hurt when he sat up.

             “Well, if you’re not ready then that’s okay. There’s always tomorrow, right? Oh, by the way, the doctor wanted me to ask you if you were ready for therapy.” Jess said as she took the food and placed it back on the small cart.

              “Therapy? What in the hell for?” Dean questioned. Jess looked at him quizzically.

              “Well, Dean…no offence but, you tried to kill yourself. Did you really think they wouldn’t try to get you to therapy?” Jess asked. Dean shook his head and shrugged simultaneously.

              “I have issues yeah, but I’m not suicidal. That whole pill thing was an accident. Honestly.” Dean assured her. Jess sighed and shook her head.

              “Could you please attend at least one session? For Sam? He’s really worried about you…” Jess crossed her arms and leaned against the wall.

              “What’s he worried about?” Dean asked. Jess looked at him with her lips pursed and her eyebrows raised. “Okay okay…I’ll do the stupid therapy session. But only one. Got it? Then I’m outta here.” Jess rolled her eyes and grabbed the cart.

                 “He wasn’t kidding when he said you were stubborn. I’ll let the doctor know.” Jess said before wheeling the cart outside of the room. It’s not that Dean was opposed to the idea of therapy; he knew that he should probably talk about his feelings to at least someone…but therapy? He didn’t want to complain to some bleached therapist who could give two shits about him or his life. He knew therapy was a scam; he’d watched as people he knew tried it and left with no change. It was just a way that wannabe doctors sucked money out of the clients pockets.

             Dean leaned back in his bed and closed his eyes, hoping he would be able to get some sleep. Of course without the pills or heroin, that was becoming harder and harder to do. _When the hell is Cas going to be back with my necklace?_ Dean touched the empty space on his *manubrium and felt as though a part of him was missing. He had worn that necklace every day since Sam had given it to him on his 7 th birthday.

Their family was short on money for a few years and Dean hadn’t really gotten much for his birthday. He wasn’t upset or angry though; he knew that money was an issue. So when Sam snuck into his room when they were supposed to be asleep and gave him the necklace, Dean had been surprised. Apparently Sam had bought it from a local thrift store with what little money he had saved up. Dean had almost teared up that night. He promised to treasure it forever, and he intended to keep that promise.

It was the only thing he had been able to hang onto throughout the years, and he hoped that nothing had happened to it. He trusted Cas, but in the back of his mind, he was worried that it had been stolen, lost or even just forgotten. _I don’t know what I’d do without that necklace…_ Dean though as he smiled warmly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I was actually able to post early! I'm sorry if there is any errors or spelling/grammatical mistakes, I wrote this at midnight with only 4 hours of sleep from the previous night. Needless to say, I'm not 100% "with it". I will still post another chapter on Saturday, as usual. Also, I was also thinking of writing a short Destiel AU for Halloween (unrelated to this story), but I'll let you know for-sure next week. If you want me to, let me know and I'll take your lovely comments into consideration :)  
> Hope everyone is comfy in their sweaters and everything is good. Love you guys (つ▀¯▀)つ
> 
>  
> 
> *Update on my dog if you're interested:*  
> Daisy (my dog) seems to be doing much better now that she is on diuretics and milk thistle. Although we cannot extend her life by much, she seems to be comfortable and happy which is a blessing. Yes, Daisy from the story is a reference to my dog lol. She really does eat all her toys, but we still love her. Again, thank you for the lovely messages and prayers. I'm sure if Daisy could talk she would thank you all <3


	26. Veritas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finally gets the truth after summoning the roman goddess, Veritas. Dean went to the therapy session as planned and Sam takes him home a day later. When Dean finally gets home, Cas shoves his questions to the back of his mind and embraces his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> -Mild Smut (near the end)

          “Alright, here it goes.” Missouri said as she grabbed a skull. “One cat skull, a few grains of paradise seed, and devil’s shoestring…now I’m going to light another fire and then that should do it...” Missouri threw a match into the bowl and a purple flame bursted towards the ceiling. Cas gripped the table, just in case, but was surprised when the room stayed still. He peeked over the bright, purple flame and saw Missouri shaking violently.

            “Missouri? Are you alright? Missouri!” Cas called as Missouri’s head thrusted backwards and she let out a scream.  He covered his ears as the shrieking become louder and more piercing; it almost felt like his brain was going to explode. Cas breathed a sigh of relief as it subsided and the room was dead silent. The purple flame dissipated and Cas was staring at Missouri, her eyes back to their solid, white form.

               “Veritas?” Cas asked hesitantly from his seat. Missouri’s head snapped in his direction and she smiled creepily.

               _“Mortal…you dare summon me from my slumber?”_ The voice was much quieter than Chronos and Cas was thankful for that. Although less loud, it still was still terrifyingly eerie. It was almost as if the voice was echoing off of the walls instead of coming directly through Missouri’s mouth.

                “I’m very sorry, Veritas.” Cas felt ridiculous but, at this point he could care less. He needed to know the truth. The _whole_ truth. “I need some answers.” Cas bit his lip when Missouri raised an eyebrow and sneered. “…please?” Cas asked as nicely as possible. That seemed to make Veritas less angry as Missouri’s face fell back into a neutral trance. 

_“Ask, and I shall tell.”_ Cas thought hard about what he should start with, and was having trouble deciding. After a few minutes of him racking his brain, he decided to start small and work his way up.

            “Has Dean Winchester been lying to me?”

            _“Yes.”_ Veritas replied bluntly. Cas sighed and bit his lip.

            “Has he been in contact with a man named Crowley?”

            _“Yes.”_

            “How long has he been…has he been in contact with him?” Vetitas took a pause before raising an eyebrow slowly.

            _“A month and a half, roughly.”_ Cas choked on the air he was breathing and began to feel rage. _A month and a half? How could he keep something like this from me?_

            “What has he been doing for Crowley?” Cas questioned.

            _“Selling. Although, now he is required to do more than that.”_

            “More than selling drugs?....What is Crowley making him do Veritas?” Cas’ voice quivered.  

            _“Kill.”_ The answer Cas feared most rang in his ears and he closed his eyes. _Dean wouldn’t kill someone…he would never… “He’s done it before, and soon he’ll do it again.”_ Veritas added seemingly being able to hear Cas’ thoughts. Cas looked up and felt his heart stop.

            “What do you mean he’s done it before…?” Cas could feel tears pricking his eyes now.

_“Crowley has made him kill before and sadly, he’s making him do it again.”_ Veritas replied, her voice becoming softer. _He’s….he’s killed people? How many? Why? Who were they?_ Question upon question began forming in his mind and he felt dizzy. The world was starting to  spin and Cas gripped the table to stabilize himself.

            _“Mortal, do not think ill of Dean Winchester. Although he has sinned, his heart is still pure. I’ve met many a mortal whose hearts are black as tar, but Dean’s is still bright; radiant even.”_ Veritas placed her hand on Cas’ shoulder and Cas winced at the sudden contact. Although it was Missouri’s hand, it felt cold, almost freezing to the touch. _“ I must go now for I am being summoned yet again. Although my heart feels heavy with grief for telling you such ominous news, hear me now; Never summon me again, mortal. The next time we meet, I will not be so  amiable.”_

            Cas stared in wonder as Missouri began to regain consciousness. _What the hell do I do now?_

                            ---------------------------------------------------------------------

            “So how was the session?” Sam asked from beside Dean. Dean had just gotten back a few minutes ago, Sam waiting for him inside his room. He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

            “Pretty lame, man.” Dean replied. The session really was lame. The therapist had just asked a  bunch of stupid questions, none of them pertaining to his “problem”. What Dean had originally thought was a session for his drug addiction, he found out pretty quickly he was wrong. As soon as the therapist had asked him if he ever had visions of hiself dying, he knew that this was no drug therapy session. Sam gave him a pointed look and ran his hand through his lengthy hair.

            “Well, thank for going Dean. I’m serious.” Sam smiled lightly. Dean was always a sucker for Sam’s smiles so he couldn’t help but give a soft smile of his own.

            “Yeah, yeah. No chick flick moments.” Dean raised a finger and Sam grinned.

            “Right. So, the doc said you could go home tomorrow if you’re ready. He said he’d wanted you to stay for a few more weeks…”

            “Hell no! I’ve already been here for about a week as it is, Sam. This place sucks and smells like bleach. I want to go home…I just…I want everything back to the way it was, ya know?” Dean sighed. Sam gave him a sympathetic look and Dean stared at the wall. He missed Cas, and he hadn’t shown up for a visit for two days now. Cas had apparently given the necklace to Jess and she gave it back to Dean, but not once had Dean seen Cas since yesterday. _Where the hell is he?_

            “Yeah, I know. That’s what I told the doc and he understood. You think you’re gonna be alright?” Sam asked hesitantly. Dean shrugged his shoulders and laid back down on his bed.

            “Have I ever been alright?” Dean asked grimly. Sam frowned and stood up out of his chair.

            “Dean, if there’s something wrong you have to tell me. I don’t want to…” Sam sighed heavily and sat back down, resting his head in his hands. “I don’t ever want to be in this situation again…” Sam whispered. Dean bit his lip and looked back towards the ceiling.

            “I know Sammy…I know. If I have a problem, I’ll talk to you or Cas about it.” Sam glanced up from his hands.

            “You promise?” He asked weakly. Dean tried giving him a small smile and nodded.

            “I promise, Sammy.”

 

            Dean breathed a breath of fresh air and smiled.

            “Damn I missed the sun.” He grinned. Sam rolled his eyes and pushed his wheel chair further down towards the Impala. Dean didn’t need one but Jess had insisted, and after a few minutes of bickering he decided to just go with it.

            “You are literally the only person who likes the heat, man. It’s 98 degrees outside and you’re smiling? Maybe we should turn around and get you readmitted.” Sam joked. Dean laughed and stood up from the chair so Sam could bring it back to the hospital.

            “It’s 98 degrees? Jeez…that’s gotta be a record here huh?” Dean asked as he unlocked Baby and lovingly laid a hand on her hood.

            “Actually, it is. I think the hottest it’s ever been was 96 degrees in 2011. I’m gonna bring this back and then I’ll drive you home, okay?” Sam asked as he turned away. Dean rolled his eyes and smiled fondly.

            “Yeah, yeah.” It took him a few moments to get into the car, his back still stiff from laying down so much. Plus those hospital beds weren’t really that comfortable to begin with. Once he was buckled in and waiting for Sam to return, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. His heart fluttered, his hopes of Cas finally calling him back making him hurriedly reach into his pocket.

            “Cas?” Dean asked, probably a little to quicly but hey, he was excited to finally hear his voice.

            “Hello Dean.” Cas said from the other side of the phone. Dean closed his eyes and had to wipe away a small tear that had fallen down his cheek.

            “God I missed you…” Dean sighed. Cas was silent for a moment before speaking.

            “I missed you too Dean. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to visit you for a while….” Cas apologized. Dean shook his head and glanced over at Sam who had just opened the driver’s side.

            “No man, don’t apologize. I’m sure you were just busy with work and all. Are you going to be home when I get there?” Dean asked hopefully.

            “Yes, I’m there now actually. Dean…” Cas paused and Dean waited for him to continue.

            “You still there?” Dean asked after a few moments of silent from the other side.

            “I’ll um…I’ll see you when you get here.” Cas replied before hanging up. Dean looked at his phone oddly and stuffed it back in his pocket. _That was really…weird._

            “That Cas?” Sam asked as he turned onto the freeway.

            “Yeah…he sounded kind of off though…” Dean mentioned as he viewed the passing cars around them.

            “Well, he’s probably just excited to get you back, man.” Sam smiled. Dean faked a smile and nodded before staring back out the window. There was something off about the tone in Cas’ voice; something wasn’t right.

                                           ---------------------------------------------------

            Cas hung up the phone and set it back down on the coffee table with a sigh. He hadn’t meant to sound so awkward on the phone but…after the conversation with Veritas and Chronos, Cas couldn’t help it. He was filled with so many mixed emotions that it was almost overwhelming. He wasn’t sure how to act around Dean at the moment, and all he wanted to do was sleep for a few hours to clear his head.

After leaving Missouri’s shop, Cas had bought a bottle of vodka from Balth and gone home to stew in his thoughts. He hadn’t actually drank any of the bitter alcohol, but he did stare at it for a few hours contemplating on throwing away several years of sobriety for a night of thoughtless rest. He had ignored the 3 calls Dean had made, not because he was ignoring him; he just didn’t know what to say.

_Should I confront him about Crowley? Maybe there really is a reason behind all of this…should I ask him? What if he gets mad that I did some weird voodoo to see if he was lying? Plus I saw into his future and that’s kind of personal…right?_ Cas’ thoughts were interrupted as the front door opened and loud footsteps echoed from the front hall. Cas took a deep breath and stood up, making his way towards the door.

He smiled when he saw Dean, happy that he was finally better. When Dean smiled back at him, Cas almost teared up. As he took Dean in his arms for a tender, warm embrace, he couldn’t help but let a few tears fall from happiness. Dean wasn’t a monster. There had to be some reason for his interactions with Crowley, and Cas just couldn’t stay mad at him. There wasn’t a bad bone in this man’s body. As Dean cupped his cheeks and pressed a warm kiss to his lips, Cas knew that all the questions could wait until tomorrow.

“Well uh, I’m gonna go. I’m sure Mary misses me so, I’ll see you guys in a few days, yeah?” Sam asked as he cleared his throat. Cas pulled away slowly and smiled at Sam.

“Thank you for dropping him off, Sam.” He replied gratefully. Dean gave Sam a quick hug and waved as Sam made his way down the stairs.

“Soo…got any plans for tonight?” Dean asked as he shut the door. Cas tilted his head questioningly and shrugged,

“I don’t believe so. Did you?” He asked innocently. Dean bit his lips and sauntered towards Cas before pressing a kiss to his lips firmly.

“I had something in mind…” Dean smirked as he slid his hands slowly down Cas’ back, sending chills up his spine.

“Oh…well in that case…” Cas added before lightly pressing Dean up against the wall and capturing his lips in a hungry kiss. He had missed the taste of Dean; his warm, soft lips, the light stubble that made Cas weak at the knees, the way Dean moved his tongue so deliciously it had Cas practically melting. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Cas asked between a few lighter kisses. Dean rolled his eyes and flipped them so now Cas was the one pressed against the wall.

“Yeah, Cas. I’ll be fine.” Dean smiled before trailing a mixture of kisses and bites down Cas’ neck. Cas gripped Dean’s shoulders firmly and rocked his hips, their clothed erections rubbing together effortlessly.  

“Dean…bedroom…” Cas gasped as Dean gently bit one of his nipples. Dean groaned as Cas pulled away but followed him eagerly towards the bedroom. Minutes later and they were both dressed down to only their boxers as Cas hovered over Dean.

“Damn…I missed this.” Dean sighed happily and he trialed a finger down Cas’ chest slowly, biting his lip. Cas smiled and laughed when Dean went too close to his side.

“How do you want to do this, Dean?” Cas whispered after his laughter finally subsided. Dean looked up in thought before his green eyes locked with Cas’. He gently nipped at cas’ lower lip and smirked lewdly.

“Want you…” Dean whispered as he kissed Cas’ jaw. “..inside me.” Dean finished as he pressed his lips to Cas’ hotly. Cas groaned at his words and gripped the back of his head, pulling him closer.He loved it when Dean was blunt with his words; it drove him crazy and burned a fire low in his abdomen.

Cas took his time preparing Dean; every stretch and burn making Dean moan and curl his toes. Cas worked him until he was nothing but a pleading mess, begging him for more. Cas lined up and gently pressed in, making sure to go as slowly as possible. He wanted this to last; wanted it to be filled to the brim with love and tenderness. He didn’t know what would happen now that he knew Dean’s secret, and he was terrified of the future.

_…surrounded by blood…_ Chronos’ words echoed in his mind as Cas bottomed out, staring down at Dean. Dean opened his eyes and smiled warmly before bringing his lips to Cas’ and brushing them together sweetly… _Although he has sinned, his heart is still pure…_ Veritas’ words warmed Cas’ heart as he pulled back before thrusting inwards, making Dean grip his shoulder tightly. Cas watched as Dean’s mouth opened and shut with every thrust, the sounds emitted from his lips were blissful in Cas’ ears.  

Cas threaded his fingers into Dean’s and kissed his forehead softly as he continued thrusting slowly, every movement of his hips displaying the love and gratitude that he had for Dean. _This is the man I want to grow old with…_ Cas thought as Dean gripped his hand harder as he came breathlessly, Cas following close after. Cas waited for a while to pull out, savoring the closeness with Dean. Who knows what the future holds for them…for Dean. But Cas knew at that moment, that no matter what, for better or for worse, he would do everything in his power to save Dean; to save the man he held so dearly to his heart.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh guys, I'm SO sorry for being late! I've been really busy with college (midterms) and I'm also trying to find a job at the moment so, things have been pretty hectic lately. If I have any free time on Wednesday, I'll try to post another chapter as an apology but I can't promise anything. I hope you guys aren't too upset (again I'm so sorry) and that you enjoy this chapter, although its late. Thanks for reading lovelies and Happy early Halloween! ᕦ⊙෴⊙ᕤ


	27. Mother Knows Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally owns up to Cas about working with Crowley. Cas, Sam and Dean try to think of a way to take Crowley down, and Dean calls up an old friend to help.

 “Listen man, I don’t want to do this…just pay your fucking money to Crowley or this is goin’ to get ugly.” Dean pleaded. The junkie, apparently named Kevin, shot out of his seat and shook his head violently.

“Please man…I- I’ll get the money! I just need some more time, alright?” Kevin said with fear in his eyes. The kid looked genuinely terrified and Dean hated that he had to do any of this. He’d rather he went back to selling drugs down on Crown Hill. Anything but this.

“You know that’s not gonna fly with Crowley, right?” Dean asked as he shook his head and sat down on Kevin’s couch. It was lumpy and stained, obviously stolen or picked up on the side of the road. The whole house looked run down and abandoned. So much so that, Dean had actually thought he had gotten the wrong address when he first pulled up to the house.

“Please…just give me a few days…I just need a few days…” Kevin rasped out as tears fell down his face. Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep it together. All he wanted to do was comfort the poor guy, but he knew that he couldn’t do that. If Crowley had ever found out he was easy on him, what Crowley would do to Dean…would not be pretty.

“Listen, Kevin…I don’t know what’s goin’ on in your life, and its none of my business but man, you have got to stop getting involved with Crowley. Nothin’ good will come of it…trust me.” Dean said as he stood up and put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. Kevin wiped away the few tears that had formed and nodded slowly.

“I know. I-I know I have to stop doing this crap…it’s just—it’s tough man.” Kevin sighed. Dean nodded in agreement and took the small amount of cash Kevin had laid on the table.

“I’ll give this to Crowley, you pay off the rest, sooner rather than later, and then you promise me; you promise me you stop using this stuff. I don’t want to come back here Kev…I don’t want to hurt you.” Dean said as he made his way towards the door. He turned on his heel to face Kevin again and pointed at him. “You promise?”

“I-I promise…” Kevin replied quietly. Dean gave him a small smile and shut the door behind him. He knew he would get a lot of shit from Crowley because he didn’t have the full payment, but that kid reminded Dean so much of himself. It was almost like looking into his past when he first stepped into the run-down home.

Dean shoved the money into his pocket and got into the car, ready to go home for the day. As soon as Cas left for work, Dean had left the house to see Crowley. He had him do a few remedial chores and two drug runs before he even had come to Kevin’s house. He was mentally and physically exhausted at this point.

 

Cas came home at around 8, like usual, and the two of them sat down to eat the chicken and pasta Dean had cooked. Cas was unusually quiet but, Dean decided not to pry. He probably had a long day and just wanted to relax for a while.

“Dean…we need to talk.” Cas said quietly. Dean put down his fork and turned to face him. _Oh god…this isn’t going to be good…_

“Sure. What’s on your mind, babe?” Dean said with a fake smile. A part of him knew where this was going; this talk was inevitable and he knew it would have to be brought up one of these days. He was hoping it wouldn’t be today but, obviously that wasn’t going to pan out.

“I um…I went to see a psychic on Friday.” Dean raised a brow and tried to contain his confusion. _Well that was unexpected…_

“A psychic? Okay…why?” Dean asked, intrigued. Cas looked over at him and sighed before staring back down at his lap.

“I went to see her for you.”

“For me? What do you mean Cas?” Dean asked. Cas continued staring down at his lap in silence. “Cas…what do you mean?” Dean asked again. Cas bit his lip before speaking.

“I went to find out your future and to see if you were lying to me.” Cas replied bluntly. Dean leaned back in his chair and stared at Cas with confusion. _What in the literal hell is he talking about?_ “My friend Missouri conjured up Chronos and Veritas, hoping they could help me. Chronos, although rather unpleasant to speak to, he warned me that you future is filled with…with blood. And Veritas, well, she told me that you uh…that you’ve killed people.” Cas swallowed thickly and looked up at Dean. “But she said that you were pure inside…you weren’t a murderer. And she also told me that you’ve been with Crowley. For a few months, actually…”

“Cas…what the hell are you talking about?” Dean interrupted. _How the hell does he know about that…_ Cas took Dean’s hands into his own and looked into his eyes.

“I know this sounds crazy but…Dean, that’s beside the point. Why didn’t you tell me about Crowley?” Cas asked. Dean stared back, dumbstruck. Cas tightened his grip on Dean’s hands and kissed one of them gently. “Dean…please…just tell me why.” Cas pleaded.

Dean could feel tears pricking his eyes as Cas kissed his hand. _I can’t tell him…if he gets involved, who knows what’ll happen. I can’t tell him Crowley threatened me…I can’t…_

“Cas, I want to tell you; I really do but…I-I just can’t…” Dean replied shakily. He felt a tear fall down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away with his free hand.

“Yes you can, Dean. Just tell me what’s going on…please…let me help.” Cas pleaded again, his eyes also filling with tears.

“He threatened me, alright!? He threatened me, and Cas…I’ll be damned if anything happens to you…I can’t go through that shit again. I just…can’t…” Tears were now streaming down Dean’s face and he didn’t even try to hold them back. Cas had gotten out of his chair and pulled him in to a hug, only making him cry harder.

“Dean, how did he threaten you?” Cas asked. Dean dug his head into Cas’ shirt and tried to catch his breath. After months of hiding this from Cas, it felt like everything had been building up until now; it felt like he was going to explode.

“He told me…he would hurt you. If I didn’t do what he said he would come after you…I can’t lose you, Cas…” Dean sobbed. Cas ran his hand up and down Dean’s back reassuringly and kissed his temple.

“It’s alright, Dean. We’ll get through this…we’ll be okay. But Dean, you have to let me help you. You can’t do this alone.” Cas whispered as he pressed another kiss to Dean’s forehead.

                                                            -----------------------------------------------------------

“So what’s the plan?” Sam asked as he sat down beside Cas. Sam had come running over as soon as Cas had called, telling him about what was going on with Dean. Cas hadn’t even finished before Sam had hung up. 30 minutes later, Sam was at the doorstep with Mary hooked onto her leash.

“I don’t know…Dean and I hadn’t really talked about it yet. I told him to  take a shower and relax. He was crying pretty hard…” Cas said.

“Well we have to do something…I mean, we have to stop Crowley, right? We need to figure something out. Have you called the police?” Sam asked. Cas shook his head and pet Wings gently.

“No, Dean had advised me against that. Apparently they wouldn’t be much help, and if Dean was caught it would put my life in jeopardy.”

“Jesus…okay, so no cops. Then how the hell are we going to stop this guy?”

“Once Dean comes out of the shower we can try to figure something out. But honestly Sam, I haven’t got a clue at the moment.” Cas said truthfully. Sam leaned back into the couch and slid his fingers through his hair.

“I had no idea it was this bad…damnit! Why can’t he ever ask for help?”

“He doesn’t ask for help because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it.” Cas stated. Sam looked over at him and frowned.

“Did he tell you that?” Sam asked. Cas shook his head and moved over slightly so Wings could stretch out more.

“No, not exactly. But after dating him for a few months, I’ve come to realize that he has a rather low sense of self-worth. I wish he could see how amazing he is…how much I love him.” Cas sighed. Sam was about to say something when he closed his mouth and stared behind Cas. Cas turned around and saw Dean standing behind him, his hair still wet from the shower.

“Dean…I-I didn’t know you were there…how was your shower? Are you feeling better?” Cas asked. Dean nodded and walked over to the other couch to sit down. He didn’t look upset about what Cas had said; he looked confused.

“Dean, what are we gonna do about this? You can’t have Crowley controlling your life forever…we need to stop him.” Sam said. Dean nodded silently and took a deep breath.

“I know…I uh- I was thinking when I was in the shower. He’s a pretty hard dude to beat but…he needs to be stopped. I’ve been his personal bitch for too long. It’s time to shut him down; for good.”

“Well you know him best. Is there any weaknesses he has? Is there like, a weak link in his security? Anything that can help us?” Sam asked. Dean thought for a moment before looking up at Sam and Cas, a glint in his eye.

“Actually, I think I know someone who can help us.”

 

Two hours later Sam had finally went home, Mary in tow behind him. Dean had obviously been more than happy to see her, and it probably helped calm his nerves. They had discussed different ideas as to how they were going to pull this off, and they’d finally come to a decision. As soon as Sam had left, Dean had pulled Cas in for a hug.

“I know how much you love me…I do. It’s just, well you said it already. I guess I do have low self-worth but, I’m working on it.” Dean whispered into Cas’ ear. Cas smiled and pressed a kiss to his lips.

            “I know, and I’m proud of you.”

            “Wow…I’ve never heard someone say that before.” Dean laughed softly. Cas smiled sadly and cupped Dean’s cheeks with is hands.

            “When this is all over, you and I are going on a vacation. I don’t care where it is, or how much it costs…so long as I’m with you; that’s all that matters.” Cas whispered before pressing another kiss to Dean’s soft lips. Dean smiled in the kiss and bit Cas’ lip gently.

            “Can we go to Italy? Or Paris? Oh, how about Fiji! Or Dubai or…” Dean smiled happily as he listed off random vacation spots. Cas laughed with him, finally feeling like his old Dean was back. The Dean that got excited over the littlest things; the Dean that woke up early to cook breakfast for him for no reason; the Dean that woke Cas up with tender kisses and gently caresses; the Dean that Cas had fallen in love with.

                                                                                       ---------------------------------------------  

             "Remind me again why I should help you?" Rowena asked as she took a sip of her red wine. Dean rolled his eyes and grumbled to himself.

             Rowena was an old, well not a friend...an acquaintance, more likely. Dean and her go way back. Dean had met her one day in what Crowley had called "The Underground", the place where the drugs were sold, bought and used; which turned out to be Rowena's basement. Crowley had been mortified when Rowena descended down the stairs and he immediately ordered everyone to leave through the back. After most of the druggies and washed up teenagers had left, Dean and two of Crowley's closest allies were left. 

              "Fergus? Are you down here? Ah, there you are...I'm about to go to the store. Do you need anything while I'm out?" Rowena asked. Dean, confused and doped out on god only knows what, began to laugh.  _Crowley lives with his mom? And his name is Fergus?! This is comedy gold, man._

            "What the bloody hell are you laughing at Winchester?" Crowley bit. Dean held his stomach in pain and tried to subdue the giggles erupting from his throat.

            "Nothin' man, nothin'...Fergus." Dean snickered. The other two men began snickering as well and Crowley's face turned a whole new shade of red. 

            "Get the bloody hell out of here! Now! You'll pay for this Winchester; mark my words." Crowley sneered. Dean had shrugged and sauntered off into the night. Of course, two days was a long time without any of the usual goods so, Dean had come wandering back. That was, of course, a mistake. Rowena was the one who found him, beaten and bloody by the dumpster behind the house. She never said anything while she cleaned him up and bandaged his wounds. But, something between them had clicked those few days when Dean slept in her guest room; a mutual understanding of each other. Of course, once Crowley had found Dean sleeping in the house, he had immediately kicked him out. Dean will never forget the sorrowful look in Rowena's eyes as he stumbled down the driveway, his usual raggedy backpack slung behind him.  They had run into each other a few times over the years since then. It was never more than a quick chat or a cup of coffee, but Dean didn't mind running into her. The had swapped numbers one time, although they never had actually gotten around to calling each other. Luckily, Dean still had her number written down on his old sketchbook. 

            "Look, I know you don't owe me anything; hell I'm the one who owes you; but please Rowena, help me." Dean pleaded. Rowena pursed her lips and tapped her red nails idly on the table. "Fergus is out of control. He's been out of control for a while now but, things are getting bad. Hes been threatening me to do his bidding or else he'd kill my partner! He's been killing people left and right for not paying him money, he probably steals candy from little kids, I mean, the list goes on. He needs to be stopped." Dean added.

             "He always was a bit of a perverse child...I had no idea he had gotten so out of hand. I still blame his father for that...walking out on us like we were nothing but a couple of mules..." Rowena shook her head. "He never was the same after that. He used to torment the neighbors cat, then he began mutilating small animals...I suppose I grew blind to his wickedness over time. He was the only thing I had left...how could I hate my own child?" Rowena finished off the last of the wine in her glass and sighed.

             "So will you help me...?" Dean asked. Rowena flicked her eyes towards Dean and pursed her lips again.

             "For years I had overlooked all of the horrible things he has done...but no longer. It's time to set him straight." Rowena nodded. Dean smiled and grasped her hands.

             "Thank you so much, Rowena. I owe you..." Rowena smiled back and rolled her eyes.

             "Yes, I suppose you do. But enough of that for now; we need to come up with a plan. And I know just the thing to do..." Rowena smirked.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I'm so excited I finally got to incorporate Rowena; I absolutely love her character and Ruth Connell! Anyways, sorry for being a bit late; Halloween was a lot crazier than expected. I hope you all got lots of candy and rocked out in your costumes~ Thanks for reading and as always feel free to comment letting me know of any mistakes/errors I made or if you just want to let me know your feelings on the chapter/story. Happy November 1st!
> 
> tumblr username: candidlycas  
> (Follow me for updates about the story and I'll most likely follow you back)


	28. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Rowena finally fight Crowley. Cas decides to buy Dean a present for when he returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:   
>  -mild violence  
>  -mild non-con

“Be careful, Dean…please be safe.” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear, trying not to cry. It was finally the day when Dean and Rowena were going to try and take Crowley down, and Cas was terrified. Who knew what could happen to them; to Dean. Cas felt Dean kiss his temple lightly.

            “I promise you, Cas. I’m going to come back, come hell or high water. And when all this is done, we’re going on that trip. Okay?” Dean asked with a light smile. Cas nodded solemnly and let go of Dean reluctantly.

            “Good luck.” Cas smiled. Dean winked and kissed Cas’ forehead quickly before heading out the door. Cas watched as Dean got into the black SUV that Rowena apparently owned. He continued watching as the doors shut and the car slowly drove away. It was a few minutes later that Cas decided to go back inside and sat on the couch. He still had to go down to the store and feed the animals, but he didn’t feel like doing anything.

            _God I hope he’ll be okay…_ he thought hopefully as he let Wings jump onto his lap. Even Wings seemed a bit more on edge today; almost as if he knew what was going on. Cas jumped slightly when his phone began ringing and reached over to grab it from the arm of the couch.

            “Gabe?” Cas asked, confused as to why he was calling at 6 in the morning.

            “Sup baby bro? Hope I didn’t wake you up. How’s it going?” Gabe asked, his usual pep still audible. Cas sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose.

            “Not very well…Gabe, why are you calling so early?” Cas asked.

            “Well I couldn’t go back to sleep so I figured I’d give you call. What do you mean ‘not very well’? Is everything okay?” Gabe asked worriedly.

            “Gabe, so much shit is going on…I wouldn’t even know where to start.” Cas sighed.

            “Well I’ve got time. Unload, bro.” Cas rolled his eyes and smiled fondly. Although Gabe drove him crazy, he really was a great brother.

            “If you insist…well, Dean’s been in some trouble lately…” Cas began. He continued explaining everything that had happened since Gabriel was last over. Dean overdosing, the psychic thing with Missouri, Crowley; everything. Gabe was mostly silent on the other side of the phone; probably processing all the information. After an hour Cas finally stopped talking and laid down on the couch. Gabe was silent for a few moments before speaking.

            “Son of a bitch…” Gabe sighed.

                                                 -----------------------------------------

            “Alright, I’m going in.” Dean said as he cocked his pistol. He wasn’t sure if he would need it but, better safe than sorry. Him and Rowena didn’t plan on killing Crowley, but if things came down to it, Rowena gave him permission to do whatever he has to.

            “They don’t check you for weapons?” Rowena asked.

            “Nope…dumbasses.” Dean grinned. Rowena smiled for the first time since they had left the house and rolled her eyes.

            “I had always thought Fergus was rather sharp in the mind. The fact that he doesn’t make his boys check for weapons though, I’d say I was a wee bit mistaken.” Rowena grinned. Dean laughed and tucked his gun into the back of his pants. He made sure it wasn’t visible before getting out of the car.

            “Remember; if you hear gunshots, call the police. Give me some time before you come in after me, okay?” Dean reminded her. Rowena nodded and started up the car.

            “Right...Good luck, Dean.” Rowena smiled. Dean nodded and shut the car door lightly.

They had pulled over a few houses down from Crowley’s, just to be on the safe side. Dean began mentally preparing himself as he idly walked down the sidewalk. _Keep cool, man. Don’t be nervous…everything’s going to go according to plan. Just be yourself…don’t act suspicious. You can do this; you have to do this._ Dean took a deep breath as he knocked on the door. He could feel his palms sweating and he wiped them off on his pants.

“He didn’t summon you today.” Donnie said with a sneer. Donnie was one of Crowley’s closest allies, and Dean hated him. He was a tall man with dark skin and a shaved head. He had been there the night Dean was gang raped, and Dean was pretty sure he had partaken in the activities that night as well.

“Eh, I decided to just pop in for a bit. I’m running slow on supplies.” Dean said with a smile. Donnie stared at him for a while before opening the door wider for him to come inside. _Thank god I played that off…_

“He’s upstairs.” Donnie grunted before sauntering off down the hallway. Dean looked side to side before placing a small recording device in a big plant that sat beside the staircase. He cleared his throat before walking up the steps. Crowley had moved out of Rowena’s house shortly after the incident, and Dean had to admit that it wasn’t too shabby. Crystal bowls and vases sat on every surface, chandeliers and candles were scattered around throughout the house; even his couch looked like it cost the same amount as Dean’s old apartment was.

“Crowley?” Dean called out at the top of the steps. He wasn’t sure which room he was in, and he didn’t want to walk in on anything disturbing. One time he had accidentally opened a random door and witnessed an orgy full of people in animal costumes. Dean had promised himself that he would always knock after that.  

“Second door to the left!” Crowley called out from the room. Dean swallowed thickly and breathed in through his nose. He stuck another small recording device behind a picture frame and walked over to the room Crowley had called out. He took one last dep breath before opening the door and smiling.

“Hey, man. I’m running low on goods.” Dean said as he walked into the bedroom. Crowley was laying on the bed with his feet up, a glass of champagne in one of his hands.

“Already? I just gave you some a few days ago. Bloody hell, Dean…” Crowley grunted as he rolled off of the bed. “You know you still owe me for the last batch, right?” Crowley asked as he walked over to his closet. Dean nodded and rubbed his hands together idly.

“Yeah, I know. I have the money at home…I’ll uh, I’ll bring it tomorrow.” Dean said reassuringly. Crowley turned back towards him with an odd look and stared for a while. “what?” Dean asked, his nerves finally getting the best of him.

“You seem different…are you feeling okay? If you’re sick then get the fuck out of my house.” Crowley said before turned back towards the closet. Dean cleared his throat and wiped his hands on his pants again. _Come on man…just act normal._

“Bad batch, maybe? I’m not sick though…just been feeling off lately.” Dean said as he sat down on a small lounge chair in the corner.

“Well, it’s probably because you haven’t had anything for a while. When was the last time you used?” Crowley asked as he rummaged through his stash.

“Oh uh…yesterday? I think? I don’t know, man, it’s kindy foggy…” Dean mumbled.

“You’re pathetic, Dean. The only reason I tolerate you is you’re good business.” Crowley sighed as he made his way towards Dean. “How’d the junkie go by the way?” Crowley asked.

“Oh yeah it went uh...it went well.” Dean nodded. _It went well? Really?_ Crowley looked at him with  a raised eyebrow.

“It went…well? What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?” Crowley spit as he got in Dean’s face. Dean swallowed and looked around the room nervously. He knew that if he fucked this up he could be killed. He had to get it together, and fast.

“Well you know…I got the money. I kind of riled him up a bit beforehand…broke a lamp or two…” Dean trailed off as he handed the wad of cash to Crowley. Crowley slowly moved away and took the cash before sitting on the chair in front of Dean.

“Good. For a moment there, I thought you had gone easy on him.” Crowley smiled viciously. Dean laughed lightly and shook his head.

“Nah, he needed to be taught a lesson. Anyways, I’m uh, I’m gonna take this stuff and go if that’s cool. I have to pick up my dad in an hour.” Dean said as he stood up.

“Oh please, do stay Dean. I haven’t had much company today. I’ve got some new stuff I’ve been _dying_ for you to try.” Crowley smiled.

“Oh no, it’s okay, man. I’m uh, I’m good.”

“Oh please, Dean. Just for a bit, I insist.” Crowley persisted.

“Its fine I really do need to go—“

“Sit down, Dean.” Crowley ordered. Dean slowly sat back down in the chair, his body shivering. Crowley stared at him for a while before holding out a pill bottle.

“What are they?” Dean asked, his voice shaking. Crowley smiled and lit a cigarette he had shaken out of the pack in his pocket.

“Who knows. Jared made them a few days ago and they’re phenomenal. Go ahead, try one.”

“Do you uh…do you want one?” Dean asked. Crowley raised a hand and shook his head lightly.

“I’ve already hit my quota for the day, thanks. But please, feel free.” Crowley grinned.

“I really can’t, Crowley. I have to drive my dad from the hospital and—“  
            “Take the goddamn pill!” Crowley yelled.

“No!” Dean shouted. He immediately covered his mouth and stared at Crowley, terrified. He’d never said no to Crowley before; no one has.

“No?” Crowley asked incredulously. “I’m sorry…I must be mistaken. I could have sworn you just told me no.” Crowley laughed sarcastically. Dean could feel the cool metal of his gun on his back and slowly slid his hand towards it. If this was the end, he wouldn’t go down without a fight.

                                       ----------------------------------------

_I hope Dean’s okay…_ Cas thought as he finished mopping the tiled floors of his store. He’d already put the dogs in their kennels for the night and cleaned all of the small animal enclosures. It was only 6pm but Cas felt like closing early today. There was too much on his mind for working, and there weren’t that many customers today anyways.

Cas smiled as he passed by the guinea pigs and stuck his finger in Anna’s cage. She squealed and hopped over to lick and nibble at his finger. She was definitely one of the sweetest animals Cas had ever come to known, and he hated that she had to stay here. He was never really sure why no one ever adopted little Anna. Tons of guinea pigs and small animals alike had been taken to good homes but for some reason, this poor creature was still in this cold, isolated prison.

_Dean really seemed to like you…_ Cas smiled fondly as he rubbed her nose softly. She squealed in gratitude and flattened herself out on the woodchips. All of a sudden it hit him. _I’m going to adopt her._

It’s not that he had never thought  of it before, but he was never home enough to take care of a guinea pig. But maybe Dean would be able to take care of her. They seemed to hit it off a couple of months ago, and ever since Dean gave Mary to Sam, Cas could tell a part of him was missing.   
            “Do you want to come home with me?” Cas asked through the cage bars. Anna jumped up and squealed as she put her front feet on one of the bars to stare at Cas. Cas smiled an unlocked the cage before picking her up. He grabbed some of the items he knew he would need, reminding himself to pay later to make up for the lost merchandise. Luckily Wings hadn’t wanted to come with him to the store today, so Cas had both arms free to carry everything.

 

The apartment was dark and quiet when he got home. It was odd without Dean in the kitchen singing as he cooked, the air smelling like delicious food. Now it just smelt stale, almost as if the life had been sucked right out of it. _You’re being ridiculous…_ Cas told himself as he flipped the switch for the light. _Dean’s coming back. And then we’re going on a vacation. A long, romantic getaway…_ Cas grinned.

He set Anna’s cage down by the entryway to the kitchen and set her food and extra bedding down beside it. Wings wandered towards Cas from the hall and sniffed questioningly at the new items.

“Now, be nice Wings. Meet Anna; you’re new sister.” Cas smiled as he knelt down and held Anna out so Wings could smell her. She squealed slightly at the touch of Wing’s wet nose, but Wings gave a small lick before wandering back down the hall. Obviously, he approves.

Cas set Anna in her cage before opening the fridge and viewing what he had to eat. Most of what he had required cooking it, so Cas shut the door and walked down to his bedroom. He flopped on his bed, kicking his shoes off afterwards. He sighed as he stared up at the white ceiling.

_Dean will be okay…he’ll come home. Dean will come home…_ Cas repeated to himself over and over until he began feeling the pull of sleep. He hadn’t gotten much in the last few days because of the anxiety of what could happen. It was starting to catch up with him though as he shut his eyes and turned onto his side. Wings jumped up on the bed and curled up beside him, purring as Cas wrapped as arm around him.

“Goodnight, Wings.” Cas muttered.

                                                                                 ----------------------------------------------

“You honestly thought this would help you?” Crowley asked as he held up the pistol in his hands. Dean spit out the blood he could taste forming in his mouth and shrugged.

            “Worth a shot.” Dean moaned. His ribs were on fire and his shoulders ached as Ronnie continued to hold him down on the chair. _Where the hell is Rowena?_

            “You know Dean, I really liked you. I thought we were buds, you and me. Obviously, I was wrong.” Crowley spat as he punched Dean in the face. Dean winced as he felt the blow and bit his lip to keep from yelling out.

            “Yeah well, I ain’t your bud. Never have been, never will be.” Dean spat back. Crowley frowned and glanced over at Donnie.

            

“Yes well, I suppose I misjudged a bit. I’ve always been great at killing things, threatening people, selling drugs, but…judgement has never been one of my strong suits.” Crowley sighed sarcastically. “So Dean, who dies first? You? Or your pretty little boyfriend?” Crowley smiled. Dean almost growled at that and spit blood at his face. Crowley wiped it off and looked over at Donnie.

 “You remember Donnie, Dean?” Crowley asked as he sat down in the chair and set the gun on the table beside it. Dean grit his teeth and spat another glob of blood out. “Well, I know he remembers you. Don’t you Donnie?” Crowley asked with a smile.

            “Best ass I’ve ever had.” Donnie laughed behind him. Dean felt sick to his stomach as the flashbacks began coming back.

            “Well Donnie, todays your lucky day. I’ve been a bit bored lately, and I’m beginning to become restless. Perhaps you could…put on a show for me?” Crowley smiled. Dean looked back at Donnie who had a creepy grin on his ugly face. Dean felt his blood turn cold as he looked back at Crowley, his arms now propped up behind his head. Donnie was going to tear Dean apart, and Crowley was going to watch.

            Dean jumped when Donnie’s hand slid down his chest and pinched one of his nipples harshly. He could feel his warm breath and he shivered as he felt a wet tongue slide up his neck. Dean tried moving so he could evade him, but Donnie was stronger than he looked. He coughed as he was slammed back down in the chair, hard.

            “I like em’ feisty…” Donnie sneered as he ripped Dean’s shirt to expose his chest.

            “Fuck off Donnie! Get off of me!” Dean yelled as Donnie slid his hand downwards. Dean felt like vomiting at how disgusting it felt.

            “Fergus Roderick MacLeod! What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing!?” Rowena yelled from the doorway. Donnie, Crowley and Dean all directed their attention towards the voice and Dean almost cried at how relieved he was that she was there. 

            “Mom? I-I-I…w-what are you doing here?” Crowley asked as he stood out of his chair and stood in front of Dean  and Donnie to block them from her view.

            “What am I doing here? I’m your mother you twit! I have every right to visit my boy. Now, what the bloody hell is going on Fergus? And I want the truth.” Rowena crossed her arms.

            “We were just teaching him—“

            “The truth, Fergus!” Rowena yelled. Dean couldn’t help but smile slightly at the look on Crowley’s face. He had the same look on his face the day Rowena had come down to the basement.

            “Mother, I- I can explain. Donnie was…I was trying to stop him! He attacked this poor guy and I was only trying to help-“

            “You always were a terrible liar, Fergus. How could you lie to me? Your own mother….” Rowena shook her head slightly and pushed past Crowley. Donnie released his grip on Dean and glanced over at Crowley who had his head down, shamefully.

            “Boss?” Donnie asked. Crowley lifted a hand and shooed him off.

            “What took you so long?” Dean whispered. Rowena shook her head and began untying him.

            “I’ll explain later.” She whispered hurriedly back. Dean had just stood up when both Rowena and him heard the click of a gun. They both looked back at Crowley who was now holding the pistol in his hand, aiming it towards the two of them. “Fergus, you put that down right now. This isn’t funny.” Rowena warned as she stood slightly in front of Dean.

            “No Mother, no it isn’t. I can’t believe my own mother would betray me for- for this _filth._ ” Crowley gestured towards Dean.

            “What do you mean, darling?” Rowena asked, her voice now shaking slightly.

            “Oh don’t ‘darling’ me you traitorous witch…I know you’ve been working with Dean. Some of my boys saw you two getting in a car together a few days ago. Didn’t think much of it at first, but then it hit me. I didn’t think you would come today to be frank; seeming as how long it took you to get up here. How did you, by the way, get up here?” Crowley asked as he aimed the gun more towards Rowena than Dean.

            “It wasn’t very hard. You’d be surprised at how many of your so called  “boys” would abandon you for nothing but a wee bit of money.” Rowena smiled viciously. Dean wasn’t sure if he should butt in, so he stayed quiet.            

            “Those filthy rats…I suppose I’ll have to kill them after this. Just once, I’d like to take a vacation. Maybe the Bahamas…I hear its nice this time of year.” Crowley sighed.

            “Hard to take a vacation behind bars, isn’t it love?” Rowena asked innocently. Crowley cocked an eyebrow.

            “Excuse me?” He asked incredulously. They all jumped when they heard the front door downstairs get forced open, the sound of footsteps following afterwards. “You…You bitch.” Crowley turned back towards them and held the gun out.

            “It’s time you’ve paid for your crimes, Fergus. Perhaps prison will do you good.” Rowena replied.  Just then the bedroom door burst open, the sound of wood splintering and gunshots echoing throughout the house. It had all happened so fast that, Dean didn’t even realize at first where the gunshot had come from. He looked towards Rowena who had her hand on her shoulder. She was slowly starting to fall down, whatever fight she had slowly going away.

            “Rowena!” Dean yelled as he caught her, her eyes slipping shut.

            “We did it…” she gasped, her voice shallow and quiet. Dean looked over at Crowley who was now bent over the bed with two cops holding him down and handcuffing him. Another cop was inspecting the closet and pulling out the drugs that Crowley had stashed in there.

            “You alright there, Dean?” Sherriff Mills asked from above him. Dean nodded and gestured towards Rowena, words not forming in his mouth. _It’s over…no more Crowley…no more drugs…no more fear. It’s…It’s over._    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...what did you guys think? I'm for-sure going to write a prologue (maybe a few if you want some more) next Saturday, but other than that, the MAIN story is finally complete. If you guys want I can try starting an after-story for this one, like what happens to Cas and Dean afterwards (which I would totally love to do) but let me know. I'm so thankful to everyone who has been reading this story and you're all truly amazing :) Feel free to let me know what you thought of the story, or if you want to suggest some ideas for future stories. I do plan on writing more so, any suggestions would be great. Love you guys! ༼ つ ˵ ╥ ͟ʖ ╥ ˵༽つ
> 
> SIDE NOTE:  
>  I finally got a job (at Bath and Body Works) and finished my midterms!


	29. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after the end of chapter 28...

           “I’m going to miss this place…are you sure we can’t stay for another week or two?” Dean asked as he finished his blackberry vodka sangria.

            Cas had brought him back one of these drinks on the first day they arrived at Cancun, Mexico. Dean had given him a pointed look but Cas had told him that the bar tender had recommended it. After Dean got over his manly pride, he found that the fruity drink was actually pretty good. Pretty _damn_ good, in his opinion. So, every time they decided to walk down to the beach, Dean had ordered two of them. One for him, and one for Cas.

          “Sadly, yes. I need to get back to work and I’m worried about my animals…especially Wings and Anna. I just hope Gabe remembered to feed them.” Cas sighed. Dean grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

          “Oh don’t worry about Gabe. I’m sure he remembered. He loves those balls of fur.” Dean smiled. Cas gave him a smile back and rested his head back in the lounge chair.

          “I’m going to miss this place too. The warm sand, the cool, blue water…you in swim trunks.” Cas grinned. Dean winked at him and brushed off his blue trunks.

          “Hey, when we get back, all you gotta do is ask.” Dean joked. Cas playfully hit his shoulder and stared at him warmly.

          “Marry me.” Cas stated more than asked. Dean’s breath caught in his throat and he stared back for a few seconds.

          “Okay.” He smiled. Cas reached forward and pulled him in for a long, sensual kiss. They were interrupted by two older women who began scolding them for their “indecency”. Dean had laughed, stood up, straddled Cas thighs and flipped them off as he continued their heated make out session, a smile on his lips. _I love this man…_ Cas thought to himself as he embraced his fiancé.

                                     --------------------------------------

           “So, you’re engaged now huh? Congrats, Dean.” Sam smiled as he pulled him in for a hug. Dean couldn’t help but blush slightly at the word “engaged”; a word he never thought he would hear in the same sentence as his name.

           “Yeah…you think we’ll be alright?” Dean asked somewhat worriedly. Sam looked past Dean and towards Cas where he was helping Gabe grill. Kali and Jess were peeling potatoes off to the side, singing together off-tune. Mary was hiding under the picnic table and eating any of the skins that fell, wagging her tail as she watched the girls from below.  Sam watched as Cas lightly swayed his hips to the beat of “Shake it Off” as he wore the “Mr. Good-looking is cooking” apron Dean had bought him for his birthday.

           “Yeah, you guys will be alright.” Sam smiled as he patted his older brother on the back reassuringly.

           “Would you two chuckle heads get over here and make sure this meat doesn’t turn to charcoal?” Gabe called. Cas shot his brother a pointed look and sighed as he handed the tongs to Sam. Dean slid his arm around Cas’ lower back and pressed a kiss to his neck.

           “Get a room!” Jess and Kali joked as the threw potato skins at them. Dean laughed and threw a few back, Cas joining in shortly afterwards.

           “I’m so not cleaning that shit up.” Sam sighed as he flipped the burgers. Gabe nodded in agreement and offered Sam a beer.

           “What a bunch of children. Man, I remember the days when I was young and youthful…I’ve matured so much since then.” Sam rolled his eyes and laughed lightly.

           “Sure, Gabe. You’re reeaaly mature.” Sam replied sarcastically. Gabe grinned and picked up a potato skin that had fallen onto his head.

           “Well, I’ve matured physically anyway.” Gabe winked as he began throwing potato skins at his younger brother. Cas laughed and took a handful before tossing them towards Gabe, intent on hitting his face with them.

            Sam laughed from where he stood at the grill, his eyes following Dean. Dean was laughing and trying to hide from Jess who had him cornered, a handful of skins adorned in her closed fist. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Dean laugh this hard; or smile so much. Mary was running around the porch chasing Gabe, her tongue sticking out with happiness. Gabe of course was screaming as he tried to dodge the big, black mound of fur.

            As Sam watched everyone run around, he knew him and Dean had finally found a family. Sure, it wasn’t the conventional type but, it was the closest thing the brothers had to one.

                                        --------------------------------

         “Thank you, to everyone who was able to come. I’m sure my dad would be grateful to you all for all of the love, and compassion you’ve shown my brother and I. Although his death wasn’t sudden, I think we were all surprised at his passing. As a veteran, and a father, he had been fighting his whole life. Fighting wars, fighting his alcoholism, fighting cancer…and even though he lost this fight, we will never forget the man he was…” Sam spoke into the microphone.

         Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat and pulled at his collar. He turned towards Cas when he felt his hand lay on top of his.

         “You okay?” Cas whispered. Dean nodded and gave him a small, reassuring smile.

         “Just uncomfortable…I’ve never been good at funerals.” Dean whispered back. Cas nodded in agreement and turned back towards Sam.

         “…I know that, my mom and him are together in heaven. Although I don’t remember her as well as my brother and father, I know that she was a good woman for him. I’ve heard stories about how she was his anchor, his guardian. So, although we all are mourning for the loss of John, we can all rest peacefully knowing that Mary is there with him, keeping him in line.” The audience laughed lightly and nodded knowingly.

         Dean turned around to view the room again, his eyes meeting with Rowena. She smiled at him and he nodded back. He was thankful that Crowley's bullet had missed her heart and had gone through her shoulder. Although they weren't super close, even after the whole Crowley thing, he still cared about her. He had visited her in the hospital throughout her stay, just to make sure she was doing okay. He had invited Rowena to the funeral for no particular reason other than the fact that he wanted to see her again. 

        “Wanna get out of here?” Dean whispered. Cas glanced at him with a raised brow.

         “Now?” He whispered back. Dean nodded and Cas gave him a  confused look.

         “Dean, it’s your father’s funeral. Don’t you think you should stay until the end?” He asked.

         “This place is giving me the heebie-jeebies. Plus, I’m tired of everyone looking at me like I’m a starving orphan.” Dean sighed. Cas gave him a  sympathetic look and leaned towards him a bit.

         “If you really want to leave, we’ll leave.” Cas nodded. Dean stared at Sam as he continued his eulogy. He could tell Sam was sad about their dad passing, and Dean was too. He’d be lying if he said he felt nothing. It’s weird what death does to someone.  He despised his father for years, hate and spite filling his heart. When he had gotten the call a week ago however, the bitterness seemed to lessen. It was still there, especially because his father never got the chance to apologize. He didn’t cry though. When he called Sam to give him the news, he could hear his voice crack and him sniffling slightly. Sam was much closer to John than he was, so Dean understood.

          Although Dean wanted nothing more than to leave and go home to Anna and Wings, a part of him was telling him to stay. Maybe it was respect that was keeping in his seat; maybe even pity. Dean sighed and shifted in his seat again.

          “Fine…we’ll stay. But were going out for pizza after this.” Dean whispered. Cas smiled and bumped his shoulder lightly.

          “…although he is gone, he will never be forgotten.” Sam finished.

                                           -------------------------------------

         

          “Hey Bobby…can I come in.” Dean asked as he stood on the man’s porch. Bobby looked him over for a moment before sighing and opening the screen door.

          “What’chya need boy?” Bobby asked as he walked to his chair and grabbed the beer he left on the coffee table.

          “Do you think I could start working for you again?” Dean asked hesitantly, his fingers fiddling idly by his thigh. Bobby took a swig of beer and set the now empty bottle back on the table.

          “You wanna come work for me again? How come?” Bobby asked, somewhat bitterly. Dean knew the man had been hurt when Dean had quit. Bobby was practically Dean’s Uncle and, the fact that he chose to abandon him had obviously hit Bobby harder than he thought.

          “Listen, Bobby…I know I fucked up. I have my reasons for quiting, I really do. Everythings finally okay though, ya know? I feel like an ass for doing what I did…and I know I can never take it back. But, I want to come back to work…if you’ll let me of course.” Dean stuck his hands in his pockets.

          “Fine, you can have your job back. But, I swear to God Dean, don’t you ever pull that’s shit again. You hear me?” Bobby asked. Dean smiled and nodded as Bobby got up to give him a hug. “Idjit…” Bobby muttered from near Dean’s shoulder. Dean hugged Bobby tighter, grateful that he was forgiven. He couldn’t imagine losing Bobby; and Bobby couldn’t bear losing him either.

                                                                             ------------------------------------------ 

          “Jesus, Dean…slow down...” Cas gasped as Dean pushed into him again. Dean grinned and pecked his husbands lips warmly. “I’m serious. If you go any faster, I’m not going to last much long-ah!” Cas moaned as Dean ground into his prostate.

          “It’s okay to cum, Cas…we’ve got a whole lifetime to do this.” Dean smiled as he thrusted his hips again. Cas smiled and then clenched the sheets tightly.

          “I love you…” Cas panted as his release slowly came. Dean picked up his pace, making sure to hit his prostate every time. They came together after a few more thrusts, their fingers entwined together as they both cried out in ecstasy.

          “I love you too.” Dean panted as he cuddled up behind Cas, his arm wrapped around the man’s waist. He could practically hear Cas’ smile as he pressed a kiss to the back of his neck.

           They laid together for a while, their breathing the only audible nose in the room. Wings was asleep on his bed by the door, Anna’s squeaks occasionally drifting in from her cage in the hall.

          “Dean…I’ve been thinking.” Cas said softly. Dean opened his eyes and pressed closet to Cas’ back.

          “Mmm…bout’ what?” He muttered sleepily. Cas was silent for a few seconds, his body somewhat stiff.

          “Do you want kids?” Cas asked, his voice unsure. Dean woke up a bit more at that question and thought silently to himself. He’d had thoughts of having kids one day, mostly in his dreams. It wasn’t that he didn’t want kids necessarily but, the thought that he could possibly fuck up their lives always made him rethink it. Cas must have sensed his discomfort, as his body turning to face Dean and lay his hand on his cheek.

          “Do _you_ want kids?” Dean asked, his brain still going over the question.

          “Maybe one day…but only if you want them.” Cas smiled.

          “Why not.” Dean replied, his heart taking over his thought process. Cas widened his eyes in surprise and then smiled widely, his teeth and gums showing.

          “Really?” He asked. Dean nodded and laughed as Cas jumped on top of him to cover his face in kisses.

          “I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad.” Dean sighed as Cas laid his head on his chest.

          “You’re going to be great at it, Dean.” Cas smiled into his chest, his voice growing rough with sleep.

          “You think so?” Dean asked, staring up at the ceiling. He could feel Cas nod softly.

          “I know so.” Cas yawned. Dean smiled to himself and rested his hand on Cas’ back. The thought of Cas in his pajamas on a Sunday morning, a little girl helping make pancakes as Dean watched from his seat at the table, cup of coffee and the newspaper in hand; laughter filling the kitchen as they all sat down to eat; the little girls feet swaying as she held her fork awkwardly, getting syrup all over her face. Dean closed his eyes, a smile still on his lips.

_I’m going to be a dad…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...what did you guys think? Hopefully this answered your questions and summed up what the boys did after the main story. Also, just in case we're weren't sure, Sam and Jess did get together in the end. I didn't really focus on their relationship purely because I wanted to keep the story to Dean and Cas' relationship (even though Sam and Jess are the cutest couple tbh).  
> I'm down to write an after story (as I've mentioned before) most likely involving their kids, but only if people want one. Please let me know if you like this idea so I can begin writing it ASAP and not keep you guys waiting forever lol. Hope everyone enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it, and feel free to let me know what you thought of it. Hopefully you're all healthy and doing okay, and I'll see you soon hopefully!
> 
> Tumblr URL: http://candidlycas.tumblr.com/
> 
> (P.S.) I may add some fanart to the story if I can ever figure out how. Feel free to send me some fanart if you want and I'll post in on my blog and the story. You can either send it through my email (ameliaphillips25@yahoo.com) or through my tumblr page.


End file.
